, Jul 21 2012 01:13 PM
31 replies to this topic
Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:13 PM
Just had our 20 week ultrasound and found out that our baby who was perfect at 12 weeks stopped growing at 13. Thats 7 weeks of carrying around a pile if dead flesh with absolutely no idea anything was wrong. Why is my body so stupid that it doesnt realise? This is my second mmc that we were blissfully unaware of.
This pregnancy turned our lives upside down for a while. We were due to move to China in October but those plans had to be seriously tweaked. I was terrified of the concept of moving overseas with three small kids, but excited by the challenge as well. There have been so many hoops to get through and hard decisions. All of those were useless.
There are so many people to untell. I stupidly told new people just yesterday.
I am terrified of surgery and dont want to gp through the process of dealing with the hospital again. Last time it was such a debarcle.
I have not even begun to process the fact that I have lost another baby. Just the practicalities are too much.
Edited by Freckles, 21 July 2012 - 05:02 PM.
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Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:19 PM
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little one. And the changes of plans you had to make. I hope the medical necessities are much less complicated for you this time even thought it will still be so hard.
Thinking of you.
Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:21 PM
I'm so, so sorry this happened to you
Life can be so damn unfair sometimes.
hugs to you all at this horrible time.
Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:22 PM
im so sorry
i dont know what else to tell you except i send my love to you and your family x
Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:25 PM
I'm so so sorry for the devastating loss of your little one
Hope you have lots of loving people around you right now.
Posted 21 July 2012 - 01:45 PM
Oh no. I am so sorry. You know we are all here for you - we have been through it together once, and it is so unfair that you have to go through it all again.
I wish there was more I could say. Take time to process it all. DOn't care about anyone but your family at the moment - you all need time to come to terms with this news.
My heart aches for you.
Posted 21 July 2012 - 02:09 PM
I am so sorry you have lost your precious baby.
I understand your fustrations of carrying around a baby who has passed away for a while since it happened to my in 2009 not realsising my baby had passed away at 22 weeks and found out at 28 weeks ( thought I had a quiet baby and sometimes had phampton kicks). I still blame myself for not telling me Ruby had died.
Is it possible to go to a different hospital to have a D&C this time around where you might feel at bit more comfortable.
Untelling people is so hard we miscarried at 15 weeks 6 weeks ago and told people like you days before we were pregnant again. I used facebook to get the meassage out since most people are your facebook and you didin't risk bumping into them in public which is harder.
If you would like to talk please feeel free to PM me.
Posted 21 July 2012 - 02:12 PM
I'm so sorry
I cannot imagine the pain of a MMC, especially so late in the pregnancy. Its just bull$hit that this can happen.
eta. with some of miscarriages I asked a best friend to do the telling of quite of a few of the people so I wouldn't have to relive it over and over...maybe this could be an option? Or perhaps ask DH to handle the family telling?
again just so sorry...
Edited by mrsnorthman, 21 July 2012 - 02:13 PM.
Posted 22 July 2012 - 04:03 PM
Jen, I'm so sorry. I had a miscarriage at 17 weeks, so I can almost understand how you feel.
Be kind to you and DH, it's not an easy thing to live through.
ETA, I had our playgroup organiser tell all the mothers at playgroup, just because I didn't want to walk in and tell people, over and over again.
I did find the telling a bit therapeutic, but for me it was different since I went into labour at home.
Edited by Riotproof, 22 July 2012 - 04:23 PM.
Posted 22 July 2012 - 05:57 PM
Oh OP, how ghastly, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I totally understand your fear of dealing with the hospital again. Can your DP or a close friend be an advocate for you with the hospital and Dr's? You need a clear-headed person to be tough and be your advocate when the hospital processes and policies can be so domineering. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope you have lots of love and support around you.
Posted 22 July 2012 - 06:14 PM
Oh no. I am so sorry. You know we are all here for you - we have been through it together once, and it is so unfair that you have to go through it all again.....My heart aches for you.
As per Mumabug am here for you xox.
Life can be so unfair at times and sometimes there is no answer when we so desperately need one. So sorry for your loss, take care of yourself now and the coming weeks.
Posted 22 July 2012 - 06:52 PM
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:26 AM
Thank you ladies. I have received such love and kindness through this, both in real life and here on EB. Nobody has said any of the usual stupid miscarriage stuff. I am feeling very blessed, considering...
