Posted by ~*Lou*~, 22/04/2013, 09:00 PM
Back to work after 2 weeks compulsory shut-down. Spent the holiday doing half day trips – Werribee Open Range Zoo, Melbourne Zoo, Healesville Sanctuary, Melbourne Aquarium – I mastered packing the car, getting us there on opening, couple of hours on feet (enough for both the children and for me), passing round vegemite sandwiches sin the car on the way home, and home in time for (late-ish) nap for Toby and I!
10 weeks post-op. Lifted Toby for first time a week ago. Worked nearly full days this week, very tired, fatigue still an issue.
Bought Claudia’s first school uniform, took her out to lunch (chicken & chips and chocolate ice cream) then couldn’t get the dress off her for rest of the day
Claudia started riding her bike without training wheels
6th Zoladex implant this morning, 20 to go. Achey tummy all day around implant site.
Despite my best efforts to look after my chemo-damaged finger and toe nails, I now have an ingrown toenail. Finished chemo 11.5 mths ago. Ouch.
Routine medical oncologist appointment today. She’s happy with me, I don’t have to go back until June, nice to have longer between appts. One piece of news from oncologist – I need to take Tamoxifen for total of 10 years, instead of 5 years. There was a new study released in December showing improved survivability. I can take a break in the middle if I really want to try for another baby (currently I still do, granted there is lots of water under the bridge to go before then).
Claudia had her final orientation for starting school today. It was a 45 minute one-on-one session with her teacher, she was happy to go and all smiles when I collected her and she’s all set for next week’s start.
Reconstruction surgery was 3 mths ago yesterday. Now allowed to stop wearing surgical binder (rib cage to hip post-surgical support, like a big piece of velcro and elastic), will have to wean myself off,
it feels weird and uncomfortable without it. Tummy still tender to touch, small part of it is numb (I assume permanently, as left side of chest is permanently numb), some movements feel uncomfortable, coughing and sneezing hurt. Now allowed back to gym and an exercise I want, have only been walking and doing pilates until now, have a LONG way to go to build up fitness.
Claudia’s first day at school. A and I walked Toby & Claudia to Toby’s child care, and then Claudia on to school. She was quiet in the schoolyard, wouldn't talk to her child care mates, but when J’s daughter S arrived, there was shrieking from both, and a huge hug, which was adorable. Happy for us to leave. All smiles when we collected her at 2pm (2pm finish through February).
When I took Claudia to school this morning, I had Toby in tow, he sat down at a table with her, thought he was staying, reaching for the crayons, I had to pull him out!!
OK so the week so far ...
Claudia is doing SO well at school and so excited and happy about it all. She’s cooperative at home in the mornings and at dinner and bedtime, which won't last of course but it’s a lovely start! I'm so pleased I took this week off work to concentrate on school starting, no rushing to work between drop off and pick up, no worrying about whether it’s a work day or not and who is picking her up etc. I'm so grateful I had the surgery when I did and no later, so I could do this week the way I wanted to. Thank goodness I've been able to walk her to school, thank goodness I saw that, thank goodness I got her that far at least.
Monday we walked Toby to CC and then Claudia to school, which worked well, I'll do the same tomorrow morning. We've walked to school each day and aside from the very hot yesterday afternoon, I've walked her home each day too - she's either walking or on the scooter, we use the promise of the scooter to get her to stay in bed at night (stay in bed = scooter in the morning, get out of bed and come down stairs = walk to school). I'm loving the exercise, and Toby in the pram, although my poor body is so unfit and core strength so pathetic that I'm quite achy too. Diligently doing my pilates on the floor in front of tv each night, hoping they'll start to work and I won't be so weak and achy and have more stamina and energy. After I take her to school I can walk straight across the school yard to the gate on the other side and down one street to the park where Toby can have a play before I walk home, its slightly longer than the route I walk with her to get to school, but lovely walk back through the park and nice for Toby too.
But after all that cheer, I’m now a bit rattled. Had dinner tonight with some of the ladies from the Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow course arranged by the breast care nurse at the hospital I had chemo. One of those ladies has already been diagnosed with mets (secondary breast cancer).Too close to home. I shudder at the thought.
Got permission from my breast surgeon to wear under-wire bras again, took myself off to be properly fitted yesterday and wore a wired-bra today for first time in 11 mths. Felt weird!
The wash up from last week is Claudia had a FABULOUS first week of school, and I loved having the week off to walk her to school and collect her on foot, and she is generally being very well behaved at home. This morning was first time I was trying to get to work, as well as Claudia to school, Toby to CC and Daddy to work, which was trickier. I left at 8am, with both children dressed and ready to walk out the door, and A ironing his shirt, he needs to have them in the car by 8.15 (to be sure to get to school safely for 8.55 bell, via child care) but I reckon he would have run late and just hoped he didn’t get stuck at train crossing for loads of trains, Claudia didn’t need to be late first time Daddy took her! Anyway before I left she was a bit stroppy, just about having her hair brushed, we survived the rest!
I went back to the gym today at lunchtime, for first time post-op (allowed to now I’m 3 mths post-op). It was a BodyPump class and I was thrilled to walk in to find a new instructor (B) allocated to the class, I used to do this guy’s classes in the city after work before I had Claudia, and on Sunday mornings for years, he’s a very good instructor, so I was wrapt to now be able to do class with him again. Everything felt ok, although I’m really weak, and also I couldn’t do the abs work. Legs felt like jelly by the end so I suspect I will hurt tomorrow! Walking Claudia to school will be good recovery for me!
7th Zoladex implant today, 19 to go – not that I’m counting!
Claudia bought home first reader.
Somewhere between the long term effects of chemo, side effects of Tamoxifen, and just plain ordinary getting older, I now need eye glasses for sitting in front of computer (so, just at work). Something else new to get used to! Fortunately I think they actually look ok on me!
I am very tired, had a few bad nights sleep (worse than usual) last week, p[artly Zoladex-insomnia, partly warm weather, partly Toby waking me at night and partly (fair sized part) A snoring. Anyway need to make sure I get some really early nights this week (whether A likes it or not)
I’m sitting here typing this wearing my new glasses, haven’t had to wear glasses before, so its all a bit of a shock, think I’ll have a headache shortly and have to “wean” myself onto them over the next few work days. They do look good, colleagues saying nice things to me, that helps!!
My weekend – Friday night A was out to dinner with a mate so I had to collect C from Mum’s, T from CC, and then home, dinner, bath & bed solo. On the upside the children were relatively well behaved, and I got some lovely me-time on couch watching whatever I wanted, plus playing on laptop & iphone without someone glaring at me!
Saturday A had to work so I took the children to swimming, I had a swim with T while C had her lesson then home again. This was big deal for me, wearing bathers (one piece obviously) in a public place for first time since 2 x surgery, let alone that I am still about 8kg heavier than I would like to be. You can see the upper edges of my “radio-tan” but other than that, I do recognise I look fine, normal,
just feel self conscious. Got undressed and straight into that water, and spent as much time as I could sitting on bottom of toddler wading pool to keep water covering my body, while supervising Toby during Claudia’s lesson.
In the afternoon, C had a birthday party, her “best” friend S from CC last year, A was home just in time so I didn’t need to wake T and drag him with us – phew! However after the party C was in a lousy mood (“S’s house is better than my house” (no its not), “S’s school is better than my school” (no its not), “S doesn’t go to school until she is 5.5 yrs old” (yes she does, she started last month like you did), “NO Mummy you’re WRONG”)and I was quite fed up with her, I got home, dumped her with A, grabbed T and went to do supermarket shop – was exhausted but it needed to be done. He wanted to walk in the supermarket, but he started to misbehave in the fruit & veg section, so I did the usual “if you do that one more time, you’re going straight in the trolley” routine, he did it again, so I dumped him in trolley. He didn’t complain and I then could easily push him round, plus drop a few kisses on his adorable soft chubby cheeks! Sunday morning we went to the Aquarium – C had selected “Sharks” book from school library last week so I ran with the theme! We went in on the train, which both children loved, nice walk along the river, walked back via Centre Place for a crepe lunch then back home on the train. In the afternoon I popped over to Chadstone to pick up my glasses and then we went for an ice cream at Diary Bell. I’m really tired but it was basically a nice weekend!
We have a new Farmers Market in our area, so we now have 2 farmers markets within 5 km of home, one on 2nd Saturday of each month and one on 4th Saturday of each month. Nice! Anyway next one is next Saturday, looking forward to it already (this is the most child friendly one, they have free petting zoo and jumping castle!).
Exercise - I currently do one pilates session a week with the physio, plus exercises on the floor at home maybe 5 out of 7 nights. Plus I’m getting to the gym most lunchtimes from work for BodyPump. Need more cardio on non-work days, TRYING to find energy to get up at 6am for a half hour walk/jog on non-work days. Thinking about it, hasn’t actually happened yet! Hmmmm.
From tomorrow, on Tuesdays M will drop K off at our place at 7.30am and I will walk K & Claudia (and Toby in pram) to school. It means he’s then only in before-school care 3 mornings a week instead of 4, which has to help, as he’s also got after school care a couple of days. Wish I could do more but M has Thursdays off work which is the only other day I have available.
Bit rattled tonight. Just had an email that one of the other ladies in the “Yesterday Today Tomorrow” group the hospital put me in, with other ladies diagnosed about the same time, died last night, from secondary breast cancer.
8th Zoladex implant this morning, 18 to go. Past the “quarter-way” mark – it’s the little things!
Routine appointment with breast surgeon today. All fine. Next appointment with her is due after annual imaging in August, unless I am worried about anything in the mean time.
I’m sporting a large bruise from the Zoladex implant on Monday, plus a large red patch on my upper arm from the flu jab (hot and itchy), bit unusual for me to react or bruise quite so much.
Goof Friday. Had friends round (over a dozen adults and similar number of children) for hot cross bun brunch, and Easter egg hunt for the children. Lots of fun, lovely to see everyone and we were blessed with sunny morning so everyone was out in the garden.
With huge thanks to the Otis Foundation, we had a 4 night stay at Bramere, near Bendigo, lovely comfortable house, and our first family holidays ever (yes, I finally managed to pack us all up and get away!), not to mention obviously first post-breast cancer holiday. My parents joined us for 2 of the 4 nights which meant more help with children and I actually got some rest. Children shared a bedroom, we had to separate them at bedtime until Toby fell asleep, then I moved Claudia back from my bed to her own bed (heavy but I could lift her, probably couldn’t have done it a couple of months ago but am improving in strength).
Took myself for a haircut, third hair cut since hair started growing back over a year ago. I meant for her to just take a teeny tiny amount off the back, as back and sides tend to grow faster than the top, but she took off more than I’d like, felt like I’ve regressed couple of months. She’s trying to give it a decent shape while it grows out but felt like she took too much off, I know its only hair and will keep growing, but I’m feeling bit sorry for myself right now!
Toby turns 3 tomorrow. Where did my baby boy go??!!
We had a mothers group celebration yesterday, I did honey joys, tiny teddy cars, fairy bread plus birthday cake – Claudia sat there saying loudly “my mum is the best cook ever” which is very sweet of her, hope she’s still saying the same thing in years to come! I did a “digger” birthday cake – square chocolate cake, chocolate fudge icing, with TV Snax round the edge as a fence, crushed chocolate ripple biscuits as dirt and 2 toy diggers borrowed from the toy box on top with a number 3 candle. Toby seemed to like it, judging on the big smiles. Tomorrow we have friends and grandparents coming for a party – same food plus sausage rolls, about a dozen children running round the back garden, weather forecast is 25 which is fabulous for mid April.
Must write a card for him!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 22/04/2013, 08:55 PM
Fatigue, fatigue, fatigue, coupled with peeling red & pink raw skin. Made it to J’s son T’s christening today with Claudia, stayed just for ceremony and start of lunch then home for rest.
Skin on the improve, no more peeling or raw skin, it’s very pink as it heals. Still very fatigued. Started Tamoxifen yesterday.
Finished radio 2 weeks ago. Skin pink & healing. Still very fatigued, coping with short work days and needing lots of help with the children. Ahead: see radiotherapy oncologist mid June. See breast surgeon and medical oncologist in July. Yet to start Zoladex hormone therapy. When skin properly healed from radio, I can see plastic surgeon and discuss breast reconstruction. Also when skin healed, I can be fitted for a breast prosthesis, and move on from the current bra’n’cushion-stuffing arrangement. I’m trying some acupuncture, to try to manage some of the medically-induced-menopause symptoms (side effects form chemo & hormone therapies). Need to loose chemo weight, need to start getting regular gentle exercise (in addition to current weekly Pink Pilates classes). Hair is regrowing (about an inch long now) but I *hate* it so short, have to deal with new appearance, currently still wearing wig/beanies. My breast care nurse has invited me to a “Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow” course (6weeks x 2 hours) starting June, for patients recovering from breast cancer.
Streaming head cold (and sick children) is not helping my fatigue lift away! On the couch with hot lemon & honey, then off to bed.
Bought Aroema mastectomy bra and prosthesis yesterday, now don’t feel so lopsided once I’m dressed. Will need to keep wearing high necklines (or scarves) so no one sees asymmetric chest if I lean forward.
Claudia saw my incredibly short hair this morning and told me “Mummy, you look funny” – gee, not much of a boost to my confidence!
Saw radiation oncologist yesterday, for post-radiotherapy review. He said my skin is fine, its healed & sensitive, will take several months to return to normal colour. Fatigue will continue to improve but no one can tell me how long until I have “normal” energy levels and stamina. I’m continuing to work
3 days a week but reduced hours, and I need a nap each day. Radio oncologist doesn’t need to see me again. I’m now in the care of my medical oncologist & breast surgeon & GP moving forward.
Claudia and I went to F’s son JD’s 9th birthday today, and I managed to bake and decorate a birthday cake for him, but oh so tired after, with the effort and being social and driving there and back.
Spent the morning at a chocolate shop learning how to make chocolate mousse and chocolate garnishes – very decadent, and something “fun” for ME.
Had genetic counselling and blood test to screen me for the BRAC gene variations today. Results in approximately 6 weeks.
Saw podiatrist on weekend for help with my chemo-damaged toenails. Will be ok, just very slow to outgrow the damage (so unglamorous). Toes no longer sore, pain and numbness resolved about 4 months after end of chemo.
After a month alternating between wig 9work), beanie (out) and uncovered head (home and with friends), I got brave and fronted work sans-wig. I hate my hair this short but lovely work colleagues made all the right encouraging and complimentary noises, thank you to my cheer squad!
Routine appt with breast surgeon yesterday. Routine mammogram, ultrasound & MRI planned for next month (will now be annual imaging). Next medical oncologist apt coming up next week. Expecting to talk about starting Zoladex (more hormone suppressing therapy). Getting asked by friends quite a bit – the chemo shrank the cancer quite considerably, the surgery removed what was left. I’m now considered ”disease-free” or ‘NED” (No Evidence of Disease). The plan is to stay that way!
Saw oncologist today, start Zoladex in couple of weeks (can wait until after we move house). Next routine oncology appt in October.
After 18 mths, we final move back into our flood-repaired and upstairs-extended house! Children wildly excited about playroom and new bedrooms, cats freaked out by new smells! In physical effort of packing and moving, my post-chemo brittle nails took a beating and I bruise easily. Very tired but thrilled to be home. Since almost every inch of the house is either newly refurbished (downstairs:
new bathroom, laundry & kitchen, new carpet, new paint, new skirtings and archs, new central heating & air con, almost all new furniture & white goods) or brand new (we have an upstairs now!) it feels a lot like winning lotto after all the other crap we’ve had going on the last year and a half. So grateful to all the family and friends who helped with the move, I had Mum, C, J and K helping unpack on moving day, so kind of everyone to keep helping us time and time again.
J’s daughter J’s 4th birthday party today for Claudia and I.
Moving home has been fabulous, we’re loving being back in our new/old home, but now we’ve moved in, I can’t keep deferring some things. First Zoladex implant booked with my GP tomorrow, and genetic screening results Wednesday. Bit nervous, trying to stay calm. Need to book mammogram, ultrasound and MRI for end of the month, and I have appt with plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction in a fortnight.
GP mercifully used local anaesthetic with the Zoladex implant so didn’t feel a thing, Now wait and see on side effects.
Didn’t sleep well and woke this morning with more joint pain than usual, not sure yet if it’s a side effect of Zoladex or just One Of Those Days. Finally booked mammogram, ultrasound & MRI for next Tuesday. In my surgeon’s words I am “more likely to be healthy than not” but I’m still nervous the imaging might find something. And 25th August is 1 year from original diagnosis – big milestone.
Genetic screening results = “uninformative” which means they looked hard and couldn’t find either BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene changes in my DNA. This is the best result I could have hoped for, means I’m not currently being advised to have my other breast or my ovaries removed. Phew!
Routine mammogram, ultrasound & MRI done this morning. Hoping to hear from surgeon tomorrow, very preferably with the words “all clear.” I underestimated how much it would take out of me, quite wrecked afterwards, sore elbow from cannula for the dye, and sore sternum to boot! 7.55pm – so tired I’m already in bed. Shame one child still bouncing in and out of her bed and the other one is humming himself to sleep in his cot!
Large plumbing problem in new downstairs bathroom this morning. Waiting on tradesperson now. At least its diversion from waiting for results. Once upon a time I would have called this a “bad day”, with mess to clean up, the tradie to call, last minute change to working from home for the day. Now my perspective has been shifted a bit, this is just a slightly inconvenient day. So the plus-side to all
the crap from the last couple of years is my coping skills have gone through the roof and I lurch from one drama to the next with relative ease! Didn’t get official results today but Dad got a sneak-peak from the head radiologist this morning and told me they looked good.
Exciting afternoon, found baby ringtail possum in the backyard, crawling towards me across the grass and rushed it to the vet, followed by big thunderstorm, nice diversions from waiting for results. Surgeon finally called early evening, officially all clear, still NED. Don’t need to see her again until March, unless worried about anything. Hugely relieved.
One year ago today, at 1.30pm, my breast surgeon told me I definitely had breast cancer.
Met plastic surgeon this morning. Reconstructive surgery pencilled in for 2nd November. He’ll use DIEP flap technique, using skin & fat tissue from my abdomen, plus strip a major blood vessel out from my abdominal muscle. Surgery takes about 6 hours. Recovery includes up to 7 days in hospital, about a month off work, and no lifting at all for 6 weeks. Should be mostly recovered in around 3 mths including returning to any exercise I like.
Fabulous sunny morning for Claudia’s 5th birthday party in our garden (and first time almost everyone who came had seen the “new” house). Face painting, trampoline, cake pops, honey joys, fairy bread, sausage rolls, fresh fruit skewers and Teddy Bears’ Picnic birthday cake (round chocolate cake, covered in green (grass) buttercream icing, with Smartie flowers round the edge and dolls house teddy bears picnic set perched on top).
She loved it all, and I loved watching her love it (“thank goodness I got to see that”)
Second Zoladex implant this morning. Two down, 24 to go!
Another fabulous sunny morning with backyard full of children and more party food (same as Sunday) and another Teddy Bears’ Picnic birthday cake for Claudia. Sending morning tea (white chocolate crackles with pink sprinkles, at Claudia’s request!) to child care tomorrow too.
Gifts included dolls house(my old one) and removeable wall stickers – woodland animals for her to “talk” to at bedtime and hopefully stay in her room!
This morning I was frustrated I’m too fatigued to walk the children to mothers group. Then the sun came out, feeling much cheerier, trying to focus on what I CAN do, and not on what I STRUGGLE to do.
Royal Melbourne Show today. Children loved the farm animals. Mummy bit frustrated her energy levels didn’t last longer.
Day trip to F&E&J at Maldon. Drive up was ok (2 hrs), spent lovely day at their house and walking round Maldon. But trip home was very hard work. We left after 4pm, expecting Toby to nap on the way home and get home in time for slightly late-ish dinner. Toby did fall asleep 10 mins down the road but instead of sleeping all the way home, he woke 20 mins later, hysterical, I was turning round in my seat, trying to calm him, he was scratching at his face, when he DREW BLOOD, we gave up and stopped at a service station for some air. Took half an hour to tempt him back into the car without tears, and all up a long trip home and later bedtime than I wanted.
Toby handed me a DVD case and told me “I climb table” – I’d left the case on the mantelpiece and he’d scaled the coffee table in front of the fireplace to reach it! Yikes! Now I have TWO climbing children!
Pre-op abdominal CT scan today, to identify where the major blood vessels are. Had to fast for 4 hours, I had a good breakfast but I got hungry waiting! The scan was weird, I got teary when they were setting me up, not even like they were looking for anything sinister this time!
I’ve been back at the gym since June, slowing increasing the weights I sue in BodyPump classes, I do think I might have finally shifted some of my chemo-kilos.
Saw podiatrist again this morning, chemo-damage to toenails slowly growing out, 2 biggest nails still very brittle, go back in 10 weeks. 4 weeks until reconstructive surgery. Made quadruple-batch of bolognese sauce for the freezer for easy post-op family meals. Plan to do more meals in weeks to come.
3rd Zoladex implant this morning. GP getting used to me showing up every 28 days, he reached for the local anaesthetic and dressings he’d need before saying hello! But later in the morning the local anaesthetic wore off faster than usual, leaving me uncomfortable and achey at work.
Claudia had her first prep orientation ahead of starting school next year. She was very excited to go, the kinder teacher had been talking about it lots to prepare them. She and S met in the school yard,
lots of excited squeeling. She was ok for me to leave the classroom (I did point out S again before I left so she had a familiar face), when I went back to collect her an hour and half later she was all smiles. Wouldn’t say much at home about what they did (and when I texted J and M to check, their children hadn’t said much either!) but happy to go back next week.
Just under 2 weeks until my breast reconstruction operation. Couple of things to gently explain … It’s not a “boob job” and I’m not “looking forward” to my “new rack.” If I could have my old, saggy, breastfed-2-babies breast back, I would. Reconstructed breast will have no sensation to touch (permanent), no nipple (there is option of tattoo later), while chest wall behind it remains sore from radiotherapy (finished 5 mths ago). At least I can ditch the breast prosthesis I’ve worn stuffed in my bra the last few months, and I should I have symmetric cleavage should you look down my top. The reconstruction used skin, fat and a blood vessel from my abdomen, all my own tissue, no implant. It involves cutting out a small piece of one rib and microsurgery to transplant the blood supply. Approx 6-7 hrs under GA, 1 week in hospital, 6 weeks no lifting anything at all. I appreciate people don’t always know what to say, I suggest “how can I help?” or “can I drop round a home cooked meal?” To answer anther recurring query, no, we have no family holidays planned, with all the time away from work I’ve had in the last year and a bit, I don’t feel like asking my boss for more time off. And op will cost us a 4 digit sum, even after private health insurance, in out-of-pocket costs for the plastic surgeon and anaesthetist, not to mention all the physio/pilates I will need after. We’ll fund the op out of the mortgage, so no spare $$ for holidays. I’m not looking for pity, I’m just explaining!
Saw plastic surgeon for pre-op appt. Bit overwhelmed to think about the surgery so I’m going with diversion therapy and staying busy.
Saw oncologist for routine appt today, weird to be in and out in 10 mins, after intense medical attention for so long. Next routine appt in January. (3 mths).
Claudia’s second prep orientation. All smiles just like last week, also not saying much at home afterwards, just like last week! But overall all very positive and very exciting she’s about to start school!
Saw breast surgeon today for quick pre-op examination, she was happy, see her again in March. Sympathetic about insomnia but no great solutions.
Day Out with Thomas the Tank Engine, with A and her son T and baby daughter M. Cold but fun for the children. Must take them back to Puffing Billy in the New Year.
Very p*ssed Off. Operation in 3 days, been sick (throat, cough, antibiotics, mostly bedrest) since last week, I have things to DO!
Breast reconstruction operation last Friday went well, surgeon happy with result, I’m so relived to look under hospital gown at symmetrical chest. First 3 days post-op quite ghastly and wretched (pain and side effects from pain meds including upset tummy), but today bit better. Catheter, IV and 4 drains have been removed, and I can shuffle up and down the hospital corridor.
Home in my own bed. 4 strategically placed pillows (I can’t lie flat, either on my back or my side), and two purring cats.
Post-op appt with plastic surgeon this morning. Had to get out of bed, out of pj’s, into trackies, out of house and into car, cope with seat belt and A driving me into the city, very exhausting. Surgeon jokingly told A I can’t do any housework for 6 mths and whatever I ask he has to just say “yes.” I’m recovering well, he’s happy with my progress, next appt 3rd December, can start gentle cardio exercise in couple of weeks. BUT can only lift maximum of 2 kg for 6 weeks and no more than 5 kg for the next 6 weeks after that, which I didn’t previously know, bit floored by that. Will need more help with children for longer than I had anticipated, can’t lift Toby into car seat or cot for example.
20 days post-op. Still in bed/on couch watching DVDs all day, only up and about for childrens’ meals. Didn’t expect to be this fatigued.
First non-medical-appointment outing today – managed to stroll round the block.
Been managing a 30 min walk each day, was planning to return to work tomorrow for a few hours but need surgeon’s approval first, seeing him 9.30am tomorrow morning.
Plastic Surgeon happy with my recovery. He’s happy with the scars and the small part of the incision not yet healed (should close up on its own over the next couple of weeks). Don’t need to see him again for 4 months. Went back to work today, managed 3 hours before coming home for a nap. Very tired.
6 weeks post-op today. Recovering well, fatigue still biggest issue, surgeon happy with scars. Until now have only been allowed to lift maximum 2kg, can now slowly increase that until 9-10 weeks post-op, when I am allowed to lift Toby (15kg ish). It’s frustrating being so limited – can’t drain saucepan of pasta and boiling water to prepare the childrens’ dinners, can’t vacuum, can’t lift basket of laundry, can’t do supermarket shop, can’t be alone with the children. Skipping work Christmas party this afternoon, too fatigued, no spare energy to go into city to celebrate.
Down to Inlaws house for the day for Christmas meal – exhausting, no nap for either myself or Toby, one hour in car each way, house not at all child-proof so spent whole time chasing Toby and taking things he shouldn’t touch out of his hands – lots of tea-light candles at Toby’s eye level to keep his little fingers away from, plus he picked up scissors left on the sofa!
5th Zoladex implant this morning, 21 to go. Small giggle with GP over the reduced abdominal fat available post-op for him to locate the implant in!
Post-op recovery fatigue still big issue. Haven’t managed Christmassy things like Myer Christmas windows or baking gingerbread this year - bit sad.
Pulled act together and made some gingerbread reindeer to put in the childrens’ stockings.
Christmas Eve after dinner party with friends at M&G’s house with K&L. Left at 9pm, Toby coped better with the late night than Claudia (tears in the car and Daddy needed to sit on her bed a while).
CHRISTMAS DAY. Despite late night, Claudia up at 5.45am and had to be gently put back to bed before finally going downstairs about 6am. Toby still asleep so we made her wait, she was up and down the stairs a few times, very excited that Father Christmas had been and there were presents in the stockings and he had eaten the biscuits left out for him and drunk the milk left out for him and the reindeers had eaten some of the carrots left out!
We had lunch at my parents house, and spent the rest of the afternoon there (A’s parents were in Queensland so we didn’t have to rush round more than one gathering).
A was given Jim Stynes book “My Journey” as a present, silly me skim-read some of it at bedtime – not a great idea. Reading about his diagnosis and treatment was fine but ultimately it’s a sad ending. Flicked through Twitter on my iphone lying in bed to try to distract myself and calm down a bit before sleep.
If no one particularly minds, my New Year’s Wish (as distinct from a New Year’s Resolution) is for 2013 to be a much more boring year than 2011 or 2012, with significantly fewer medical appointments. Thank you in advance!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 23/06/2012, 08:16 PM
Poor Toby is STILL unwell, really chesty so we're off to see GP this afternoon
He had his 12 mth check yesterday at MCH nurse, got couple of "black marks" because he is crawling but not proper 4 point crawling, think like a butterfly stroke in swimming. Apparently even babies that commando crawl or some other variation are "meant" to properly crawl by 12 mths. also he's not pulling to standing (because he's not doing proper crawling and then not kneeling back on heels and looking up, which is what Claudia did) and can't get to sitting from lying down (can go from sitting TO lying down, just not the other way). And he doesn't yet wave bye-bye. Then i got lecture about food, he's meant to be on more family foods by now, well heck he's a better eater than Claudia at same age, i couldn't get her to eat any finger food until 16 mths!
Anyway so if I was a 1st time mum I would be panicking, however I'm not. MCH nurse said if not doing all those things by 14 mths to go back - which I will, I’m not silly, but I'm not sitting here worrying either! pretty sure by 14 mths he'll be doing all that stuff one way or another and I won't have to go back
Weight and growth is good - 1800g in 4 mths (they like at least 1200g) so at 8 mths he was 7.8kg (10th percentile for weight) and 25th for head and length. Now at 12 mths he is 9.6kg, which is 30th for weight and 50th for head and length.
Must keep going - house a mess after Mothers Group and when Toby wakes from nap off to GP
FOOD - this is what Toby was doing a week ago before he got sick, because his appetite is way down this week.
on waking (6-7am) - breastfeed, then breakfast (pureed fruit with 2 weetbix)
after morning nap (if long nap, skips this snack and goes straight to lunch) - mashed fruit and half cruskit, sips of water from sippy cup
lunch - whatever i have in freezer for him, something like mashed vegies and brown rice, or bolognese with tiny pasta (about 3/4 cup), then heaped dessertspoon of plain yogurt, and more sips water
after afternoon nap - same as after morning nap
dinner - same as lunch
after bath before bed - breastfeed
Toby isn't great with real "solids", prefers things mashed, soft etc. Will play with steamed vegies off my dinner plate after eating his own food and quite good with cruskits but not yet bread (so can't give him sandwiches yet as a meal). Not worried as Claudia was worse than this, purees only until way after 12 mths! She started sandwiches and sultanas and other finger food properly at 16 mths. But she was probably on about same quantities as Toby at this age.
US - just home from an electrical appliance store, with all appliances replaced by insurance co, plus the ones we bought ourselves (washing machine to be delivered tuesday, everything else we brought home today). only thing we didn't get was tv as they didn't have what A wanted, so he's off to another store this afternoon for that. its like christmas round here with all the boxes!!
Toby doing better so I assume will be ok for childcare on Monday (my first day back at work), had me up twice in night but better overall since we started antibiotics
Structural engineer coming Tuesday 3rd may to see flood damaged house - said should file report to insurance co within one week of that - be very interesting to see what he finds/thinks of house! Until then insurance co don't want us doing any repairs to house, that will be 3 mths from the date of flood! Good thing they are paying our rent!
TOBY - did about 5 strokes of proper 4-point crawling tonight, hoping he keeps going with it. Now to work on waving bye-bye and hope he starts to pull himself up in places other than the bath, then we're almost "right" for major motor skills for 12 mths.
TEMPER - only occasionally here but yes, its the very start of pushing boundaries and finding out their level of influence on others and developing independence! cute for now .....!!
Toby still asleep 3 hrs after I vacuumed outside his door! Such a good sleeper!
Toby 2 hrs into his nap (Seems to be having one middle of the day nap now, which caught me by surprise as Claudia had 2 naps until 17 mths) and I'm flicking through ebay ....
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ladies!!
I've had croissant and hot chocolate breakfast from A, plus card and lavender foot cream made at child care!!
And last couple of days, if you put him in standing, Toby is weight-bearing, he's a wobbly wobbly thing but he's getting better .... Only after a minute or two, he gets upset because he doesn't yet know how to get down to kneeling/sitting with any control!
Scary episode with Toby this morning, he woke grumpy, which is really unusual for him but I thought he was just getting another cold (child care yesterday). After his morning nap he was grumpier than ever, whinging all round supermarket as I quickly did a shop (normally beams at everyone). Got him home, noticed he was warm, took his temp, 38.5deg, gave him Panadol, assumed that would sort it and went to get his lunch. As I microwaved his lunch I noticed he was shivering, his hands like ice, and red and purple, and goosebumps on his arms, and more and more unhappy by the minute. So I rang Nurse on Call, they asked me to check his feet, which were also freezing under his socks, and by this stage I was rocking him in my arms while talking to nurse (trying to keep him quiet so I could listen!) and he was getting floppy and limp and falling asleep on me, which is totally not normal for Toby.
So I took him into Emergency, where they saw him straight away, his temp was up to 40.4deg, no longer shivering and cold hands and feet, but bright red all over and very unhappy. They gave him Nurofen as Panadal clearly not worked enough, and right on half an hour later he was fine but it was quite a scary hour or so from when I noticed the shivers and cold hands and feet and floppiness, through the spiking temp and real unhappiness, until that blessed Nurofen worked. They said it was likely "a virus" and to go home, rest, keep warm and quiet, use Panadol and Nurofen as needed if he is unhappy. They said I did the right thing taking him in, even though he came good so fast. We're home now, he's had late lunch and now asleep for his afternoon nap. But even if he is bright and bouncy tomorrow I really don't feel like sending him to child care on Monday, so will have to see if A can stay home half the day so I can do at least half a day in the office ....
Toby is ok now, was super hot and miserable for 3 days then slowly got better. was back at GP today though as he has a large purple soft lump in his mouth where i'd expect a molar to come through and it seems to be bothering him. doc says wait and see. when Toby is unwell thats a cue for Claudia to be tricker than ever!!
As a post-flood/belated mothers day present, A bought me a KitchenAid stand mixer and I'm having fun playing with it - made cookies, mum's birthday cake and fudgy buttercream icing, and today I made brioche for first time.
Toby sick again, high temp again, miserable, off his food, sleeping badly, lots of resettling and a return to night time feeds, although not quite as bad as last time, but nurofen alternated with panadol since friday night, A stayed home this morning so i could work half day and now i'm home for afternoon with him since he's too unwell for child care.
