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Do childless people make you feel like your kids are an annoyance?


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#1 EBKatie

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:16 AM

Do childless people make you feel like your kids are an annoyance when you go out to restaurants or take them on outings to museums and the like?

Victoria Birch is tired of the intolerance.

  "It would make such a difference if people ditched the misanthropy and accepted children as part and parcel of everyday life. Yes they're noisy, yes they're messy but they're also enormous fun and have the ability to make your day significantly brighter if you engage with them."


  What do you think?

#2 Guest_Retro_Mumma_*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:30 AM

All people are annoying to other people at some point in their lives whether they be babies or adults. People treat kids and babies like an annoyance because to some people they are very annoying.

When I was younger, before having DS, I used to think wow that kid is noisy not realising that you cant control when a toddler will throw a tantrum or when a kid wants to have a whinge.

Im finding old people are the worst offenders, they have no problem giving me or my friends dirty stares (I think I posted a while back about an old man that turned around in his seat and gave my friend a dirty stare and said why dont you feed it when her baby was babbling) which really puzzled me until my friend pointed out that not every old person is a grandparent or a parent for that matter.

I think as parents we have to accept the fact that some people found our beautiful babies/ children annoying and do our best to keep our kids under control but if they do have a massive tanty even if we have done our best to prevent it happening - shake it off. Ignore the dirty looks and the tut tuts, some people are mean and some people are just ignorant.

Edited by Retro_Mumma, 29 March 2012 - 10:48 AM.


#3 MrsNorthman

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:46 AM

Children CAN be an annoyance and much more so when you don't have them.  The noise, OMG the noise!  The constant interruptions when you are trying to have a conversation!  And this is when you're with friends.  lol

So I get it.  I remember it.  But I can't say I really notice it that much from strangers.  I DO see those scared WTF faces a lot when we go to nice restaurants but they settle down once they see the kids are quiet and well behaved (DH is a chef so kids have grown up around restaurants and know that they don't get to come if they misbehave).

Edited by mrsnorthman, 29 March 2012 - 10:47 AM.


#4 ~Kee~In~Hawaii~

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:52 AM

Not everyone is a baby person just like not everyone is an animal person. And no, I'm not comparing babies to animals just the reactions people have to them when they aren't exposed to them often.

I have a friend who thinks my dog is loud when I can't remember the last time she barked (mainly only barks when said friend is arriving). In contrast, I think her children are loud because we have a child free house. When they leave, I am exhausted but I know what kids are like and accept that peace and quiet and kids don't go together very often, if ever.

I think it's a perception thing with regards to what you are most exposed to and what you consider different to your own personal "norm".

ETA: Something I just thought of: A person with a child was once childless once and knows what that life is like. A childless person was never someone with a child and so doesn't know what that life is like. It's hard to relate to/empathise with something you've never experienced and I suspect that parents know when childless people are aware of their kids noise because they themselves noticed kids and their noise levels/habits when they were the childless ones. Again, it's what is different from your everyday idea of "normal".

Edited by Sicily/Kee, 29 March 2012 - 10:57 AM.


#5 libbylu

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:57 AM

It's not just child free people.  My DH finds children annoying.  He loves ours of course, and is a great Dad, but he has trouble tolerating any others.  It's a real pain actually as it impacts on how I feel about inviting kids over for playdates or babysitting my nephew or other people's kids.

#6 Guest_Buy Me A Pony !_*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 10:58 AM

Parents complaining about the childless? is this for real?

If your toddler is lying across a restaurant or cafe floor then expect derision from strangers. Likewise with the excessive noise making. The other day I was at yum cha and a woman started spraying herself with perfume. This type of self absorbed behaviour is just a lack of consideration that is worthy of more than being ignored.

#7 The3Monkeys

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:11 AM

If Im being honest, theres a difference between kids being kids and kids that are out of control.........parents who have no boundaries in place for the kids, that type of behaviour really annoys me because I find it stressful having a conversation and they're kids are getting into things they shouldnt and the parent doesnt give two hoots...disclaimer: obviously I dont feel all people are like this just a couple I know wink.gif

Generally speaking I don't LOVE all kids either, love my own 3 kids of course, and I love little babies but I do have a lower tolerance for other peoples children. I do kinda have to force myself to have playates knowing that it is in my own kids best interests socially but I dont enjoy it at all.

I seem to also be very intolerant towards a lot of noise coming from kids too my own included!

So I dont think it is just people that dont have kids that may feel like this. I would also never say or do anything to indicate I was finding another kid annoying, Im always super chipper about it all but its still annoying haha.

