[Guest_*Alicia*_*]

I live in a defence area (regular suburb but a lot of military) and recently acquired a new neighbour on one side (miss my old ones ). Anyway, there is a single man who has shared care of his DD. She has taken a liking to my DDs and entertains them for which I am very grateful (she is older). Lately she has been popping around daily (other than when she's at her mum's). Every day that she has been dropping around her dad has followed after an hour or so with a bevvie in his hand. No I have no problem with this, dinner routine is all pretty casual on school holidays.

But the reality is that I have a random single man coming in to my home almost every afternoon while my DH is deployed o/seas (oh God, the cliche!). It feels a little strange TBH. The first couple of times didn't phase me, we chatted about kids, my DH, his ex and so while the girls played. But now it feels really inappropriate. I'm not the slightest bit attracted to him, physically or anything (he's a little slow really) but I can't imagine being happy if DH was having a female neighbour every bloody afternoon for a drink while I was away working, even is she was hideous. I haven't hidden anything from DH and he is the most secure man to walk to planet so it hasn't ruffled a feather. I just don't feel right having this guy here. WDYT? How do you politely dodge a neighbourly visit? And would it make you a little uncomfortable?

I can only imagine what the defence rumour mill will be saying in a week if this keeps up.

[Riotproof]

How would you feel if he was a woman? I don't see anything wrong with it at all, especially since you feel comfortable enough to tell your DH about his visits.

Of course, if you don't want him there you could be straight and say you have a lot to do that afternoon or whatever.

[singleton]

I'd just be straight up and say you are too busy to have visitors. Every day is pushing it a bit!

[halcyodays]

You could think about it like your DH has female colleagues at work with whom he may chat over a coffee, so you have male colleagues while at your "work" (as a Mum). Just so happens that your work is at home.
Can't see a problem with it, myself.

ETA but if you are uncomfortable with it, keep the visits to once or twice a week.

This post has been edited by halcyodays: 13/01/2010, 08:18 PM

[mad madam mim]

oh god defence rumours are terrible, my mate went out for 1 night without her dh (he was away on ship), and when he got back had his friends tell him she had been having an affair, it almost tore apart their marriage.

just explain that you would rather be on your own on xx night, or be honest and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable

[Guest_*Alicia*_*]

How would you feel if he was a woman?

I wouldn't care at all. In fact I used to see my previous (female) neigbour almost as often for a coffee. But I don't sleep with women. While I would like to pretend that it shouldn't matter I think in real life it does.

You could think about it like your DH has female colleagues at work with whom he may chat over a coffee,

About 1 in 10 colleagues of DHs is female and he doesn't lunch/coffee with them as they tend to stick together. With his new job that ratio will be even less.

This post has been edited by *Alicia*: 13/01/2010, 08:19 PM

[jfl]

Of course, if you don't want him there you could be straight and say you have a lot to do that afternoon or whatever.

That's not being straight, it's the opposite.

Being straight would be saying something like - 'I think it's great that our kids are such good friends, but it makes me uncomfortable having you come here every day while my husband is away. Let's just be good neighbours and leave it at that.'

If someone was coming to my place under those circumstances - drink in hand - I'd be nipping it in the bud quick smart.

[halcyodays]

Just to check- your children are with you while you are having your drinks?
Sounds like the man is lonely and needs some company.
If you feel awkward, try making sure your children are in the same room as you are, or you all stand around on the front porch watching the children play outside.

[Riotproof]

I wouldn't care at all. In fact I used to see my previous (female) neigbour almost as often for a coffee. But I don't sleep with women. While I would like to pretend that it shouldn't matter I think in real life it does.

Do you really think so? If you had a bit of a thing for him, I could well understand you wanting to keep your distance. In fact, if you don't like his company, then I can understand it too. But just being a man isn't a reason for me. Of course, since it does make you uncomfortable, that is plenty of reason to be busy when he comes around.

I think anyone who came around every night would piff me off actually.

[bubbleb]

i would feel the same way as you OP, maybe just tell the dad what days suit you best with the holidays coming to an end and your schedule returning to normal with after school activities, work etc that way your daughter can still enjoy the company of the girl without you having unwanted visitors daily.
the poor guy though.. he must be so lonely!