Toby is better, got head cold now (mostly runny nose only), but well enough to be back at child care today. off to try to get Claudia to STAY IN BED ...... Grrrr (7.50pm)
Toby still has night feeds some of the time, and i never get a decent night sleep because even if he sleeps through, Claudia does not, so still rather sleep deprived
TOBY - sick again!! had a cold all week but Wednesday night high temp again, I was up with him 11.30pm to 1am then 2.30am to 4am, then 4.45am and then 5.15am and then Claudia woke at 6am. Anyway I think the temp is gone now but head cold making him very miserable, so Mum had him this morning so I could do a half day at work (I don't think I've had a week yet where I've managed full days!) and now I'm home this afternoon and he's having another nap. The one up-side to this new bug is I can insist he and I stay home tomorrow so he can be warm and quiet and rest - that gets me out of another trip to Inlaws ohhh is that naughty of me??!!
I can't really control what my 3yo daughter wears - if I battle with her and physically pull on warmer clothes and she is not in the mood, she runs off to her bedroom and removes the layers she doesn't want - and she's pretty skilled so can remove any clothing even snug fitting singlets etc - so spends a lot of time at home in tee shirt and track pants and nothing else, no socks, no slippers, no singlet, no long sleeved top.
That said, I DO get control (and it may well involve physical force or at least a threat) over dressing warmly to go outside. "No jacket, oh ok, well you can't go to the park then" (works a treat most of the time).
TOBY has a nasty cold and basically not 100% from last week, plus fingers constantly in his mouth, molars must be bothering him, he's got one through and the rest I assume on their way. He's generally waking once a night, I assume due to teeth, and needs decent amount of resettling. Claudia also been unwell so I am really short on sleep!! He is also still not standing, now at 14 mths, so today I booked an appt with the paed for follow up (on 30th June, not too far away).
Go the F*&K to Sleep - yep, saw it, its very funny (Claudia was a nightmare and its still a very vivid memory for me) – there is a youtube clip, very entertaining!
My flooded house? well 2 weeks ago, only 4 mths after the flood, insurance co finally gave us permission to start repairs, so we rip out kitchen (which needs to be replaced) and surprise surprise, after all that time and delays, there is mould everywhere, so MORE delays while insurance co get someone out to deal with that ....good job we are comfy renting where we are now as we're clearly going to be here a while!
My Mum had her annual mammogram yesterday and they found "an area of concern." She saw the surgeon this morning who, even without the biopsy result (core biopsy tomorrow lunchtime - result on Friday) is positive its a cancer.
He has booked Mum for surgery next Thursday 30th June, and she see's him for post-op appt and all important pathology results on following Thursday 7th July - and those results will determine what type of cancer it is - hormonal etc, and therefore the treatment - Mum is expecting radiotherapy of some sort.
She's pretty calm right now, I am trying to stay calm too! That's all I've got for now, we have to wait and see.
Mum has Claudia out for a walk right now "while she can" and I have to tell my boss on Friday that I definitely can't step up to work 3 days a week for the forseeable future.
A is off to annual sales conference at 6am Monday morning, will get home about 9pm Friday night. He has to fly to Sydney and stay in a posh hotel for this event. He has to sit through 5 days of (his opinion) boring sessions, plus a costume party plus a gala dinner on the last night.
My week ahead - caring for our 2 young children (both of whom have head colds and nasty coughs), working part time, 5 nights of dinner/bath/bed routine without help, dealing with insurance company over continuing claim and repairs to our flood-damaged home, not to mention on Thursday my Mum is having surgery (diagnosed with early breast cancer last week) and on Thursday I also have to take Toby to a developmental paed for suspected gross motor delay.
Last night, in a moment of weakness I said, almost under my breath "poor me" and A spoke up - "poor you? poor YOU? poor ME, I have to sit through all that boring conference, I have to pack, I have so much to do, I have to travel"
At the very least he will get more sleep than me this week (neither child sleeps through the night, let alone when not well)
OK, thats off my chest, it doesn't read so bad when written down, I'll get off my soap box now!
A away on sales conference from last Monday until next Friday. Claudia waking frequently in the night (head cold and cough), and Toby waking at least once too (cold, cough and teeth), Toby's paed appt for potential gross motor delay is this Thursday, same day as Mum's op to remove her cancer (core biopsy last week indicated its low grade and positive for hormone-receptors, cross fingers this is right when all pathology done). Don't ask about house repairs, have to ring insurance co again this morning - they sent me a letter yesterday declining part of our claim. So yeah, all good aside from lack of sleep
BIG NEWS - Toby pulled himself to standing twice yesterday, for very first 2 times!!
Claudia goes stir-crazy, she's such a tomboy, would be at the park every day given the choice. There's probably 1-2 days a week we are relatively quiet at home, with just one outing, a walk to shops for couple of basics. The other days are busier - 2 days child care while I work, 1 day mothers group, then weekends we are out and about, combination of chores like supermarket and more child-friendly/fun stuff like swimming lessons, trip to park, trip to Grandma's.
Child care rang me at work at 1.30pm today, I could hear Toby screaming in background, I brought him home, Nurofen (its teeth, I'm sure), cleaned his dirty bottom, he was very thirsty, then into bed and out like a light. Poor mite.
Mum's op went fine yesterday, she's now resting at home. Results, grade of cancer and treatment plan we get next Thursday when she next sees the surgeon.
Toby's paed appt. Yes he has gross motor delay but no obvious cause, no big alarm bells. She recommended physio (waiting for appt), and hip x-ray just to be sure (tuesday morning). She was actually more concerned about lump between his eyebrows which has been there for months and not changing size. So we have to go see a neurosurgeon at Royal Childrens Hospital on 20th July. I am trying not to worry.
I'm feeling crappy, tummy cramps last 2 days, I'm sure I am not sick, just stress reaction, my body's way of saying please slow down/get some more sleep/reduce stress, which is fine except I have no idea how to manage any of that right now. I've had this type of thing before, like during exams at uni, I'll cope.
I got a phone call from the physio for Toby this morning, offering an appt this afternoon so I grabbed it. Only down side was I didn't think it through until mins before the appt, ideally I would have parked Claudia somewhere and taken A with me - will do that next time (30th July)
She had Toby and I on the floor playing with toys and gave me some ideas (written it all down) for how to encourage him onto his feet, pulling up etc. She did say he will be a late walker, although didn't say how late - clearly he is a long way off as not confident on feet, very wobbly, can't be encouraged to move weight from one foot to other, or to try to step with support (so not what she called "pre-cruising" yet).
Toby going well with the pulling to standing and some wobbly cruising. 2 weeks until we see neurosurgeon at RCH - no idea how worried i should be. Mum starts radiotherapy early August for 5 weeks.
insurance co have stuffed us round, sent a 4th person out (we are getting passed round) who was appalled at state of the house and damage done, and how badly we have been looked after. I feel like I am operating in a complete fog, no concentration, no appetite, loosing weight, sure I'm not doing things well (not great employee, not great daughter, not great wife, not great mum, not great friend), sure someone will tap me on the shoulder soon and tell me I've missed something ...... ho hum.
We had Toby’s neurosurgeon appointment yesterday, at the Royal Children’s Hospital. She thinks the lump between his eyebrows is a dermoid cyst, which is not part of normal development, but is not massively sinister.
Toby is having a MRI scan, done under general anaesthetic, next Friday 29th July, and then we see the neurosurgeon again the following week for diagnosis. If it is a dermoid cyst, it will need to be surgically removed, sooner than later but not a big emergency. I don’t know what the surgery involves yet, how long we’d be in hospital, recovery etc.
Aside from that he's doing well, he is pulling to standing and starting some cruising, both new skills in the last 2 weeks – he is now 15 months.
Mum saw her oncology radiographer yesterday too, she has a planning appt on 5th August then starts 6 weeks of daily treatments on 9th August.
CAR SEAT - we turned Toby just this week - he is only 10.5kg but was getting bit close to the height restriction - his head was close to the 1 inch/2.5cm limit from the edge of the hard shell. He's happy enough facing either way, he's pretty good in the car for short trips, but when I turn round in the car to look at him, he looks such a baby to me!
A, Claudia and I all have nasty head colds, miraculously right now Toby is the healthiest of us all!
Whinge alert - crappy day today at work - annual performance review, boss said my actual performance is fine, what I do, when and how I do it, BUT he really put pressure on me to step up to 3 days a week of woek (currently 2 days). Child care centre can't give me a 3rd day (children both on waiting list), my local city council coordinate family day care and don't have a vacancy for the 2 children together, Mum can't help out until after her treatment finishes and she's recovered from side effects, so A pushing me to get his mum help (she's never baby sat since Claudia was born, yet he thinks she can look after them 7.30am to 5pm one day week on permanent basis, AND she lives an hour away???? Just for a laugh/shock I will phone round tomorrow and find out cost of a nanny one day a week....
Toby had his MRI yesterday - he woke at 5am (teeth) so I gave him a BF, then back to sleep, I hoped he'd then sleep in a bit (has done so before) but woke at 7am, I tried rubbing his back a bit and he lay still, but Claudia in hallway demanding breakfast and my ruddy husband lying in bed being lazy. i really didn't want poor Toby to watch A and Claudia eat breakfast so I played on his bedroom floor with him 20 mins while they ate (I gave him apple juice, which was allowed up to 2 hrs prior). quick shower, then got Claudia off to child care (told her Toby was sick, which she believed). played with and tried to distract Toby until 9am when finally A ready, and we left, got to RCH, including parking, and checked in at Day Surgery Unit about 10am as instructed. then round to MRI Unit and into waiting room, Toby was playing happily initially. then down to MRI area, met radiographer and anaesthetist - they put name tags on his wrist and ankle, and listened to his chest - this is where he started to get very upset. As anaesthetist said "tired and hungry, nothing we can do for him, just have to wait" - back to waiting room for a bit, lots of cuddles and me pacing hall with him, then finally called in - I was allowed to go in to MRI room with him, A to stand in doorway - laid him down, anaesthetist put mask over his face and held the back of his head, and I held his hands until he was out (and another technician held his legs) - he sooked all the way, tears in his eyelashes - once he was out, anaesthetist told me to kiss his forehead and we left. we went downstairs for a drink and back to waiting room - exactly 1 hr later they came for us, he was waking up, very unhappy and disorientated - basically I spent next hour pacing hall with him crying hard, in between anaesthetist checking on him, and nurse taking drip out of his ankle (big bruise), offered BF (refused initially, later he did have a BF), he wanted lots of water - after an hour from when he woke they said we could go, nothing more medically to be done, just needed time to recover - drove home, he quietened down a bit as we got outside walking to car (I carried him whole way, didn't put him in stroller as didn't want to him upset further, actually have sore arms today!) - came home, we offered dry crackers and some fruit (advised to give light foods initially) and more water and then a nap - slept 3 hrs. was fine at dinner, slept fine overnight, bit clingy today and on his 2nd nap right now as I type. So it was basically fine, staff lovely, just the fasting was hard work and the first hour after he woke up hard too
Results from neurosurgeon next Wednesday. After that, depending on results and surgery (we assume required) we will make final decision about work - but looks like I have to try MIL looking after both Claudia and Toby until my mum has completed her radiotherapy treatment and recovered from side effects - I’m not happy about it but have to try it - A, who is so keen for it to work, says he will plan his Wednesdays so he is close to home in case his mum needs his help!
Update from me, this is an email I just sent family and friends:
We had the follow up appointment with the neurosurgeon today, after Toby had his MRI last Friday. The MRI itself went fine, although Toby was quite unhappy for the last half hour prior to the scan, due to the 6 hrs of fasting he had to go through, and he was also very unhappy for the first hour after he woke up from the general anaesthetic – hard crying for nearly an hour, Mummy did a lot of pacing the halls trying to sooth him.
The MRI showed the mass is a dermoid cyst, as expected. It looks like a small marble under the skin, against the skull, between his eyebrows. It is not connected with the brain at all. This is the best news we could hope for.
Getting the ruddy thing out is another matter. The neurosurgical approach is an incision from ear to ear, across the top of the head, behind the hairline, so that the scar eventually is covered by hair. Then the skin is pulled down to the eye level and the cyst removed. He’d be in hospital at least overnight, three lots of antibiotics given to prevent infection. There would be significant swelling and bruising round the eyes, he would have two “black” eyes. He would be grumpy and out of sorts for one week, followed by less grumpy for a second week, and should be almost himself after a third post-operative week. This all sounds quite traumatic to me. There would be no hiding it from Claudia, who was quite worried even this morning when we said she was off to see Grandma while Toby visited the doctor. I’d have to take at least 2-3 weeks off work, as he wouldn’t be able to attend child care for some time post-op. The neurosurgeon would like the cyst removed sometime in the next 6 months, as it will continue to grow.
Given this, the neurosurgeon is referring us to a plastic surgeon, in the hope he can think of a different way to remove the cyst, without significant facial scarring – obviously I’m clinging to this idea! So for now, we wait for the referral to come through, and to have that appointment with the plastic surgeon.
Much love, Lou xx
I'm just off the phone from talking to mum. She had her "planning" visit yesterday, before her radiotherapy starts on Tuesday. To me, it sounds like she's suddenly aged 10 years in a minute. She was talking about the appt yesterday, how they treated her like a slab of meat, two technicians taking measurements and no explanations, no warm fuzzy care, she's got lines drawn all over her chest and no one told her it was happening or why! She went on and on about the cold grim building she's got her appts in, every day for the next 6 weeks. This will sound petty, but its my birthday tomorrow, now this is not a big deal, I'm a grown up, its not a significant birthday, I don't need a big fuss. But in a normal year, my Mum would be insisting on a certain amount of fuss, a family meal or outing, she'd bake me a cake. And even a month ago she suggested we drop the children with her and Dad for the morning and go out (her shout) for breakfast in a city hotel. Now today she's saying in a vague kind of way, oh do you still want to do that, like she doesn't mind if we even see them tomorrow or not. I know **I** have to get my head round the fact my mum is sick, she's not herself, not feeling herself either emotionally or physically, and this is only the start of it, treatment not even underway yet. I've been spoilt for so long with her being such a practical, involved, active grandparent to my children and now really, **I** need to step up and start being more a carer **to her**
A told me, only last night, he had to work this morning, so I had to take Claudia to swimming and entertain Toby in stroller on poolside for half an hour (tricky, he wanted out), and I haven't had a chance to shop for A's birthday present (his birthday is Monday) so he will be getting an "I Owe You" instead of a gift I think!!!!
I’ve got good news! Finally I have good news to share!!
The plastic surgeon was lovely, and we were in and out in ten minutes after he read the referral from the neurosurgeon, looked at the disk we had of Toby’s MRI, and had a feel of Toby’s lump.
He’s going to do a midline incision (vertical incision between the eyebrows, right where most of us have vertical crease lines anyway). The scar will be minimal and fade with time (and generous application of Bio-oil). Surgery is booked for Monday 24th October. The procedure will take about an hour, under general anaesthetic, and Toby can come home the same day. He will recover quickly and should be right to return to child care (and therefore me back to work) after a week.
I’ve lost a lot of sleep worrying about this and am sooooo very relieved right now, feel like a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.
Thank you to everyone for all the lovely emails and messages of support, it means a lot!
Much love to all, Lou xx
We had haircuts for Toby & Claudia yesterday, Toby's first. (Mummy still recovering from how different he looks!)
I also discovered, he is not yet walking unassisted, but he can climb - just like his big sister - heaven help me!!
7.50am - Dropping children off with a friend this morning so I can take myself to the GP - found a lump (its sore) in my left armpit. Hopefully frantically its related to breastfeeding (not yet weaned Toby).
12/30pm - I'm trying to stay calm but admit to tears on my friend's shoulder when collecting the children - GP didn't say anything except to send me immediately to get chest x-ray and blood tests and then go back to him, except I was short on time so had x ray, radiographer looked at them and said he couldn't see anything and wants an ultrasound, which I go back at 2pm for, had blood tests which won't be back today anyway, and i go back to GP after ultrasound. At home right now while Toby naps and Mum plays with Claudia. trying to stay calm, trying to stay calm, repeat, repeat
Here's the email I just sent close friends .....
This may well be the crappiest email I’ve sent to date, given my flood damaged house, and given Toby’s cyst and Mum’s breast cancer that’s saying a fair bit, but here goes...
I have been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Last Sunday night I found a lump in my armpit just rolling over bed. Monday I tried to stay calm and thought it might be linked in some way to breastfeeding, and booked myself a GP appointment for Tuesday morning. Tuesday I saw the GP, who was not calm, sent me straight for a chest x-ray and blood tests. The radiographer who saw the x-ray made me have an ultrasound on the spot. By 3pm I was sitting back in my GP’s office being told it was likely cancer. Gulp. Wednesday lunchtime I saw a breast surgeon who sent me to Clayton for mammogram and fine needle aspirations of each set of lymph nodes and core biopsies of each breast. Feeling bit like a pin cushion at this point. Thursday lunchtime we were back with the breast surgeon and all the results.
The cancer is in the left breast and its invasive, so its already spread outside the milk ducts, and the lump in my armpit that started this whole crazy week is an inflamed lymph node. Its not a neat lump in the breast which can be removed, its most of the breast and nothing to feel, which is why I had no idea until now. All the people who've examined me in the last 3 days couldn't feel it either! So, today I’m to have a CT scan and a bone scan, and we hope MADLY it hasn't already spread outside the breast to somewhere else in the body. Monday at 10am I see a medical oncologist, and she will set me up for chemo. The order of treatment will be chemo, surgery and then radiotherapy. Chemo will start in about 2 weeks from now and will be 8 "cycles" - each cycle is one day as an inpatient receiving the chemo, then a week feeling utterly crap (side effects vary from person to person), then a 2nd week feeling better and a 3rd week feeling pretty good, then repeat. So 8 cycles takes about 5 months. Then surgery, which because the cancer is invasive has to be a mastectomy, with optional reconstruction. Then after that approx 6 weeks radiotherapy like Mum is having now. Add in some recovery time and basically this is a year all up until I'm through this. Joy.
I'm not sure what I'm doing about work yet, the breast surgeon I saw yesterday said it is possible to work 2 weeks out of each 3 weeks during chemo, for example, then bit of time off for the surgery and recovery, then work shorter days during radiotherapy, I have spoken to my boss this morning and I’ll see him in the office to talk further Monday afternoon after seeing the oncologist in the morning.
My age works against me, being under 40 yrs with breast cancer, is generally considered more aggressive, the risk of recurrence or it spreading else where in the body are higher, hence the aggressive treatment. I keep thinking of Jane McGrath, Kerryn McCann and Belinda Emmett.
I'll be honest. I'm terrified I won't get to see my children grow up.
I have to wean Toby in the next 2 weeks before chemo starts, the idea of which reduces me to tears. Not sure yet what we'll do about his op to remove his dermoid cyst (currently set for 24th Oct).
This also means I can't have more children, maybe we would have chosen not to have a third baby anyway but to have the decision taken away from me, well more tears.
That’s about it for now.
i must sound like a never-ending soap opera, between house flood, mum's cancer, toby's cyst, now me ...
Due to the radioactive dye they give you before a bone scan, I couldn't BF Toby last night or this morning - fortunately he settled pretty well with a sippy cup of warm cows milk and cuddles from Daddy. I expressed and dumped. I have to wean before chemo starts, so we won't go back to 2 BF per day, A got him to bed again tonight without a BF, I''ll just keep the morning feed until the last possible moment. Sad.
Went and visited a very close friend this afternoon, with her new baby, and told her - tears (her's, I'm pretty stoic right now). And rang another close friend. Then been sending emails to others.
in an effort to not talk about my BC left right and centre i've set up a twitter account and can try to limit it to that. You don't have to be on twitter to view it.
I've got an email inbox full of messages of love and support, both moral support and practical. my mothers group are rallying round, and my work colleagues planning to cook for me, etc. Feeling very loved and supported. My employer been fabulous, my job is safe and i'll keep being paid regardless of how much work i manage to do. A's boss been great too, he can take as much leave as he needs and its not from his annual or sick leave.
Chemo starts 12th Sept and every 3rd Monday from there for 8 cycles.
Claudia is 4 yrs next week and a tomboy. Refuses to wear dresses or skirts, its all track pants and tee-shirts. I'm sad about it, I admit, I'd like her to wear some pretty stuff, some of the time, not all the time. The no pink, no glitter, no princesses, no fairies part I can cope with, I do like she'd prefer a trip to the park over any other activity, just really I'd like to be able to dress her up a bit occasionally! Yes, sounds superficial. My friends have daughters who they can buy pretty clothes for, I am stuck with Target trackies and tees, not exciting shopping at all!
I'm not especially girly, but I have (currently) long hair, I wear make up, she sees me in jeans and top most days at home, but i do wear skirts and dresses for work.
We've had Claudia's birthday party this morning - got very lucky with the weather, which was forecast to be wet and cold, we had enough sunny breaks to get everyone running round garden. Everyone has gone home, on a sugar-high after morning tea and dinosaur birthday cake.
I’m fine, just tired very easily, was back at work today for half a day, will aim for longer on Wednesday (next work day). Had hair cut yesterday, as transition to loosing it all in next week or so - its now shorter than has been since i was 10 yrs old - long-ish bob, with a fringe (never had one before, spent all day playing with it!). We had professional family photos taken couple of weeks ago - see here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/85747712@N00/
Claudia (4yrs) playing up at bedtime, A trying to deal with her - she's standing in middle of her room yelling "I'm not tired" - LOL, h@ll yes you are!!!!
Claudia, who has already been put to bed, had 2 stories, kisses from mummy and daddy, got up to do poo in toilet, and asked for more water (obvious stalling tactics), just walked into living room ...
Claudia "Mummy what are you eating?"
Me "ice cream. now go back to bed" (while not moving a muscle)
I'm not getting anywhere fast am I....
Toby and Claudia play together all the time, just depends on how long it lasts (Often not very long) before someone pushes/pulls/shoves and it all ends in trears. But its very adorable while it lasts!
First chemo was 2 weeks ago yesterday, and like clockwork my hair is starting to come out. Imagine the total amount you'd normally get in the shower washing your hair, only I get that amount in my hand each time I run my hands through my hair. Oddly not currently upset, more weirdly fascinated. Won't last when see my bald head for first time! So for now its tied back so I don't shed everywhere. Getting it all shaved off by a friend so its all done. A away from today for 3 nights sales conference, think I'm braver without him actually!
Yeah I'm trying to focus on the time I'll save in washing my hair, straightening it etc! Hmmm.
So tired and grumpy - A away on sales conference, Claudia had me up at 4.45am then Toby woke at 5.10am (he's doing it every day last few weeks) and I am stubborn and won't let anyone get up before 6am, so that means I am up and going from one to the other and back again, rubbing backs and shhhhing to keep them quiet. Grump grump grump. And the weather is too crap to go to the Royal Melbourne Show today, which was my plan - baby animals, pets and then food, and home at lunchtime for Toby's nap. Fingers crossed weekend is slightly better and I can get there then.
Toby doing lots of trying to stand unassisted - he uses furniture or Mummy or Daddy's legs to pull to standing, then puts both hands up in the air and squeals in delight - then topples over. Cute to watch.
Toby barely talks either - lots of babble - can say Mumma, Ta (for thank you), tries to say Tab (for both cats, one of which is called Tab), and sometimes Dadda. Has said very clearly "breaky" just once (both A and I heard it). We're due for his 18mth check with Maternal Health nurse soon so guess she'll tell me what to do. Because of the "maybe" gross motor delay he's also due back to see the paed about now, I had delayed an appt due to my own endless medical appts, think I've rebooked it for next month. So someone will tell me what we need to do for him!
This is a whinge, because I know I'm in a safe spot. Last night Toby screamed for an hour at midnight, took A and I working together, plus a dose of Nurofen, to eventually get him back to sleep. My frustration is that at times like that I feel I can't be the mum I want to be, and its ruddy unfair. If I didn't have BC, I wouldn't yet have weaned him, and I could have fed him back to calm sleep in my arms, how I ACHE to be able to do that and I can't ever again, its been taken away from me. Instead there was endless patting and shhhhing. Sad Mummy Moment.
18 mths jabs ~ Toby had them yesterday, the chicken pox one was fine (but plenty of time for a reaction to develop) but the other arm, for the booster one, thats red and he's been grumpy and out of sorts today.
I'm ok really. House is finally being sorted, we have that to focus on. mould dealt with and builder doing repairs has started, I think he estimates we have 6 weeks to go until its done. And honestly, the insurance company have been slow but they have covered everything we've asked for, I don't think we can complain compared to some horror stories we read!
Toby has a cheeky big sister to copy and he does! she throws toys, he throws toys, she laughs at something naughty she's done, he laughs at something naughty he's done, you get the idea! He's taken a few unassisted steps several times, but lacks confidence, however he can CLIMB. He can climb onto couch unassisted, he can climb out of the bath (if we let him, which we don't!), he shoots up the stairs at Mum and Dad's house, and can get back down again, going backwards, no trouble (obviously we are right there to catch him if he does fall and we have barrier at top and bottom, so playtime on the stairs is well supervised).
Toby got his second hair cut, and first shoes (pre walkers) yesterday, screamed through both activities, thought he was having a dreadful afternoon! He can walk unassisted when he forgets to hold on, as far as across the living room, more than once, but mostly he thinks he needs to hold on to a finger or a piece of furniture. So a pre-walker is for when we take him to the park or wherever, otherwise he is bare foot most of the time.
A got gastro on Tuesday afternoon, MIL (who was with us looking after Toby as usual for a Wednesday) and Claudia got sick last night (48 hrs after A). Fingers tightly crossed neither Toby, my mum who was with me yesterday afternoon when Claudia got ill, or myself get it – I think we have another 24 hrs before we are really in the clear (48 hrs from when Claudia got ill). This is second time in 7 weeks, since I started chemo, that A has got ill to the stomach, I am over it! (wondering if there is something missing in our hygiene or cleaning at home, tbh). We do a lot of handwashing but there must be more I can do!
Arrgghhh, Claudia has been ill again - seriously, she has vomitted once a week for last 3 weeks - always couple of hours after falling asleep in the evening, wakes, throws up once and then is fine the next day (but we always keep her home from child care per the 48 hr rule). What am I doing wrong that she's getting ill so often??
Toby saying more words – “broom broom” when playing with cars, “toot toot” when playing with trains, “door” (which means he actually wants to go out of, he is mad for going out and not staying home!). Says “shush” at bedtime. Can say “shoes”. Think we're getting some yes and no too.
Toby's operation to remove his dermoid cyst (lump between eyebrows) was this morning - all went well. Getting him up and to hospital by 6.30am, without food or drink, was not fun, but he did ok. First on the theatre list at 8am, and by 8.45am both anaesthetist and surgeon had been out to tell me it all went fine and he was in recovery, minutes later the nurse came to get me as he was waking up - woke very grumpy and unhappy, basically cried for an hour, exactly like after the GA when he had his MRI back in July, so no surprise to me, but I did want him to quieten down to not disturb other patients! Anyway he eventually fell asleep in my arms for few mins and woke tiny bit cheerier, and we started offering food - 6 water crackers, fistful of sultanas and quarter of vegemite sandwich later, they said we could go - home by 11am!!! Panadol as needed, antiobiotics for 5 days, have nurse remove dressing in 10 days (dissolvable stitches) and see surgeon for post-op review in a month. Oddly the thing that got me most emotional, aside from holding him while they put him under the GA and having to leave him in theatre when he was out, was that they never even had to take his clothes off and put theatre gown on - he stayed in top and track pants whole time, and as aneasthetist explained to me, they wrapped him in a warm blanket for the procedure.
Claudia has nasty streaming head cold and cough so fortunately Mum has her for the day, couldn't go to child care.
Need to note down somewhere before I forget that Toby is walking unassisted far more now, the last week or so really got his confidence up (finally).
Also today I am Sad Mummy. When Toby wakes in morning I sit with him in my lap in his room and he snuggles for a lovely cuddle in while he drinks his sippy cup of cows milk, then he plays with the top of the zip of my fleece jacket I usually wear over my pj’s and smiles and giggles at me, and then wiggles off my lap and crawls out to find Claudia for a play. THIS morning I hadn’t zipped up the jacket so once he realised there was no top-of-zip to play with, he pushed the jacket open and my pj top is an old loose tee shirt, so he started licking my chest – maybe it was a fluke or once off, but to me it felt like really he’d latch on if he could – made me teary because ruddy h*ll, I would most definitely still be BFing him if I could (last BF was 9th Sept, 3 days before starting chemo, I walked into my first chemo session still engorged). Sad Mummy.
Also, I'm really quite gutted about not being able to have a 3rd baby (due to my BC treatment) - a close friend has a 4yr old, 2 yr old and 5 wk old baby and wants me to visit her – I keep getting emails and texts from her. I had Mum deliver birthday presents and new baby present to her door step the week after the new baby was born, so I wouldn’t feel obliged to visit any time soon. I really don’t want to see her, happy, content, with a new baby, specifically a 3rd new baby, and I don’t think I should force myself to put myself through that right now. She keeps emailing me with messages about she’s sleeping fairly well, and how “beautiful” it is to see her older child helping her with the baby etc. I am pleased for her she’s happy and got 3 healthy children, but I am soooo sad for myself I’m not going to get that, and I see Claudia & Toby playing together and how lovely that is, and I’m so sad I can’t extend that sibling relationship for them by having a 3rd baby, I really don’t want to go visit someone else’s 3rd newborn. Another friend says I'm being silly and should go see her since with 3 children she's probably finding it hard to get out of the house, and needs visitors to go help her, and that I should want to cuddle the new baby even more because I won't get to cuddle another of my own..... but I’m really not sure I can be that brave about it right now.
had 5th cycle of chemo on monday and its a different drug combination to the previous 4 cycles. side effects different, I'm sitting here with bone pain, joint pain and muscle pain, and it will likely last until Saturday. i know its only temporary but I’m over it already. not helped by A about to go out tonight for drinks with 3 mates and he has his Christmas party for work tomorrow night. Sure, I get my work Christmas party the week before Christmas, just feeling bit sorry for myself now.
and the worst part - i can't taste chocolate - i had some diary milk earlier and it tastes like plasticine, and then tried M&Ms because stronger flavour but again can't taste them. I *think* i feel like a really good rich chocolate mousse, but A certainly not about to go shop for me!
I have "locally advanced" breast cancer but everyone, when i tell them I have BC, say "oh well, they caught it early, thats great" (they ASSUME it was caught early) and I tend to smile and nod, because explaining anything else is just too hard and I don't have the energy.
I was working 3 days a week (I'm an accountant, so a desk job) before i got sick. I have the most fabulous employer who brought back the person who covered my last maternity leave and told me I would keep being paid regardless of how much work i managed, to forget my leave balances etc, so cut a long story short I usually work 2 weeks out of 3. So I have chemo every 3rd Monday, one week in bed, then one week feeling ok-ish, very tired but mostly functioning as usual, then the 3rd week i feel pretty much normal. This week leading up to Christmas is my 3rd week so i feel pretty good, I can enjoy my work Christmas function on Thursday etc. Next chemo is 28th Dec.
I am very lucky that my mum can help so much with the children, plus they are in child care when i work and i have wonderful friends who help a bit too. My work colleagues take turns in filling up my freezer (did i mention I was lucky ....).
My mum actually had breast cancer herself earlier this year, diagnosed June, lumpectomy and then 6 wks radiation therapy and now 5 yrs hormone treatment, her last week of radiation therapy was my first week of first chemo cycle, so she couldn't help with my first cycle but she's been a powerhouse ever since. Also A is very good, he's clearly got more on his plate now than before! And his employer has been equally good, telling him to take whatever time off he needs - generally he only takes one day off per chemo cycle, around child care days, but we expect he'll take more time off next year when i have 2 x surgery.
House is finally finished. After all this time, the flood occurred don 4th feb, the house has been repaired. New kitchen, laundry and bathroom. New skirtings and archs, Freshly repainted through-out. New air con and new underfloor gas ducted heating. New front and back security doors. New window coverings (actually not done the yet but insurance has covered me for it). Insurance did cover everything we asked for, I really can’t complain, just it was such a LONG drawn-out process because half of Australia had claims at same time as us with the QLD and VIC floods, cyclones etc. We’re not about to move back, we signed a contract with a builder a month ago to do the upstairs extension while we are living out of the house anyway. Should start immediately after Christmas shut down period in January.
mini vent - my work finished up yesterday, and I had today as rare "me day" with both children in child care - so after some chores and cooking dinner, I took myself to 1 pm movie, I'd gone in, sat down with ice cream, was enjoying air conditioning and not 5 mins in, my mobile rang - it was child care so I HAD to take it, went outside and you guessed it, Toby was ill so I had to go get him and take him home. Waste of $18.50 entry, and i haven't seen a movie in months, still haven't really!
I'm off to hospital in few mins for my 6th chemo - cross your fingers for me that the next week isn't as ghastly as last cycle (did I mention I hate Taxetere!!!!). Very worried about super hot weather forecast for this weekend, that won't help me feel any better, we're renting this summer and this place gets as hot inside as out!
I have tried to make things as easy on A as I can - I've filled up freezer with family dinners, I've cleaned the house, I've called friends and asked them to have him and the children over for playdates, my mum helps endlessly with children and meals and laundry, his mum helps one day a week (she's here today) ... can you think of anything else I can do to make it easier on him????
Home from yesterday's chemo (6th cycle of 8). My haem was down so last night they gave me my first blood transfusion. Bone pain starting this evening, currently neck back and ribs and spreading. Ho hum.
I'm doing my best to support A. He gets anxiety, low self esteem, panic attacks, so I have to try make things as normal s possible to not trigger anything, and I mostly bite my tongue on any complaints. Yesterday on the oncology ward I made a mistake - he asked how i felt and i complained about the ice mitts they had on me, he snapped back he wasn't criticising me and got grumpy with me, not a word of sympathy.
