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Is thi bullying?
What do you think?

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20 replies to this topic

#1 wombat

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:35 AM

I have a friend with a 9 year old DD, year 3.  She has been targeted by 2 boys in her class since the beginning of the year.  They will sit on either side of her in the playground and copy everything she does, even if she asks them to stop they will not.  They will go up behind her and lightly touch the back of her head - repeatedly.  They follow her around and whisper just loud enough for her to hear her name, but nothing else.  They tell the other children they are going to play a practical joke on her, knowing it will get back to her.  They will sit together in class and stare at her.  If she is giving a speach in class they will start to talk, whisper, jostle, even call out to distract her.  
All of these behaviours are constant, almost every day.  She tells them repeatedly to stop in a loud voice but they refuse.

My friend believes very strongly that this is bullying, but would like others opinions.  Most people she speaks to agree with her, as do I, but a few have said it is just kids being kids.  I told her I would post here to find out what the wise folk in EB land think!  FWIW her DD is very distressed by this, in tears most mornings before school, but still wanting to go because she doesn't want to not see her friends.  So, what do you think?

#2 mudskippa

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:36 AM

Yes I would call that bullying. They sound like very boring children who can't think of anything to do so have to spend their days tormenting others and feeding off the drama.

Actually, they may just be in love with her. It is still bullying though.

Edited by mudskippa, 27 July 2012 - 10:41 AM.

#3 Lyra

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:38 AM

Absolutely that is bullying. I cannot believe that the teacher is letting them get away with the calling out behaviour in class. At the very least that is rude and disrespectful and should not have gotten out of hand

#4 kadoodle

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:39 AM

Of course it's bullying.  What else would it be?

Why isn't the classroom teacher jumping on them for it too?

#5 ~Tranquillity~

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:40 AM

Absolutely, yes.

All of these behaviours are constant, almost every day.

To me that's what makes it bullying. It is so much more than 'kids being kids'. It sounds just horrible.

#6 Carmen02

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:41 AM

defiently bullying sad.gif Poor girl

#7 Lulu Pumpkin

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:41 AM

Its also called Intimidation....something that all bullies are good at. These two boys need to be hauled over some hot coals ASAP.

#8 ComradeBob

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:44 AM

That sounds like bullying from what you've said. The poor little girl  sad.gif

And I will say that if this behaviour has been going on since the beginning of the year, I'm horrified that none of the teachers have picked up on it, or taken steps to address it.

#9 Therese

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:45 AM

It does sound like bullying sad.gif  Poor little thing.

#10 Corchen

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:51 AM

Has your friend had a chat with the teacher? if she has and it's still happening i would make an appointment to see the principal, i had to go the principal route at my sons school before it was taken seriously, the poor kid should be able to attend school feeling safe and happy.

#11 archyandmehitabel

Posted 27 July 2012 - 10:51 AM

QUOTE (wombat @ 27/07/2012, 10:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
but a few have said it is just kids being kids.

  So, what do you think?

I think those who say it's just kids being kids are insensitive idiot- or are possibly the parents of the boys involved.

If this has been going on since the start of the year I can't understand why your friend hasn't already been up at the school demanding action.

#12 wombat

Posted 27 July 2012 - 11:01 AM

If this has been going on since the start of the year I can't understand why
your friend hasn't already been up at the school demanding action.

She has been to see the teacher, unfortunately he is one of the one's who thinks it is 'kids being kids'.  She now had an appointment with the Principal.

#13 archyandmehitabel

Posted 27 July 2012 - 12:12 PM

QUOTE (wombat @ 27/07/2012, 11:01 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
She has been to see the teacher, unfortunately he is one of the one's who thinks it is 'kids being kids'.  She now had an appointment with the Principal.

Oh, great. Not.   rolleyes.gif  

Your poor friend.  No wonder she's having trouble.  I hope the principal has a few more working brain cells and sets a fire under the teacher.

#14 Rach42

Posted 27 July 2012 - 12:35 PM

Whatever it's called it is unacceptable behaviour.  Even if it was "kids just being kids" (which I don't agree with) that doesn't make it ok.