Please tell me there are other people like me out there??!! lol I feel horrible now

#8 The3Monkeys

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:12 AM

QUOTE (Buy Me A Pony ! @ 29/03/2012, 11:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If your toddler is lying across a restaurant or cafe floor then expect derision from strangers. Likewise with the excessive noise making. The other day I was at yum cha and a woman started spraying herself with perfume. This type of self absorbed behaviour is just a lack of consideration that is worthy of more than being ignored.


Yes! I agree with this!

#9 soontobegran

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:18 AM

People in general are self involved. Those with and without children need to realise the universe does not revolve around themselves and should excercise tolerance of each other.

Why does it always have to be an 'us versus them' scenario?

#10 Illiterati

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:19 AM

How do you know if a person is childless?  If you saw me in the city during the working week in my work attire and I didnt smile at your bratty kids whining and throwing food on the tram - would you think I was one of those childless people?

The only thing worse than a bratty kids in public are their precious parents.

Edited by winterlong, 29 March 2012 - 11:20 AM.


#11 boatiebabe

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:19 AM

I have children and both are now at school.

To be honest when I go out with friends who still have little ones in tow I can find them highly irritating now that I have a bit more freedom!

However I am also a bit more understanding because I do remember what it was like to have little ones underfoot.

My dad struggles with my two at times - he is used to peace and quiet and doesn't quite understand all the noise they can make. Hell he wasn't around much when I was little so he can't even remember back to then.

I don't know is it really something to get all heated up about.

Some people are cool, some aren't. Whatever...

#12 statua angelam

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:20 AM

I observe two unrelated things.

One is that childless people often lack confidence, and thus are uncomfortable with children.  I think this lack of confidence and comfort can come across as annoyance when perhaps it is simply awareness that they are out of their comfort zone and perhaps even feel a bit out of control dealing with often irrational and vulnerable little people!

The other is that some parents seem to feel that having children, they are entitled to go everywhere and do everything as they would without children, and expect the course of their day to be structured to their convenience.  To my mind, there are places and situations in which children should either not be present, or really should be seen and not heard.  This extends to some social settings as well.  To refuse to remove a child whose presence is impinging on the experience of others in these situations is just selfish.  And yes, that creates inconvenience for the parent...but to my mind, that's just part of parenting.

#13 meggs1

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:26 AM

QUOTE (winterlong @ 29/03/2012, 12:19 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
How do you know if a person is childless?  If you saw me in the city during the working week in my work attire and I didnt smile at your bratty kids whining and throwing food on the tram - would you think I was one of those childless people?

The only thing worse than a bratty kids in public are their precious parents.


This is so true.  I'm on my own with a 6 month old.  In my few precious hours of child free "time off" when my mum babysits on a saturday afternoon I have zero capacity to "engage" with someone else's little darling - I just want to have a coffee and read my book in peace.

#14 ~Supernova~

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:27 AM

QUOTE (libbylu @ 29/03/2012, 11:57 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's not just child free people.  My DH finds children annoying.  He loves ours of course, and is a great Dad, but he has trouble tolerating any others.  It's a real pain actually as it impacts on how I feel about inviting kids over for playdates or babysitting my nephew or other people's kids.


I'm the same as your DH. I love my own children (of course!) but other people's children generally irritate the hell out of me. There are a few exceptions to this, but most children I know are noisy, naughty little creatures that drive me batty  ph34r.gif


#15 PrincessPeach

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:29 AM

QUOTE (The3Monkeys @ 29/03/2012, 11:11 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If Im being honest, theres a difference between kids being kids and kids that are out of control.........parents who have no boundaries in place for the kids, that type of behaviour really annoys me because I find it stressful having a conversation and they're kids are getting into things they shouldnt and the parent doesnt give two hoots...disclaimer: obviously I dont feel all people are like this just a couple I know wink.gif



As a childless person, i agree completely with this statement.

It's even worse when you have to chastise the child & the parents give you a dirty look. Sorry, don't think it's my responsibility to tell your child that opening the doors & sticking their fingers into a commercial laser printer can lead to severe burns or a staple through your finger - that is why there is a bright yellow warning sticker on it!

(Sorry, still peeved off at my 9am appointment)

Have to add 99.99% of the kids that come in with their parents are great - I've never seen such destructive kids in my entire life, where their parents just ignored them. I'm feeling sorry for my secretary.

Edited by PrincessPeach, 29 March 2012 - 11:38 AM.


#16 7girly-girls

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:39 AM

Generally our kids are well behaved and used to eating out & socialising so I don't feel like they are an annoyance. However when it comes to our toddler we pick and choose where we take her as her behaviour is a little unpredictable. She will learn in time but I think it is unfair to inflict her on others if she is having a bad day. I would expect daggers if I let her have a long, drawn-out tanty whilst in a restaurant.
It's fair to expect some tolerance from others, childless or not, but there is a limit. My own tolerance is zero if some kid is just running riot whilst the parent is oblivious. I find this happens often at our local pool during swimming lessons. Get your nose out of your ipad and stop your kid from continually frisbying kickboards in my direction!!!

