brindle - diet doesn't make a difference with him, I have tried. He doesn't eat much fruit anyway besides banana, rockmelon and watermelon and the odd apple. Most of his food is color/preservative free anyway as my youngest is severely intolerant of dairy and soy so I have to make most stuff from scratch. Though I do know he reacts to chocolate badly, everything will be 100 times worse if he gets any form of cocoa.
That's the great thing about reading up on the FAILSAFE diet - there can be natural chemicals in fruit and vegies that can also affect behaviour. It's a real eye opener!!
When my DD1 was diagnosed with Aspergers, I had to change how I was parenting her, and also changed my expectations of her. I had already modified things - but it was hard when I had people around me telling me what I had to do (eg all she needed was a hard smack and she'd behave!
), and that I was causing her issues (when I was actually preventing her from having a meltdown in the first place!)
You definitely have to learn to pick your battles too!
I understand how frustrating it is to get the run around. Just hang in there, it will start to get better...one day! (
What you can do now, is realise that his behaviour is his way of communicating with you, or it's in relation to him not understanding his world, or perhaps he is responding to his environment - he could have sensory issues, so might hate noise, strong lights (like in shops) and might hate crowds of people.
Try and keep a diary - there's a great tool called ABC - Antecedent, Behaviour and Consequence.
Most times, people understand the 'behaviour' part- but they need help working out the antecedent and consequence - and this is a skill that you need to learn. I am still learning it all these years later! When my DD has behaviour issues, I step back and try and figure out what happened beforehand, and often it's not the most obvious reason either!
I know a lot of my DD's triggers, so I work at avoiding those (like taking her shopping straight after school).
All 4 of my kids were more likely to have tantrums when they were tired and hungry - so you need to step back and see if this is the case. I had to give my DS regular small meals just to prevent a lot of his tantrums (and he doesn't have ASD).
When he is having a tantrum - by you trying to intervene, you could be making things worse for him. He might need to scream to release that build up of emotions. It's quite natural to try and comfort your child - but this might not work for him.
Some people have found that by giving their children a bear hug, they eventually learn to calm down using this method - didn't help my DD.
I think what you need to do for now is:
1) try and recognise his behaviour - his warning signs that he isn't coping, before it escalates and cannot be calmed down quickly
2) try and redirect him to something that can help him calm down.
3) avoid the situations in the first place (not always possible, and also, this is something that's going to take time as you get to know what triggers it)
Use lots of pictures for routines - google PECS (Picture Exchange Communication System) and Boardmaker.
If he can predict his routine - then it might help any anxiety issues he could have.
eg If he watches the same tv shows each day - then get an image of this show to include in his routine. (just be aware that if he has a routine, then you need to stick to it.
) Some people have each activity on separate pieces of paper - so they could swap activities over for the day - just as long as the child has a list of what's happening that day, then it might work, or he could be one of those kids that doesn't like small changes like this.
Give him warnings - I will tell my kids they have 5 minutes left, then I will set the timer. This way there is no sudden surprise if they are playing lego, and are asked to clean it up.
Meet him half way as well. If you want him to pack his toys, then help him - and this also shows him how to do it.
He might also need things broken down - so give him one instruction (eg go get your cup.), and when that is done, give the next instruction (please bring the cup to me).