Very quickly, as children need me, but I had chemo last Wednesday, still on panadeine forte for the bone/joint pain, screwy mouth, sore fingers and toe nails and general crappiness. Sigh.... Its so hot here in Melbourne, we're staying with my parents, who have air-con, for couple of nights.
I had an appt with my breast surgeon this morning - I was expecting to be told, you need mastectomy (was told this much at diagnosis), your surgical date is such and such. Instead I was told, well yes I do need mastectomy but I need to decide about what type of reconstruction and when, before we set surgical date. So next week I need to see a reconstructive surgeon and then go back to breast surgeon a 2nd time. Until now I haven't had to make any decisions - its been, here is your diagnosis and off you go for chemo, to be followed by mastectomy and radiation and reconstruction (I thought, in that order). So now I have to research and think and decide, and fairly quickly too, because no matter what I do decide surgery will be 4-6 weeks after i finish chemo, and my last chemo is 6th Feb, so that makes surgery 5-19 March. So bit frustrated, instead of knowing exactly what the next step is right now
I saw plastic/reconstructive surgeon yesterday before my 7th chemo for his opinion. Because I have to have radiotherapy after mastectomy, he won't do any sort of temp or permanent reconstruction until 3-6 mths after radio is complete. So I have to finish chemo (6th feb is last one), have mastectomy (early to mid March, should have date next week when go back to breast surgeon) and then radiotherapy April-May (5 wks) and then wait 3-6 mths before reconstruction. So I'm bald, no eyelashes or eyebrows, FAT (7kg up and counting, thats all my baby weight carefully lost before I got sick, now back on) and uni-boob for months. I am absolutely GUTTED. If My boobs weren't quite so droppy after 2 x babies and extended breastfeeding, he would at least give me an expander (temp recon), so I am severely p*ssed off with my body.
I'm doing ok, into my "good" week now with next chemo on 6th Feb. Then mastectomy booked for 5th March (and radiotherapy after that). Dreading surgery, really really dreading it, brings tears to my eyes just thinking about waking up with nothing there (recon at end of the year). Charming disease this, I will be bald, no eyelashes/eyebrows, overweight (7 kg chemo weight and gaining) and uni-boob. Fabulous. And still upset about no 3rd baby, and that I had to wean Toby when and why I did.
House extension started today. Roof tiles removed and large blue tarp covering house! Exciting!
struggling with tiredness, A was away at sales conference all week and Claudia slept badly all week (missing daddy I think) so I have been up lots in the nights and I seem to have no stamina (I blame chemo). Next (last) chemo on Monday. I'm also very teary anytime anyone asks me about the mastectomy (or anytime I let myself think about it) so I suspect I'm heading for some counselling, I see my breastcare nurse on Tuesday after my chemo and see what she says.
I can't remember what age my Claudia started removing clothes, definitely before her 3rd birthday, and definitely removing clothes comes well before dressing themselves.
At 4.5 yrs she CAN very much dress herself but will frequently get frustrated, throw a tantrum and claim she just CAN'T, and depending on my mood/energy/how much of a rush I am in, I just do it for her, instead of the "perfect world" approach of calming her down and helping her do it herself - sigh.... I'm not perfect!!
I'm very fed up, I had last chemo last Monday and its Sunday night now and I still feel like crap, hot flushes, sore mouth, sore fingers, numb toes, feet hurt with every step I take and oh the never ending fatigue. Normally I'd be back at work tomorrow (half day) but definitely can't manage that this time, guess after 8 cycles I just don't have anything in reserve. 3 weeks tomorrow until dreaded surgery, and I am getting grumpy because I have things I want to DO before surgery and I feel I am running out of time, I haven't been out of bed and dressed since coming home from chemo at start of the week. Toby's 2nd birthday is soon after surgery and I want to buy and wrap his presents, and bake and freeze his cake before surgery, things like that, and right now I CAN'T. Grumpy.
BUT thank you for the comments made about how hard it is to be the carer too, because its stopped me ranting at A today. I cleaned the house the morning of my last chemo (last Monday) and of course being female, now I have been lying round all week only *I* can see the accumulated mess, today he vacuumed but then sat in front of the tv all afternoon after that, while my mum looked after the children (she had them Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday too, they were in child care on other days), and I did restrain myself from nagging him to clean the bathroom/kitchen - I'll do it myself when I (finally) feel better. Mum has been taking the laundry each time she calls in to collect/drop off children, and because I don't want her to run herself in to the ground, I did manage to stop her from changing the bedsheets today, again I can do it myself in few more days. She's also been staying each evening to help with children's dinner/bath/bed as A isn't good at managing the 2 of them particularly if they both play up. I can't say thank you enough to her.
surgery next Monday (mastectomy and aux clearance, no recon) - dread dread dreading it like nothing I have ever dreaded before in my life. Trying to keep busy this week, filling up freezer, arranging help for A with the children, getting organised for Toby's birthday (6 weeks post-op and not sure what I'll be able to do by then), sorting out things with builder (current extension, so A doesn't have to deal with anything when I'm in hospital)
This will sound horrible but A and I aren't doing well together, he has NO idea what I'm going thru, makes things about himself ("oh my sore back" from day to day lifting of 22 mth old Toby, when I'm about to have surgery and can't lift for 6 wks), sorry, maybe I'm not being helpful!
Surgery (mastectomy and aux clearance) went to plan on Monday, pathology not back yet, home Friday. Not yet brave enough to look under gown at new asymmetrical me. 4yr old Claudia coping ok, she can count number of nights until I get home but 23mth Toby not coping as well, took over 2 hrs to go to sleep for A last night (lot of crying poor mite)
chemo - done, surgery - done (not fully recovered), planning visit for radiotherapy tomorrow, expect to start that next week or week after, then hormone treatment, and reconstructive surgery later in the year. Not feeling fabulous. But to distract myself I baked Toby's birthday cake and some party food before i had surgery and its in the freezer, so we can celebrate that the way I want to when his birthday rolls round next month.
I went back to work on Monday (only half day) and again tomorrow (also half day). I start 5 wks of radiotherapy on Thursday next week. Op recovery has been much slower than I expected, which is starting to put me off having reconstructive surgery.
Happy 2nd Birthday Toby. Friday 13th too! Day at child care like usual, party on the weekend. Claudia very excited, Toby still too young to really know! We gave him some books (quite like Spot) and toy trucks.
Toby’s 2nd birthday party. Morning tea at Grandma and Grandpa’s house, run round the garden (very lucky with sunny and relatively warm weather), birthday morning tea round Grandma’s kitchen table, farmyard birthday cake. Lots of fun with friends and their children.
Started radio 12th April, 25 treatments, finish 16th May. I have developed a nasty head cold in last 24 hrs so very quiet weekend of rest for me.
Toby's 2nd birthday was last week, can't believe my "baby" is 2!
Half way through radiotherapy and skin really quite pink with brown spots, today they switched me from sorbalene cream to aloe vera gel, and said its going to get worse, might need some other cream in few days and dressings if it blisters, then they tried to suggest I don't wear a bra for a while - I just can't leave the house (let alone go to work) without a bra - I've had a mastectomy and just can't face the world that lopsided (remaining breast is B cup and very saggy from pregnancy/breastfeeding). So for now I'll keep wearing the bra, I take it off as soon as I get home anyway. Tired and getting tireder (is that a word?!). Saw oncologist yesterday and I start Tamoxifen 2 weeks after finishing radio, then Zoladex soon after. Been having heaps of hot flushes from chemo, these 2 drugs will make it worse. A complaining to my oncologist of my mood swings, which will also get worse with these drugs (have to take them 5 yrs).
Getting dressed such a battle. At least its winter so I can layer up! I have a post-surgery bra, which feels fine for now (has a pocket inside for the "soft form"). I also have an Ahh Bra which I don't really like but can try again. Might resort to singlets with hidden crop-top inside, and safety pin the "soft form" inside. Starting to get sore round the edges of the burnt area, fortunately most is numb.
3 more radio treatments to go. Skin breaking down and pealing heaps. Nurses have told me to use Solugel, and given me dressings to apply, told me to reapply the Solugel every 3 hrs, including overnight if I wake. AND they remind me every few mins (it feels like!) that these side effects will continue to worsen for up to 2 weeks after treatment finishes, so nearly another 3 weeks before it peaks and then can improve. Oh joy.
Finished radio last week, skin very red and raw, and I'm very fatigued. Start Tamoxifen next week (argh).
Claudia is 4.5 yrs and Toby is 2 yrs, and we have same bedtime.
Dinner at 6, then straight to bath, and then straight to bed, so bed about 7.
If A not home, then I dry and dress both in either Toby’s room or Claudia’s room, then I read stories to the 2 of them together, then I ask Claudia to be a "big girl" and sit up in bed and flip through the story books quietly, while I put Toby to bed, then I go back to Claudia to turn her light out.
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 16/08/2011, 01:16 PM
We have the tv on watching the floods coverage and its just amazing to watch and to try to understand. I have friends and family in inner Brisbane (unaffected), north brisbane (also unaffected), Toowoomba (unaffected) and outside Toowoomba on a large property (also unaffected) and friends in Rockhampton (also unaffected!) so I think I have been very lucky to not be sitting here really fretting about individuals.
On a more cheery note, Toby has learnt to splash his hands in the bath and he loves it! which makes it a much soggier affair than it was before!
Claudia is 3 yrs 4 mths and Toby now 9 mths (gap of 2 yrs 7 mths).
Claudia is a hitter, occasional biter (mummy and daddy and Toby only, not anyone outside the family) and has shoved Toby too hard, bopped him on head with a block, etc.
With bedtime, Claudia does the waking up and calling out for me thing too if A goes in she gets hysterical, so its quicker for me to deal with it. My current approach is to go in, draw covers over her, make sure she has Teddy and Blanky, and I used to rub her back a minute and say shhhhh, then slowly walk out of the room still saying shhhh - I'd be back in my own bed in a few mins. Now I don't even do the back rubbing, just the shhhhing as I walk out after making sure she has her comfort toys and is covered up with bedding. I'm hoping by going in and not leaving her to cry, but spending less time with her, that she'll get over it soon! (mind you, she's been night waking, however briefly, requiring mummy for months and months, since before I was pregnant .....)
Claudia been unwell, after dreadful night with lots of crying and no sleep, she couldn't weight-bear on right leg Friday morning so spent 4 hrs in emergency, x rays, ultrasound, blood tests (holding her down for that not fun!), urine etc, diagnosis is fluid in her hip, assumed viral, so thats been keeping me busy .... Now home and have to keep her quiet and as inactive as possible for few days for her to recover.
Claudia pulling Toby across living room floor by his left arm ....
Claudia's first day back at child care today, limp now reducing slowly, we need to be limp-free by Monday to manage to avoid another paed appt with repeat x-rays, ultrasound, and a bone scan. Crossing fingers!
Think Toby is just about to crawl (lots of rocking on hands and knees). He is 9.5 mths now, and Claudia crawled at 10 mths 2 days, so almost the same! And he waved at me (well it looked purposeful!) a couple of days ago, and he's saying "mumumumum" a lot, not sure he actually means me but i can hope! (Claudia did the typical thing of saying "dada" first but Toby is not currently making that noise! bless!
Toby is crawling! Not a proper 4-point crawl, but started Tuesday with shuffling forward using his right big toe, then Wednesday using both big toes, and today he is actually using his knees a tiny bit. Of course he's going straight for Claudia's toys - she does not like it one little bit - oh dear!!
So this time yesterday my plan was to watch So You Think You Can Dance US Friday night, then Claudia's first swim lesson this morning then gym Sunday morning. Sound a fair weekend?
Anyone notice the heavy heavyheavy rain in Melbourne last night? We had over 150mm across our suburb (in about 6 hours) and the storm water drain in our street flooded, flooding about 6 houses - our house flooded. We'd just put the children to bed and then there was water everywhere, it was so fast! I stood next to Toby's cot and A stood next to Claudia's bed until water rose too high and we had to lift and wake them. We sat on the dining room table until water went down a bit, then had to get out - wading through few hundred yards to higher ground through mid-thigh-deep water in pouring rain, in the dark, with bub in arms (he was Ergo'ed to me) is not fun. About the scariest thing I’ve done. A followed with Claudia and then went back for the cats, stuffing them in pillow cases to carry them as we couldn’t get to the garage for their carriers. We got out as water was rising again, with just clothes on our backs, no purse or wallet, not nothing. We've lost about everything - fridge floating on its side, couches floated across living room, bedframe torn apart. We're staying at my parent's house for now. I've rung insurance co who took my details and said assessor would call in "few days" as they are rather busy! and then said "good luck" and that was it! SO we try to clean up and I just have to assume (to stay calm!) that insurance will come through. Claudia keeps asking to go home which is hard!
We've had quite a big day - we SOS'ed our friends and they all raced round, some bringing their own family to help! so we got EVERYTHING out of the house, ruined furniture and belongings on nature strip for council to collect, anything we can keep (bugger all) on deck under tarps. We got carpets up, so now house can start to dry out. Most furniture has been destroyed, all whitegoods too. All the children's clothes and nappies were fortunately on high enough shelf that they are ok and most of our clothes ok too, and i have about 4 friends doing mountains of laundry to hopefully save everything that did get wet. all our kitchen stuff, crockery, cookware, etc has been taken by some friends who cleaned it this afternoon and can store it until we can move back. we have everything we need for now at mum and dad's so really i don't urgently need anything. Um, yes i have my mobile (now!)
For now it’s a frustrating wait until assessor arrives - Friday afternoon - full week after the flood! i know SOOO many other people out there too, worse off than us, just frustrating, i feel we should be doing something this week rather than sitting round waiting, worried about getting house dried out, from what i read it can take months (yikes, months living at mum and dad's! welcoming as they are, thats a long time!), we have no sub-floor access and very few sub-floor vents, i think we should be pulling up some floorboards or something and hiring fans (although finding fans available to hire will be hard with half Melbourne also flooded!). Anyway....
I’m still here, just reading more than posting, living at mum and dad's, less time than at home for computer!
my life is driving back and forth from mum and dad's to our wet wet house waiting for quotes - new kitchen, new bathroom, new air-con, new central heating, new carpet, new back door and screen door, waiting for service calls on things like stove and washing machine to work out if cheaper to replace or repair (so far its replace all the way, nothing has survived!). the only furniture that has survived is our wooden bed frame, Claudia's wooden bed frame, Toby's wooden cot frame, 2 wooden booksheves, and our solid wood dining table, chairs and buffet. nothing else. sigh .... must remember its all just material items, we are all ok. remembered in the night (funny the things you think of at 3am) I've lost my favourite sticky toffee date recipe (along with every recipe book, magazine, scribbled note I'd ever kept, for someone who bakes and cooks a lot this is a big-ish deal). Sigh ....
breastfeeding ~ I'm still giving Toby 4 feeds across the day and he is sometimes waking at night atm, so extra feed some nights too - its quicker and quieter than trying to re-settle. I think from memory around this age (9-10 mths) I dropped 1 day feed for Claudia, I picked the feed she seemed least interested in, which was a mid-afternoon feed, and just substituted afternoon tea (fruit?) and a sip from sippy cup of water. I could try same thing with Toby now, especially as I want him down to 2 feeds (morning and evening) as soon as he turns 1, but with so much going on here atm, plus he is on his 2nd-child-care-cold in 3 weeks, I'm not in the mood!
Toby seems sensitive (gets rashy) to cows milk, I kept offering for couple of days then stopping for couple of weeks then trying again. GP has now suggested we stop offering until 12 mths proper. He does ok with yogurt though, and I am trying small amounts of grated cheese too. Given the decent amount of yogurt he happily has at both lunch and dinner, I'm not worried about reducing his breastmilk by 1 feed and his overall diary intake. But I certainly don't want to reduce BFs so much that I need to be worrying about bottles of milk (formula or cows milk) either!
NAPS - two 1.5-2 hrs naps a day mostly, although sometimes a shorter nap in morning if we are out and about and he is in stroller. Occasionally he has 2 shorter naps (40-60 mins) and then will need a 3rd nap just before dinner, but in thinking about it as I type, its been few weeks since that has happened. But definitely no where near dropping to 1 nap here! Claudia stayed with 2 naps until 17 mths, so in my head its something we do way after turning 1 (I know they are all different!).
Last week Claudia got gastro (was really ill, poor mite, from Thursday night to Monday morning couldn't keep anything other than water down, she's lost a heap of weight). Anyway i got Claudia's gastro last weekend, then literally 24 hrs after I got over that I came down with a cold and still have it now, sinus pain doing my head in, especially as I'm still BFing Toby so no decongestant for me.
MY VENT - very over living here with Mum and Dad, Dad cornered me in kitchen this morning demanding to know what was happening with the house, and insurance and how many times a day I follow up insurance co, and why things weren't happening faster - yeah, thanks for making me feel welcome! we have to wait for insurance co to approve works on the house, I've arranged and chased and followed up and gathered all the quotes I can and sent them through but I can't do anything until insurance co approve the claim!
We just can't keep living here with mum and dad so Thursday we inspected a 3 bedroom unit near home, filled in application form, and Friday were offered the place on 6 mth lease. phew. we sign the tenancy agreement on Monday and get the key next Saturday.
as minimum, to move in, we need to arrange fridge, couch, new mattress for our bed and for Claudia's bed and for Toby's cot, tv and dvd (yes, not life essentials but almost are when you have 3 yr old!), washing machine, kitchen table to eat off (and vacuum and toaster fall into nice-to-have category). sigh!! so we'll be busy! mum and dad going away for few days so won't be able to help with the move (or keeping Claudia out from underfoot during the move) so I'm about to email my fabulous friends and ask for help. making seemingly endless lists to try to compose myself.
Went to Ikea this morning and got couch, tv unit, bookshelf and the cheapest kitchen table they sell. Electrical stuff to sort tomorrow. A at Baby Bunting now, sorting cot mattress now.
still sick (16 days today), antibiotics working vveeeerrrryyyy slowly. go back to work in 3 weeks, with office visit in 2 weeks to start the handover. don't have anything to wear to work, and all my shoes destroyed in flood, no idea when i can find time to shop! And want to celebrate Toby's birthday properly, party, cake, etc, too, gee I don't want much LOL.
but constantly remind myself I'm not in far north Qld, or rural Victoria, or Christchurch, or Japan, so am really very fortunate ....
Toby had 12 mth jabs yesterday (they can be done any time after 11 mths of age by the calendar), I wanted them done (and any potential reaction) before I go back to work.
must go, Claudia getting too rough with Toby .... surely he'll be big enough to thump her back soon! we certainly tell her that!
Oh good grief, its first birthday season already??!! Where the heck did the last year GO??
We're mid-move, guess its a sign of how much we lost that a family of 4, plus 2 cats, can move house in about 8 car loads, plus 1.5hrs of a mate with a ute, plus retailers delivering mattress, fridge and washing machine tomorrow.
First night at Anzac St, a 3 bedroom rented unit on 6 month lease. Still no action from insurance company in floor repairs to house, or money for contents. Pulling money from mortgage offset account for bond and rent, also to purchase basics like new mattresses and fridge.
Claudia coped better with this move than I expected. We’ve told her the house was wet, its now dry (She is very worried that its wet) but it still needs to be “fixed” like Bob the Builder, she understands this concept. Only we’ve explained it takes longer than on tv, so we have to live somewhere else for a while.
move went well all things considered, still don't have washing machine (gee thanks insurance company) so trips to Laundromat not so fun with 2 littlies. still no word from insurance co about starting actual repairs to the house either .... sigh ...
Claudia coped better with second move than expected. Not playing up as much after bedtime stories as I expected her to. Toby fortunately so young he barely notices! At 2 weeks shy of his first birthday, he finally has his own bedroom – first 10 months he slept in corner of dining room, then he had 8 weeks in a large cupboard at Grandma and Grandpa’s house!
Claudia toilet-training – started August 2010 when she asked to put on undies that had been sitting in plain sight in laundry with her other clothes for weeks. Pretty good within days, for 3 months. Then one month of regression for no clear reason, then improved again. Often better out of house than at home, although frequently lots of accidents at mothers group. Quite consistently good at child care, I assume the effect of her peers using the toilet, coupled with the carers reminding them all a lot! Not a hope of being dry overnight. Poo – kept doing in her undies or nap-nappy or night-nappy. Offering increasing bribes, 2 treats for a poo, then present sitting on top of fridge, then “when you do poo in potty, Mummy will take you to the shops and buy you a present.” Repeat, repeat, repeat.
She was very happy to see her own green potty when we moved to Anzac St (had been sitting at Bute St un-used for 8 weeks post-flood until Mummy cleaned it up and brought it round when we moved). She talked a lot about “when I do poo, Mummy will take me to shops and buy me a treat/present/chocolate milkshake.”
On Sunday 2nd April, after 3 dashes to potty and no result, presto. Poo in potty. Family outing to Dairy Bell for chocolate milkshake. Told Grandma and Grandpa about it. Repeated feat later same day, and at childcare next day, although another poo in undies at end of day.
We’d been slack and only now introduced second daily tooth brushing and toothpaste at same time. Spitting out paste a developing skill!
Toby – crawling – started at 10 mths like his sister, but unlike Claudia, he doesn’t do traditional 4-point crawling, his action is like butterfly stroke in swimming, moving hands together, then propelling forward using mostly his 2 big toes!
At 12 months not showing interest in looking up or pulling himself up. From 11 months, Claudia was standing if put in standing with something, furniture, to hold onto. Toby not! At 12 mths occasionally planting legs down straight when being sat on floor, Claudia was doing this from 11 months. However Mummy not fussed as her baby boy growing up too fast anyway, plus he is not heavy, so not a problem to carry round!
Toby – breastfeeding – 4 feeds per day with occasional overnight feed at time of flood (10mths), then dropped afternoon feed around 11 months, and by 12mths had dropped other day feed, so now only breastfed on waking first thing in morning, and after bath before bedtime in evening. Occasional overnight feed if really unsettled (mostly occurs when ill).
Toby – naps – at 12 mths still 2 naps a day of 1.5-2 hrs each. As Grandma says, he could do his PhD in sleep!
Claudia and Toby – sibling relationship- no one told me how lovely this was! First 6 mths, not really a relationship, Claudia wanted to hold baby but then would hit or bite fingers after playing “round and round the garden”, but once Toby could sit up and smile at her (she often gets bigger smiles from Toby than Mummy gets!) it became clear how much they love each other. She can still get too rough, noisy with him, bite or hit, but he’s growing up robust and tolerant!
He has bitten her fingers once when she was silly enough to put her hand in his mouth, Mummy offered no sympathy, instead suggesting now she knew how it felt, she might like to remember that! He has also pulled her hair, again no maternal compassion! (suggested to her to not get that close, she is meant to leave his head and face alone)
Toby showing first real signs of looking to pull self upwards, wants my pile of house magazines (3 magazines purchased after flood as need renovation/kitchen/bathroom ideas) on shelf of DVD unit. But is reaching up with one hand while lying on tummy, so not getting far (Claudia progressed from 4-point crawling ,to kneeling, to reaching up for kneeling position).
YAY! Look at me! I'm back online! I have a laptop now.
Only dopey me can't work out how to set up laptop with new wifi modem, so I'm sitting on floor next to phone point with the cord connected .... not IT savvy here I tell you! I had dreams of sitting all comfy on the couch in front of tv!
We're having a small party for Toby, had few people pull out at last minute so looking at 11 adults including us and both sets of grandparents, and 6 children including Toby.
Toby’s 1st birthday party. Miserable head cold poor mite, clearly did not enjoy his own party, just wanted to suck his fingers and sleep (had 2.5 hr nap immediately after everyone left!).
The party was from 11-1, short and sweet (have been to a few parties lately that seemed to go for ages). Anyway party was fine, only a morning tea and cake thing, over in 2 hrs and I'm now trying to nurse him back to health, poor thing is quite miserable today!
Sandwiches (cut in quarters, ham and cheese and tomato)
Birthday cake was square chocolate cake, covered in blue buttercream icing with white chocolate melts and white chocolate drops over it as polka-dot spots (Toby is into balls and buttons, hence the spots design).
To keep my life simple I did not do separate "adult" food, I expected the parents to eat same as the children (and they did, mostly the sausage rolls, well except for inlaws who I am sure left hungry, but that’s their problem, especially as they arrived at 11.45 after we’d started eating and left at 1 barely saying good bye).
The age group I had was one 1 yo (birthday boy), two 2 yos, two 3 yos and one 7 yo, plus parents and grandparents.
Happy 1st Birthday Toby!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 16/08/2011, 12:46 PM
As of now my bub is: 5 months 2 weeks old
goes down for the night (into bedroom till morning regardless of overnight feedings): between 7-8pm (depending on when woke from last nap)
up for the morning at: normally 7.30am (although now i type that he's woken at 6am last 2 days!)
longest day sleep: 2.5 hrs
sleeping patterns during day: currently one 2-2.5hrs nap, one 1.5 hr nap and one 45 min nap - but subject to daily variation! (from 3 mths to 4.5 mths he was like clockwork with waking himself for 4 hourly feeds, and three nice 2-2.5 hr naps a day, but the last month he has been a lot more variable, including some waking in the night for an extra feed)
do you try to resettle in the day? overnight? how? does it work?: during the day yes, if he only sleeps 45 mins and its not the end of the day when I'm preparing dinner then I try to resettle and sometimes it works - for us that is patting his nappy area, while holding his left hand close to his mouth (loves sucking on his fingers, but when he is upset sometimes he forgets they are there) while saying shhhhhhhhhh a lot. At night I feed him as it seems easier (and he sleeps through most of the time so I assume if he has woken he has reason for it)
time "up" between sleeps: 1.5-2 hrs normally, although if we are out can be longer, but at home definitely shows "tired signs" about 90 mins after waking
sleeping position?: on his back
wrapped/sleeping bag? sleeping bag
own room/parents room?: corner of the dining room (although has naps in his big sister's cot during the 2 days a week she is at child care - I must move her into big bed and then try to move him into her cot soon!!)
feeding overnight still? (if so how many): yes, I wake him at 10.30pm, normally that's it until next morning but in last month we have had a few 3am feeds - which is either growth spurt, teeth or maybe ready for food
bf/comp bottles/fully formula?: breastfed
dummy?: no (but adores his fingers, almost always falls asleep sucking 2 on left hand)
rolling?: has rolled over three times but that's it.
teeth?: bottom 2 (in the last 2 weeks)
food?: no, I'm waiting until 6 mths (he sits on my lap most nights while we eat dinner and he's showing no interest at all)
issues: well, no routine any more
i feel like its getting better/getting worse/top priority i would love to change: I suppose as we did have a routine and now we don't technically its "worse" but compared to the baby that Claudia was, he is such an easy baby so I really don't feel I have anything to complain about (she never self settled at all for any sleeps until 10 mths of age, and was super clingy and not happy baby in general, caused me no end of stress through her first year, 2 trips to sleep school etc!)
I've had crappy day. Was up at 3am again with Toby, nothing new there, but then at 7.30 this morning i got a huge bloodnose (I got these as a teen, like 90 mins plus, but after several visits to ENT specialist and having it "quarterised" (spelt wrong but an in-rooms procedure that stings like buggery!) I wasn't continuing to have problems. In pregnancy I had a couple but they were couple of mins long only, couple of tissues only, no big deal) - anyway so this morning it was BAD. Warning TMI if you are squeamish!! I had clots the size of 20c pieces running down back of my throat that I had to spit out and I was worrying that Toby would wake up and need a feed and how the heck I would manage to BF while this was going on, so I yelled out for A, who panicked (great, so its me of course that has to stay calm as usual!) , I insisted he rang Mum, who was a darling and arrived within 30 mins. If she hadn't been available, especially as A wasn't coping, I would have had to ring 000 I think and hope they took me seriously and a paremedic would come and stay with me until it was over, I needed a calm helpful adult! So Mum got Claudia off to child care without her realising what was going on with me, A was trying to work round me in our tiny bathroom to shower and get off to work, and Mr Angelic Toby was utter darling and slept until it was all over 60 mins after it started (much later than he normally wakes!). So Mum brought me food and drink, I was shaking from it all, she got him up, changed nappy, handed him to me, i was sitting on couch by this stage, feeling fragile and shaking but able to BF. Then she burped him and played with him while I had shower very carefully, then I tried to just clean the dried blood off my nose with very gentle dabs of wet cotton wool and and that induced another trickle so I got freaked out again but then that settled. Anyway long story short, Mum stayed until lunchtime by which stage Toby and i had one hour nap, and I did next BF. After she left, he had 2 hr nap (more time on bed for me) and Mum will collect Claudia from child care and bring her home and i hope stay while i do planned early dinner, as A is out tonight, some work dinner until late. So I feel fragile and moving very gingerly, don't want to touch my face, being very careful, not kissing and snuggling with Toby like normal in case i bump my nose and start something again. The blood dried inside my nose is itching and I feel like sneezing but I'm way too scared to, so not feeling great! He's been angelic, lying in his bouncy chair next to me right now beaming and giggling, bless him!!
typing 1 handed so will be quick
TOBY i love you to bits and soooo grateful you were so good yesterday when i really needed it, but feeding you at 9pm, 12.45am and now 4am, and dirty nappy each tine too, and you scream the house down while i change you, hmmmm, please sweetheart i need some sleep!!
What sounds are all the other bubs making? ~ erm, well, hmmmm, not been taking note!! he just babbles, and I think he might be noiser than Claudia was at same age, but thats as far as I'd got. Was I meant to be paying more attention than that? Opps
“i am a terrible terrible mother .... i came out to get some space, and i said mumbling under my breath "god shut *up* abby"” - NOT a terrible terrible mother, i've said the same, just got lucky Claudia DIDN'T hear and repeat ....
Well Claudia turned 3 three weeks ago, we had a party with some friends and my mothers group at the hall at the local park .
I know its very late but we're moving Claudia to her Big Bed this weekend, i am dreading it because she's been sleeping so well, including 2 hr naps each day in her cot, and I can't see her just lying down and going to sleep in a bed, I suspect nap will stop (will continue with compulsory quiet time in her room after lunch each day though) and I suspect evenings will be hard work ...
Toby was angelic for 2 mths up until 6 weeks ago, but now feeding more often, sleeping less well across the day and feeding during the night, I am a bit tired!! He is 6 mths next week and we start solids then - ruddy heck, where did the time go ??!!
I gave Toby his first taste of food today, pureed pumpkin, off my finger. Yeah, he's not keen! At least he didn't gag like Claudia did when I started her. But he pushed it round his mouth then blew a raspberry so I really doubt he ingested any, I tried again with another lot off my finger and same result. Oh well, early days! Claudia didn't really ingest any decent quantity until about 8 mths and insisted on purees to 14-16 mths, only started finger foods at 16 mths too. They get there in own time! Mind you, gives a lot for a mum to worry about in the mean time!
How do you people with more than one child do this?! Well, it ain't pretty I tell you. A went away this morning until Sunday night, I am dreading 2 nights without him (not that he does anything during the night, more the help in the evening and first thing in morning and knowing there is another adult in the house I could wake if I had to). Generally speaking I move heaven and earth to shower each morning before he leaves the house to go to work, otherwise its a no-shower day for me. And Toby definitely gets left to cry far more than I ever left Claudia, there are times I just *have* to do something with/for Claudia, then come back to him, I hate it but I don't know how else to manage it. For example, dinner/bath/bed for Claudia, well Toby is guaranteed to wake from his nap just before we sit down, so I will jiggle him on my lap while Claudia and I eat dinner, then he'll get put down so I can get her in the bath (likely as not I'll lay him on carpet floor immediately outside bathroom door!), then once she's in the bath I can pick him up, cuddle or BF him while perched on toilet seat lid (such comfort!), then again he has to be laid down on floor while I get her out, dried and dressed, and then into her room, he can be held by me while we read bedtime stories then yet again the floor while I put Claudia into her cot, then finally I can pick him up, take him to living room and give him 100% attention. And that's without me spelling out how much mucking around/playing up Claudia does at bedtime currently, usually requiring my 100% attention on her (which of course is why she is playing up in the first place!) ... sorry that turned into something of a vent!
Night feeding ~ as it happens I spoke to the sleep school that helped me when Claudia was a baby yesterday and we talked about few issues with both Claudia and Toby including food and sleep. Their advice was that there is a growth spurt between 5.5 and 6.5 mths, often leading to increased night waking for feeds, and to expect a relatively young bub, especially if breastfed and not on solids, or not having much solids (not interested in much) to sleep through 12 hrs is a big ask. Also to have to feed in the night should really be expected until later on (maybe after 8 mths or so try resettling rather than just automatically feeding, parent’s choice, like some of us have already pointed out, it’s a quicker way back to bed to feed than try to settle!!). They also said any breastfeed around 4-5am is the most nutritionally dense of the day, it’s the best feed they can get, so maybe that logic helps feel better about having to haul a tired body out of warm bed in the wee hours! Their suggestion was feed at bedtime (about 7-7.30pm as a guide) then roll-over/dream-feed about 10pm, then bub should go through to around 4-5am, so 6-ish hours between feeds, and I think 5 hrs is the technical definition of "sleeping through"! Also, for people working a lot, there is a thing called “reverse cycling” I think its called, where the parent may actually PREFER to feed at night, if bub is in care during the day, to have less need to express, or bub may actually refuse a bottle, it suits the parent more, while granted getting less sleep, to feed more frequently overnight. Hope that helps ...
Bit of a moan really- started Toby on solids (pureed pumpkin) on Friday and he is very not keen, won't open his mouth, then when I do get some in, pushes it round his mouth, pushes it out of his mouth then blows a few raspberries for good measure. Same again on Saturday and Sunday, and this morning I offered him rice cereal with EBM, same result. Ho hum. I've tried putting it on my finger rather than spoon and spreading it on roof of his mouth but it still comes back at me. Oh well. He's been sitting on my lap at dinner for ages and not showing ANY interest in what we were eating, last night I put a steamed bean from my plate in his hand and he just held it (his plastic rings on the other hand, they go straight to the mouth!) so I would guess he's just really happy with Mummy's milk for now LOL.