#17 Lucretia Borgia

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:39 AM

Yes....but to be brutally honest my children are actually pretty annoying.... rolleyes.gif biggrin.gif

#18 niggles

Posted 29 March 2012 - 11:52 AM

We find our daughter charming but I tend to assume others find her incessant desire to regale them with stories about My Little Pony annoying and try to keep it to a minimum. It's just common sense really to assume that your level of tolerance for your kids is probably higher than those around you.

We tend to take a 'small doses' approach to occasions where we need to take our kids into places that cater mostly for adults. Get in, get it done and get out. Try not to wreak havoc along the way. And some places are just no go zones. Like places where people are eating by candlelight or the chairs are white suede and the tablecloths don't look nappi-san proof.

#19 Nina's Mummy

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:00 PM

QUOTE (Ange Vert @ 29/03/2012, 12:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I observe two unrelated things.

One is that childless people often lack confidence, and thus are uncomfortable with children.  I think this lack of confidence and comfort can come across as annoyance when perhaps it is simply awareness that they are out of their comfort zone and perhaps even feel a bit out of control dealing with often irrational and vulnerable little people!


Lack confidence in general or when it comes to being around kids?


#20 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:02 PM

Not entirely on topic, my sister is really good with my kids but once when we were over there and I went to get a facewasher to wipe choc chip cookie off DS' face she yelled out 'don't get one of the white ones, please!' (I had to laugh biggrin.gif ).

QUOTE (Nina's Mummy @ 29/03/2012, 01:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lack confidence in general or when it comes to being around kids?


Dealing with kids, I'd say.  Especially in public and where the parents are there to observe your response.

Edited by tigerdog, 29 March 2012 - 12:03 PM.


#21 bakesgirls

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:06 PM

Let's face it- some kids are annoying.

I have 3 children of my own and I love them to death, yet I'm one of those people that find some children annoying.There are some places that children just don't belong-especially noisy, rude ones.

No, I don't find it sweet when little Johnny sticks his fingers into the wedding cake before the bride and groom have even seen it ! (true story, and the parents thought it was amusing).

No, I don't find it sweet when your child throws food in a restaurant, screams and thows themselves on the floor.

It's one thing to expect tolerance from people in regards to children. It's another thing to expect people to put up with lousy behaviour. Not everyone is as enamoured by your little darings as you are, and I include my own children in this.

That said, yes, there are some really lovely children out there original.gif

#22 BobTony

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:08 PM

No, lacking confidence being around kids. People aren't exposed to kids nowadays in the same way that they were a generation or two ago and  there is no one generally accepted way of interacting with kids, as any perusal of EB will show.

I've never been made to feel that DD is an annoyance, but then I'm strict on manners and I'm realistic about where is suitable to take her. If I think she's going to be bored, I bring something along to play with. It's not rocket science, but it's suprising how many people seem to completely abrocate responsibility for their offsprings needs while they're having a good time with their coffee etc. .

#23 Guest_tigerdog_*

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:15 PM

QUOTE
The other is that some parents seem to feel that having children, they are entitled to go everywhere and do everything as they would without children, and expect the course of their day to be structured to their convenience.


It isn't fair on the children either, that's why they're playing up, out of boredom, hunger or tiredness.  I'm thinking of those expectant parents who say "This baby won't change our lifestyle, they'll just have to fit in with our schedule".  It doesn't work that way!

#24 Nina's Mummy

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:17 PM

My husband is another who doesn't like other peoples kids. His facial expressions are mortifying to me.

I also no longer allow him to pack the nappy bag because that's all he puts in it!
The odd time he has packed it,  we were going out for dinner and I met him and DD at the restaurant.
He wondered why she was tearing around the restaurant.
Wouldn't have thought it was rocket science that a few toys/drawing stuff might have been a good idea  rolleyes.gif

DD is 3 in a few weeks and is not exempt from bratty behaviour in public. I usually just sit on the floor next to her whilst she throws her tanty and try and avoid eye contact with anyone else walking past. I'm at a loss as to what else I should do.

As for childless friends - their issue if they are annoyed (if my kid is being a brat, chances are I'm annoyed too).

#25 ubermum

Posted 29 March 2012 - 12:24 PM

I don't really come across childless people, and the times that I do, I generally don't have my children with me. I couldn't care less if people think my kids are annoying. They are polite and better behaved than a great many kids their age. They are also adorable, so it is hard for anyone not to be won over by them. tongue.gif

I do find some other children annoying, but usually acknowledge it is not the fault of the child. I usually find that annoying kids have some sort of reason for being the way they are, unlike some annoying adults. Also, many annoying kids have equally annoying parents so I avoid them as a package. biggrin.gif




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