Claire, sorry for your loss too. I know pregnancies fail all the way along but it is just so unexpected past 12 weeks. And to the others of you with recent and not so recent losses, I am sorry.
I am still so angry at my body that it has not realised what is going on. I still look freaking pregnant to the point where I am avoiding mirrors. I am sure I grew over the time the baby has been dead. I guess it is just fat...
PAM girls, I love you all and have been reading on. Your support is awesome.
As for having someone act as an advocate for me with the hospital, i think I am my best bet. I am so much smarter thab last time and sufficiently filled with rage. They are not going to d*ck me around. Still I am scared of the procedure... I did not come out of the anaesthetic well at all and they ulcerated my throat with the oxygen tube. Then I got a nasty infection post op... Maybe it was all bad luck and it will be smooth sailing this time. But I am scared.
Well the rounds of the doctors and hospitals begins today. Cross your fingers for me.
Edited by with the goo goose, 23 July 2012 - 08:36 AM.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:39 AM
I'm so so sorry
I've had two early miscarriages which is bad enough... I can't even imagine the heartbreak you're experiencing
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:43 AM
I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby.
Edited by WibbleWobble, 23 July 2012 - 08:43 AM.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 08:47 AM
Thinking of you today, hopefully it will be smooth sailing.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:51 AM
Change of plans. My midwife has been talking to the obstetricians and apparently they will not give me a D&C. Apparently the placenta has most likely kept growing (which is why I have not miscarried naturally) and it would be dangerous to do a D&C with a 20 week placenta. Instead I take misoprostol.
I guess that gets me around the fear of surgery but a part of my "they will not d*ck me around" resolution was to avoid misoprostol. We went down that path last time and it was worse for me than full blown labor. I was in and out of consciousness for over an hour and then it turned into a horror movie with blood spattered throughout the bathroom. This happened twice on the first dose - two days apart. There was still retained product so they gave me another dose. It did nothing. That is why I ended up with a D&C.
This time, my midwife promises, will be different. It will all be done in the hospital and they wont send me home till it is finished.
I don't want to! I don't want to! As much as I am terrified of surgery, I don't want to go through this again. I would much prefer to wake up from a deep sleep and the baby is just gone... I don't want to have to give birth to it.
Edited by with the goo goose, 23 July 2012 - 10:53 AM.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 10:59 AM
I'm sorry for your loss. Please be gentle on yourself.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 01:58 PM
Just wondering if you can ask for an ultrasound to find out how big the placenta is and go from there, if the placenta is growing you will probably have to go through with the birth otherwise you might still be able to have a D&C - just a thought wish might make this easier for you.
You have been in my thoughts recently
Posted 23 July 2012 - 02:00 PM
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 05:13 PM
OP, I'm so sorry for your loss, and what you have to go through now. I hope this time around is easier as promised, but I can hear that it doesn't ease your fear. Thinking of you Hon. Be strong, we are all here for you.
Posted 23 July 2012 - 05:20 PM
Posted 23 July 2012 - 05:25 PM
I'm so sorry OP
Posted 24 July 2012 - 01:25 PM
The name of this thread is getting more and more pertinent. Not only have the big life plans been dashed, I realise now I have no control over what is happening here. I just wanted to go to sleep, have a d&c and wake up. And it would have been all over!
But here I am in the hospital waiting for my second dose of misoprostal or for something to happen. So that I can miscarry. But no, not miscarry.... According to ACT legislation, it is a stillbirth. I just want the whole thing to be over so we can move on and forget. But now we have birth registrations, death registrations, names, funerals, notions of genetic counseling (though in my mind I am done with this whole pregnancy caper).
Is it wrong if we don't tell anybody about it being a stillbirth and just deal with it all as our little family? It seems dishonest but I am tired of telling people new bad developments. And, with fear of disrespecting this little life, I don't want it to become a big affair.
Posted 24 July 2012 - 05:06 PM
It's not wrong to handle it however best you can. I'm so sorry that you have to go through it, it seems so clinical that there is a line in the sand about when a life is considered a life. You might find that naming the baby helps you, I've heard people say it does.
Thinking of you.
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