I hope your friend gets this resolved for her DDs sake - it's horrible to have to go to school and face that kind of behaviour from classmates.

#15 PooksLikeChristmas

Posted 27 July 2012 - 01:00 PM

Clearly bullying. She is being targeted, and it's ongoing.

#16 Chelli

Posted 27 July 2012 - 02:11 PM

I hope your friend has success with the Principal and they make the behaviour stop. Poor little girl, that would be awful to deal with at just 9 years old sad.gif

#17 ~A2~

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:15 PM

Just checking to see if there was an update.

Hoping Principal has sorted this out.

#18 JRA

Posted 03 August 2012 - 10:24 PM

I was hoping howdo had made a comment.

I think it was her that said "bullying" is such a difficult term, it doesn't describe the actual thing that is wrong.

As someone said, this is intimidating - which is bullying, but it gives it a descriptor that people can relate to and envisage.

#19 sunshine_days

Posted 06 December 2012 - 11:25 AM

def bullying.. if it is upsetting her and she is annoyed by it and tells them to stop and they continue then its bullying.

My son made a mention of some kids in his class calling him names (he is a red head) and then saying his work was dumb, he was an idiot etc.. he told the teacher (as this was in class) and the teacher (who is not his usual teacher as she was away sick) took control of it and made hte kids say some positive things about my son and his work.

I made a mention to his teacher yesterday just in converstation and she was very quick to say she would talk to my son and see which kids it was, as if she think of who it is then it has to go onto a report. So there must be a kid in the class who is causing problems and complaints have been made about them.

Thank Goodness they are not in his class nextr year...

#20 choccy2

Posted 09 December 2012 - 08:54 PM

Of course it's bullying - ongoing,and clearly targeted.

I'd be up there so damn fast the little brats heads would spin as would the teachers if he / she tried that 'kid being kids' line on me.

Hopefully she will have more luck with the principal - I'm surprised she hasn't gone this route until now ..

as I would have been in his / her office months ago if it was been going on since the start of the year.

Edited by choccy2, 09 December 2012 - 08:56 PM.

#21 ballogo

Posted 09 December 2012 - 09:21 PM

If your friend had come to see me and told me about this going on I would have done the following:

1. Spoken to our Deputy Principal to let her know what the parent had said.  Most likely she would tell me to take the next steps of action;
2. Spoken to the little girl and recorded specific incidents and examples of the bullying;
3. Spoken to any individuals in the class who may have observed the behaviour - that way when confronting the boys I would have more than one little girls word against theirs;
4. Spoken individually to each boy and given them a chance to 'confess' before giving them details of incidents and seeing if they will own up to the incident;

Sometimes steps 2, 3, and 4 involve going back and forth - especially when one student makes a new claim eg. the boys claim that the little girl has been doing such and such to them etc.  Then I need to verify the information.  Sometimes the information that comes from these discussions is surprising and unexpected eg. 'victim' did something six months ago and this behaviour is a retaliation for that, or sometimes we find that the victim has been equally annoying back to the said bullies - thus this process of clarification is really important.

5. Once I have clear examples of the behaviour I then go back to the Deputy Principal.  Assuming that we have confirmed that bullying has taken place, we then decide on a course of action which involves all the children visiting her at various stages so that she can also clarify what has occured;
6. Action takes place - children visit the Deputy Principal;
7. Consequences are given - usually for bullying, time off the playground, letters written to bullying vicitim and sometimes to the parents of the victim.  Students also write out an account of what they did and this goes home to be signed by their parents.  This can have several outcomes ranging from an outraged disbelieving parent rushing up to defend their child, to a parent who comes up and sees how they can support and assist their child to address this behaviour and change;  
8. Meet with the parent(s) and the little girl and explain what action has been taken.

These steps are all completed in one day.  If the incident reoccurs - parents are usually called in for a meeting with the Deputy Principal and/or principal.

Since your friend's child's teacher has not given an appropriate response then I would be encouraging your friend to make an immediate appointment to see the Deputy Principal or Principal.

I hope your friend is able to take action before the end of the school year so that the matter is cleared up for both the little girl and the boys' sakes.

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