Sigh. I'm not sure where to start or what exactly I'm posting this for so please be gentle with me.
Ds, now 6, was the perfect baby and toddler, but it became clear early on that he has a strong stubborn streak. Since starting prep last year (qld-full time) we can see he is a smart kid, but not a high performer. About the middle of last year he didd't get the partner he wanted in a game the class was playing outside, so he staged a sit in on the spot and refused to move for over an hour. In the end, the principal had to call DH go up to the school to sort it out. When DH got there he asked DS what was going on, DS told him, and DH said too bad, that's not how it works and get to class. DS was fine then and went back to class.
Then, just before the Easter holidays he again didn't get the partner he wanted for something they were doing at school so he hit 2 other kids and 2 teachers!! And also spat on his best friends back. The teacher said it looked like he just kept getting more and more worked up and wouldn't calm down. He got lunch time detention for the next 3 days (as well as home punishments), but didn't seem fussed by it. Which is a problem at home now that he's getting older - punishments don't bother him, whether they be loss of privileges, not being allowed to a friends place, no treats etc. It just doesn't bother him.
Other things we've noticed:
- you can't give him a series of instructions, such as "take you lunchbox out of your bag and put it on the sink, then put your bag in your room and bring me your home reader". Given that we do these things every school day, it shouldn't be that hard, surely? We need to break it down and ask him one thing at a time. It's effective, but slow.
- he doesn't talk about 'stuff'. I'm not really sure how to describe it, but when you ask him how is day was the answer is usually one word. Even if you're more specific (eg. who did you play with at lunch time and what did you play?) he doesn't elaborate.
- road sense. He has none, just dawdles along..
- although still in a booster seat, he can't do up his seatbelt and doesn't even bother trying most times. He will also sit in the car and wait to be told to put it on (we usually make him at least try to do it), despite it being what he knows (or should know) is something that has to get done every time you get in the car.
- about 6 months ago he we went DS1 to a friends place around the corner and was so belligerent and stubborn that she rang us to come get him and said he wasn't allowed there again because he wouldn't listen to her.
It's like he's all there, but there's something not quite right IYYKWIM? I know it sounds terribly stereotypical, but if he was a girl you'd probably think it was cute that she's off with the fairies/in her own world. A bit like an absent-minded, I suppose. Take school drop off for example, at the same age I could drop DS1 (now 8) off at the gate and trust he would make his way straight to class. With DS2, I just don't trust that he would do the same thing. I've tested this out before by pretending to be gone, but secretly watching him; he goes to class, but dawdles along about it.
We have an appointment with a psychologist this coming Friday, to see if there's something to be concerned about. As a psych student myself, I'm at a loss (not that I should be diagnosing yet anyway). DS doesn't seem to fit into any particular mold of disorder ie doesn't appear to have aspergers traits, ADD/ADHD, etc. About the only thing I can think of is some sort of processing delay/disorder, but I have no idea where or what because he doesn't 'fit' the descriptions I've read of auditory or central processing disorders.
You could be forgiven for thinking we're being neurotic, but given his age and that his behaviours are being noticed/causing stress we can't not do anything. Can anyone help me out with any advice or ideas, please?We just don't know what to do with him anymore
Is there anything I should be asking him teacher to comment on that would be helpful for the psychologist?
Sorry, this ended up being waaay longer that I anticipated. Thanks if you read it all.