Cute things I have to note down - I must admit I love it when someone else holds him (even A) and he can't take his eyes off me, follows me round the room with his eyes and when I smile at him, he goes from looking all serious to beaming - just for Mummy - He won't always think I'm wonderful so I'm enjoying it for now LOL
AND then we put Claudia in the big bed yesterday for first time, oh man!! Took an hour and a half to get her to sleep, finally I sat there and shhhhed and rubbed her back for 20 mins, after leaping in/out of bed, us going in/out shhhhing and putting her back to bed, replacing pj’s she had removed (and nappy too!), giving her a drink she asked for (was already there in sippy cup), pulling down the blind she had played with, etc etc. HOPING its just the novelty and she goes back to self-settling fast, she slept so well in the cot - this is why I delayed and delayed and delayed moving her!
Overnight I fed Toby at 10.30pm then 3.45am, back into bed at 4.30am, was just dozing off at 5am when THUMP she fell out of bed, so I went in, put her back, tucked her in, made sure she had Teddy and Blankey and Bunny in reach, and rubbed her back again and got her back to sleep until 6am when we were all up for day.
Took Toby to MCH nurse for 6 mth weigh and measure – was slightly amazed to find he’s only gained 200g in last 2 mths. Toby was 25th percentile for length and weight at 4 mths (6.2kg) but now 25th for length and only 3rd for weight (6.4kg at 6 mths) but he's eating and drinking plenty, and finally this week sleeping. I don't think I'm worried, more amazed that he's gained that little, I was showing my mothers group this morning his dimples on his chubby knees and elbows! He is content with lots of wet nappies, I only had him weighed out of curiosity, I didn't go because I was concerned about anything. As someone from my MG pointed out, he has doubled his birth weight in 6 mths which is what they are meant to do.
Must dash, Claudia trying to bang down her bedroom door (I am NOT liking this big bed business!)
Better day today - Toby seems to like pureed pear, he actually opened his mouth for it! And at dinner time I held a piece of steamed brocolli (from my plate) to his mouth, he licked and sucked it, not sure how much was ingested though, but at least he didn't turn his head away or spit it back at me.
Keep cuddling your bub! Both of mine stopped letting me rock them to sleep in my arms at 3 mths – Claudia went on to have sleep issues and Toby started to self-settle no trouble at all - in other words despite the same start from me with the cuddles (or feeding) to sleep, they went on to be totally different children.
I'd just enjoy those cuddles while you can. Its only a problem when its a problem for you - not some other person or "expert" - when it becomes a problem for you (IF it becomes a problem), THEN do something about it, but enjoy the sleepy cuddles for now!! Its over far too fast!
Claudia has an ear infection so I've had bugger all sleep the last 3 nights, being up and comforting her, she's had a high temp the last 2 nights (and all day yesterday) so been quite quite miserable poor mite! Anyway we saw the GP yesterday and now on antibiotics for the ear so hopefully on the improve from here. Toby missed out on his 6 mth jabs yesterday because I couldn't take Claudia to the GP and him to his jabs at the same time - not quite clever enough to be in 2 places at once (and did not need unhappy unsettled bub the same time as Claudia ill!)
Claudia missed child care yesterday because of her temp and ear, oh man, all the whinging and sooking!!!
And apparently no, you can't always tell when your own children are in pain! they can't actually say "mummy I hurt" (heck, my 3 yo can't get that right - all she could say in the night was "help" and when i asked "what hurts?" she just cried).
Oh shoot me now! I've had 3 hrs broken sleep a night since Saturday with Claudia with middle ear infection (on antibiotics since Monday) and super-unsettled at night and temp elevated until Wednesday and super yucky dirty nappies and a rash I assume is just part of the virus on legs hands and feet and face, plus Toby feeding 2-3 times overnight each night and A being no ruddy help at night at all. Claudia too unwell for child care or mothers group so this week I've been stuck home with grumpy stroppy 3 yo and no "nice" outings for diversion for any of us. Then today Toby has a temp (39.5) which responds to Panadol but then goes up again after couple of hours and the last 2 days he has only napped 20 mins a time during the day (then waking with dirty nappy and won't resettle after nappy change, man these "solids" go through him!), plus feeding 2-4 hourly round the clock. And did I mention I'm sick too - chest, cough, throat. And yesterday Mum was here for a bit so I dashed up street for more children's panadol and nearly ran a red light I am so tired (so I'm not driving again now until I get decent night's rest) and I dropped 2 pots of baby food on the kitchen floor I am so clumsy with tiredness. Today Claudia refused her nap (curse the Big Bed, she always slept in her cot!), I spent the 2 hrs going from him to her and back again, trying to settle one then the other and back again, when a week ago with healthy children I might have got a nap on the bed myself. Woe is me. Sorry for the vent!!!
Toby is in disposables overnight- so I can use Hydrozole on any rashes he gets from his now-on-solids-avocado-poos.
Ummmm, noises, does "y" count as a consonant? if not, then Toby is only making vowel sounds but lots of them, and I checked "Baby Love" by Rovin Barker which implies thats ok until 9 mths ... anyway, maybe I'm just lax 2nd time mum, but right now I'm not bothered and think his "chatting" away (doing now on living room floor next to me) is just fine ...
HELP ME!!! Toby has fed at 6.15pm, 9pm, 10.15pm, 12.15am and now at 3.15am
He is 6 mths old and been on solids 2 weeks (pureed fruit, vegies and rice cereal so far).
The last 2 days he's only napped 20 mins at a time because he keeps waking with dirty nappy just 20 mins into each nap, then screams for nappy change, then won't resettle to sleep, now its happening all night too ... 6.15pm dirty nappy and BF, again 9pm, again 10.15pm, 12.15am, 3.15am .... this didn't happen with Claudia, she got constipated on the most basic vegies, so i'm very bewildered and no idea what to do!!
And despite using good barrier cream, his little bottom is bright bright red poor mite! The poo itself is no longer runny BF poo, its like avocado consistency ....
Ok, in hindsight – he had a virus (GP explained pooing is how they get rid of the virus)
and was all better after 48 hrs …
At 1.18am –
Claudia better, Toby got rash all over that Claudia had, saw GP this afternoon, just virus and ride it out (probably explains multitude of dirty nappies too). I'd still like some rest (up feeding now).
at 5.26am -
Yep, up feeding again...
Just had to share about a tantrum that Claudia threw today - we'd been to visit a friend with a new baby and she'd played beautifully all morning, but when we came to leave, she threw a massive tantrum and kept it going (I carried her to car and strapped her in) ALL THE WAY HOME, thats 27 mins of screaming, kicking, thrashing, biting her own hand, putting her toes in her mouth also to bite, banging her head back against the seat back etc etc - all because (1) she didn't want to come home and then (2) I took her shoes and socks off in the car when I strapped her in, because it was a warm day. When we got home I calmly carried her in to the house, put her sandwich lunch in front of her, then went back to car for Toby and bags, she ate some of it then almost put herself to bed (went very meekly) and out like a light for 2.5 hrs!!
Solids - so far Toby will eat anything I offer, although sometimes its the 3rd or 4th time i offer before he'll eat it, having spat it out first few times. So far we've done pears, apple, banana, rice cereal, pumpkin, zuchini, cauliflower, brocoli. Pureed and frozen more pumpkin plus carrots today and also plan to offer apricots this week too, and want to get him onto oatmeal as an alternative to rice cereal soon too.
Typing 1 handed at 4.24am....
Gave Toby rice cereal with his evening vegies hoping for better night's sleep - got 10pm feed, 1am feed and now 5am dirty nappy and feed, hmmmmm not quite what i wanted. Claudia was normal unsettle self too, i was up with her from 1.30am to 3am. bit tired .... (not well rested to start with)
Ok he's done, i'm hoping for few more mins in bed before claudia up for day ...
Toby is getting worse over night - so much for those "experts" who claim starting solids makes them sleep!! last night was bedtime BF, 10.30pm, 1am, 5am, then 8am (then 3 hrly through the day plus 3 "meals" of at least 2 tablespoons each). So far tonight we have bedtime, 10.30pm,1.30am and now again at 3.30am ..... Toby!! I need some sleep!!
My mum, who normally helps me a LOT, is sick this week, saw GP yesterday, probably be well into next week before she comes good, but Claudia goes to child care today, so I plan a day of rest, subject to Toby's needs!
Toby was 26 weeks 2 weeks ago, but he was 2 weeks early, so adjusted he's 26 weeks THIS week, maybe it’s a wonder week thing?? FINGERS CROSSED!! (as i type this 1 handed at 1.45am .... he fed at 10pm, A resettled him at 11.45pm, I've been up with Claudia since, now feeding Toby .... mmmm another fabulous night then)
sh*t sh*t sh*t
neck and shoulder sore again, when i say sore, agony to make certain moves like lying down, moving head at all, don't think i could drive
will be on phone to physio for urgent appt first thing in morning, there goes restful day with A home (day off annual leave as Cup Eve) and Claudia at Child Care
AND i had silly dreams of getting toes painted and legs waxed while Toby home with daddy!!
Mum still quite unwell, reckon she'll be house-bound at least to end of the week (she's already cancelled seeing a relative from interstate for dinner on Wednesday)
me meme ~ sorry for me meme post, still very unhappy here, physio i saw yesterday wasn't my normal one and despite having my patient notes and me to tell him what problem was (its 3rd time it happened since Toby was born) he spent ages trying to work out problem and did very little to help ease the pain, although he did tell me how much tension and inflammation there was - you think??!! so i'm still in pain. AND somehow doing supermarket shop on Sunday upset my pelvis too (had pelvic instability during pregnancy) so i'm unhappy all over. AND my Mum still quite unwell, GP wants to do blood tests later in week if not massively improved. Didn't get out yesterday apart from physio, so no nails/legs, which is trivial i know but i'm just fed up and grumpy - the last time neck played up it mucked up my birthday (had to cancel 3 lots of lovely plans), and tomorrow my mothers group are making a road trip to one of the group who has made a "tree change" - its over an hour's drive and today I can't drive in so much pain, so worried i'll miss that too ... sorry grump grumpgrump ....
There must be a broken mirror somewhere with my name on it - I didn't get to mothers group today, the nice trip out to the countryside to see the girl who had "tree-changed" because we woke up to SEWAGE RUNNING ACROSS OUR DRIVEWAY and I had to stay home and wait for the plumber. For goodness sake!
Toby clearly not going to nap so best get dinner on the table ...
HE SLEPT THROUGH!!!!! Toby slept 11pm to 8am (when I woke HIM, as my (.)(.) were too sore to wait longer) - YIPPEE!!! First time in 2 mths!! Now, for him to do it again .... ??!! Claudia slept to 5.30am so I got a SIX HOUR BLOCK OF UNINTERUPTED SLEEP! And then I resettled her twice in 45 mins, and got another hour in bed after that, as A got her up at 6.30am but he wasn't rushing off to work so i go a lie-in - feel a new woman!!!
He did it again! 2 nights in a row (not that Claudia slept through though!) - please pleaseplease be the start of a nice new LONG phase!!
My first bub rejected the dummy so after one month I gave up - she went on to be an awful settler, I did spend hours patting and shhing her but she wouldn't take a dummy, wouldn't let me rock her to sleep in my arms, wouldn't feed to sleep, so I wa pretty limited in my options!!
My second, well I never offered him a dummy! He found his fingers (2nd and 3rd fingers on his left hand!)at 3 mths and they are his best friends - He's now 7 mths and just pops those fingers in his mouth, turns his head and he's out like a light about 90% of the time - bless! I feel like I've won the lotto with him! The other 10% of the time I pat and shhhh and he's normally quite quick to settle - fortunately, because I really don’t want to be tied up settling the baby while older child is getting up to goodness knows what mischief!!
ok, can someone please tell me what the heck my baby boy is doing? Wed, Thurs and Friday nights last week he slept 11pm to 8am, first time he's slept through (that’s my definition of sleeping through!) in 2 mths. Then Saturday night I fed 10.30pm, 1.30pm, 3.30am, 6.30am and 8.10am, with resettling in between, got about 3 hrs broken sleep again!!! Then last night, well he has a cold and at bedtime he had a temperature, so I gave him Panadol and put him to bed at 7pm and raced myself off to bed at 8.30pm, expecting another crappy night. Got up at 10pm to feed cats, listened at his doorway to him breathing, midnight up settling Claudia, again listened at his doorway, 5am up again resettling Claudia, again listened at his doorway, 6am up expressing my sore (.)(.) and again listened at his doorway, 7am got Claudia up and AGAIN listened at his doorway, 7.30am he FINALLY woke up! He's never ever done 12 hrs before!!
Anyway he does have a cold and I had his 6mths jabs done this morning so he's asleep in capsule now (fell asleep in the car on the way home) - he's sooo brave, he yelled at the first needle, then beamed at the nurse, she told him how cute he was, then yelled at the second needle and then was peering with interest over my shoulder at everything going on round him .... so brave!
Toby is doing lots of small, formed but not hard motions, I can't tell you how often I change his bum each day - good job he's in cloth or I’d be spending a fortune on sposies. He also has a red bum no matter how fast I change him, so I use a good cream and sposies at night to keep on top of that.
Did I did anything different to help Toby sleep through? not consciously but I do now realise I introduced his first protein (chicken) earlier last week, maybe thats filling him up more? i don't know ... maybe he was just finally ready to start to grow out of it (and note he's flipping back and forth between great nights and crappy nights!!)
Must go get somethings done round here as Claudia at child care and Toby currently sleeping but might be unsettled later in the day from his needles.
Oh good grief, I've just had the most ghastly email from someone in my mothers group - she was 38 weeks pregnant with her 2nd child (after a miscarriage last year) and she went to her OB appt yesterday and they couldn't find a heartbeat, ultrasounds confirmed her loss and she is deliverying the baby today - a little girl. I'm shaking and in tears for her, just an unimaginable loss. So hug your babies tighter today.
Toby isn’t rolling properly yet, despite rolling twice a few mths ago, and not sitting and most certainly not crawling or pulling self to standing - i have a slug LOL
oh, and yep, here i am, just changed a dirty nappy and now feeding at 1.40am
Was absolutely wonderful to finally meet Jenny and Sarah and Teri today. Claudia and Sarah were very cute running round the garden and the house together! Jenny, thank you for those devine cup cakes! Teri, thank you for the presents for Claudia and Toby. Claudia did not nap after you left, man was dinner and bath a debarcle, I now have tomato sauce splattered all over the kitchen for one thing LOL.
Very tired here, have lost a lot of sleep this week worrying about my friend who lost her baby. After I get up at night to tend to either Toby or Claudia, when i get back bed I can't fall asleep, I lie there thinking about her. I haven't spoken to her but had couple of texts and emails, she's got family staying with them for now (her parents from the country and his parents from interstate), the private funeral is Tuesday. I don't know details of bub, I haven't asked, but she was delivered 3am the day after my friend was to be induced so sadly it must have been long labour for her, her older child was delivered after just 5 hrs so I was hoping it would be relatively quick for her, just can't imagine how ghastly it would all be.
Claudia, who has been TT'ing since August and had been doing quite well for weeks now, has had a lot of accidents the last few days and does not seem to care (she did care when we started TT'ing), so we are trying to address that, remind her lots about using toilet, offer treats for successful trips to bathroom etc. Trying and tiring!
Toby is doing better at night, waking either once or twice, usually late evening and then once in wee hours, sometimes just the once (bliss!).
I’m still 6kg over pre-pregnancy weight, but thats better than the 12kg I was over for 15 mths after Claudia!
baby movements ~ still not rolling here (well did it few times months ago and nothing since) but lie him on his back on the floor and he moves round a bit, in a circle, pivoting on his back and legs making an arc on the floor! Also arching his back more, so i think trying to roll over. Not sitting. And not lifting arms to me, but grabbing my hands when i pat him for example (cute, but when I want him to go to sleep also frustrating!). Can move a surprising amount up his cot, given he is on his back and stays on his back and he is in a sleeping bag!!
My friend J emailed me to thank me and the rest of mothers group for our wishes, said she couldn't answer every email personally, so could I pass that message along. She also send in her email that the nights were the hardest, she and her hubby lie awake with their heads racing for hours and hours. Saturday I texted her asking if I could do any shopping for her as we were on way to supermarket and I could drop things on her front door step, she replied that she had lots of people round her and she sent them shopping but that I was very thoughtful (pah! its the very very least I could come up with). Private funeral tomorrow, I know someone else from my mothers group was dropping round with a teddy and card from the whole group today ahead of the funeral, so she might have more news for us when we next catch up later in the week. Her due date was to be this Sunday coming, i thought I might put some home grown roses (baby's name is Sylvie Rose) and a card on her door step on Sunday. I'm also thinking of hand sewing a small angel ornament with her name embroidered on it to give her at Christmas time - anyone think its on ok idea? I'll offer again with the supermarket shopping next time i'm going, I assume her family and inlaws (all from interstate) will slowly head home after the funeral, but she'll still need heaps of support for a long time to come, I can keep offering.
Toby actually slept 12 hours last night, for only the 2nd time in his life (the first time was about 2 weeks ago). I can't work out what I did different though! AND Claudia had me up at midnight and 4am as she'd lost her "ellie" toy under the doona!
Bottles ~ finally got Toby to drink 40ml EBM from a bottle this week for first time, I gave him and the bottle to another mum at mothers group and walked away, it took a while for him to even start to suck but he did eventually have it then came back to me to have a "proper" drink LOL
development ~ Toby is great on his tummy and lying on his back, lots of kicking, moves round the floor pivoting on his back, legs making a circle, can roll from front to back but doesn't do it often. Not sitting, definitely not crawling or pulling to standing LOL but I'm not worried, Claudia sat at 6 mths but didn't roll as much as others in my mothers group, and then crawled last in the same group, at 10 mths. Maybe the cloth nappies ARE slowing him down, but I'm relaxed about it.
Must go try to get few things done as Toby is asleep and Claudia at child care!!
last night was lousy with both children getting me up and down several times each, I think I maybe slept 3 hrs. Toby I think is teething, but in weird order! He got his bottom middle two central incisors at 5 mths. Now at just over 7 mths he has his left bottom lateral incisor (not due until 10 mths!) and this 4th one coming through now is his right top lateral incisor (not due until 11 mths). Nothing in the middle at the top! Okeydokey then ....
Toby can sit! Very wobbly but he can sit briefly, so he will firm up slowly .... No words here (but he is saying "a-boo" a lot), still not rolling, yes I agree they are adorable at this age (and lots of future ages too, but not loving this three year old tantrums age quite so much!)
Last week Toby found his "old fella" as A calls it, in the bath, now he reaches down at every nappy change. And he GRABS it and PULLS it, A literally squirms to watch him LOL.
I have to battle to get Toby to stay on long enough to get a decent drink (and not want endless short snacks)! I still can only feed him if I use the newborn hold (ie, left arm holding him firmly to the right breast, with right hand holding breast, not great for my neck and shoulders!!) Sometimes I do think is this battle worth it, but in my head it is, the idea of switching him to a bottle is unappealing to me at the moment (sounds like more work, at least breastfeeding requires no preparation and is an excuse to sit down!!). Also Toby doesn't know/react to the word "boob" - I say to him "do you want a drink and a cuddle" and he gets excited at that!!
No news here really, Toby sleeping through the night most of the time, not that Claudia is, her sleep going down hill ever since we moved her from cot to bed, I'm up with her usually 2-4 times a night, she loses her comfort toy in the covers mostly. Also getting her to bed in evenings is hard work, can take couple of hrs to get her to sleep, and no more naps (we put her to bed after lunch but no matter how much settling we try she doesn't sleep and then she is a right royal pain all afternoon).
Tragically a lovely friend from my mothers group had a stillbirth 2 weeks ago (at 38 weeks), thats pretty much consumed all my thoughts, just wish I could wave a magic wand for her.
A reckons he can't cope with 2 children at the same time! Last weekend Toby was in playpen and A was reading a book to Claudia in same room, I was in kitchen trying to get dinner. Toby started to cry, and cry and cry, getting really upset, and I wondered why the heck he wasn't being picked up. So I went in and picked him up (instant quiet, he just wanted to be held) and asked A why he couldn't - the reply? "who do you want me to look after, I can't manage both!" Really??? I would have thought he could have held Toby on his lap and continued to read the story to Claudia, but no, apparently he couldn't manage that
very quickly as tired wiggly baby on lap ...
must dash, get Toby to sleep, then Mum coming over to babysit for first time (not sure he'll take a bottle!!!) while I get hair done for first time since, well, far too long !!
yep hair got done (darker than I meant but no more greys) and Toby was angelic for Mum, A survived having both children for first time on Saturday for 3 hrs while I did toy library duty, and Toby has his 5th tooth (not quite 8 mths old).
Tree fallen down in backyard yesterday, A not lifting a finger, squashed clothesline and Claudia can't go out to play -- am very very grumpy, will come back another time when in better mood!
ME ~ had 2 hrs broken sleep last night (on the back of 4 nights of less than great sleep, basically each night getting worse), so tired I am light-headed, as Toby is bringing through THREE more teeth and has a streaming head cold too! Poor mite, so miserable! Plus Claudia woke me couple of times for good measure and I'm sick too (chest/cough/throat thing plus mouth ulcer which I get when run-down ... surprise surprise!). Tree being cleared Thursday, insurance covering most of it, then to arrange new play equipment and new clothesline ....
Off to pick up Claudia from child care ...
What time does your 3yo go to sleep - Increasingly rarely has a nap, when she does have a nap, its 7pm bedtime and anything up to an hour before she is asleep.
If no nap, its bed at 6.30pm and usually asleep VERY fast.
Either way, wakes about 6am, 6.30am if we are lucky.
this will be quick as typing 1 handed with Toby on lap and fighting off Claudia who is being naughty!!!
3 MEN IN GARDEN CHAINSAWING AND MULCHING FALLEN TREE, CLAUDIA WANTS TO GO OUT TO PLAY!! sorry, caps lock off now LOL
I *think* that I'm happier offering breastmilk before food, then he can eat what he likes quantity-wise
breakfast - BF then 2 tbsp cereal mixed with 3 tbsp pureed fruit
morning or afternoon tea - half a mashed banana with teaspoon of another pureed fruit (ice cube from freezer)
lunch - 2-3 tbsp chicken or lamb with vegies (thats what is currently in my freezer in cubes)
dinner - 2-3 tbsp mashed vegies then 1 tbsp pureed fruit
only started offering yogurt 2 days ago, couple of teaspoonfuls with lunch for now.
He seems to like his food, opening his mouth for it, I think he'd eat more if I offered it??!
NAPS - this is doing my head in, Toby still naps THREE times a day! morning nap is always 40 mins and I can't resettle a happy smiling baby (but he is super-grumpy and tired when I put him down, so can't keep him up longer hoping for more tired = longer sleep, he does not like being awake more than 2 hrs at a time). After lunch - mostly sleeps 1.5 hrs. Before dinner needs another nap, usually another 30 mins. After dinner is bath and bed about 7.30pm and he is up for day about 6.30am. Currently (the last week or so) not sleeping through due to head cold and 3 more teeth, last night for example 4 resettles and 2 feeds (11.30pm and 3am).
Me meme post ~ Mum texted me an hour ago, she fell on fruit on floor of Safeway, probably broken her wrist, Dad collected her and now waiting at hospital with her for x-rays, he's sure it will need to be "set" and plaster etc (he is a surgeon), will take hours.
She was doing turkey, ham, sausages, gravey, stuffing and bread sauce for Saturday.
So, seems now *I'M* doing that - well some version of it anyway!!!!
Its never boring ......
(I'd love to phone MIL and make HER do it all but A would have a FIT!!!!! I can dream ......)
Claudia isn't getting anything particularly big, although I have bought up several sets of (used) Duplo from ebay.
Mum fell on squashed fruit in Safeway yesterday lunchtime, broke her wrist in 2 places, surgery to insert a plate late last night, meant to come home this morning but hand too swollen and fingers poor sensation and movement so in tonight too. I'll visit and watch some of Carols by Candlelight with her tonight, and visit tomorrow afternoon (home or hospital) and tomorrow night too if still in hospital. She was doing turkey, ham, all the trimmings, but now thats me!! Could have been SOOO much worse, a shoulder or hip would have had far worse recovery.
Boxing Day the 4 of us plus Mum and Dad can catch up and exchange presents at least, regardless of where she is. Poor thing!!!
Took the children to the zoo today, Claudia (3 yrs) walked round for 3 hrs, looked so so tired at the end yet still came home and did not sleep after lunch, so I think her midday nap really is over with ... sadly ...
New Year's Eve plans? me - as early to bed as i can manage and hopefully soundly asleep at midnight, with BOTH children waking me at least twice each per night (one feed usually, sometimes 2, for Toby) I am a tired tired thing and not interested in festivities!!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 16/08/2011, 12:36 PM
I've had my baby - its a boy!! I was induced Monday lunchtime at 38 weeks due to severe pelvic instability and TOBY was born Tuesday morning after 21 hrs of labour - he made a slightly dramatic entrance in theatre, under a spinal, using Keillands forceps rotation, as the little tyke had moved posterior during labour, tilted his head to one side and for very good measure had the cord round his neck! My OB was sensational and managed only small episiotomy and remarkable only 3 stiches, which is SOOO much better than the horrible big 2nd degree tear and "lots" of stitches I had last time round. Some feeding issues, I'm on day 3 of engorgement, but once we're past that I'm sure we'll be fine.
still super engorged, seeing physio for more ultrasound this afternoon as one large red area particularly bad and I don't need mastitis on top of everything else! I had 4 hrs broken sleep last night because Claudia woke at 6am while Toby slept 4-8am and A didn't get up when Claudia woke, so I had to - grrrr, A got 8 hrs in bed last night, not fair!!
Still engorged (since Wed night), lots of pain, making me quite miserable, had 6 days of this last time and fed up I have to go through it again! Heat before a feed, feeding one side each time to try to really drain that side, then express the other side for comfort then ice - makes each feed take ages all that faffing around, please let it settle soon! Physio in hospital gave me some ultrasound treatment just before discharge and just rang me minutes ago to check on me, I have one red area I can't massage out and even ice not helping ease pain and I'm worried about mastitis so I'm off to see her again this afternoon.
Aside from that we're doing ok! A home this week and then part time next 2 weeks then he's to have his hernia op (will go stay with his parents for 5 days post-op so they can nurse him and not me, might sound awful but he's awful patient and if surgeon says he can do something in 2 days for example, he'll take at least double that ... I can't deal with him post-op plus Claudia plus Toby). Mum will help me.
Sleep - ha! 4 hours broken sleep last night, would have had closer to 6 hrs if I hadn't had to get up when Claudia woke at 6am as bub slept to 8am (gee thanks A, you got easy 8 hrs in bed last night ... he eventually got up when I burst into floods of tears because I couldn't set the Maisy DVD Claudia wanted to watch to English language)
I'll be quick as Toby stirring for a feed. We're doing ok, feeding improving, engorgement over after a nasty 4-5 days, Toby himself is doing just fine, had regained birth weight by 7 days when MCH nurse came for home visit. Me on the other hand, he's done some damage through not-fabulous attachment so we are working on that - I had lactation consultant come round Tuesday afternoon as I knew I needed more breast in his mouth but couldn't seem to manage it, he kept bringing his bottom lip right up under my nipple no matter how much breast I got in his mouth to start with, and she explained to me his tongue tie was moderate-severe and needed to be released (no one in hospital told me this!!) so I had that done today, he can already get his tongue out over his lip which he couldn't do before (was quite heart shaped).
Claudia still doing well, as long as she had lots of attention/trips to park etc with Daddy.
Claudia woke same time as Toby last night so A was trying to comfort her and get her back to sleep (she was calling out for me) while I fed Toby, but it took me 1 hr after the feed to get her back to sleep - poor mite (and poor me for losing 1 hr sleep at 1am!). Then this morning she did not want to go off to child care, which is VERY unusual, so part of me expects them to call any time and say she is miserable and come get her. I assume all this is part of adjusting to having to share Mummy ... poor mite!
I'm doing well now bub is here - straight away was able to do basic things like roll over in bed without pain, get off floor to standing without SIJ pain, etc. Haven't done anything really big or physical yet (bub is 11 days old), still taking it easy, but overall pretty good. Last time round, I could trigger symptoms by taking long brisk walks (long strides, asymmetrical weight bearing) with DD in her pram but other than that was ok. Fingers crossed this is the same.
Well the nights are getting worse, got unsettled baby, spitting up a lot (although he's not unhappy about that, not crying) and awake for hours at night. Last 2 nights I have been up from 11pm to 4am, averaging 3hrs broken sleep for whole night, and can't nap much during the day as Claudia needs me too - whinge whingewhinge! I am sure Toby's heavier and chubbier so clearly he's getting all (more than?) he needs. I don't remember the newborn phase being this hard!! (memory must have dulled with time LOL!!)
I may have spoken too soon. last 2 days my left SIJ has started to ache a lot, not the shooting pain like in pregnancy but definitely something not-good going on. sigh ...
Hmmmm, we had a couple of "good" nights, that is 4 hrly feeds, so 2 hrs up and 2 hrs in bed, then last night back to 3 hrly feeds, so 1 hr feed, 1 hr settle, 1 hr in bed, repeat, repeat .... sigh .... so tired now! This afternoon I tried to give Claudia a heap of positive attention, we made muffins together and then she "helped" me bath Toby, but even with those positive things, when I sat down to feed Toby, she threw a toy at me (hit my leg, not Toby in my lap) and then yanked the pillow out from under Toby while he fed. Sigh ... I know she has a lot to adjust to, but it feels crappy all the same. She was upset when we left her at child care again on Friday, she's off there again tomorrow and sounds positive about it now, but I worry she'll get upset when A actually takes her in and leaves her in the morning.
Had Toby's 2 week check up with MCH nurse today (he's 3 weeks old today!) - anyway he's gained 400g in 2 weeks so despite the amount he spits up, clearly he is getting enough milk! The nurse kept going on about how he "should" be booked in for a 6 week check with a paed - should he? We don't even have a paed - I've only ever taken Claudia to a GP ....
Hoping tonight is a better night than last night - I was up from 11pm to 3am with Toby .... so tired!
Well today was first taste of A being at work - he worked yesterday and today (Mum had Claudia yesterday) and then starts back full time from next week. Anyway it was not fun. Claudia was fine (watched DVD) while I fed Toby this morning but when I wanted to get her dressed to go to MG, basically we had a fight and I had to physically pin her down in the end. Same again when we got home from MG (at MG she was beautifully behaved) and we had lunch, again lots of refusals and throwing food before some eating, and wow the tantrum she threw when I tried to change her nappy and then put her in the sleeping bag, again I had to use physical force :-( Anyway Mum came round this afternoon which was a savour because I fed Toby once Claudia was in bed having her nap, but he was unsettled (so now he's unsettled both day AND night) so I never got a nap myself and after last night (another night where I was up from 12am to 3am) I was sooo tired and struggling to keep my eyes open. Anyway Mum took Claudia out for a walk to the park, I finally got Toby to sleep after yet another feed, and managed a whole 20 mins on the bed before Mum got back and I had to sort dinner. PLEASE please tonight be better (ie, more sleep for me). A is home tomorrow and Friday but wow is next week looking scary!
Oh good grief, I got less than 90 mins sleep last night! I was in bed from 12.02am to 12.04am, again from 2.52am to 3.11am and then from 4.52am to 5.45am (only because A held Toby while I slept, then all hell broke loose at 5.45am when Claudia woke up so then we were all up. Thank goodness, today is a Tuesday and Mum took Claudia for the day, I got 2.5 hrs sleep this morning, 90 mins at lunchtime and another hour on the bed this afternoon between feeds.
Claudia in the last 24 hrs has started to want to cuddle, really cuddle (squeeze quite tight!!) Toby, which is adorable and I need to get a photo of it, HOWEVER she has a head cold and tonight Toby is sneezing and snuffly, so I guess he’s got his first head cold and good grief how much worse will his sleep get??!!
Claudia has a head cold, A now got it, I have a sore throat so think I'm getting it, just hope my body makes antibodies for it fast to protect Toby!!
After Monday’s horrific night, I fed Toby last night at 9.30pm and got into bed at 11pm (wow, fast settle for him!!) thinking "what kind of night do I have ahead ...." .... anyway HE IS STILL ASLEEP NOW (its 6.55am)
:-0 :-0 :-0
I keep checking on him, yep still breathing, still warm, I have had to hand express my (.) quite a bit, I am determined to not "wake the sleeping baby" but we are deliberately making a bit of noise (house hold noise) round him ....
Anyway with that much rest on board, Claudia woke at 6am and I have since then got her up, milk and cuddle, had a shower, done kitty litter and fed cats, done load of laundry and had breakfast with Claudia, made hot drink for self and drunk it while still hot (!!) and now about to hang out laundry. MG at 9.30am and am wondering if I have time to straighten my hair (not done that since Toby was born) if he doesn't wake soon !!!!!!
Sigh ... so tired. Toby actually slept 11pm to 7am last Tuesday night but has been awful again since - we were averaging 6 feeds per 24 hrs but the last 4 days he's been demanding extra, so now its 7 feeds per 24 hrs - each feed is both breasts and takes an hour, so they are no small snacks. So it means we are feeding every 2-3 hrs round the clock with maybe one 4 hour gap if I am lucky but it never seems to be at night so it doesn't translate to any rest for me (ie, have to be up looking after Claudia).
