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Posted by Mama Honey B, 16/04/2012, 03:56 PM
It has seemed like eons since I have revisited you Essential baby, and my mental rolodex of titbits is stacked of crazy things to share. I survived my first term of Pre School for Monkey son. He loved it no separation anxiety for him, granted it's only 1 half day but he so excited every Friday to go.
Met some great ladies who now stalk me to catch up for coffee & play dates, which I'm warming to. I work from home on my online business, teach university students part time & have a 2 yr old Monkey Miss at home....oh and Daddy works in another state during the week. So for me the social Mums thing is hard to grasp, for now...but I'm warming up to it.
Recently read Fifty Shades of Grey (E L James) ..security or love...soft porn for the tired weary no getting Mamas...still undecided about this. Also something I have been doing every week is calling a friend and having a chat, laugh and goss with...no texting, emailing, twitter or FB. Just good old fashioned voice time, and they are always surprised and delighted for the random catch up. Even wrote my Aunt on King Island a rambling letter about my new herb garden the Monkeys and I are creating.
My kids are great Monkey Miss (2) discovered an interesting way to use Dora the electric toothbrush in the shower....let's just share that it wasn't on her teeth...straight out of Fifty Shades of Grey, me thinks! Monkey Master is still obsessed with looking for a dragon to buy on ebay and has his first 'best boy' at school friend Ayce, who his sister snogged at the Easter hat parade....ahhhh the joy of kids.
Posted by Mama Honey B, 21/02/2012, 03:22 PM
A Facebook post from a friend which sent her FB "friends" and real time friends into a frenzy...and YES we judged. It seems the divide is wide when it comes to Mamas having a toke, doing a line, popping a pill and drinking a truck load...and if we do, not the best idea to post on FB or any other social networking sites.
Personally I don't really know this Mama she is a 'friend through a friend' HOWEVER our kids now attend the same Pre School so we have met in the car park and she is a hoot. Sadly now that she has come back to "real time" and left the joints on holidays, she has been 'shamed' I think as her post had the righteous left & right wings banging away at her indulgence..rants from 'bad mothering' to self indulgent and irresponsible. Her sparkle has faded a little.
Imagine going to a beautiful tropical island, getting a babysitter for your 3 kids and sharing a joint with your gorgeous husband...illegal maybe, but hey who is to judge. The outpouring of bashing on her character was really sad and I couldn't believe it. She is not a junkie she is a creative web designer working from home, her husband is an engineer...I mean good people hard working on holiday and shouldn't have 'shared' so much on Facebook. A lesson hard learnt.....so I saw her today in the supermarket and gave her a BIG hug (and I'm not a big PDA person)..she needed it and told her it will all blow over like a cloud of good weed...and yes she giggled till she nearly cried!
We have our vices..we are Mums and at times we all may need a little "help"...shhhh don't post it on FB orTwitter
Posted by Mama Honey B, 30/01/2012, 04:29 PM
Monkey son tells me his mate calls his penis Poko..(from some cartoon).and he thinks dumb as I told him it's a penis! Mates Mother told son (let's call him Sam) that his poko will grow to a penis...ok now that's enough to screw Sam up, me thinks!
Ok ok I'm one of those Mums that don't baby talk the rude bits. From as early as I can remember Monkey son (he is only 3) has always called his penis just that..NOT poko, pee pee, pongo, or any other derivative and Miss Monkey (just turned 2) has always said..gina as she can't get vagina out fluently yet...NO fanny, wee wee or other.
It's a personal choice and the fact that I have a degree in English probably doesn't help...I never edit if I can help it, and it irritates the crap out of me when I receive a text message which needs a military expert decipher to translate.
Kids are sponges soaking up all the information and I guess my approach has been try as hard as I can to keep to the truth. They are rude bits that have real function so why do we edit?
So my weekend chat to Monkey son was letting him know gently that NO your penis will not grow into Optimus Prime or any other cartoon character...it is and will always be just your penis!
Ohhh the fun... he starts Prep tomorrow now it will really get interesting!
Have a great week!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 16/01/2012, 06:30 PM
We have all met them or we know them too well. The Cringe couple who will ALWAYS have pot shots at each other after a few coldies regardless of who is present. I move in a group of people who have one such couple...and no matter where we are it always is cringe worthy. Of course we have asked them to refrain and I told them to get therapy or they will send us all a bit crazy.
We love them but we hate the bickering and sadly the kids (aged 5 & 7) MUST get the worse of it as last outing the 5yr old had her hands over her ears and began screaming to drown out the spite being flung around..really sad. In the midst of this 7yr old son climbs out of the pool and pees on the hosts cat...a clever move in deflection which had us all in hysterics...however the host cat is his child...so THAT didn't go down well
Why do they fight simple...he is a workaholic and she is lonely...my take anyway, it makes you realise that balance is Zen...and it isn't easy but it's do-able. Parenting is tough and as leaders of our little people we have to be mindful of our outbursts to each other, and they happen often..you know it!