Claudia has worked out that whenever I am on the couch with Toby (or even A on the couch trying to settle Toby) that’s the best possible time to act up. Last week during just one breastfeed she ran amuck, stripped all her clothes and nappy off and ran round the house naked, threw the snacks I had set out for her on the floor, turned tv and DVD off at the wall (I had her favourite DVD on while I fed as an attempt at diversion), carried her plastic table and chairs from kitchen into living room and then ran directly at me on the couch with the chair legs pointed at me, jumped on the couch, so naughty and dangerous and cheeky all combined. Then she heard a noise in the street and thought Daddy was coming home from work (he wasn't), she ran to the door, when he didn't arrive she threw herself on the floor in the hall sobbing distressed tears. So lots of highs and lows and ups and downs and all emotions rolled into one and that was during just ONE feed!!!! Its driving me nuts .... this and the sleep deprivation are the 2 hardest things for me to deal with currently.
Alert time ~ not been doing anything, if he's awake he's in my arms mostly, but this week will try to pull play mat out and see what happens for few mins after a feed. Mind you I have been feeding to sleep a bit, so this will lead to more defined "feed, play, sleep" pattern which will reveal if we have a decent self-settler or a big settling issue or not! (Claudia was awful at settling for months and months, maybe I don't want to know yet .... feeding to sleep seems so gentle!)
Oh good grief, I need some sleep, please please I need some sleeeeeeep .....!! I have a pounding headache today from lack of sleep.
Monday night I didn't get to bed until 4am was just on couch feeding, settling baby, would put him down asleep and he'd wake again before I even got to bed, repeat, repeat. Last night and night before I think I got 5 hrs broken sleep, this is about average for me now, I am so jealous of those getting more sleep! Claudia at this age was doing a 5 hr block from midnight and I STUPIDLY assumed Toby would do the same or similar, but nope, not even close.
I spoke to my MCH nurse and she suggested a late evening bath, hoping he'd settle to sleep after that. She also suggested sunshine each morning to re-set Toby's day/night association. She also had some suggestions I got confused about changing feeding, one side, both sides, switch feedings, offering a thickener (mixed with breastmilk), which got me all confused. He spits up a lot but is gaining enough weight (410g in last 2 weeks) so I am loath to change how I feed (had weight loss issues with Claudia so just happy Toby is gaining).
Claudia (2.5 yrs) continues to be very challenging, naughty, cheeky, pushing her boundaries, I don't feel like I'm a very nice Mummy to her right now ....
First smile from Toby – bless, I’m weak at the knees. He’s got dimples like his big sister, how lucky am I to have two chubby cheeked dimpled children??!
What we did last night sounds ok, it didn't feel ok - fed at 11.40pm and 4.45am - sounds good right? yeah except took ages to settle so i was only in bed from 2am to 4.45am, and the minute I put him down after that 2nd feed, at 6am, Claudia woke up, so I've not been back to bed myself since!!
A had his hernia operation today. He’s to stay with his parents for nursing care until he can do basic stuff like sit on floor and play with Claudia, or sit on bathroom floor and supervise her bath, or sit at dinner table and supervise her dinner, or prepare our dinner including pulling food out of fridge, not actual lifting. Surgeon says couple of days …. Yeah right.
Typing this one handed at 1am
Fed toby at 10pm, topped up 11.15pm, he slept from 11.45 to 12.15am, still unsettled in my arms now, guess i'm about to feed again
A had hernia op today (well, yesterday) and in hospital now then staying with his parents for 5 days to recover so i'm solo.
Mum stayed tonight until Claudia was in bed, handy as Toby woke for feed as i put her in bath after dinner
5 mins after mum left, while i was finishing feeding toby, the power went out, Claudia seems scared of the dark so i had crying Claudia, crying Toby, found torch, settled Claudia (Toby cried self to sleep while I was with Claudia), resettled Claudia and got self into bed to keep warm, power came back after an hour and half, not end of the world but unnerving when home alone with 2 crying children including 6 week old!! A friend came over in the middle with her camping lantern for me and gave me a big hug, which meant the world to me at the time.
i want some sleeeeeeeeep
Sorry, me meme post again
Another night of 3 hrs broken sleep - would have been more like 4-5 hrs except that Claudia had me up for an hour after I'd settled Toby - she eventually told me she had a sore ear and i gave her Panadol and she was out like a light, why she couldn't say so earlier ??!!
Last night I thought I was so clever, got Toby down and settled just before dinner, then just as Claudia and I sat down to eat he woke crying and basically i had to leave him cry for about 40 mins while I did Claudia's dinner and bath and got her into bed - really awful, and when i did get to him and pick him up for a cuddle and feed, all I could think was was HE thinking "mummy why did you leave me to cry so long?" and I was in tears myself!
No idea yet on when A will come home
Sorry to vent but I am so fed up with this lack of sleep! I am consistently up from about 10-11pm to 3-4am - he feeds, falls asleep in my arms, when i put him down he wakes again mins later, more rocking and settling back to sleep, put down, wakes again minutes later and I then eventually feed again and then finally sometime after that feed I can get him to sleep and I can put him and down and get back into bed ... it hurts this exhaustion ... A not home from his post-op recovery with his parents yet ... Claudia so many tantrums and tears (she's confused poor mite, new baby, disappearing daddy, mummy has no patience) ... sorry, getting teary typing this
A home, still in Invalid Mode
I got 6 hrs (broken) sleep last night!! That’s 3 times more than the previous 4 nights!!! I kept Toby up more during the day, he was very unsettled right over dinner and Claudia's bath time and bed time (which was horrible to deal with, poor mite had to be left to cry a bit while I got Claudia into bed) but then he slept between feeds overnight and I got time in my own bed! whoohoo!!
Very quickly as as both children asleep and I want a nap but last night 6 hrs sleep (3 hrs plus 3 hrs), the night before 7 hrs ( 3 + 4 hrs) and night before was 6 hrs (3 + 3) so I think we're on right track ... basically he needed more up-time during the day ..... fingers crossed it continues!!
hmmmm, 2 weeks on and A STILL won't lift anything, he made such a fuss about draining saucepan of water and potatoes last Friday night, then i asked him to hold crying baby for a bit to give me a break, he said yes but only if I would pick him up and place him in his arms (Toby was in basinette) - he said he couldn't LIFT but would HOLD - WTF - what about women who have c-sections?!? no one is placing their babies in their arms! so as you can tell I am grumpy about it!
must go feed this crying baby and hope Claudia doesn't self destruct when I hit couch YET AGAIN, since she woke from her nap all I have done is rock him to sleep, put him down, change her dirty nappy, pick him up minutes later, more rocking, down again for few mins and now about to feed again ...poor child, so little attention from Mummy ...
Sigh .... I feel like a broken record ... I'd just like more sleep please! I thought that since Toby is nearly 9 weeks and gaining weight nicely and up more of the day we might have more predictable nights but no, some nights he feeds mid evening then once overnight then goes through to about 5-6am, other nights he cluster feeds to about midnight then can manage up to 5-6 am but last night he fed at 4pm, 6pm, 8pm and 10pm, I thought that was ok because i expected him to then have a longer stretch overnight but no, I was up at 2am with him until 4am, then back to bed, then Claudia had me up at 5am coughing ..... please pleasei need more sleep!
Toby hasn't rolled yet but I don't think he is far from toppling over - when he is on his tummy, he is very strong at pushing up with his hands and looks round, and with that heavy head they have, I think he'll flip over by accident sooner than later (when he has tummy-time and bare-botton-time on the change mat, either I stand right next to him or I lift him on his change mat onto the floor for few mins, for safety).
Oh dear. Second Child Syndrome hit with a vengeance – so little time to sit down and write anything about the poor mite!! Firstly, headline news, he self-settles some of the time! Yikes! I’ve never seen it before and every time he does it I’m running round the house punching the air! If I get to him as soon as he shows tired signs, change his nappy, wrap him up and cuddle him, lay him in bassinette without him crying (if he cries, pick him up and cuddle again until calm then lay him down again) then he will mostly self settle, maybe some crying or whinging but that stop-start noise, not escalating to hysteria. If he gets over-tired, I have to cuddle or rock or feed him to sleep. But the tired signs, oh wow, once you know what to look for he’s a veritable text book of tired signs! Observe the jerky movements! Notice the lack of eye contact! The red eyebrows! The hiccoughs! Not to mention he is like clock work with 90 mins up-time currently (he’s 10 weeks now).
I am MUCH better at lugging him round, in and out of the bassinette even asleep, in and out of the car, etc, than I ever was with Claudia, we just get out and go. I don’t worry about when next feed is, what if he wakes and cries etc, I could never manage than level of calm (relative calm, calm for me, by my standards!!) with Claudia.
He is still sleeping in the bassinette in the corner of the dining room. He’ll be too long for that soon, then I have to decide port-a-cot in dining room or our bedroom, or buy another cot and put that in our bedroom … I can’t see how to put them both in Claudia’s room yet – she’s still happy in her cot, I have mentioned Toby sleeping in her room, in her cot once she is in the Big bed and she’s happy with that, but when I suggest it now, that she sleeps in the Big Bed, oh nooo Mummy, she loves her cot and sleeps so well in it, not to mention still napping each day around 2 hrs at home (less at child care) and I am so not ready for her to ditch that as children often do when they move to the Big Bed, so I am not forcing her to move now, I need all the rest I can get!
I've hurt my neck! thought I'd just slept badly on it Thursday, it got worse Friday, Friday night I got no sleep I was in so much pain and nurofen and heat pack just not helping. Saturday morning I rang for emergency physio appt and its about the same today - I have very limited mobility, tilting head to each side and turning side to side and its down into my shoulder of right arm too. I certainly can't drive. I can barely look down at all, so can barely see Toby latching on when breastfeeding, given he is crappy at latching on and staying latched on, this is a problem!! Hoping it improves fast, the pain is awful and caring for baby like this is extra hard work (fortunately its the weekend and A doing most of the work with Claudia).
Toby has stopped letting me rock him to sleep too - Claudia stopped letting me at 3 mths, I think Toby stopped a couple of weeks ago (3 mths tomorrow) - I miss that already LOL!
I have pulled the portacot out of the garage today, not yet set it up (tomorrow probably) but read the instructions. Currently Toby is wrapped for sleep, but as I want to transition him to a sleeping bag like I did with Claudia, he is sleeping in the bag, then wrapped over the top, then just one sheet tucked over him to make him feel "secure." Have to see how the firm-tucking-in part works with the portacot ...
I did something awful to my neck last Thursday, initially thought i had just slept badly but Friday it got worse and worse, and by Friday night when we had a MG dinner, well I don't think I should have driven home (fortunately just round the corner) I had that limited movement. Friday night i got NO sleep as was in so much pain (even with Nurofen and heat pack), getting in and out of bed, rolling over, really really awful. Saturday morning I couldn't move head enough to see Toby latching on for his feed!!! Anyway emergency physio appt and got some movement back and its slowly getting better, Sunday was better than Saturday and today better than Sunday. See physio again tomorrow. I think really its all due to crappy core, abdominals separation not healing well (more later), upper back and shoulder tension from BFing, Toby being lousy BFer - I have to really watch how he latches on, he doesn't stay latched on well, so I still have to feed him like newborn with one hand for the boob and one hand for the baby. So lots more physio and home exercises for me, trying hard to look after myself!!
When physio last checked my abdominal separation it wasn't much better than when Toby was born, by this stage (12 weeks or so) after Claudia was born I was all better and I AM doing my home exercises, just I know 2nd time round things take longer to heal etc, but I just feel so disappointed, and I know I shouldn’t be doing any lifting until its better but given I shouldn't have done any lifting when pregnant, heck, how many months am I supposed to not lift for? really ?? makes life pretty tough, so anyway I lift anyway, have to really ...
My neck is getting better, physio freed it up enough for me to be able to BF at least, it seems bit better each day but stiffens up overnight so I have to start each day with heat pack just to be able to comfortably do the first BF.
Toby is still wrapped but I put him in a Grobag and wrap him over the top, and he usually wriggles one arm out and I let him because he needs to learn to sleep with both arms free anyway. When I was weaning Claudia off her wrap between 3-4 mths, I started with wrapping one arm in and one arm out, then when that went ok, two arms out and wrap from chest down, then wrap from waist down (ie, legs only) until I lost the wrap altogether. She was quite "addicted" to being wrapped, it was strong sleep signal for her, so total process took 5 weeks !! At each "step" she would sleep worse than usual for few days until she learnt to adjust.
Hhmmm, Toby doesn't have a routine as such, its basically feed, play, sleep round here, so during the day he would have 3-4 naps I guess, then evening is a mess, cat napping and cluster-feeding then mostly he sleeps from 11pm or midnight to about 6am and we start over again. From memory Claudia dropped from 3 naps to 2 naps around 6 mths maybe? And then from 2 naps to 1 middle of the day nap at 17 mths (but that was later than everyone else in my mothers group, generally 1 nap from 12-16 mths I think). I'm super-lucky in that at nearly-3-years-old she still naps most days from 12-2pm - bliss!
vent alert ~ A takes Claudia down to see his parents on some Sunday mornings (they rarely visit us) before bringing her back home for her lunch and nap, its a 45 min drive each way. Today he went but managed to leave nappy bag at home - I packed it and reminded him about it just as he left and he still managed to leave it (I was on the couch feeding Toby the actual minute ha walked out the door and didn't check he had it over his shoulder) - personally I couldn't leave the house without it, I'd *know* something was missing!! She's not toilet trained yet and may need nappy change during the morning, and she may well want a drink or something to eat before lunchtime, and his parents aren't the super organised type and unlikely to have anything to improvise with (I know my mum has change of clothes for Claudia at her house, and has a sippy cup in the cupboard and always has some suitable snacks like sultanas and dry biscuits in the cupboard, but A's mum is not like that ...). Anyway of course they will manage, its not actually the end of the world, but I'm just grumpy with him for leaving it behind and I hope Claudia isn't too stressed by it (ie, she will ask for a drink at some stage (probably in the car) and then Daddy has to say no, wait until we get home ...)
This mummy business is a ruddy hard gig, newborn part especially, thankless mostly, and I spent most of Claudia's first year thinking I was doing a crappy job (no one told me I was doing well! and I certainly never felt i was doing well!).
And yeah, I jinxed myself too, last 2 nights have had next to no sleep, between the 2 of them ... nice ....
Number of children ~ well Toby makes 2 and with Claudia thats the "pigeon pair" so a lot of people seem to think we're done - I'm not sure, some days I think I'd like another and other days I think no ruddy way, we're barely coping with 2!! A and I have agreed to make final decision after Toby turns one year old and not before!! I'm one of 2 and my brother has lived overseas for last 12 years so i feel like an only child and I know my mum regrets only having 2 but my dad didn't want more, so I am trying to think about the future, say in 10 years time, will we regret it if we don't?
Sharing bedroom ~ we have a 2 bedroom semi-detached house (ie, small!) and at the moment Toby sleeps in the dining room!! But I do want to get Claudia and Toby to share what is currently Claudia's room eventually.
In last 2 days Toby has started feeding only 5 times per 24 hrs instead of 6 - instead of cluster feeding through evening he has slept between an early evening feed and a late evening feed. He also feels like he is drinking less (feeds much quicker than normal) at 2 middle of the day feeds, all very odd, but I do vaguely recall Claudia "changing" her feeding habits about 3.5 mths too - I think at the time I panicked and thought breast refusal but actually it was a growth spurt (between 3 and 4 mths she gained 910g and 3cm in length which was a lot for her) - here was me assuming growth spurt = lots of feeding, not less! anyway see what Toby does next .... ?!
MIL's birthday tomorrow, I made a cake with Claudia this afternoon ... they are coming for lunch - oh the joys!! (I reckon they have seen Toby about 3 times since he was born, not exactly banging down our door then!)
The last week or so Toby has really found his fingers and he really likes them!! He can suck on them for ages both awake and asleep!
I'm ok day to day with my SIJ and pelvis, but boy is it far too easy to overdo things and then ouch ouchouch. No long walks with pram for me.
Off to sort dinner and settle down to watch Masterchef final - go Adam, I like Callam but he is far too young and inexperienced to win this, surely!!
Breaking news - Toby just rolled over twice - he was on his tummy, i was on the floor in front of him so he was lifting his head up to look at me and smile at me and he unbalanced and flipped over onto his back. So I rolled him back onto his tummy and he did it again the other way straight away!! I know it was accidental, not deliberate action but yikes I have a rolling baby!! Must see if I can look up in my blog when Claudia rolled for first time!
ETA - just checked and Claudia rolled the same way, from tummy to back, at 4 mths 2 days, so Toby did it earlier
cloth nappies and development ~ Claudia developed just fine and she's in cloth! Can't remember if Toby was in cloth or his night-time sposie when he rolled last week ...
Toby puts his thumb between two fingers too, but when he sucks its just 2 fingers in his mouth mostly. I think he's getting a sense of being ticklish already, because he wriggles and laughs when I tickle him in the bath!
A took Claudia down to see his parents and his brother and his brother's 10-yo daughter for the morning today, and then this afternoon Mum and Dad came to visit - Toby wasn't his usual sunny self this afternoon but we worked out why - when I went to change his nappy before his late afternoon nap, once i took his nappy off, while he had a bare bum, he did an enormous poo - went everywhere!!! then he kicked his legs and it went further!! he had it between his toes!! anyway as soon as I cleaned him up and got him into bed he was out like a light ... (and I've bathed him tonight so he is properly clean everywhere!)
SOLIDS ~ nah, not yet, too lazy here. When Claudia was a baby the advice was start at 6 mths so I did. I'm bit bewildered about change to this advice in just a couple of years, and WHO hasn't changed their advice anyway, so I'm aiming for 6 mths with Toby. Also, with Claudia, who was not a good eater, I found starting solids just added to my workload - BFing didn't change, but on top of BFing I had to prepare and offer her food (ie, BF then wait an hour then offer solids, after all that chopping and steaming and pureeing and freezing ice cubes ...). So yeah, won't be starting until October here ...
VENT ALERT!!! I was meant to out to dinner with some work girls tonight (taking Toby with me), then tomorrow is my birthday and A and I are meant to go out for lunch (Mum to babysit) then we were supposed to have some friends come round for dinner Saturday, and Sunday the Inlaws for lunch .... anyway my neck is playing up again, I saw physio yesterday and its no worse today but not better, I can't move my neck enough to drive (can't check blind spots properly without moving whole torso) so I can't go to the dinner tonight (this was to be my big night out!), and have had to cancel the friends coming for dinner tomorrow (too much effort). Grump grumpgrump. Is it too much to ask for my body to work vaguely normally? I feel like I only ever leave the house to go to the physio. Grump grumpgrump.
Just waiting for Inlaws to arrive for lunch now .... (my birthday yesterday, A's birthday today). My parents came round yesterday and babysat while A and I had lovely lunch out, and then we had afternoon tea after that (Mum baked yummy chocolate layer cake too).
My neck is bit better slowly, but today for first time since Toby was born my pelvis hurts - not happy about that, need to work out what triggered that (to avoid it!) FAST!!
Toby was 4 mths last Friday and had his 4 mth jabs today and got his 4 mth check with MHC nurse tomorrow, so far he's doing pretty well (I did give him panadal when we got home as he was more upset than normal even allowing for being tired), I'm ready to feed him/cuddle him more today if need be (Claudia at child care, I could literally sit on couch all day with him if he needs it).
Wrapping ~ Toby weaned off his wrap about 2-3 weeks ago so he's now just in a Grobag for naps and overnight. It was much easier than weaning Claudia off her wrap, she was very addicted, that took 5 weeks!!
Ok, must go now, he is getting upset now .... cuddle time ...
4 mth needles ~ Toby was unsettled all yesterday but fine after that. I gave him Panadol too but cheeky mite spat most of it out too ....
He had his 4 mth health check with MCH nurse today - he now weighs 6.2kg and 62.5cm long so he is on the 25th percentile for weight and somewhere between 25-50th for length. Nice.
I sit on floor with the children with good intensions, and within 5 mins I'm thinking about laundry or cooking dinner. Not the type of Mummy I thought I’d be (naively) before I actually had children!
Night feeds ~ Toby has a feed about 7pm then 10.30pm then 7.30am, I consider myself SUPER lucky he goes that long. Claudia did the same thing at same age and kept that 10.30pm feed up to 10 mths.
MCNs and TTing ~ "they" say girls tend to train earlier than boys, and "they" say cloth bub tend to train earlier than disposable bubs. Erm, Claudia is 3 yrs next month and still in nappies however she has been increasingly "toilet-aware" all year, starting from nil at Christmas to much more aware now. i reckon she's probably been "ready" the last few months but i have been far too busy with Toby to even try. however as soon as we have a week of even half-decent, can-be-outside-some-of-the-time, better-drying-weather I will whack her in undies and take it from there.
Toby has done odd unsettled thing over the last week, but he's also got a cold (from his caring sharing sister) so i wasn't sure if it was that, or needles last week, or the 4 mth thing, or what ...
Cot ~ we're rather short on space so Toby has been in a bassinette in corner of the dining room until now (I can't sleep in same room as him, he's so noisy, I know about the SIDS recommendation but thats what we do). He's getting pretty snug in there so this week i plan to move him into port-a-cot in same place. Once Claudia is out of her cot and in to Big Bed (plan to do this straight after her birthday next month) then some time after that big move, I will move Toby into her cot in her room and they can share the room (unknown to her, Toby has naps in her cot now when she is at child care and sleeps in there just fine!). One step at a time round here and so far the corner of the dining room works ok for him (guess he doesn't know any different!!)
Had mothers group this morning and most of the other toddlers are already toilet trained and Claudia tends to watch and then tell me who went to the bathroom etc, all part of becoming more toilet-aware. Anyway after her nap today she asked for underwear, so put them on and I kept asking if she wanted to go to the toilet and said she'd get a treat if she did a wee or poo on the toilet or in the potty. By the end of the afternoon we'd had 2 accidents and no "successes" or treats handed out, she's in bed now, guess we keep trying tomorrow!
TTing ~ arrrggghh, well day 2 and we went through 8 pairs of undies and no successes at all. Hmmmm. Will send her to child care in nappies but with both undies and nappies in her bag (and extra changes of clothes) and see what they do ...
MCNs ~ I am using same nappies on Toby that I used on Claudia. It all comes down to shape of bub, ie, chubby thighs or chicken legs, thick waist or not, etc. So far I am really liking BabybeehindsMagicalls (sized) and IttiBittiD'lish and Bumgenious Pockets (one size fits all), which are all quite different shapes and sized and designed nappies, but they all work fine on Toby. I also have some older style fitted nappies that I use with a seperate cover on him and that works fine too.
My children's sleeping arrangements ~ I have family (inlaws) and friends with bigger houses who think I'm mad to have not moved house while I was pregnant so we would have "enough" space. Hmmmm this place might be small but its got a small, affordable mortgage, and takes very little time to clean!
TTing ~ arrrggghhh, don't ask!! started day with 10 pairs of undies and only 4 left dry now, she tells me AFTER she's done wee that she had "an accident" but despite my offers of a treat and lots of sitting on potty (I read her a story so she'll sit still for couple of mins) no luck yet .... think she'll have to go back into nappies for child care tomorrow and we'll try again on weekend.
Hmmm, well my Plan was to send Claudia to child care in nappies, but I hadn't counted on Claudia flatly refusing a nappy this morning so she's gone off in undies, with as many changes of undies and track pants as I could stuff in her bag, and I spoke to both her carers when I dropped her off at child care and we'll see what happens over the day, what they tell me when I pick her up!!!
About a week ago Toby had an unsettled evening too and i sat and held him for over 2 hrs just to keep him asleep/resettle him every 20 mins and A never offered help and went off to bed - when i finally was ready for Toby to wake for his late evening feed I took Toby into A and literally dumped poor kid in his arms, saying I needed a glass of water and to go to the bathroom so could he please hold the baby, man did he look surprised (A that is, Toby was crying!). Poor you, I do understand!!
Claudia did better at child care than at home with toileting! Only 2 accidents and also 2 wees in the toilet, but then she came home and did 2 wees and 1 poo in her undies, refusing to sit on potty or toilet - I think I have spied an early pattern, by the last hour of the day before dinner, she is too tired to cooperate at all, and then I give up on even trying for potty, just clean her up, put clean undies on and keep going. Fingers crossed the weekend improves!
We've had more accidents this morning but amazingly made it to supermarket and home again without an accident, she actually finally did a small wee in the potty when we got home but then minutes later had a larger accident in the living room. Oh well, I guess I should be positive that
1. she still wants to wear undies and not nappies,
2. child care went well,
3. we've finally had one success (and distribution of a treat!) at home, and
4. we made it to supermarket and back without an accident (and she got through a play date on thursday without an accident either).
Crossing fingers ....
Had sort of funny story to share - Toby had first taste of solids on weekend - not planned - Claudia fed him purple Play Doh - he screamed so loud and long I had plenty of time to poke finger in and out of his mouth to flick all the bits out - am 99% sure he didn't actually ingest anything!!! Still planning to wait to 6 mths and then offer something more traditional like pureed vegies ...
Typing 1 handed with DS on my lap!!
when DS was 2 mths old it was "feed, play, sleep", but with no set timings as he varied a lot how long he slept for
play = up time, probably in bouncy chair
i think across 24 hrs we averaged 6-8 feeds (breastfeeding) if that helps
at this age he was still keeping me up 11pm to 4am - nice!!
he turned a corner and became more settled, with more predictable feeds and sleeps around 3 mths of age
breastfeeding ~ Toby mucks round more than I remember Claudia doing, his feeds are way shorter than her feeds ever were (even at 19 mths when i weaned her she would take 30 mins to feed, Toby takes less time than that now ...), so I tend to worry he's not had enough and then have to remind myself that BF bubs are good at getting exactly as much as they need and not more and not less. The little tyke has even bitten me a couple of times this week - clamped down hard with his gums - ouch ouch! So no great solutions but they do change the way they feed over time ...
Off to hang out nappies and then feed Toby and then hopefully off to bed....
Mini-vent - Toby has actually been really good with day naps for a few weeks now, quite predictable and nice 1.5-2.5 hrs sleeps across the day, but the last week or so he's been going the other way, some 45 min naps, some longer ones, no longer at all predictable, driving me nuts!! I keep reminding myself he is however still MUCH easier than Claudia was at same age, because at least he self-settles, which she never did, not until 10 mths!!
Off to pack up toys to take back to toy library!!
Quickly as I hear Toby needing me, but we're doing fine, he has a snuffly cold at the moment but very brave, just his napping is mucked up and he is feeding more. Claudia is full of beans, well actually she's full of head cold with nasty cough thats gone on about 3 weeks plus she's full of beans - we set up a trampoline for her today, she loves it, will be hard to get her off it!!
Toby was having 5 feeds a day (worked out to 3 feed-play-sleep cycles plus bedtime then late evening feed) and sleeping 11pm to 7am, until couple of weeks ago when he started adding an extra feed-play-sleep cycle into his day so 4 naps a day!! then the last 3 nights he has also been waking 2-3am for a feed, so now 7 feeds per 24 hrs and I am getting less and less rest and wondering what is going ON! But he is also teething - Claudia got her first 2 teeth at 5 mths so this is not a thundering surprise to me, Toby has bottom 2 teeth coming through, I can see and feel white/blue-ish lumps in his gums.
About to do late evening feed with Toby then hit the bed for hopefully decent night, Claudia was very unsettled last night so I was up a few times with her, and last few nights Toby has been waking about 2-3am for a feed (after 2 mths straight of sleeping 11pm to 7am like clockwork)
Claudia's 3rd birthday party tomorrow, so I've been busy preparing that ....
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 11/10/2010, 11:07 AM
Finished work. Feels different finishing work for second stint of maternity leave compared to the first time. Guess I have FAR more idea of what is to come, plus assume will return to work in one year part time as I am now, different to finishing full time work.
Not really had much rest - had carpets dry cleaned yesterday morning then physio appt in afternoon with nap in between. Had house inspected for termites and then sprayed for spiders today so I had to stay out for 4 hrs (because pregnant) so took self to movies at Chadstone, brief nap at home, then OB appt. Mothers Group tomorrow morning (can sit down as others will run round after Claudia as required) then Mum taking her out tomorrow afternoon so I can rest then. MIL in theory coming up Thursday afternoon, which will be interesting, she's only done that once before. Because of Easter Claudia misses child care on Friday and Monday so won't be back at child care now until Friday 9th.
When saw OB today she said I looked so tired with real sympathy and empathy, I didn't trust my voice so said mmmmmm, then she asked about Pelvic Instability, I tried to explain with A away last week I had really deteriated (physio winced as she examined me yesterday) and wound up bursting into tears. Nice and embarrassing. Anyway baby is fine, BP is fine, but we all agree I've had enough and no need to go all the way to Anzac Day. Induction booked for Monday 12th.
My OB has booked me in for an induction on Monday - that’s 38 weeks - she feels sorry for me being in so much pain. She did however today suggest I spend as much time upright/active over the weekend to help encourage bub downwards (its not engaged) - hmmmm, toss up between being active, taking some walks etc and being in heap of pain and HOPEFULLY getting bub downwards, or being inactive and bub staying high and mobile, and me being in less pain. I guess at least if I do the active approach, when I limp into delivery suite, clinging to walls, barely able to walk, there will be little doubt as to why we're inducing early :/ But if I start in that much pain (and no guarantee it will move bub downward anyway), I won't be able to be active in labour itself, more likely to go straight for epidural I would guess .... toss up!
Noticing more and more tantrums from Claudia, have been reassured we're going through a normal phase! Not a solution, but the reassurance is great!
Prams ~ got toddler seat fitted to my pram today so I'm "ready" to take 2 out!! Also moved few boxes to garage for storage to create tiny bit more space inside (we have 2 bedroom semi detached house, spare space and storage is an issue!), the only thing left on the "to do" list I wrote last week after my induction was booked, out of original 13 items, is some sewing (replace some dead elastic in newborn nappies and take up some hems on Claudia's jeans). Will do that tomorrow when she’s at child care!! AND get my legs waxed and toes painted tomorrow too!!
Its weird this induction thing. I want it, I’m fed up with the PI pain. Some apprehension about how ling it will take, will OB be able to go straight to ARM or have to apply gels first. How long will it all take. I know I’m risking cascade of intervention, ultimately a c-section (although as my physio for my crappy pelvic floor said to me last time I saw her, a c-section would not be a bad outcome for me).
And its been great from a planning point of view, being able to make arrangements for Claudia. But then its all so weird to know when the “last” things are happening, to know today was the last day anyone sees me pregnant (when I was at the shops), tonight was last dinner time and bathtime just the 3 of us. To look round the house and make sure things are as neat and tidy and laundry as up to date as possible to make the week easier for A. To do the supermarket shop yesterday and plan the meals for A & C. Tomorrow morning I’ll take C to child care, seemingly as normal, then come home and A will put my bags in the car and we’ll drive to the hospital, have to be there by 8.30am.
Tried to act totally normal as I took Claudia to child care, tried to not think in my head about it being last time I’d see her before new baby was born, last time the staff would see me pregnant, last time I would drive pregnant, etc. But was weird following her into the room, she’s running off to play, I was chasing her to get a last good-bye kiss that she didn’t know the significance of. Signed the sign-in chart and noted “Grandma” to pick her up.
Headed home and then had to hurry Ash along to get to the hospital by 8.30am, ran late as usual, I was ready, he was not. Left an overnight bag for Claudia just inside front door, just in case Mum would need it later. Paperwork and admissions done, up to delivery suite and ran straight into midwife who delivered Claudia – nice to see a familiar face. They put me I the “observation room” so as to not tie up a “delivery suite” until I was actually in labour. Some monitoring and a urine sample done, midwife went through my medical notes from previous labour with me, lots of chat.
Then the waiting began, OB did not turn up until noon! I’d already exhausted the magazines I’d bought and got part way through the novel I had picked up from the op shop the previous week (should have bought second book, opps!). Despite activity over the last week, scrubbing bath, etc, stuff that hurt my pelvis, cervix was not ready, not dilated at all. Gel inserted, one hour monitoring on bed commenced. As soon as the gel went in, contractions (well I called them contractions, I know the medical staff didn’t think they really were) started, 2-3 mins apart just like Claudia’s labour. Soon was clear it would be a LONG day (and night) – sent Ash off at 3pm to ring Mum and let her know to take Claudia back to her house for the night. Got quite emotional thinking of Mum picking up Claudia and taking her back to her house, what would Claudia think, how confused would she be, what would Mum say to explain to her. Midwife walked in on me and I had a cry on her shoulder (can’t remember where Ash was, maybe that was when he went for a walk to a book shop in Glenferrie Rd for a new book for himself). 5pm OB came back, not much was happening, still the 2-3 min “pains” but cervix still not dilated enough to break the membranes, so second lot of gel applied, another hour on the bed for monitoring. 9pm I was getting fed up, I wasn’t really handling the “pains” despite TENS machine and heat packs. Ash was typically, just like last time, doing bugger all, he’d heat up packs as I asked him to, then hand them back to me and go back to his book and was watching tv. I was crying on and off and still he read. Midwife moved me to a delivery suite so I could try gas, which didn’t help me and I couldn’t juggle gas, heat pack and tens machine at each “pain” anyway (Ash, book, tv).
OB came back about 9pm and finally I was 2-3cm and she could break my waters, which were “lovely and clear” – more tears from me, chat between OB and midwife and myself about epidural and how I was so scared of another big tear from an assisted delivery because unable to push because of epidural, they kept reassuring me second babies are much easier than first, would be quicker, I might cope better. So I asked for epi and they paged anaesthetist who was an hour away in surgery. So into the shower which helped a bit but not much, still Ash read, I remember him coming up to me in shower at one point to tell me something and went back to his book. Ho hum.
Finally anaesthetist arrived between 10-11pm, risks discussed, consent given and epidural given – bliss, some relief! Although not total relief, there was a patch in my groin I could still feel but it was far better than going without. I could lie down and rest. OB apparently settled down for a nap in the lounge room, assuming things would progress quickly.
5am midwife had me start pushing, after lots of monitoring, changing positions (rolling side to side), endless vomiting from me (which she initially got excited about, thinking it meant transition, then realised how high bub still was), lots of name calling from midwife who was frustrated with bub not descending! 7.30am OB came back in the room, looking bleary eyed and rubbing her eyes like Claudia does when she is tired, not exactly how I wanted her to look when I needed her help!! She identified bub had turned posterior and tilted head to one side, hence wasn’t going to drop by itself. “This is your personal nightmare” she told me – oh lucky me. So either go straight to c-section, or try a forceps manoeuvre to get bub into better position, but if that was going to be hard work and likely to result in a big cut or tear she wanted to stop, out of concern for my fears and move onto the c-section, so we could do the forceps attempt in theatre instead of staying in the delivery suite. Suddenly the dimmed lights were turned up, cast of thousands appeared to prep me for theatre –consent forms, into hospital gown, transfer me from delivery suite bed to gurney, lots of question about nail varnish and valuables and allergies etc. Ash went to ring Mum and let her know what was going on, having last had text contact at 3am!
Transferred to theatre where they had intended to top up epidural but once the anaesthetist checked my range of sensation he had to take out the epidural and put a spinal in as I could feel too much under the epi. Finally into theatre, seemed like people everywhere, then seemed just couple of minutes and OB was saying something about “just like through butter” and then “baby, why do you have the cord round your neck?” and then bub was on my stomach, screaming his head off. We have a baby boy, Ash called out his name as “Toby.” Again it seemed like minutes and I was off to Recovery while Ash took Toby down to Nursery to be weighed and warmed up and cleaned up. He also phoned Mum with the good news and I assume his parents too. I was in Recovery an hour or so, BP was dipping down a bit, then midwife came to tell me Toby’s weight (3.165kg) and time of birth (8.37am) and take me back to the ward.
On the ward they got me into bed (still completely numb from waist down) and then brought Toby in, I got my first proper cuddle about 10am and the midwife helped me feed him, we got a nice photo of that. Mum brought Claudia in for brief visit, she clambered up on the bed and wanted a good look at Toby but the minute he cried out (loudly!) she cried too and was clinging to Grandma for comfort. Then he was back to the nursery and Ash went home for a shower and I sent text messages and tried to get some rest.
Got sensation back in my legs over the afternoon, had a shower (unassisted) after dinner. Due to the Keilands Forceps Rotation and risk of bladder damage there was all sorts of monitoring and ultrasounds for next couple of days but all was well. Only small episiotomy and 3 stitches, I was refusing Panadol the following day, compared to Claudia’s delivery I felt I could have taken on Mt Everest!!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 23/03/2010, 07:21 PM
I've told my boss (who said "congratulations" and then "when are you off?") and then few colleagues who sit near me - as with when I announced C's pregnancy almost everyone around me is older and already have children and are mostly male so they're all quite pleased for me in genuine way which is quite sweet. Emailed a couple of other people in other offices who I have previously worked more closely with. Nice to have it out in the open and not have to worry about state of waistline!! At least 2 people have commented they had thought I looked very tired lately ...
The MG girls all had FUN today and want to meet at pool next Wed if weather ok (predicted it will be). Its HARD work for me, if they keep meeting at pool on "nice" Wednesdays over summer I'm going to have to stay home more and more and find another way to entertain Claudia not to mention myself. Claudia doesn't play IN the water, she runs round the edge, plays on steps, runs away from me the length of the Olympic pool without once looking back :-0 and I have to chase after her. My PI pain by lunchtime was far worse than normal MG morning where we mostly sit on the cochh, on/off the floor, and have morning tea and chat and play with the children and some toys. The pool is FAR too physical for me :-( I'm only 16 wks!! how bad is this going to get?? How much else do I have to give up or skip or avoid or not do between now and April ??? sorry - whinge over!!
OB appt was ok. I'd brought it forward a week because on weekend decided my breasts are lumpier than I am comfortable with - rang OB's receptionist Monday who said to come in earlier than next scheduled appt for peace of mind. Anyway OB is quite confident its nothing sinister, but referred me to specialist breast surgeon anyway for total peace of mind - have to wait 4 wks for that appt but if i panic in mean time I could either ring and BEG for earlier appt, or I could pull strings and get Dad (surgeon) to ring and insist I am seen earlier.
Just realised the last 2 Wednesdays and Thursdays (days I am home alone with C) I have had a good cry each day over PI and likelihood of being on crutches and house-bound so anything that is good for my head-space is really important to me right now! A says I need to ask his Mum for some help on either Wednesdays or Thursdays, yeah right. She's never offered any help before, C has had her 2nd birthday! She's never changed a nappy or given her food or put her down for a nap or taken her for a walk in stroller to park for a play. Nothing. The last time they visited and I suggested they take her to park they made an excuse about having to leave soon, an hour later they were still sitting on the couch! And MIL always goes on to anyone who will listen about how busy she is, but also fragile she is and her poor health etc etc, how the heck can she help me anyway? She's not going to be able to LIFT C and that's my big issue, any lifting, bending, twisting I have to with her, if it weren't for that I would be doing much better than I am ....
Re picking Claudia up - I try to minimise it, obviously. She won't eat at home at table and chairs, either our dining table with us or her little table set (like she would at CC) - thinks its a game, she asks to be put in highchair and then eats well when in there. Bit baffled about that as all other children except one other in MG are well out of their highchairs. Nappies we do on the floor unless its dirty then its easier (as she wriggles a lot) to do on change table next to sink. Also if I am getting her dressed, putting sunscreen on, then having her at nice height seems better, so toss up between maybe hurting pelvis or sore back from kneeling on floor, bending over her.
There is a big differene to me between straight up and down lifting in controlled way (ie, i have time to think to contract PF), and lifting an uncooperative toddler in an uncontrolled way that involves bending or twisting, thats what really hurts, the first thing the controlled way, doesn't hurt (yet). She sits quietly on change table too, while on the floor would wriggle/run away from me unless I was very quick (ie, changing a wet nappy is quick, getting dressed and doing sunscreen is not quick). The cot, she's staying in that until she climbs out, definitely. A puts her to bed a lot anyway (she asks for him to read her a bedtime story so I leave them to it) but if I contract my PF muscles putting her in cot doesn't hurt. She loves her cot, talks about it, sleeps so well, bedtime routine is beautiful currently (and wasn't always so I really appreciate it), I'm not risking mucking with that and putting her in a bed without very good reason! If she asks for cuddles during the day I take her hand and lead her to couch, sit on couch and she climbs into my lap- we've been doing that for ages anyway.
Car set, ack, don't get me started!! She CAN climb in herself, kind of assisted without being lifted, and out again too, IF she's in the mood! But mostly she climbs in the car then wriggles straight down behind drivers seat and mucks around and laughs at me, or climbs between driver and passenger seat and sits on front seat, again laughing at me - either way only way into car seat is for me to go get her, involving more bending and twisting and yanking of uncooperative toddler than if I just lifted her from driveway and into seat in first place. A does everything he can to help me, when he's there, but he's not always there. If I want to go to shops with her without him (ie, Wed or Thurs) for example, then its in/out of car seat twice, and either in/out of stroller, or I walk with her holding my hand, and risk her pulling/yanking away from me, dropping to ground limp and giggling, or otherwise uncooperative behaviour. Such fun. Thats what hurts, again its less controlled stuff, bending, twisting, not straight lifting.
A asked his mum today (they came for lunch and for first time ever brought lunch - quiche and salad, when A asked them to) to come help me so she's coming up Thurs afternoon. Will be interesting to see what she actually does when here, all I want is her to entertain C for couple of hours to save me (and an entertained C is a non-tantrumming C generally). Its forecast to be hot, not exactly park weather, so maybe I'll offer her playdough set they can do together inside and if its bit cooler later on they can do waterplay in shade outside on deck. See how she copes with that!!
I've talked to Dad now and he suggested I need to have a breast ultrasound before seeing the surgeon, so he wrote the referral for that and that's happening this afternoon, have to leave work bit early which is always a bit of a bugger when I'm only part time. Then he sees the surgeon Wednesday at some clinic and will talk to her about moving my 8th Dec appt forward, by then both he and I will have seen the ultrasound report anyway. HOPEFULLY the ultrasound clearly shows what is what and no need for any further testing.
We went and saw L and her 2 children at ME Sat morning then had Inlaws come for Sat lunch - they stayed all afternoon, usually they have somewhere to rush off to. When C woke from her nap they started with reading her books and doing puzzles but rapidly she showed she had energy to burn and was jumping on the couch etc so I suggested A take his parents and C to a local park for a run round - now it was not hot at this point (I went outside the double check) and I wasn't even suggesting they walk to end of the street, I suggested they DRIVE to the park with shadecloth over play area - anyway after suggesting this twice, and having C jumping round saying "park?" loudly, finally he and his mum went - his dad has a sore knee (see below) and declined to be driven to a park to sit on a park bench and watch his grandchild play (??!!), instead he sat at our place, on the couch, in the cool in front of the fan, watching Tiger Woods play golf ... he's not even a big golf fan .... hmmmppphhh.
Anyway A asked his Mum to help me out, so she has offered to come up thurs afternoon. Now this should be interesting. Granted its forecast to be hot so they will have to stay home and inside - I can provide playdough or something as books and puzzles which are all MIL normally does with C won't last a whole afternoon. But also FIL is having MINOR op on his knee Tuesday (its a day case, in fact he's first on the list that day so likely to be home by lunchtime, and then need crutches to hobble round a few days, then have physio exercises to do to get back onto his feet properly) and all Cooper men are really lousy patients so I expect her to either cancel on the day saying she has to stay home and look after FIL, or if she comes only be able to stay very short time as has to rush home to nurse the patient. Ho hum.
The breast ultrasound - its all fine. Dad still thinks I should see surgeon for final check but the ultrasound found nothing unusual, no cyst or solid mass of concern, no abnormalities. I actually didn't find that out at the scan, they gave me the images and sent me home saying not a word, and said they had faxed the report to Dad (he wrote referral for me) and surgeon I was being referred onto. When I got home and rang Mum and Dad to let them know I didn't know anything more (they were waiting to hear) and Dad asked if copy of report was in the envelope with the images - silly me never thought to check. So I opened it up and read it out to him and its all fine. Phew.
Yesterday (Thurs) was a BIG day.
Firstly I got phone call at 6.30pm Wed saying they could install our air-con yesterday afternoon, great, we need it, but lousy timing! Anyway so thurs AM I take C to Chaddy for the outing, she was mostly well behaved but still hard work (ie, pain) for me. Then instead of a nap for me at lunchtime yesterday, I had to go see the breast surgeon (Dad had spoken to her Wed morning at some clinic they both work at and asked her to see me earlier than start of Dec so Wed AM I got a phone call offering me a Thurs 1.15 pm appt). Then MIL arrived to help with C - honestly I never sat down once - I was trying to cook dinner (a pasta bake we could all eat together last night and tonight with a final small portion for C for Sat night). I was in/out the house with air con man, taking him cold drinks, in/out a lot looking after MIL and C, them bottles of water and grapes and sandwich and activities (playdough, stickers, crayons etc) as they were outside on deck in shade (air con man made a lot of noise which C didn't like so they had to be outside). Then once some shade outside on lawn I set up half shell of water and put C in her swimwear and left MIL to it - well minutes later they were sitting down at table doing stickers again, but when she did leave I put C back in water and had to DRAG her out an hour later to finish off dinner and sit down and eat with her. Anytime C cried (ie, slipped over) with MIL she cried and cried for Mummy, MIL could not calm her down, (ie, my Mum can) so I was in/out a lot for that too, trying to make minimal fuss of C and get her back onto whatever activity she was doing.
Somehow, despite this "help" from MIL I was in more pain with PI pain last night than I have been in so far this pregnancy, and still bit achey now (normally a decent night sleep and I wake up ok). Wonderful.
Anyway back to surgeon - she is quite confident its nothing serious, but found another lump I had not noticed, did another ultrasound herself, then took a sample of some cells - think of having blood test from 2 spots on your (.) Anyway she should call today with results and not expecting them to be a problem, and wants to see me again in another month to make sure the lumps are stable and not changing. Dad tried to reassure me that she probably only took the samples because she knew I was his daughter, and being really thorough, that it probably wasn't necessary, but I'm stuck on the possibility they aren't serious, like not cancer but could still need to be removed, and she explained the best time for an op when pregnant is about 20 wks (I'm 18 wks on Sunday), so I could possibly still have to have a minor op in weeks before Christmas. I know its very small chance but that's stuck in my head atm. that and the 2 bruises I now have from the samples she took! I know they're not really worried about me, its all just them being thorough, but its not fun all the same.
Air con is lovely but bedrooms, obviously, not affected. I would have slept fine last night under ceiling fan, no worries at all, but C doesn't like sleeping under the ceiling fan, if its on medium she wakes a lot, but if its on low she's too hot and wakes a lot anyway- so anyway I reckon I've had about 2 hrs sleep, I was up at least 3 times with her (can't remember exactly!), including from 3 to 4am. Ho hum. Just what I need ahead of a work day!
Later …. update - heard back from surgeon, samples she took have come back from the lab and is just normal pregnant breast cells so all ok. But she did say on one hand its quite impressive that they are that lumpy so she wants to keep an eye on it, hence my appt with her the week before Christmas - hoping they go away or get smaller, or at least not bigger between now and then. PHEW.
Took C to Very Special Kids Christmas Fair this morning, they had baby animal farm, I paid the $2 and took her in but she just clung to my leg, I managed to get her to touch a lamb, but only fleetingly, no interest in the other smaller animals, oh well, maybe its a cumulative thing and after few trips to such things she will get the idea LOL. Then onto Mum and Dad's (close by) for an hour running round their garden, home for nap, up to supermarket briefly for couple of things and home to bake couple of things - all while A was working. On up-side he gets a day in lieu, we're planning that for Thursday and planning to do half day trip to Daylesford - leave as soon as C awake, its only an hour or so, breakfast up there, quick wander round, then out to Chocolate Mill (10 mins out of town) and then home for C's lunch and nap (on the late side).
Crappy news making me feel sad - J from MG told us last Tuesday night at the MG dinner she was 8 wks pregnant, I thought that was so cool, we could be pregnant together etc, so happy for her, well she texted us all today that she miscarried last night - so sad. I have baked some cookies and will drop on her doorstep tomorrow morning on way to brunch with some girls I used to work with.
VENT - I am so fed up with how dirty the house is!!! A, I am sure, just does not see it! I can do bathroom and I can mop kitchen floor but I can't vacuum, and every weekend I ask him to and every time he says yes and every time it does not happen. My floors have not been vacuumed in 3 wks, its just gross!!!! I am sooooooo tempted on Wednesday when I am next home during the day to just do it myself, as carefully as I can, but I can imagine the PI pain that will follow, and I shouldn't have to, I know he does heaps extra but I'm not actually sitting round with feet up myself, I just do the stuff I can do instead - like when he baths her, I am doing dishes or folding laundry or cleaning up her toys or whatever, not sitting in front of TV!! I'd ask J for her cleaning lady phone number but since I can do most of it myself still, I was holding off on that for later, I only need him to vacuum, I still do most everything else (he does lots with C, but I do all laundry and most cleaning, he does supermarket shop, dinners are joint now, I do them when I can so we eat early together, if he does it, then its after C is in bed).
Thurs Mum and I took C into city on train (loves the train!) - Mum took her over to Crown Casino who have this Christmas spectacular thing in their front lobby, runs 10 mins every half hour from 10am to midnight - lots of lights and music. Anyway Mum did that with C (looked at boats on river in between) and then brought her home on train - I had parcel to collect then popped into Big W then walked through Block Arcade and Royal Arcade briefly, looking at Christmas decorations then home on train - that was more than enough activity for me despite very slow walking, taking tram two stops, more slow walking and taking tiny steps, I can't rush anywhere any how any more :-(
In afternoon I popped into Chaddy for couple of things then over to see J and J who we hadn't seen in a month (they've just had 10 days in Sydney). C was so excited to see J, but then in the hour I was there, threw toys, both at no one and at J, and KICKED J in chest when C was standing one hand on my lap, J sitting on floor in front of me (ie, not in my arms), C kicked her chest and J fell backwards (fortunately did not actually hit her head on floorboards) - I was mortified, how the ruddy heck do I manage this? I got down on floor to her level, and held C firmly in front of me, told her that was naughty, we don't kick people, poor baby J might have been hurt, look she's upset now, etc, C just smiled through it all. J was predictably upset about her daughter, J coped fine after quick cuddle from Mum, but I am so embarrassed about her overall behaviour and I can tell from J's reaction if this keeps up in subsequent visits it will put big strain on our relationship, J is smaller than C and J still understandably way more protective of her daughter than I am of my mine (as C is older and bigger and more robust). Came home and told A, he was upset too, but we have no idea what to do. He said I would have to watch her more closely, heck she was right in front of me, one of her hands was on my lap and yet I couldn't stop it, only thing I can think of is keeping her further away from J but bit hard when J crawls up to C, can't keep pulling C away over to another part of the room (she would get frustrated at that, not to mention I physically can't keep doing that with PI, if I am going to visit people I need to know I can sit down a fair part of the time and not be 100% holding onto my child) ....
Today I'm back at work (sitting down, yay!!), just had annual performance review with boss, he has no big issues. We talked about next year, I plan to work to 26th March (36 wks, same as last time), I asked about working one day a week from home later on if super tired/PI a problem in mobility, as I suspected he'd rather I worked from home and made it to 26th March than have to finish up earlier for the sake of appearing in the office. He won't be able to get a new person in to replace me, so he now has resources issues, but he has other issues in the team - he said I'm not his biggest problem LOL.
19 wks scan - all fine, all normal. A couldn't make it (despite 6 wks notice of date and time) but I got a DVD which he hasn't watched yet - all we both wanted to know was "is it all normal" which it is. Bub would not cooperate in positioning so we couldn't get cute face-in-profile picture or hands and feet waving but sonographer saw everything he wanted to, which is main thing and he did point out fingers and thumbs to me, I just couldn't see it myself. Heck he even pointed out lens of the eyes and upper and lower lip and nostrils!! Bub measuring exactly right for dates (my dates were 19wks 3days on Wed and computer came up with 19 wks and 3 days exactly). Placenta in middle at the back.
Vent alert - PI pain - OMG. It got quite bad last Thursday, I'm not even sure why, although I did have to skip my pilates last Wednesday night (A had to work) and I had no help that day, Mum didn't come visit for a couple of hours or anything like she normally would to help with Claudia, but I wasn't aware of any one thing i did that was really wrong, but by end of the day i was in so much pain, worse that i recall at any time when pregnant with Claudia. Slept badly Thursday night, first time I really couldn't get comfortable in bed. Friday was bit better. Saturday was ok. Yesterday, despite visiting Mum and Dad in afternoon and sitting down reading newspaper while they ran round with Claudia for most of afternoon, again by last night I was in so much pain, again slept badly last night, been awake since 3am with back pain and now in pain even sitting here at work. This is worse than with Claudia, at 40 wks with Claudia I was still able to go for a slow 1 hr walk each day, that would be utterly impossible for me now, heck I'm only 21 wks!! how bad is this going to get? how fast will I wind up on crutches? for how many months? OMG. Yes panic. A is like "well the pilates isn't helping, you're getting worse" - look the pilates is no magic answer, its not going to reverse it, but I was hoping it would slow it down, it IS degenerative, it will get worse as pregnancy progresses, but I am blown away by how bad it is NOW. There have been times in last 24hrs I have struggled to weight-bear at all on my right leg, thats just shuffling round the house with one hand on a wall at all times (yes, shuffling, tiny little steps). Heaven help me. I should be grateful I guess this has no impact on bub, bub is doing fine, there are far worse things to suffer or experience in pregnancy, far more worrisome, at least I know this does go away (or get better, manageable) after bub is born. Anyway thats my whinge ....
Saw breast surgeon today for 4 week follow up appt and while she is quite sure everything is ok, she wants to see me in another 4 weeks to make very very sure its all ok and doesn't suddenly get bigger etc. At least she doesn't want to operate, which was worrying me, the idea of a GA however minor while pregnant was seriously unappealing!
Claudia will now watch tv!! Not everything and anything, but children-friendly stuff, the new ABC3 channel will mostly keep her quiet for an hour or so, her absolute favourite is In The Night Garden, but Play School is a hit too. I never wanted her to be a tv addict but to know I can put it on, on days we are home a lot (as I’m increasingly not as mobile/active as I was) helps ease the time past.
Oh my word – trip from hell to the Inlaws!
So we take a very over tired C down to ME after no nap at all (2 hrs singing in cot), and she was delightful. Didn't really understand the presents thing, clearly MIL and FIL expected more of a reaction from her, but oh well. We didn't eat until after 4 (got there at 2.15, having had to do presents first, I had had a snack before we left home but was starving by this stage (no nibblies at all, I actually had one of C's crackers and some of her sultanas while I offered her afternoon tea!).
After meal (which was actually quite nice) MIL offered to take her for a walk while "I got a break" - of course kitchen being a huge mess I felt obliged to do dishes as Jane had helped prepare the meal, so never really sat down and rested. She took 90 mins for this walk and got back at 6.30pm - I had assumed short walk so not sent hat, crackers or drink - C apparently did ask for both crackers and drink while she was out, MIL took her to some park. I bit my tongue as much as I could but before they got back even FIL was commenting on how long they'd been, in my head I was imaging Claudia running off in some park and MIL not being able to catch her or something (as MIL had not had her solo before), anyway I did (as politely as I could) say to FIL that Claudia normally had dinner at 6 (it was after 6 at this stage) and bed at 7, and she had had no nap today so was quite tired, and A was trying to get to soccer match in the city too. I am pretty sure FIL got the point. When MIL did get back I held my tongue but I assume she thought me rude as I didn't really talk to her, A put stroller in car, I did super quick nappy change and we were off. C got stroppy in car home (45 min drive!), asking for food (only had crackers with me as hadn't realised we'd be out that long). Anyway got home, A unpacked car and headed off to city, I offered C dinner, she nibbled at some (I'm not worried she will fade away), into bath then all hell broke loose. Clearly so tired, she'd start with one bath toy then toss it away etc, after few mins I decided enough was enough and went to get her out, she flipped out, wriggling and squirming and screaming, I eventually got her out (hurt myself in the lift) and wrapped her in towel and tried to hold her close for minute to calm her down, she BIT me on shoulder hard, which took me by surprise, anyway eventually got her dried and dressed and into bedroom, she was quite clingy at this stage, head on my shoulder for story time, lots of post-screaming sniffing, then into bed and haven't heard a peep since (about 15 mins) so HOPE she has absolutely crashed and in land of nod already. Basically am furious at MIL, clearly we all survived but it shouldn't have been that way.
Claudia woke at normal time this morning and was super-tired all morning, over tired, loosing it over tiny things. Into bed at Mum's and crashed asleep in minutes and nice 2 hr nap - she looked quite "jet lagged" poor mite during her lunch - we worked out she missed 4-5 hrs of normal sleep yesterday between her non-nap and late bedtime! Anyway this afternoon we had Dad's cousin S and her 98 yr old mum (my Great Aunt M) at Mum and Dad's, we get them over for Christmas afternoon tea each year, normally see them maybe one other time each year. Fortunately after her nap C was in good form, they were "enchanted"! anyway got her home and had early dinner and into bed few mins early, she did take some time to go to sleep, hopefully she wakes in good mood for her last day at CC before Christmas.
So I have 2 weeks holidays then 12 weeks more of work (including 2 public holidays, so I think it will go fast) then I'm into 2nd lot of "baby secondment" LOL. As for pregnancy, if we ignore PI for one minute, I'm cruising currently, feel fine, really nothing else to complain about, in that nice 2nd trimester part where energy levels relatively good, and feeling pretty good over all. Trying to enjoy as much good stuff as I can now, while it lasts, before I get super tired again, because I assume this is last pregnancy and as there are some very nice aspects to pregnancy, I want to make sure I’ve got good memory of it and don't only remember the PI pain!
Christmas Day – C’s presents (Inlaws – felt board, puzzles, crayons and paper, threading and beading set), Adrian and Jane – dollie in fabric bassinette and bath duckie, Mum and Dad – kettle and tea set, dollie in wooden cradle with clothes and cloth nappies, teddy and books). From us – plastic microwave, plastic food, plastic mixer, play dough set, In The Night Garden books
Took C to Collingwood Children’s Farm this morning with A and Mum and Dad, I hadn't been before (Mum had taken C previously) so didn't know how much walking involved - even though I only had to look after myself, with Mum and Dad and A chasing C, and I took short slow steps, after an hour I was quite keen to sit down, perching on any stone wall or seats we came across, for few mins at a time. Aching aching. Then we get home to message that friends who live in Sweden can call by this afternoon to see us - yay but holly heck, the state of the house! So quick clean up (or rather, toss stuff in bedroom,) then did manage one hour on bed while C napped before they arrived. Of course they have 3 and 5 yo boys so once C was awake it was off to park, now I haven't taken C to park since getting pregnant and there is a reason for that (although I miss it and I'm sad when A comes home each time telling me the new things she does)! So it was A LOT more time on feet all day than I really need and I'm quite quite achey tonight (oh, and I cooked dinner AND cleaned up afterwards as they were still here to right up to C's dinner time). Anyway so sore and achey and swollen feet so off to do physio exercises then get into bed!
Oh god, DO NOT ask me how I am feeling today, I think I must have some hormone surge going on because today has been dreadful, no kidding I reckon I've been in tears 5 separate times, and if I think about what triggered the tears each time, well its not life or death stuff!!! PI is crap and getting crapper. I can totally see how women with chronic health issues in pregnancy are at more risk of PND post birth. Yes heaps of movements started, roughly 14 wks but been stronger more consistent from 17 wks. Couple of times now I've even seen my tummy move a bit, so yeah pretty strong. 23.5 wks now, saw OB yesterday, all fine, next thing is blood test at 26 wks (gestational diabetes and iron and platelets). But mostly, aside from PI I am fine, nothing else "real" to complain about. If I just put my hands round my bump I don't feel too big but if I catch sight of myself in mirror side-on I look enormous for only early 20 something weeks. Two girls from MG last week said I looked "great" but the last week or so of work I had plenty of colleagues telling me how I "really looked pregnant now" in others words, huge, gee thanks. Ho hum, at least its clear I am pregnant and not stuck in that frumpy, is she or isn't she pregnant or just gaining weight phase. Also I am measuring spot on for dates, both ultrasound and OB's measurements, nothing unusual there.
No news here, I am seeing a physio once a week as well as the physio-led pilates, and the physio is giving me exercises to do at home, only I'm in too much pain by end of the day to do them so feel like I'm wasting her time, my time and my $$ too. Maybe if I could magically find spare 10 mins each morning when I am in less pain I could do them, but how the heck when I'm dealing with C, nappy, breakfast, milk, getting myself ready for work etc, sorry for whinge, am in grumpy-PI-mood tonight!!!!
Just .....So ...... Many ..... Appointments :-( Pilates once a week, physio who wants to see me once a week (currently trying fortnightly), trying to get to gym more than twice a week (so fortunate to have gym right next to work, gives me less excuse if I can go at lunchtime), breast surgeon was 4 weekly appts (now finished unless I get worried again), shouldn't need more ultrasounds, shouldn't need another blood test, OB appts about to start being fortnightly. I am SO lucky Mum keeps looking after Claudia and I've not had to drag her round here there and everywhere, which would have been total nightmare, especially as some appts would have clashed with her nap. Fortunately Claudia has not yet to attended ANY of my appointments, much less stressful for me, but I worry I am running Mum into the ground and will wear her out before bub even arrives!
Aside from ruddy pelvic instability I feel fine, nothing else to really to complain about.
Claudia still having lovely tantrums and being difficult/cheeky when she wants to be. Gotta love it when you try to discipline her or be firm, and she grins back at you and tries again and again to disobey. Still hits/throws toys too, which is probably more of a worry (as in could actually hurt someone), and still hits herself in the face too when frustrated, the books say she will stop when she works out she is hurting herself ...nope, not worked that out yet!
We went to the movies last night and Mum babysat - had Gold Class vouchers from last year's birthdays - saw Up In The Air - liked it but odd ending. Felt very decadent being waited on hand and foot though!!
Just feeling sorry for myself right now as had a good morning with mothers group and C behaving, then get home, she mucks round in front yard getting out of car and trying repeatedly to dash towards the road, requiring me to lunge and grab at her (ouch) then she mucks round walking up 2 steps to front dor, falling to knees and hanging from my hand, no matter how many times I asked her nicely to get to her feet, so eventually I bent over and grabbed her under armpits and picked her up and into front hall on her bottom (ouch again) and then after lunch which she ate beautifully, she ran round house requiring me to chase her and again lunge and pick her up to get her nappy changed and into cot (ouch ouch ouch). Aside from all that I'm just fine :-/
We’re ok, ish, lots of tantrums still when she gets tired/frustrated. Still hitting some of the time, we're working on it (my closest girlfriend J, who has a daughter 11 mths younger than Claudia (my goddaughter), and who I used to see fortnightly for a playdate, well I've seen her about 4 times since October, not clear why, but she did email me a Positive Parenting handout on "Children Hurting Others" which speaks volumes to me ....) Yeah, I'm upset about it. I've seen this girlfriend and her daughter about 4 times since October, after normally seeing her about every 2nd week. Not clear why but strongly suspect she has a problem with Claudia's behaviour! (although have also considered maybe she is upset I am pregnant and she is not, last I spoke to her months ago on this particular topic her husband wouldn't even talk about number 2 yet,) yes its her first child, and becasue she had hip dysplasia and was in a brace from 3-7 mths her gross motor skills were bit delayed, she only walked last month at 17 mths, and also she is petite (about 25th percentile, compared to Claudia who is 75th for weight and 97th for height) so guess Claudia next to her own daughter looks enormous and like she could really hurt her daughter .... I'm trying to stay calm about it and give her time to work out her daughter is pretty robust and that my daughter is fairly normal ....
Lets just say *I* slept on living room floor last night in the heat, not A who was in our bed, he threw massive strop at bedtime over the "noise" the ceiling fan makes and refused to have it on at all, I couldn't cope with heat in bedroom so slept on couch cushions on living room floor, after he had tried same cushions (so I could have ceiling fan on and stay in bed) and he decided after 3 mins he couldn't get comfortable, so he stomped round, back into bed he came, turned off fan and then tossed and turned. I gave up and took the floor option, as someone had to be the "adult" - I actually felt like screaming at him "hey hello, how pregnant am I" and given how much weight I have gained, I'd be within 10kg of his body weight, so if I can get comfy on couch cushions, why can't he ..... grump grump grump, sorry that probably made no sense! Vent over!!
Pelvis ~ erm, well ok ish , IF I somehow manage my physio exercises every night, IF I don't lift Claudia at all, IF I sit and rest a lot, which is easier said than done with active toddler under foot. I don't leave the house without another adult with Claudia unless I absolutely have to, she is too unpredictable in terms of pulling away from me, darting off, dropping to ground hanging from my hand and refusing to get back to her feet ....
Time left before 2nd bub ~ I tend to think "end of April, thats ages away" then counts the weeks etc and flips out! Especially when I think in terms of work days - I work 3 days a week and have 6 weeks left at work and there is one public holiday so thats 17 works days left - ruddy hell!!!
Sore/tight tummy ~ I don’t remember feeling this tight last time. Last time whenever I did feel tight I would rub in Palmers Body Lotion and feel instantly better - its not working this time!!!
Bump size ~ well my Mothers group keep telling me I look fabulous, which is always wonderful to hear whether its true or not! the 3 ladies I have most to do with at work (I work in very male-dominated place) have not had children/been pregnant and you can tell that because they keep saying "gosh you look REALLY pregnant now" - gee thanks ladies!!!!
High/low bump ~ I have a high bump, same as last time. Last time, every man and his dog went out of their way to tell me I was having a boy (people would stop me in the street, put their hand on my bump and say its a boy!!!!!) and well, they were all wrong. This time who knows LOL.
Pelvic instability driving me nuts, can constantly think of things I'd like to do but physically can't which does my head in. Aside from that I'm ok ....
Ummm, no real news. As I said to my OB this week, for someone who is 31 week pregnant, its February (ie, hot), I have active toddler to care for, and I have pelvic instability, yeah given all that I'm doing just fine LOL
A has been diagnosed with a hernia :-(
VENT ALERT ! Am in far more pain than I should be, because I've spent whole weekend totally overdoing everything because I suddenly have no help. Haven't heard from A today as to whether he's heard from GP yet about referrals to surgeon etc etc. Hmmmm.
Yesterday we had a fight about it, he thinks I'm being unreasonable being upset/grumpy with him, he says its not his fault and he wants more respect from me. Yes I know he didn't bring the hernia on himself but the fact that I am now in far more pain than I was pre-diagnosis (and I fear, without being over-dramatic, rapidly heading towards crutches) IS his fault because of the way he's handling this. I mean, there is a reason why I'm in more pain and the reason comes from him, so whether he asked for this or not, he is directly making my situation worse. He claims lifting Claudia isn't a problem because she "can do everything except climb into the cot" - ie, nappy changes on floor, she can climb into car seat, she can (assisted) climb into bath etc. Yes she CAN do those things, when she wants to, but 2 yos are notoriously fickle and when she is tired, stroppy etc she WON'T do as asked. Yesterday afternoon he tried to get her to climb into car seat, after 5 mins of her mucking round on car floor behind passenger seat, he stands back from car and says to me "I can't do it, you have to" - so yeah that went well didn't it, all that bending and twisting and heaving of un-cooperative toddler was SUCH fun for me. Then at bath time, same thing, after 5 mins of unsuccessful negotiations for him to get her to climb into bath, he calls out to me and I have to go in, lift her into bath (kicking and screaming I might add). Then at bedtime, he insisted on doing storytime even though I wanted to, but then when story is over he calls out to me to come in and put her in cot. Then he sat in front of tv while I did washing up from dinner and hung out nappies (a week ago I'd have asked him to pull nappies out of machine and put on kitchen bench for me to hang out at least). He said "well I did the bath, you're never pleased no matter what I do" - I had tears of pain running down my face at this point and still had lunches to make (mine and C), anyway eventually chores done and I took an ice pack to bed for pain relief ....