So in the aftermath of our 'quiet' Sunday session I'm hoping the Cringe couple find Cupid again and Rex the cat didn't mind the golden shower too much...it was a great diversion to a very heated moment.
Have a great week!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 09/01/2012, 08:04 AM
The FIERCE Beyonce has welcomed a new baby girl into the world, and already the 'posh to push' comments have began....less than 24hrs old and SOME sisters of the world want to start with the judging. I had two c sections one an emergency and the other a planned one. Was I posh well ofcourse I was because apparently I could AFFORD it...and that ladies is a big issue of the debate which doesn't get mentioned.
Jealousy...simple just putting it out there!!!
The pushers will frown and judge the most.... I have only ever encountered non pushers who actually say this 'posh to push' crap. I would have had planned c sections with both my Monkeys for the simple fact that I had my first at 37...and honestly I wanted all the drugs I could have...I am a pain phobic..that's MY CHOICE and we all have a choice and we should never be judged on that. Seriously have you ever encountered anyone who has asked you...c-section or vaginal, when meeting your child...OBSURD like breast or non?????
The debate is continuous and so old...whatever path you choose or sometimes not to take, when your child enters the world (as even the best plans never eventuate), your baby is in your arms safe and healthy. It's what mark they make on their life and how they survive this ever evolving world...now that's important.
Enjoy your week!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 16/12/2011, 06:30 AM
I've always found Christmas time tedious, excessive and most of all a time I have to endure all things festive. This was before children... now that the Monkeys have arrived...I hate it more, lol! Already my 3 & 2 yr old have circled/scribbled over the toy catalogues for EVERY item and told me if I can't afford it to just "buy it from China Mum" (my 3yrd olds take on consumerism at Christmas...oh dear).
The house looks like a seedy nightclub with lights and crazy things flashing at night now...to show Santa where to land his flying snow board and by day the numbers of sleep before he arrives is asked. Ok so I am getting a little flutter of festive jingle seeing their faces light up when talk of the Santa fat guy (how can he be so fat with all that work Mum...he has slaves dear...I mean elves (lol)).
It is a wondreous thing the mythical fat guy sliding down the small chimney, laden with gifts for good kids...eating the cookies and drinking the milk (that's why he is fat...imagine eating all that stuff in 24hrs)...the squeals of delight and joy of ripping the shreds of wrapping paper....paper shredding way more fun than present. The Christmas grinch for a fleeting moment does believe in magic, thanks to the Monkeys! Children tend to make that happen and not just at Christmas.
Have a wonderful Christmas EB readers and hope 2012 is a good year for all!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 30/10/2011, 03:09 PM
Is not the preferred palette for my caffeine hit every day, rather how I prefer to describe myself and my kids... and our beautiful skin tones! A splendid genetic representation of our Fijian/ English ancestry...I’m obviously the Strong Black, my first child a mix of his Australian dad and I, a Latte and my baby, flat white all her Dad, but my features (the Pacific hair in both).
So yesterday while in the supermarket a woman who I did not know commented to me...’how gorgeous my adopted children are’. Why my kids always find the crazy person to befriend in public places amazes me, they have a knack.
Sadly in my minds alternative universe, that is without censorship I did punch her in the face and call her very nasty names, but in the fruit and vege aisle on a long Friday afternoon I proudly told her these ‘gorgeous kids are mine and I have the battle scars to prove it’...well c-section scars but battle sounded better. To which her face turned the lovely beetroot colour she held in her hand...now that isn’t a nice hue at all.
I’m sure some other Mothers out there in cyber world have encountered small minded, left their manners at home people like the fruit and vege aisle lady. In my circumstance she was ‘colour blind’ others may be Young Mums, Fat Mums, Old Mums, Tracky Dak in Public Mums, Ugg boots in Public Mum...there is a plethora of labels and judgments, for us. However above all, we are fellow womankind and the most sensitive are Mums.
If any of you ladies have an experience where in your ‘alternate universe...that is without censorship’ that you would beat the crap out of that person/people than share it...and post away. In the power of sharing we heal! Post away or for an intimate recollection send to dida_bella@hotmail.com. Have a great week!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 14/08/2011, 03:15 PM
My darling little Monkeys (2 and a half & 18months),
Mummy Honey B has written this letter to you today because above all else she hopes that in preparing you for a fragile world. She hopes to arm you with seeing the strenghth in the spirit of people, have a kind approach to all matters of life, enjoy the crap stuff..it will teach you the most and RESPECT people older than you ALWAYS!
(1) Mummy Honey B is NOT your FRIEND...I am for now your Boss, Teacher, Law Enforcer and Cuddle & Kisses Queen.