Oh good grief, shoot me now!
This ruddy hernia !!! Now hernia's are not a big deal, surgery itself is just a day case, etc but overnight (since he saw GP last Friday) he has turned into The Invalid. He won’t do anything, he won’t lift Claudia, he won’t do supermarket shop, nothing. Now I have a cleaning lady (got her a month ago fortunately) and I can do supermarket shopping online but, look selfishly, I’m 32 weeks pregnant, with Pelvic Instability and now suddenly the PI pain has gone through the roof over the last few days since he just stopped. He just stands there saying "I can't" and leaves ME to do all the work (ie, pick Claudia up)....
When I was pregnant with Claudia he did a knee injury requiring an minor op to remove some cartilage, surgeon said he’d be walking immediately post-op, well 4 weeks later he got rid of the crutches and 6 weeks post-op still wouldn’t do supermarket shop. So he has a history of crappy recovery and I’m grumpy …. He is mad at me for being upset with him, says its not his fault etc, yes I know logically its not his fault he got a hernia, but his overall attitude and leaving ME to do everything even though it puts me in more pain, well I can’t just smile blissfully though that … Anyway we see surgeon next week to find out when he has this hernia repaired, if it can/should wait until after bub arrives, what exactly he can/can’t do in mean time etc etc.
I saw OB today and because of hernia/my increased PI pain she has offered a 38 week induction, which I am very open to ….
So I’m in a heap of pain and grumpy mostly …..
What is beyond grumpy then furious then ropeable? well thats me right now ....
I was meant to go out to dinner with some girls I used to work with tonight, now I do not have much of a social life so was really looking foward to this (although had spent all day stressing over what to wear LOL). 5pm A rings, says he's been sick at work and can my mum babysit as he's coming home to go to bed and can't look after C. Mum can't babysit, so I'm here typing this instead of being out with the girls ... grump grump grump. I know the hernia isn't actually his fault, I know food poisoning (I assume that is what this is) is not his fault, but boy oh boy am I furious anyway ....
We had huge storms in Melbourne yesterday afternoon. I've never seen hail like it, our yard looked like snow had fallen! Anyway after the hail the storm water backed up and street flooded, it got to our 2nd top step so for very anxious half hour we thought the house would be flooded. In that time A was grabbing everything to try to block water coming in front door, and I was racing round the house trying to get some more valuable things off the floor. We were both operating on adrenaline and I never felt any pain - but wow did the pain in my pelvis kick in later, and I've had little sleep and still in lots of pain now, I really did far too much, lifted far too many things etc yesterday.
ME ME ME again
A off on 6 day sales conference on next Sunday - to Crowne Plaza in Hunter Valley (he also has track record of this sort of thing, only it was Port Douglas when I was 7 mths pregnant with Claudia, in wintry June ....), he actually put the luxury accommodation brochure under my nose, geez mate give me a break! Soooo looking forward to 6 days of Claudia with no help (not). Its my last week of work next week too (thank goodness)
Whinge whinge whinge ....
Family "help" ~ I am super-lucky in that my mum lives close by and is really really helpful, cooking, cleaning, laundry, endless energy to play with C etc etc. MIL, hummmppphhh! A (who adores his mum) keeps saying she'll help - ok so C is 2.5 yrs old, she's taken her to the park once, never babysat aside from that (if you count that as babysitting), never produced a home cooked meal, never offered to help around the house – in my opinion MIL and FIL only like to come and Visit and See the Baby and sit on the couch and Drink Tea. Complete contrast to my hands-on, proactive, helpful mum!!
Am trying to update my dairy, haven't done that much lately, not compared to when first pregnant - time going so fast. I’m not sure whether to be amused or appalled but someone asked me this week about baby names and I realised we haven't talked about names for this baby yet - opps!! Guess we should get on to that ... (I’m 35 and a bit weeks along ….)
Doing ok without A but only because Mum helping so much. Sunday we went there for playdate (I got told to lie on couch with feet up) and Mum sent me home with home made shepherds pie. Monday Mum picked Claudia up from child care to save me rushing from work. Today she had Claudia as usual for a Tuesday while I was at work but again brought her home to save me collecting her. So grateful!
One more day of work - Friday!! Then onto 2nd lot of maternity leave (or a baby secondment as a good friend of mine calls it!!)
Claudia sits happily on her potty every night before bath and a month or so ago two nights running did a trickle of wee, which I assumed was fluke and not deliberate/controlled action. Anyway tonight she did a bigger wee, and told me all about it, very proud. Not that I think she is "ready" right now but clearly getting more and more toilet "aware" - would be just my luck if she is actually "ready" right when bub due, I can't be bothered with TTing right now, nappies seem so easy LOL
Claudia still at child care 2 days a week and will keep going after I stop work – she loves it (talks about it and the staff and the other children when at home, and happy to go off each morning), plus I don’t want to lose her place as I do have to return to work next year) plus 1 day with Mum which might change a bit when I stop work. is enough She is doing a bit of night waking (hasn’t slept beautifully consistently since Christmas) and I think its sub-conscious awareness something is changing with new bub on way so I am trying to deal with her best I can, without encouraging clinginess but without pushing her away and telling her to "get on with it."
We talk about the new baby and have two great picture books abut new babies but I doubt C really gets it, probably won't until we bring new baby home ... she does talk sometimes about a baby brother (started saying sister then after couple of days switched to a brother ...) which could be interesting sign LOL!
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 27/10/2009, 06:53 PM
Finally made it under 60kg – was 59.15kg yesterday (to my immense surprise as the last months has been reduced exercise and increased eating with both Claudia and I being sick with colds). All my pre-pregnancy clothes fit again now – had a trying-on session about a week ago and was pleasantly surprised . Skin on tummy flabbier than before and bust reduced (12A now, sob!) but hey, she’s worth it. Shame it took me just under 2 years to get back to this! A good week is 2 x BodyPump classes and 2 x BodyAttack classes and nothing else – jogging at 5am hasn’t happened in weeks. I do my pelvic floor and Pilates exercises as often as I can, aiming for 3 times a day for PF and every second night for Pilates. Diet-wise, most days I would have cereal or porridge for breakfast (I like the oat, all-bran, sultana recipe from WW 21 Day Wonder Diet book), lunch is grainy bread toasted with vegemite and tasty cheese, plus salad – as much cucumber, sugar snap or snow peas and green capsicum as I can squash into a 250ml plastic tub to take to work. Dinner is whatever A cooks and we try to stick to things C will eat – chicken, cheesy pasta (made with celery soup and asparagus), mustard chicken and mash (made with potato, corn and chives), lamb and potato wedges with green beans, and chicken leek lemon pie. I try to avoid snacks, try to remember to eat fruit to demonstrate good habits to C, oddly do better on work days (one piece morning and another in afternoon) than non work days. Definitely cutting back on snacks and avoiding the chocolate A eats in the evening has probably made single biggest difference.
Claudia has been doing lots of "Mummy, cuddle?" and bursting into hysterical tears over the weekend. And not even Daddy can calm her down, it HAS to be me. No idea why. I'm happy to give her lots of cuddles, but at same time don't want it to become a habit if no good reason for it. Mind you in few years time I will struggle to get cuddles from her at all, should take them while I can LOL! Last night she did it in the highchair. Now I was not, mid-meal, fishing her out for a hug over nothing (not like she's fallen over and hurt herself for example) so I put my arms round her as best I could and tried to divert her with "round and round the garden like a teddy bear" and "this little piggy went to market" on her fingers until she giggled and smiled, then we got on with the meal. A bathed her but she was inconsolable when he got her out so I had to dry and dress her, then he tried to put her to bed, again more tears, so I gave her small cuddle (while A tried to read story over her cries) then I managed to get her back on his lap "to see the story book" and relatively calm while I knelt on floor in front of them (tried to let A get on with it), then at the end of the story I turned off the light and slipped out of the room and left him to put her into the cot - more cries of "Mummy, cuddle" but she did calm down quickly without me going back in. Phew! Slept fine and was fine at child care this morning to be dropped off.
Ohhhh. Positive HPT. So due late April-ish. 2 yrs, 7 mths gap – nice, much smaller gap would have really freaked me out! Have rung and booked in with new OB, really liked her midwife on the phone, which is a good start. Don’t see her until late September. Have also rung and made a Pilates appt with “the best person for pelvic floor and pregnancy issues” at the Pilates studio, that appt is early September, find out then what she advises I do/don’t do activity-wise. No symptoms besides missing AF, except slightly sore (.)(.) yesterday. This might explain Claudia’s tears over the weekend, maybe she “knows something is up” (although how??). Also felt few suspicious niggles in my hips/glutes over weekend, please don’t tell me the Pelvic Instability (PI) is coming back this fast! Wait and see!
Happy 2nd Birthday Claudia!!
Claudia turned 2 today. Where did that last 2 years go?! That babyhood part is so intense but its over so fast (she was well clear of being a "baby" by 16 mths, a month after starting to walk, starting to wear proper shoes and dresses...) She had no idea what all the fuss was about but had fun anyway! 12 adults plus 5 children and 1 baby in our backyard, with the toy library party pack, afternoon tea and cup cakes. Super tired toddler by the end of it, she did really well.
Wednesday we’re hosting a joint Mothers group party, since I will still have the party pack in the garden. Then I may well be birthday-ed out, so tired..!!
Hmmm feeling very bloated today, although may be as much the junk food I ate over the weekend (and more cup cakes today) as anything. I think I'm 8w1d but won't really know until see OB next week. Have been feeling very queasy on and off through the day, lightheaded on and off and super super tired. Some headaches, but since symptoms vary across the day and not mostly afternoon headache/evening queasiness of last time, this seems worse to cope with. Tend to get to work and crave to lie down on office floor for a nap! And train trip into office is such hard work, crowded trains, no spare seat, very sensitive to changes in temperature even without a winter coat on. Moving office next week so will start driving to work, which not really looking forward to, but maybe for the best right now!
PI pain niggling away, doing pilates once a week (1 on 4 session) and booked for every week until Christmas, hoping it will keep it at bay. Guess ultimate goal is to stay off crutches. Currently doing BodyPump at gym (no lunges) once a week, not got energy for 6am classes currently so only once a week, and that's ok, hoping to keep going with that, physio said I could. Wear the pelvic stability belt on days I know I will be more physical with Claudia, lifting her etc, for now, and not days I'm sitting down a lot, like work days.
Claudia has had a cold/cough for over a week now, up and down a lot, I try to keep her quiet in between days at work (ie, we wanted to go to the Royal Melb Show but had quiet day home last Thurs for her sake), then we had AWFUL weekend away, she slept so badly, waking every single hour all night (7pm-6am) both nights needing her back rubbed and then last night (first night home) similar so I am beside myself with sleep deprivation! Then child care rang me at 3.30 today saying she had a temp and to please come collect her, so I'm home early ...
I saw my (new) OB today and she did a quick scan and confirmed dates (9wks 3days) which was exactly what I had worked out for myself (I don't have 28 day cycle, I worked out EDD based on guessed 30 days cycle which turned out to be right). So EDD Anzac Day!! Anyway so not telling the world until after 12 wk scan - which will be 21st Oct, at 13wks 3 days as they can't fit me in earlier :-/
New OB is Kate Duncan and same hospital (Cabrini) - the person J tried unsuccessfully to get into see when she had J (she made her phone calls about 5 wks which was too late!!) - this person used to share consulting rooms with my old OB which I thought might be significant - that they parted ways as not operating in same way. Anyway I liked her on meeting and explained I had seen my old OB first time round and not gone back because of "bedside manner" that we didn't really gel. She said that fine, its a very personal thing, she is sure some of her patients don't go back to her for some reason. She said its not like having appendix out when you go to any good surgeon and it doesn't matter if he's in grumpy mood! She also said that we lived in a big city so plenty of choice, not like stuck somewhere remote with no choice. Also I really liked her manner, for example when I explained my previous labour, the 37 hrs of 2-3min contractions and no ability to rest in between, she stopped writing notes, put her pen down and looked at me and said "oh my gosh you must have been so tired” - real empathy which I NEED because I am scared of next labour so need her to understand what I am worried about. Also when I told her C was never sleepy newborn, that I had to pace up and down for an hour after every feed even in middle of night in hospital to get her to sleep, so again no rest, she said "wow, its amazing you've come back for a 2nd at all!" - I said "yeah well, you'll note she's 2 yrs old, that decent gap was deliberate, I didn't exactly RUSH back for number 2!!
A is ok, understand the cautiousness more leading up to the 12/13 wk scan this time (last time was far more excited when I was more cautious and kept giving me a hard time about being too negative, but ever since we saw a lady come out of the ultrasound ahead of me, while we sat in waiting room, she was in tears so clearly not good news, he now understands there are real risks). I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic. Also my cousin (exact same age as me) and his wife (also same age as me) had a Downs baby 2 yrs ago - so risks are plenty real to me, hence me not wanting the world to know yet!
I've been super super super tired, like I get to work and just CRAVE to lie down on the floor and they can walk over me LOL. And I've been going to bed as soon as I've had dinner to try to compensate but barely makes a difference. Also nausea and queasiness on and off, lightheaded on and off, super sensitive to temperature changes so the train in the mornings to work was hard work (one bonus of now driving to work!), headaches on and off, food aversions galore (living mostly on cereal and toast, forcing down a banana a day so I've had some fruit ....). So bit different to pregnancy with C which was just tiredness, headaches every day, queasy in evenings only and adverse to vegies only. Ho hum. Hoping to feel better in couple of weeks. The weeks around C's birthday, her party and then the MG party just 3 days later after 2 days at work, that was VERY hard work but worth it!!
As for pelvic instabilty, that started before I knew I was pregnant! I had 2 "symptoms" before positive HPT, one was PI niggles and one was C doing "mummy, cuddle" followed by hysterical crying at all times, mid meal etc. Anyway so I have seen a physio and already fitted with a belt, which I wear on days I am physically looking after C, not work days (yet, by end I will wear it 24/7). The goal is not to keep me out of pain, but to keep me off crutches ...! This is why I now do Pilates once a week rather than just the at-home exercises which are not nearly effective enough. Big time commitment but I am HOPING it helps. A doing heaps extra already, lifts C wherever possible, in/out highchair, on/off change table etc. I can't do supermarket shop without him, I can't touch vacuum, I’m not meant to push stroller but sometimes I just have to, etc.
Had really crap day with Claudia - lots of full-on tantrums, ie, in highchair throwing head backwards and screaming, turning round in her chair to bite the back of the seat, hitting own head with hands, hitting and kicking at me, sobbing uncontrollably, throwing spoon, food etc (quite a distance). Partly tantrum, partly not well I think. Had temp again today so 8.45am tomorrow GP appt, I will take morning off sick from work for that, its month-end and my busiest afternoon of the month so must be in office by lunchtime, A to take afternoon off sick (Mum can look after Claudia if A can't but he says he can) - been 2 wks (yesterday) since this cold/cough started and to have temp on/off even now is bit odd, I had assumed it was a virus and needed to run its course, but after all this time want her ears and chest looked at/listened to. Also her appetite has been very up and down, like today small breakfast, normal morning tea, not one crumb for lunch (never done that before), snacked in afternoon, medium dinner, anyway she has visibly lost weight, thighs, tummy, bum, even less chubby cheeks, over last few weeks, having to pull in waist bands, use smaller settings on nappies etc, esp in the last week, with each cold.
Back from GP - one ear "quite red" and throat "gunky" so first ever script of antibiotics (quite impressive I got her to 2 yrs without need for them before now!). Chest all clear. GP said started viral as I guessed and picked up bacterial infection due to lowered immune system fighting virus. Not worried about weight loss. A will be home by lunchtime so I can go to work.
Driving to work is so far ok but its school holidays so will be worse next week and I'll have to play round with leaving for work earlier, maybe talk to boss about starting and then finishing work bit earlier each day. Will see. Today was hard, juggling umbrella and toddler and child care bag and my own hand bag into the car and out again at the child care centre - it was tipping down with rain and I didn't want C wet!!
The antibiotics have helped, she seems much better in herself. But she slept badly last night, I think I was up about 3 times rubbing her back. So bit tired ...
Had C's 2 yr check today at MCH nurse
Weight - 13.5 kg - 75-90th percentile (up from 11.5 kg - 50-75th percentile at 18 mths and up from 8.5kg - 10-25th percentile at 12 mths)
Height - 92.5cm - 97th percentile (up from 84cm - 90th percentile at 18 mths and up from 73cm – 50th percentile at 12 mths)
Head - 49.5cm - 90-95th percentile (up from 47.5cm - 75th percentile at 18 mths and up from 50th percentile at 12 mths)
So not stopped growing rapidly then!!
Still can't believe she was 8.5kg (10-25th percentile) and 73cm (50th percentile) at 12 mths!
Claudia started saying "please" without having to be prompted in last week or so. Sometimes she says it right, normally, in context. Othertimes she does it with huge Labrador-puppy-who-has-not-been-fed-for-a-week eyes (like asking my mum for a biscuit!) whish is very funny!!!
Not at work today, we have not had a good night with C overnight since that ruddy weekend away 2 weeks ago and Friday and Saturday nights were quite bad in particular, Sat night I spent 2 hrs lying on the floor in C’s room with my pillow and fleece blanket (and darling Tab curled up on floor with me! that got me quite teary!), because every 10 mins she'd wake and need her back rubbed yet again and I was SOOO over getting in and out of bed. Anyway so I spent whole weekend feeling really queasy because I was so tired (hadn't felt queasy for about a week before this, thought it was behind me) and slept badly again last night (although C FINALLY slept through!) so at 3am this morning I decided I needed a day in bed. So I got up, showered, dressed, took C to child care, dropped her off, came home, pj's back on and am spending day in bed. I'm up now for lunch and then back into bed, am dozing, staring at ceiling, flipped through one magazine, just lying there doing NOTHING and man do I need it!!
Oh god, just shoot me now :-(
I feel sooooo crap. Spent all day in bed yesterday resting, only got up when A brought C home and did her dinner and bath and into bed then back into bed myself after I'd had dinner and done dishes and lunches for today. Had a lousy headache at that point but assumed I'd sleep it off. Well didn't sleep and certainly its not gone, its THUMPING away, I feel unbelievably bad. Have taken Panadol (not that I expect it to help). then there was drive in to work - 50 mins :-( Mind you I left later than I wanted because A was running late, ideally I'd have left a good 20 mins earlier, I would expect that would help. Anyway here now, just want to lie in cool dark quiet room, not be in front of computer in artificially lit room (no where near a window).
I had mothers group Wednesday and went to see C with son T (2 yrs 3 mths) and new baby E (4 wks) yesterday morning. She had full face of make up and seemed to be doing amazingly well. She is in small 2 bedroom house, atm E sleeps in bassinette in corner of living room, I am tipping that won't last!! Mum came by both Wed and Thurs afternoon to help me with C - took her to park and short trip on train to the market so I could rest - so grateful.
Think I'm feeling ok-ish today, all week has been headaches on and off, tired on and off, queasy on and off. Food aversions really meaning I don't have balanced diet at the moment! Last night we were meant to either have chicken and leek pie or chicken and veg risotto (had all ingredients in fridge/freezer) and because I am anti-chicken atm, we opted for Thai takeaway (beef dishes!) -not exactly budget or waistline friendly :-/
I've had queasiness, lightheadedness, headaches and super tiredness plus heap of food averisons (between what you can't eat when preg and what I don't feel like eating I'm on a pretty carb-rich diet!). I'm now 13.5 wks and "only" tired and headaches left, the other symptoms eased off. I'm in bed by 8pm every night and have a nap when Claudia naps on the days I don't work.
Unfortunately the Pelvic Instabilty/Pelvic Girdle Pain I had with Claudia is back and worse - niggles started at 4wks (started at 12 wks with Claudia) and I'm already in the level of pain that I remember from about late 2nd trimester with Claudia. Heaven help me in later pregancy this time - how bad will it get - right now I am very confident this will have to be last baby, surely a 3rd pregnancy would be too much to bear. A is already doing heaps extra, with Claudia, round the house, clenaing, supermarket etc, I don't touch supermarket trolley or vacuum, I really minimise lifting Claudia etc, but wow its hurting and getting worse. I was fitted with the support belt at 6 wks, sometimes I wonder if its helping. I now have a "support recovery comfort" branded pregnancy garment (similar to bike pants) to wear instead, again some days I wonder if its actually helping. My goal is to stay off crutches, lot of days I am not optimistic.
Had the 12 wk scan yesterday and its all good, saw arms and legs moving which is always cute. I had that scan at 12 wks with Claudia and wow the difference in what you see with extra week gestation is quite amazing, I don't remember seeing leg bones and toes at 12 wk scan with Claudia!!
Thank goodness its Friday afternoon at last!
I've told my boss (who said "congratulations" and then "when are you off?") and then few colleagues who sit near me - as with when I announced C's pregnancy almost everyone around me is older and already have children and are mostly male so they're all quite pleased for me in genuine way which is quite sweet. Emailed a couple of other people in other offices who I have previously worked more closely with. Nice to have it out in the open and not have to worry about state of waistline!! At least 2 people have commented they had thought I looked very tired lately ...
Have OB appt at 4.15pm so have to leave work early today - unfortunately its month end so lousy day to leave early, so have told boss I will take laptop home and finish off couple of things tonight (not a big deal, just checking timesheets are in and approving any that have been missed).
OB appt on Friday went well, I do like her more than previous OB and A came with me Friday so he's met her now too (couldn't make first appt) and he agrees she's nicer, seems more interested in me (as mum-to-be) than previous OB. We talked about my headaches, she has said its ok to take Panadeine if Panadol just not cutting it and headaches really bad, which is nice to know I have that as back up (will try hard to not need it though). She suggested food intake may be part of it (hormones clearly part of it too), so headaches come on when blood sugar drops - which explains things like me waking with headaches most mornings but generally after I have eaten breakfast I'm ok. So I need to concentrate on having low-GI snacks to hand I think. Also I mentioned how badly I sleep even though I'm in bed long enough (ie, I'm wakeful for hours in the night, I'd been partly blaming cats on bed but they now sleep on sofa, and partly blaming A's snoring, and partly blaming C who most nights cries out at least once even though I don't have to get up to rub her back (did have to get up last night though). Anyway she suggested more gentle exercise - I then said I was limited by PI - now the only downside to OB is that she did not seem at all interested in my PI pain even though I said I was already in the level of pain now that I was in at end 2nd trimester last time, so quite a bit more advanced (from what I read online, in the PI buddy group on EB etc, its normal, most OB's write PI pain off as normal aches and pains of pregnancy ....) but she may well be right in that more exercise, the stuff I can do (which is limited but its not nothing yet) might help -I've been getting to gym for weights once a week and desperately want to get a 2nd session in each week - this week will try to get back to 6am Wed class I'd stopped doing because so low in energy. Also physio had said I could sit on exercise bike so again if I can get to gym one or two days a week for even half an hour for that (so maybe need to think about evenings after C in bed I guess, then its a trade-off between getting to bed super early and getting some exercise and hoping that leads to better quality sleep ....). Anyway so stuff to think about.
Posted by ~*Lou*~, 01/07/2009, 05:03 PM
January 09 – Gym & exercise~ since end of November I finally have some regular exercise happening, generally Monday before work (about 5.30am!) a 40 min jog. Wednesday 6.15am Body Pump class before A goes to work, Thursday 6.15am Body Attack class (If A doesn't have an early start to work), Saturday longer jog (80 mins today and man am I sore now!) and Sunday 9.30am Body Pump. PLEASE PLEASE may I finally lose some weight, I am still 10 kg heavier than when I got pregnant and still BF too!! The point of the long jog on Saturdays is I have entered the Run For the Kids on 5th April (14.1km), I did it in 2006 and its to benefit Royal Children's Hospital.
We made the switch to one nap a day at 17 mths. Claudia had been doing really well with 2 naps most days, except childcare days she'd only have one nap and we were about to switch centres and increase her days to 2 a week plus she had a day with Mum when she never had 2 sleeps and Mothers group days she often missed an afternoon sleep. Anyway that’s all quite garbled (!!) but i thought maybe if she consistently had one sleep a day she would adjust.
So I made sure we stayed busy through the morning, not sitting round the house. I thought she'd fall asleep in the car or pram so had to be careful of that. Trips to park, shops, play-dates, playgroup, etc helped a lot. I just started as I meant to continue, using the daily routine i knew they had at child care (thought she'd settle in better at child care if she did the same sort of thing both at home and child care across the week) - so I worked my day round an 11am (11.30am at latest) lunch and then straight to bed from the highchair. Initially she only slept 1.5 hrs which wasn't enough and the end of the afternoon was hard work, but slowly she lengthened her one nap to 2 hrs, sometimes 2.5 hrs.
It was easier than i expected overall, just had to be ready with extra activities, extra diversion than normal to get through any extra-tired patches. Once she was in her new routine she did fine.
Claudia only had one hour sleep middle of today so very tired and prone to tears at mothers group this afternoon which was a shame. Came home and while I was heating up her dinner, she drove herself off the deck on her ride-on toy, backwards (!!) as I watched through kitchen window (its only 15 cm fall onto grass but even so!!). Nice. Split her lip, lots of tears - poor mite, must have been fright, plus over-tired plus hungry! All going wrong at once! (note sucking on cold wet face washer seemed to sooth as well as cleaned herself up!) But she did eat dinner (with some more tears) and then bath, and then fed to sleep again, in bed 35 mins ago.
Had my first pilates session today, have exercises to do at home and go back in 2 weeks (she wanted me back next week but I have physio appt then and not enough time to do both, juggling work and child care etc).
Australia Day - Off to thing in the Gardens this morning, RACV family day out I think, anyway my Dad is part of a wood-turning/woodcraft/box-making club and they have a stall there each year, helping children make bird boxes to take home, so we're going in to see Grandpa!!
Home. Claudia enjoyed animal nursery (chased geese and patted sheep), watched dog racing (fly ball, teams of 4 doing a relay with a tennis ball!) and beaming at Grandpa and his mates doing their wood craft thing.
She's had lunch and just gone down for a nap, A about to go out and grab some lunch for us and I'm online checking in for my flights tomorrow - got to go to Newcastle for work (project handover from them to me) for the day, 7am flight up, land home again 7.30pm if flight on time. Looonggg day. And A has to do bedtime without me (we're still BFing at bedtime normally!).
Off to work tomorrow and Claudia has her first day in new child care centre tomorrow - I am bit nervous, not only is it a change of care for her, but I am sending her in cloth nappies (velcro magicalls as so easy) with flushable liners (not used the liners before) so bit nervous, I have shown the staff how to change her but still .... also I have to send all her food and they expect her to eat a sandwich or other finger food for lunch, which she generally won't ... her previous child care centre provided disposable nappies so I turned a blind eye to it, and they provided food and were happy to spoon feed Claudia her lunch. I know she will learn through copying other children but she's been in child care since 10 mths now and still not great with finger food of any type (except a banana or sultanas). Also I have to drop her off at 7.30am when they have all the children in one room, which will be the toddlers room, not the babies room she will be in - we've had 2 orientation visits (1 hr each) in the babies room, so tomorrow I have to drop her off in a room she's not seen before, with hopefully at least one of the staff from the babies room (one who she's met once and one who she's met twice ...), I just hope there won't be too many tears! (hers!)
Warning, maternal gloating ahead!!
Despite my stress-attack yesterday, today was absolutely fine for Claudia's first day in new child care centre: ate lots of her food (no protest hunger strike), not one tear when I left, fell asleep without needing settling (unheard of in prior child care centre), slept 1.75 hrs (only ever had 45 min in prior place), smiling happy to see me (not bursting into tears of relief) when I arrived to pick her up, staff said happy, babbling, noisy (as in “noisy when happy”) baby, they were amazed, said she fitted in to the room as if she'd been there before, cloth nappies not a problem, as first day's go, it was pretty impressive!!!!
Very happy proud mummy at the moment
The only catch turned out to be that she was super-tired from behaving so well, and once home just kept falling over in tears, getting reasonable amount of dinner into her was hard even when A got home (normaly eats better for him than me), early bath, short bath as she kept standing up and pointing to towel, so into bedroom for feed earlier than normal, fed to sleep in record time (despite me jiggling her, switching sides, talking to her), asleep in cot 6.02pm - record time!! (previous "super early" time was defined as 6.10pm, "normal" time is 6.30-7pm), fingers crossed she stays that way for the next 12 hrs!
Opps, that will teach me to gloat
She woke 20 mins later
Still awake and crying now
Super-hot in her room, fan on high, dressed as lightly as I can manage
Won't have another drink - I tried
A in with her now while I have break
Super tired baby, poor mite
A took our 2 cats to vet today for their annual jabs, we had suspected Tabitha had lost weight but were shocked to find out she's lost 700g in the last year so now 2.9kg (Maya unchanged on 4kg and a bit)- vet took urine and blood sample and will ring in morning, we hope with no grim news. The theory is its stress, hopefully not something like diabetes or her liver. But if it is stress I'm not sure what we can do for her - we have a very small house, they are indoor cats, we've already blocked Claudia from getting into our bedroom so they have that space as their own, etc. Anyway so I'm a bit upset/fretful and hoping whatever it is is manageable. Anyone know if they do a pussy cat valium?!
Vet says Tab's blood test was ok, we take her back in 6 wks to check if she's lost more weight (hope not!). In mean time I want to call vet back (vet spoke to A) to ask if we can do more for her, supplement her diet in anyway, etc.
Off to gym this morning for favourite class - have only had about 3 lots of exercise in last 2 weeks, for variety of reasons, was doing so well last month with regular sessions.
Vet rang today, Tab is NOT ok as other vet told us on weekend, on review of her BT results, he noticed very high calcium in Tab's blood, which is BIG worry, wants her back tomorrow for another BT then maybe full body scans etc, worst case is cancer, I'm just gutted and very panicky
J asked me to be hr daughter J’s godmother today - christening end of next month. I am so flattered!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
I'm home alone.
A is at the soccer.
I'm a member he said.
Its the finals he said.
He booked his ticket 3 weeks ago and he knew what 14th Feb was.
However he did give me a small box of my favourite chocolates from my favourite chocolate shop (Koko Black) this morning so guess I should not complain!
I plan to hit the couch with Mamma Mia DVD and a glass of Baileys any minute now. Mind you I also plan on bailing out the baby bath water for the garden and hanging out the nappies that are currently in the washing machine. Such glamorous life this!
Tabitha needed a 3rd blood test which she had yesterday but vet did it a different way (different equipment so hopefully we get a proper result and not contaminated etc, so she had to fast overnight the night before (so we had to fast both cats because you can't leave food out over night and not expect them to both eat it!) she spent whole day at the vet's and had to be sedated ... poor mite, she came home last night very groggy, couldn't walk straight, third eye lid showing etc. She kept meowing in a very odd way and only wanted my lap, every time I put her down (ie, to do dishes) she'd cry. Spent the night asleep under the covers with me. Seems ok today. Please please hope its all ok and no more tests/trips to vet…
PLUS my Mum is having a small "womens" type procedure today, also please please pray she's ok and nothing nasty is found ...
Still waiting on blood test results, Tab had her 3rd test Tuesday but the lab only process this particular test on Tues and Thurs so we think it will have been processed today, results to vet tomorrow, then vet has to call us - hoping its all ok. Mum sounded ok on phone today, recovering from the GA (she reacts badly but its a known thing so they can treat it in Recovery) - she doesn't get her results until next week I think.
This morning Mum phones. background - 5 yrs ago she had routine mammogram which revealed "something" so further tests showed some cancerous cells, not a lump. Surgery removed the cells from a milk duct, plus a margin (bit of tissue round the area, kind of insurance) - pathology results were so good (margin so clear of any cells) the doctor didn’t even order radiotherapy. But breast cancer patients were (might be different now) put on 5 yrs prescription of Tamoxofin (spelt wrong) which is meant to reduce risk of breast cancer, but it has side effects. So Mum now has a mammogram every 12 weeks (yep, 12 wks) for life. And other various tests every 6 mths. The T can increase risk of various other cancers through the pelvic/reproductive area. So last November she had her routine half-yearly tests, something showed up on ultrasound, but doctor was so sure it was nothing he delayed the further investigations until this last week saying it would be fine ... grrrr... last Wednesday she had a D&C and some tissue removed and last night she got pathology tests back from her GYN. Unclear. Doesn’t look like cancer, but doesn't look benign either. So Monday morning she sees another specialist who will very likely recommend a total hysterectomy - immediately - the full version, with the large abdominal incision and 6 weeks plus recovery time. And then pathology on the tissue removed in surgery will reveal if there is anything sinister there and then if there is/was (now removed) whether she then needs any other treatment like chemo or radiation therapy. Sound fun? I’m trying to stay calm. We should know more next week. I am trying to stay calm about the idea of anything happening to my Mum, about my Tuesday's child care, about Mum being sick and how much can I help. Talk about wishing you had a magic wand to wave and make things better!!!!
I'm just off the phone from talking to Mum, this ruddy specialist doctor, honestly, no consideration for the patient's nerves, she's been waiting and waiting since last Friday and we still don't know!!! She had her appt at 6pm tonight (after 45 mins sitting in waiting room, nice touch), the doctor said he would do a hysterectomy but the scale of it (partial/total, which incision type, what therefore recovery time) he will know once he's talked to yet another pathologist about her biopsy results from last week, which will be Friday, so poor Mum waits and waits again! It does look like the hysterectomy will be within the next 2 weeks either way, but when exactly, the extent of the op, the hospital she'll be at, how long she'll be in hospital, the recovery, are all up in the air. So she's mega frustrated which I understand, I'm catching up with her tomorrow morning.