(2)If you break the sunroom window fighting dragons then you are going to get a smack and sent to time out...I care less for what the ‘experts may tell you’.
(3)To teach you accountability, $450 to repair the window will be deducted from your Alvin & The Chipmunks 2 DVD viewing time, an hour=$20
(4)Mummy Honey B does not negotiate until you can both wipe your butts and pay rent.
(5)Loves that your exercising your creative talents but on paper not the walls...please.
(6)Wishes you both didn’t love KFC chicken nuggets so much, but understands as yes I’m crap at cooking.
(7)Confesses and loves co sleeping with big Monkey, with little Monkey in a cot in the same room, even though we have a 4 bedroom home. Lucky Dad is away during the week working.
(8)Does see kindness in you both everyday and that makes my heart smile.
(9)Is sorry for those days when I’m at home on the ‘puter’ working and can’t come chase butterflies as often. Private school is expensive darlings.
(10) Has loved every minute of the last three years home with you both fulltime...just US and I know I will never have it again...please remember that when I can’t wipe my own butt xoxo
I love you both so much and now my heart does truly live outside my body..chasing butterflies and imaginary dragons!
Posted by Mama Honey B, 04/07/2011, 10:48 AM
No No NO...am certain this answer stems from the fact that before Monkeys (my kids)...I didn’t really have a knack for little people. Honestly at 35 I accepted that my life might be “just us” a couple with no kids, and windows of opportunities which didn’t include baby proofing. Oh how the Gods had a different idea to mine, by 37 first Monkey comes and 39 the second followed, and yes, yes, YES I love them with every grain of my soul (today anyway, lol). But that doesn’t equal that I NOW love all kids...how can I when I can only just tolerate my own some days (they are now 2 and half and 18mnths...so you Mum’s feel me). In times of craziness I’m transported to a National Geographic documentary of the Chacma Baboons, who eat their young...mmm.
So this topic came to me yesterday when a friend thought I would “just love having her 2 kids over next week”, while she did some shopping...sorry WRONG! Just because I’m a SAHM (is that EB lingo correct?), doesn’t mean I want to look after other peoples kids...SORRY NO. I still don’t get all warm and fuzzy when I’m around newbies...I now think gosh you have so many sleepless nights ahead, and will take the word sheer exhaustion to a whole new level. So if there are like minded ladies that YES loves their children but don’t love all kids, it’s ok...Power to us for having the Baboons to say it.
Posted by Mama Honey B, 30/06/2011, 01:55 PM
Next month I’m invited to *Stella’s farewell party, however she isn’t going on a trip, or beginning a new job, she’s pregnant!!! The invitation cordially invites me to farewell her “spontaneous frolics, designer (skyscraper high) heels, and expensive champagne”. We are under no circumstances to bring anything that screams baby paraphernalia, or babble about babies and we must all wear black...is this a wake?
It seems as women we have celebrations for many milestones in our life, debutant balls, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, engagements, hens nights, marriages, baby showers and (for some) divorces. So a farewell soiree for a pre-baby life, in a sw**k Melbourne restaurant, got me thinking about my own farewells, which I surrendered (gladly) to my bumps.
It’s the spontaneity I miss the most... sleeping in till....whenever, my own thoughts, going to wherever for the weekend, Sunday morning papers followed by whatever! Tequila slamming sessions, selfishness, and never having to plan, how I’m going to make it in and out of a supermarket (dodging those bloody rides), with a 2 and a half and 18mnth old. I know some very accomplished women, climbed Mount Everest, run their own businesses (successfully), advisers to Government officials, however after they had children and couldn’t get them to sleep, walk, talk, or write a cheque, before all the “other mums” they felt like underachievers.
We must remember the women we were before the joys arrived, and maybe a farewell party is an irony, because we do say goodbye to parts of our ‘selves’ (for a while). As a fulltime stay-at-home mum I’ve had those moments of angst blabbing to *Jay that “I use to be funny crazy, sexy, and cool” to which he replies “you still are, just not between the hours of 12pm and 4am”...typical!!
However my children have taken the emotion of love to such a deeper place within me, my heart now lives outside my body. I am amazed that I know the name of all Hi 5 members, that I dance with my son every morning to the Fresh Beat Band and I could write my PHD on the adventures of Dora and Diego. We do farewell a part of our life but we embrace and are privileged, for the lives we are instrumental in steering towards their own milestones.
So next month as I’m drinking French champagne, in my all black ensemble and helping celebrate a new mums baby journey and farewelling her ‘spontaneous frolics’, I will no doubt be thinking if my kids are sleeping well, and if their behaving for their Dad (which they always do). That’s the thing once the babies arrive no matter where you are, you are ALWAYS a Mum first, and it’s a great title to add to your life, and power to us!
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on Cringe...Couples who argue and the kid who peed on the cat!