End of Feb 09
So cute. A few nights ago, maybe a week ago now, I put Claudia to bed after her bedtime breastfeed, she was awake but drowsy, and as I laid her down, she grabbed her teddy and held it to her chest, head rolled to one side (the side of the cot I was on) and I could see her looking up at me through teddy’s fur, sleepy smile on her darling face. Tonight she went into the cot wide awake (unusually wide awake), again grabbed teddy while I tucked the sheet over her, then as I put the cot side up and turned the light out, she said “bye bye” – now she says “bye bye” a lot, at the usual appropriate times, but she’s never said it to me from her bed!!
Very quickly as must bath baby who is super tired from child care
Mum's op is Wednesday 6.30pm, but has to be admitted to hospital 4pm the day before!! gosh it will be a long day for her, waiting waiting. Still don't know what type of incision, whether its total or radical hysterectomy, how long for recovery etc.
But my boss today said I can work from home on Tuesdays as long as I need to - so I am very fortunate he's so understanding (this guy is young, not married, no children).
Mum’s op is tonight- I spoke to her at lunchtime , she was getting bit fed dup with how slow the day was going as she waits round and can’t eat/drink anything, but she sounded basically ok
Dad rang about half an hour ago - Mum came through the surgery just fine. The surgeon rang Dad to say he was happy with everything, and that he didn't think he saw anything sinister but until the complete pathology is done over the next 48 hrs or so we don't know for sure, there might be something small and localised in the womb he didn't see. She had a pelvic incision (like a c-section but wider, from hip to hip) rather than a vertical incision from belly button down, so hopefully that will make her recovery a tiny bit easier. I'll know more after Dad sees her late tomorrow morning, she's in Critical Care Unit for the next 24 hrs, the surgeon sends all his patients there as standard so I'm not particularly concerned.
How's this for diversion - I did my first toy library duty tonight! Brought home 4 toys for Claudia (normally borrow 3 at a time but for doing a duty you get extra one!).
Last I heard from Dad she was back on the ward after her routine 24 hrs in critical care unit, and was eating a light supper, I'm hoping to talk to her by phone tomorrow and visit on the weekend.
Visited Mum today, she looked remarkably good given the op she'd just had, very mobile, lots of walking round the halls unassisted, moving relatively freely, literally hoping in and out of bed while I was there .. Only catch is she's having some side effects from the medications they are giving her (think trips to bathroom, lots of trips), that’s bothering her today more then the op itself!
Straight after Claudia's nap we're of to see Mum again, today she is allowed to put on day clothes and walk across road to the park opposite the hospital to sit on the park bench so she can see Claudia - A and my dad will be with us too (also to make sure she doesn't over do it - my dad is a surgeon).
Claudia's height - I think she's about average, compared at least to other babies in my mother group. She was right on 50th percentile for height ever since birth but last measurement was at 12 mths (still 50%) and next measurement is 18 mths check in 10 days time!
Working from home for first time today, constantly having to distract Claudia with a toy, run back to keyboard for bit until she comes back to me, then distract again, run again etc!
Text from Mum about an hour ago - "NO MALIGNANCY. Home tomorrow" Best news ever!!
Been to see Mum this morning, swept her laundry and kitchen floor, then mopped kitchen floor then vacuumed hallway and bedroom and living room, and changed sheets on her bed for her and my PI pain is back, which I am very unhappy about as its meant to last maybe 6-12 mths after bub is born, not 18 mths, I've already spent so much time and money on womens health physio and pilates and I do my exercises regularly as prescribed, and if it affects me doing regular housework then how awful will another pregnancy be when I get round to it ... shudder .... sorry for vent!
Also, have had to give up on idea of Run 4 the Kids fun run this year, combination of crap pelvic floor (no matter how many times I do my exercises) and runners-tummy (which never used to affect me like this pre-baby) meant those long runs (anything over an hour) were just too hard, too traumatic. In fact only 30 min jogs are quite “safe” and comfortable atm, and only if I have eaten well the day before and not got full bowel before I head out. I was doing quite well pre-super-hot-weather in January but after forced 3 weeks break tried to get back into it, battled for few more weeks then had to give up. Trying to focus energies on more trips to gym – 2 x BodyPump and 2 x BodyAttack is having to be a “good” week for now (with a 5th session of 30 min run before work one morning if I am really lucky). Still trying to loose this ruddy weight – have shifted about 6kg since Christmas but still want to lose abut 5-6kg more, heck even enough 3kg.
Lots of rain here today, my A and Dad are at the Avalon Airshow and will be very unhappy about the rain but its great for the gardens and water catchments (well I hope its good for the water catchments, certainly our rain water tank is filling up)
Meant to be working from home today, but checked credit card balance and thought it was awfully low and checked statement and TWO fraudulent transactions totalling $1,500 on Sunday - so been on phone to bank, card cancelled, fraud claim raised, new card on its way, have to set up direct debits all over again etc etc. Yuck!
OMG!! We had her 18 mth check today with the MCH nurse. OMG! I'm in shock
See she was born on 50th for head, length & weight. Then spent most of her first year on 25th for weight and 50th for head & length. Her 12 mth check had her on 10th weight (8.5kg) and 50th for head & length.
Today she is 11.53kg and 84cm tall! That's between 50-75th for weight, between 70-95th for height and she's 75th for head too. Ruddy heck - she's gained 3 full kilos and grown 11cm in height in 6 months!! I expected maybe all that for her whole 2nd year!!
Only slight "black mark" at her check-up is she can't yet point at eyes, ears, nose etc(only her belly button!!), which is actually not her fault, its mine (and A) - we actually haven't done that with her, so guess we'll be singing some body-part related songs with actions for a bit now LOL! She did point at the ball, teddy, baby, cup etc ok.
Bit stressy here, I am really upset about my friend's J’s daughter S – just been diagnosed with developmental hip dysplasia at 18 mths just last week, having hip reconstruction today, hip spica (cast) from chest to ankles for next 6 weeks then Rhino brace after that for minimum 6 more weeks. I was close to tears last night as I bathed C, thinking my friend J would be giving her daughter S her last bath for weeks, and when I packing C's bag for creche I was thinking how my friend wasn't packing S’s bag for creche but for hospital .. all day today at work I couldn't think of anything else but how hard it would be to pass your child over to the anaesthetist, how awful it would be watch them wake up in Recovery with that cast on too...
Tabitha had her chest x-ray today, which required more sedation, the x-ray showed nothing so we have a vetinary medical mystery on our hands because with her high calcium levels there is something wrong with her, just the vet can't find it (ruled out tumours, diabetes, kidney disease and parathyroid so far ...)
Mum recovering ok, although she admits that when the surgeon said 6 wk recovery she thought she was pretty fit and it would be more like 4-5 wks, well its 3 wks now and she is still very tired so admits yes it will be 6 wks before she will feel "right" which she finds frustrating. I took her to supermarket today as she doesn't feel like driving (is allowed to now) and did some laundry for her. A is away from Sunday to Friday next week (sales conference in Sydney) so i will do what i can next week, just can't go over and help in evenings if no one here to mind Claudia)
I visited my friend from mothers group and her daughter today - she came out of hospital yesterday although had to go back today for an MRI. Poor wee mite, the cast is from her ribcage down to her ankles, both legs, and her hips are at 90 deg to her torso and then knees also at 90 deg, so wide and flat. Fortunately she slept well last night in her own cot after 2 awful nights in hospital. I took choc chip cookies, some dresses my friend had asked me to look for in case they fit and some bubbles to entertain her daughter and some Grobags that are too big for Claudia but might work (shoulder poppers) for now ...
Also another good friend of mine is nearly 36 wks pregnant, with anti D blood issues, plus placenta preavia (only diagnosed last week) and has to go up to the hospital twice a week for CTG monitoring plus now they find bub is breech which is almost laughable but not quite, and OB just last week talked her into changing hospitals (from private hospital to being private patient in larger public hospital) so she has access to higher level of specialist care in case bub needs it (anti D issue mostly) so now she has another round of admission paperwork, hospital tours etc to sort out, poor girl, nothing seems to be going her way, unfortunately she's on other side of town so I can't help her at all, much as I'd like to, she has a 2.5 yo DD who she's hating having to drag round her seemingly endless appts (scans, monitoring, blood work, OB etc).
Think thats me in a nutshell, off to pack Claudia's daycare bag ready for work tomorrow ....
Claudia fed to sleep last night for maybe the last time, as my current plan is to wean at Easter – she hadn't fed to sleep for a few weeks and I thought that wouldn't happen again. I am enjoying it less the last couple of weeks, there is so much wriggling, kicking, squirming going on, she no longer just lies there, snuggled in, playing with her hair with her top hand and floppy legs tucked round me!
Sigh .... A headed up to Sydney Sunday lunchtime until Friday night for work sales conference. With Mum recoverying from her op this would be the first week since Claudia was born I really have no back-up -- yes I know I am so spoilt, because I know most people have this little support ALL the time.
So last night I had to resettle Claudia every single hour from bedtime to 4am, when she was sick in her cot, I got back to bed at 5.30am after 3 sheet/bedding/clothing changes then she slept to 7.45am. Got her up, didn't offer food, only BF (refused) then water (sips), clingy, generally out of sorts but otherwise ok, 2 wet but not sodden nappies from 7.45am up to 11.45am when I put her back to bed (she was rubbing eyes, its her normal nap time). She did ask for food about 10.45am, pointing at high chair so I offered her 1/3rd of a banana (normally eats one whole one) and 2 water crackers, plus more water. No dirty nappies, runny or otherwise. Am hoping the worst was all over at 4am this morning and she'll be ok for normal things like Mothers group tomorrow.
Through all this I am meant to be working from home today -not getting much done really!
No other news here really - only the friend who is heavily pregnant may have to be hospitalised on bedrest from the weekend for about a week (if she doesn't go into labour/have a big bleed earlier) until 38 wks then c-section - her Ob is increasingly worried about the location of the placenta and also wants more monitoring as her anti D levels are creeping up too. So she "only" has to sort out an extra week of child care for her 2.5 yo (on top of the week she'd be in hospital after bub is born anyway). Poor girl! I'm stressed for her just thinking about it.
Claudia slept ok last night (3 quick resettles only), the vomiting seems to have been a one-off the night before, she's not eating heaps but generally ok in herself, had one totally normal dirty nappy, so I’m not really worried.
Ruddy heck, A is never going away again (at least not while my mother can't help me!)
Am super-short on sleep especially after Claudia was sick earlier in the week, headachey tonight too
Then tonight, just after I put Claudia to bed, I go to sort out litter tray and there is blood, its Tab (the blood on her paw was giveaway) - anyway as I know vet yet to work out what is wrong I don't know if this is big issue or not, so ring after-hours vet and get VERY short and blunt on-call vet who would not even give me his name, said it was common in cats, no chat, wouldn't let me explain about her high calcium and blood tests etc, just said to make appt with regular vet in the morning ... nice customer service there. Anyway at least I don't have to phone Mum and hope she and Dad could come round now to sit with Claudia (who is not yet asleep) while I dash to vet tonight
Just off phone from Mum now, who will have Claudia for hour or so in morning so I can take Tab to vet - only has to play with her on floor, which she has been doing for couple of weeks now, at worst change nappy on floor (only if dirty), Claudia is very good, has adjusted, she doesn't ask Mum to pick her up, she just turns around and sits on her lap!
Been to vet, taken urine sample which had more blood in it, so its almost definitely cancer but we can't find tumour, probably something like lymphoma (spelt wrong), I am not putting her thru fine needle aspiration for diagnosis then repeated chemo to prolong life, the trauma of those procedures, this is a super-timid cat to start with, the car trips to the vet alone are freaking her out, so we're basically looking at deciding when to euthanize, based on quality of life - I’m just shattered
Saw 2nd vet for 2nd opinion on Saturday, spent most of rest of day in tears, really can't be anything other than lymphoma, we're not going down aggressive diagnosis and treatment path so Tab's at home on cortisone steroid to keep her comfortable. She seems brighter for now, eating again, blood in urine stopped for now.
My friend C had her baby yesterday at 37 wks, a boy called J, who is now in SCN under lights for jaundice (expected due to her anti D issues). She's trying really hard to get BF established (had trouble with her DD).
10/04/09 ~ Good Friday
Toothbrush/paste ~ i don't use paste yet, my MCH nurse said they just swallow it, to try after age 2. She will suck the brush if I give it to her, while i brush my own teeth, then sits on my lap on edge of bathtub while I brush her teeth.
Pillow ~ no pillow here, had assumed she'd get one when we move her to a bed (will hold off on that as long as I can)
Me ~ just had the most lovely morning. I make hot cross buns each year and each year we invite our friends round for Good Friday brunch and this year we had 7 adults plus bubs over, so that meant 7 yo J, 22 mth old T, Claudia plus 7 mth old J in my backyard, plus lovely friends to chat to, was really lovely to have that little informal social gathering. They've all gone now, mostly all heading away to family for weekend, Claudia is napping and we'll go see my parents this afternoon. Inlaws coming for lunch Easter Sunday.
Tabitha is doing fine for now, mostly back to her normal self, playing, eating, affectionate, we are sure has re-gained some weight, but we do know its the cortisone making her feel better, not some magic cure.
My friend C and her son J are coming home tomorrow, he only needed one night in SCN which was fabulous, I visited them on Wednesday in hospital, had lovely cuddle with bub (you forget how small they are!), she's doing so well, i am so pleased for her after her horror last few weeks of pregnancy.
Typing one-handed while holding ice pack to one boob. I'm weaning Claudia - last feed was bedtime Thursday night. Last night was fine, I was visiting friend in hospital and A got her to bed no trouble. Tonight I went to Borders before he got back from park to do dinner, bath and bed. she went into her cot ok but then the crying started - he had to go back in 3 times to pat & shhhh. It might be unrelated, she can't tell us whats bothering her tonight, but I feel guilty as all heck, and I know thats partly the hormones talking. So thats me, feeling bit sorry for myself tonight.
Claudia was making the feeds so much less fun for me the last month, no snuggling in for a sleepy cuddle (bedtime BF), and quietly playing with her hair, instead no matter how firmly I tried to hold her, she thrashed round, kicking her legs, wriggling almost off my lap, waving her arm round, grabbing at my nose, slapping at my face
She used to wake at 6am, having gone to bed around 6.30-6.45pm, but last few weeks she's been waking at 5am. Then I realised her day time nap had shifted from 1.5-2 hrs to 2.5-3 hrs so no wonder she needed less sleep overnight. So I have pushed her bedtime to 7pm and started to wake her at the 2.5 hr mark of her day time nap -- so far she's mostly now sleeping to 6-6.30am again. Fingers crossed this keeps up!!
She does still often wake at 5am but either A or I go in, act as if its middle of the night, lie her down again, shhhhing, few pats and she will re-settle fortunately. Even if she won't go back to sleep we get her quiet, leave the room, get back into our own bed, and then even if she's making noise again in few minutes, we wait until that ecsalates from chatting to teddy, to whinging to crying, then go back for more patting and shhhing. I am very stubborn and won't let her out of the cot until 6am even if I spend all the time from 5-6am trying to re-settle her.
1. How did you feel emotionally and physically in:
a) the first few hours?
In shock after 37 hrs of labour with cntx 2-3 mins apart the whole time therefore no rest, ohh and all that shaking/shivering for hours and vomitting too. DD was born screaming and didn't stop for first 3 hrs, A just walked round and round the delivery suite cuddling her, I just lay there thinking "this wasn't what I expected" - no lovely newborn cuddles for me.
b) the first 24 hours?
Pain, exhaustion (that 37 hr labour), pain from tearing and stitches, pain from BFing. tried to welcome visitors and show off bub but then each feed or each time I got out of bed and tried to move, more pain ...
c) the first week?
Pain and exhaustion. Never had sleepy newborn, she needed 1hr walking up and down to settle her to sleep after each feed from day one, so I was just beside myself with exhaustion, and that tear/stitches, the BFing not going well ... yeah I get teary even now thinking about it!
2. When did you stop feeling in pain?
BFing - day 12 when I attended at BFing clinic.
Tear/stitches - ages, at 1 mth mark the 15 min walk to PO to post thank you letters with the pram meant I had to come home and lie down with ice pack between my legs. I have always wondered why I recovered so badly? The OB said 7-10 days when I left hospital ...
3. Did you have a traumatic or difficult birth?
Kind of - long long labour, forceps, 2nd degree tear, heaps of stitches, there are definitely far worse but it felt fairly brutal to me - if I had felt fine straight after I wouldn't have minded, but to feel soooo crap for weeks after Claudia was born, makes the whole thing just awful in my head.
4. If you breastfed:
a) did you find it very difficult at first?
Heck yes! The first few attempts in the delivery suite she wouldn't latch on, just yelled and yelled. About 6 hrs after she was born she finally latched on (midwife had expressed colustrum from me and syringed it into her screaming mouth before that). Oh the pain - didn't get attachment right for 12 days - every feed for 1st 12 days was me drumming feet into the ground and tears rolling down my face..
b) How long until you felt like you and bubs had got the hang of it?
Maybe 6 weeks - after attachment issues, I had 6 days engorgement then supply dropped and DD lost weight 2 weeks running so 6 wks was about when we'd had a good weight gain and I felt like maybe I was doing something right after all.
c) Did you have any major problems breastfeeding?
After first 6 wks (see above) we did fine.
5. If you've had a second (or more) baby(ies), do you think your recovery was better, the same, or worse?
Only had one bub so far, my word I hope next time is better ....
Oh dear, typing this makes me feel so sad, like I must have done something really wrong, because I could barely manage the 15 min round trip walk to the post office to post thank you letters pushing the pram 4 weeks after having Claudia without having to come home and lie down with ice pack between my legs. I was house bound for ages, wanted to get out and show her off and just felt like I physically couldn't. Hated having to ask A and Mum to do everything for me, run errands for me, pick things up from the shops for me. SOOO scared the same or similar will happen next time, only it would be worse having a toddler who doesn't understand why Mummy won't take her out clambering at the front door.
Claudia is doing fine without the BF. I have increasing confidence that I picked the right time to wean because I don't have huge regrets, which is something I worried about late last year. A put her to bed the first 5 nights after we stopped, 3 with me out of the house from before dinner time, then next 2 with me home but staying out of the way while he did dinner bath & bed. Some nights she needed a bit of patting and shhhing but nothing really dramatic (not compared to how she has been in the past!). Last night A was out so I put her to bed myself, no problems, I just sat her on lap (her back against my chest) and read her a bedtime story in place of the BF, and then into her cot and all was good - I'm so relieved it didn't seem traumatic for her.
I orginally meant to wean "just after 12 mths" - I actually weaned at Easter at 19 mths!! At 12 mths we did 3 BF a day (before breakfast, before lunch, after dinner at bedtime), which just after 12 mths I dropped quite quickly to 2 BF a day (before breakfast and at bedtime) then couple of weeks later down to 1 BF (bedtime only). Once I got to 1 BF I had a mini-panic and decided I wasn't ready to stop, kept meaning to "next month"!! Anyway I got to 16 mths and thought I was getting close, decided on 18 mths, can't remember why that didn't happen but we did stop at 19 mths.
I was "lucky" in that she never "asked" for a breastfeed, if she had a cue then i was missing it! She didn't pull at my clothes, she didn't have a word for it. When it actually came time to stop I had A put her to bed with me out of the house for 3 nights and that was enough to break the habit, with no stress for any of us. Now instead of dinner, bath, BF and cot, we do dinner, bath, story on my lap in her bedroom then cot. We offered her cows milk in a sippy cup for a few nights but she kept batting it away with her hands so we stopped offering. Last thing she eats or drinks is in highchair at dinner time.
I had read that your body can't maintain supply on just one BF a day - we did one BF a day from October to April - and she was definitely sucking and swallowing!!
Also with weaning I have read suggestions of "don't offer, don't refuse" and if you are keener to wean than maybe your bub is, couple that "don't offer don't refuse" approach with "distract distract distract"
Mum is 100% again (ok, her surgeon says no sit ups!) and will have Claudia again each Tuesday from next week so i can get back into the office which will be nice (working from home has its pros and cons, I think on balance I'm better off in the office from work-motivation point of view). Tabitha is ok for now, we dealt with the cat flu last week, she has gained weight, for a petite cat is almost chubby! but we know its all the cortisone steroid propping her up, and she's not really actually better, and its all a matter of weeks I think ...
Must away to settle bub, she's got lousy head cold (going on 6 days now) and was sick all over living room floor last night so I couldn't send her to child care today, so A took day off work (sick leave) to look after her and its month-end at work so I really needed to be there. She's ok, just flat and whingy.
A is away for work (training course this time) and guess what, I must be jinxed ... remember last time he was away before Easter - and I had to deal with sick baby, sick-had-to-be-rushed-to-vet cat, mum sick, friend in hospital I couldn't visit as had no child care? yeah so now my central heating isn't working ... and I have no other heater here at all, no reverse cycle thingy, no fan heater. nice. It was 14 deg inside when I left for work this morning! I rang a repair company who said someone would come round between 5-7pm tonight, i left work early to be home in time and nothing. Rang them at 7.30pm and got the "oh we forgot" line. nice. So close friend sent round her hubby to try and he did get pilot light lit again, but there are some red flashing lights on the control panel so I still need repair man to come round (meant to be tomorrow now!) and check it out.
A back from Sydney tonight, wanted to know if I had a good week (yeah so about that broken central heating??). We visited a friend C with 2.5 yo S today and my friend and I spent most of the time refereeing Claudia and her daughter S, as S was predictably possessive of her toys when Claudia wanted to play. AND Claudia took a big tumble off her back step, scraped and bruised her forehead and nose! Then another friend J came to visit me this afternoon with her 9 mth old J, so more refereeing Claudia and J, again Claudia as the resident was possessive of her toys, plus trying to take the crackers off the baby who was knawing on them! Then Claudia headbutted the back of the armchair, right on the bruise from this morning so more tears!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Back off to bed now, got Claudia up at 6.30am, rushed her through milk and cuddles and breakfast and got her dressed while A was in shower and they are now on way to see Inlaws for the morning, while I get to go back to bed for bit then off to gym for some "me time." I've been given a present too, box of chocolates from favourite chocolate shop and very sweet heart-shaped artwork from child care!!
So Claudia had a cold/bug, which meant Monday night I was up with her 11pm to 3am (congestion and high temp) and then up again resettling every 45 mins until 6am. Ouch! and then had to work Tuesday!! Tuesday afternoon her temp went back up to 39 deg but came down after Panadol and stayed down. Wednesday I had Mothers group here in the morning (had texted them all first so they knew about Claudia's cold so they could decide for themselves) and when Claudia woke from her midday nap she had a red rash over her tummy and down both legs to her feet. Opps! Anyway I had a GP appt for myself anyway (flu jab) so he looked her over and said it was just the bug she already had, not big deal, chest, throat, ears all fine, no temp etc. Let all my Mothers group know but fortunately no one has become sick since. Went to see a friend B yesterday who is 37 wks pregnant, she was showing me her nursery, very much nesting! And back at work today. A has a course thing 1-4 Saturdays for 6 wks and then Sunday he has to work all day at RSPCA Million Paws Walk at Geelong (1 hrs drive from here) from 6.30am! And then he's away again Tuesday and Wednesday - any bets on what will go wrong this week?
Took Tab to vet this morning for check up, she's doing really well but we know its just the steroids and its only a matter of time before she goes downhill again and can't be made to feel better again.... then I had GP appt, got blocked ear (wax I assumed), not sore but like cotton wool stuffed in there and annoying me heaps, now I did not take up the GP's time for just that but since last night have been very light headed and its driving me nuts, so needed to get checked out. Anyway GP said fluid in ear, that’s causing light-headedness, blood pressure fine, not infected so no treatment, just wait for it to resolve itself, could be 3 weeks, just cope in meantime! fun!
Later …My daughter is getting close to climbing out I think, she tries to climb everything else.
She's in a sleeping bag but we have had to switch from one with a side zip and shoulder poppers to one with front zip. This was because, despite the extra popper over the top of the zip that is meant to deter exploring curious little fingers, she could get out of that bag! This was mostly a pain as she'd wake cold in the night! So far she hasn't worked out the the zip down the front, the end of the zip is below her feet, but I am guessing its only a matter of time.
I read somewhere this week that once the top of the rails is at chest height (roughly toddler is 88cm high), it is assumed they can get out and to move them to a bed. I personally want to keep Claudia in her cot as long as I can .... so I am hoping she doesn't climb out any time soon! She was 84cm at 18 mths (now 20 mths).
this week we have leaking hot water system, plumber coming tomorrow ...
just heard a cousin of mine (G in NZ), who would be 4 yrs older than me (so late 30's) is pregnant which is great news, think everyone had sort of assumed it would never happen (she has some ongoing chronic health issues)!
Hot water all fixed, it was a crack in a copper pipe that could be repaired so no big deal for now (need a "phew" emoticon!). been to gym and supermarket this morning, no plans for afternoon although have some cooking I need to do, then very early takeaway dinner with friends (who also have a baby) tonight, and get Claudia home within an hour of her normal bedtime. Lunch with my family tomorrow (Claudia can sleep in the cot at Mum's) and I have a day trip for work on Monday to Adelaide.
So I ask A to NOT eat chocolate (he has such a sweet tooth)in front of Claudia as then she wants some and I don't want her thinking its an every day food, I want her to understand its a treat, an occasional food - he can at least wait until she's in bed at night. Can hear her asking him for some now (he's snacking on some now ..) Grrr
We're going away for the long weekend and because Tabitha (one of our two cats) is sick we don't want to put them in a cattery as its a stressful experience for them no matter how nice the cattery and staff are. Unfortunately I'm having trouble finding anyone to come in twice over the weekend to put food out for them and clean the litter tray - one girl in my mother group said yes no worries until she realised the litter tray part (she is pregnant). Two others in same group said they'd do it except they are going away. I could ask my closest girlfriend who lives locally but she doesn't have pets of her own and cleaning out the litter tray, even with the disposable gloves I have, isn't a nice thing to do if you don't have pets. My mum has quite surprisingly refused, saying she doesn't understand why we won't use a cattery. So at the moment that's a bigger issue for me than the flight or packing etc !
Just home and falling into bed, just soooo tired. Basically Claudia travelled better than I dared expect. Slept better while away than I dared expect (although super-crap night the night before we travelled which freaked me out as I started off so tired!!), she coped with flights better than expected (although obviously required a lot of constant diversion and didn’t like sitting on my lap for long), ate ok (well I did get to supermarket and buy all the things she will eat so wasn’t offering her unusual foods), did well with Ash’s brother and his wife, warmed up to the dogs and then got very excited about playing with them. Hard work overall, all the constant thinking about what is next, what do I need to do next, packing and unpacking, don’t think I sat down once, constantly watching her environment for suitable things for her to play with and things to keep her away from (they didn’t have as many toys as I expected). More words this weekend I think too – certainly “doggie” got a lot of practice!
Got a few mins before Inlaws arrive for afternoon/evening. I asked them to bring coats so they can take Claudia to the park - wait and see if they do! They should want to you'd think?
Tongue in cheek comment – “well that would be ruddy right” - first proper head cold since weaning, sinus pain, thumping headache, got Codral and Demazin in the cupboard at home, all ready to take and ruddy period is late, so until I buy and take a HPT I can’t take the cold tablets. So I’m sitting here at work feeling very sorry for myself!
No other interesting symptoms, although seemed to react to temperature more than usual this morning – walking C to child care in 6 deg chill (wrapped her grobag round her little legs in the stroller as well as hat and coat and mittens) then walked in front door of heated child care centre and had to strip off my own scarf and gloves AND COAT as suddenly far too hot, almost lightheaded. Same issue on train, off with coat and light headed- in the super crowded trains that are “normal” these days, this could be a lot of fun …
BFN – not crushed.
Sniffle, cough, sneeze. Both Claudia and I have head colds - uggghhh.
She’s talking a lot more, more words, some phrases (“man gone”) - I read somewhere that they take a while to get the first 50 words then they suddenly “catch on” and the words just flow from there, sounds about right! Chair (highchair), bid (bib), book, story, sea-saw, go away (progress from “gone”), drawing, cayon (for crayon), water, swimming, birdie, tana (sultana), corn, peas, milk, water, hot, cold, raining, bump, tummy, but (button), baby, park, shoes, socks, shush (for naptime), shower, car, door, jeans, coat, hat, teddy, sand. That’s all I can think of right now!
Claudia has hand foot and mouth disease. Got it from other child in mothers group last Wednesday (who must have got it from her child care the day before), only I didn’t know she’d been exposed until the other child got sick on Sunday night and her mother emailed me on Monday night. Tuesday morning (this morning) she’s unwell with couple of blisters on hands and between her toes and I imagine something in her mouth because she eats and drinks ok, but suddenly cries out then calms again a minute later. Really miserable runny nose too, like a bad cold. So I came home from work early with laptop, will work from home Friday, A taking Monday off and then Mum can have her Tuesday and by Friday of next week I hope she’s right again for child care. Have to take her to GP tomorrow for confirmation this is what she has, for her own child care centre, where she was yesterday, so that’s 9 other children in her room that might have it now! Not to mention my 11 mth old goddaughter who we played with last Thursday who may yet develop it … so contagious!! Anyway now I have to entertain Claudia at home, no mothers group, no playgroup, no trips to park, library, shops etc etc
ohhh miserable baby here - she wants to eat but each mouthful results in endless tears, then she takes another bite, more tears. I am offering all sorts of things, mostly soft, cool stuff, favourites, treats even but poor mite - GP said she has ulcers on roof of her mouth - I am being liberal with panadol alternated with nurofen. More tears ....
I was working from home yesterday as Claudia can't go back to child care yet, I was on work laptop all day, quite frantic with work, never even turned on home PC. Its half-year-end and was busy day with deadlines plus had Claudia under foot (although my darling mum was fabulous and came over to distract her for hours).
Back to pilates today as had become slack at doing home exercises so thought few more paid sessions might give me a kick. Really scared about how crap next pregnancy will be with my PI – I can still trigger it now with brisk long walk with Claudia in her pram or gardening or decent whack of vacuuming or housework – she’s nearly 2!
Vag – not mentioned this in ages! Poor A got no action whatsoever from time I found out I was pregnant (Jan 07) to after I weaned (April 09) - yikes!! Just zero, if not negative, libido. Anyway since weaning, managed maybe 3 lots of SC last cycle and couple more so far this cycle – which is relatively a lot for me! Vag doesn’t seem to be an issue any more, guess yanking Claudia out with forceps and all that damage to PF, this was the one bonus.
Was talking to another mum at a baby shower last week and she had same OB as me, only she liked her “enough” to go back to her when she has her 2nd baby, while I really can’t bear the thought of going back to her, can’t imagine trying to have a conversation with her about the things I worry about after Claudia’s delivery. To be polite, its not a “technical” thing but a “bedside manager” thing. But having this conversation with this other mum had me all stressed and worrying about it for over 24 hrs, and this is all something that happened nearly 2 years ago!
We’ve had a nice bedtime routine for a while now. Once I weaned, we had dinner, bath, say “nigh nigh” to Daddy, run into bedroom, zip in Grobag on the bed, more recently she also wanted to hold her snail soft toy (called “sea-saw” we think) while I read one story, then kiss snail good night, light out, into cot, grab at teddy (her teddy-blanket) as she rolled onto her tummy, and I was out the door saying shhhh. Also quite quick too. She WAS nice and cuddling and sleepy on my lap during the story. Then once snail became involved, for a few nights more recently, she was quite animated and wriggly while I quietly read the story,. But we’d get to last page and she’d spontaneously say “nigh nigh”, and happy to kiss snail and into bed without protest. Last couple of nights she’s wanted to sit next to me on the bed, not on my lap, for the story (I am missing cuddles already!). Last night she wriggled off the bed (in her Grobag) and pointed at cot and said “ready” (I think this is what she said), silly me pulled her back onto my lap, the first time, she wriggled straight back onto bed next to me, I got through one more page of the story, then she did it again, back onto floor, pointing at cot. So I put story down half way through, picked her up, into cot, she grabbed at teddy as she rolled onto her front, I turned lamp out and left the room and not another peep. Quite amazing!
Last night was even weirder, I didn’t even get to finish one page of her book! Dinner and bath as normal, said “nigh nigh” to Daddy as normal, ran into her room, climbed onto the bed and started playing with the zip of the Grobag, I laid her down on the bed and tucked her into the bag, tried to pull her onto my lap, she wriggled straight off and sat on the bed next to me (definitely missing cuddles now!), I tried to read the book with one arm firmly round her (as close as a cuddle I could get!) while she held her snail, but straight away she wriggled onto the floor, walked (in her Grobag!) to the cot and pointed in. So I put book down, I held up snail for a good night kiss, then picked her up, laid her in the cot, she grabbed at teddy as she rolled over, I turned off the light and walked out. That was it!! She is very animated as I tuck her into the bag and as she wriggles off my lap and with her snail, there is no wind down time. I shouldn’t complain at such a short bedtime routine but wow, I do miss those snuggles!
As for A & I – my frustration and my resentment, at the moment things are ok. Nothing “big” has happened or been triggered with him since C was a baby, since I was pregnant. But, cynically, I wait for “the other shoe to drop” – for something else to happen to trigger him again and send him flying back to the GP or his psychologist (who he does still see, I see the appointment charges on the credit card statement) for some sudden desperate acute medical “issue” - while I want another baby, I am terrified of how hard another pregnancy will be - my guaranteed pelvic instability, need to be able to lean on him, have him “step-up” and do more, yet I fear desperately he will go down hill again like he did when I was expecting C, and then good grief, the fear over another labour and delivery like C too. Really really hope I am worrying about nothing!