[~TCBF~]

Sorry to put this here but I need some advice/answers and I need them pretty urgently.

DS#2 (6yo) is a handful. He has been pretty much from day 1. As a baby he was always very 'high maintenance'. He needed constant attention, always to be held and rocked etc. And as a toddler he always needed plenty of attention too. Which was always fine. I just put it down to his personality.

Since he started school things have gone from bad to worse. His final year at daycare was pretty bad too. We were called in to daycare a few times to discuss 'strategies' on how to get him to behave. He had no problem telling the carers what he would and wouldn't do. Getting angry at them and just generally being very difficult to manage. We just presumed he'd 'outgrown' daycare and needed to be in school (his birthday is in Feb so he is on the younger side of school aged) and figured this issues would go away once he was in a more stimulating environment.

We were wrong. His first year of primary school (kindy in NSW) was no better. His behaviour didn't improve and if anything, it got worse. It did not help that he had a teacher who had zero patience for his issues. They pretty much openly disliked each other and there was little we could do about it (aside from removing him from school). We had him assessed with a speech pathologist who suggested some sessions to help him get up to speed with reading, but aside from that, he was fine in her opinion. His reading was back to normal within a couple of months and he has had no further issues academically.

Fast forward to grade one which is where we are now. The behaviour persists. His new teacher is much better. She and him like each other and she has been very kind to us over the whole debacle. But still, he is mostly very poorly behaved. He goes to before and after school care a few days a week and the reports we get from there aren't great. Just him asserting himself, being rude, being cheeky and generally unlikable to children and carers alike. He has no friends in either school or after school care. I'm at my wits end. During parent teacher interviews six weeks ago it was suggested that we have him reassessed for speech (his teacher thought he might be frustrated with not being able to communicate properly even though we didn't think this was the issue). We had the assessment and he is fine. His speech pathologist suggested an assessment with a child psychologist, which we have booked in for this Saturday.

However, something happened today which prompted this post. DS#2 'ripped out' another childs earring at after school care today. When my DH picked him up, he was required to sign an incident report etc and the whole thing is very shameful and disappointing. We can't get a straight answer from DS about why he did it. Our other DS (7yo) who also goes to care knows nothing about it. He doesn't even seem that remorseful

I've tried explaining to him a few times prior to today that if his poor behaviour at school continues he won't be allowed to go anymore i.e. the school will ask us to keep him at home because he is so disruptive to other kids. But it hasn't seemed to sink in. After the earring incident, i'm worried it will be true soon When I got home today I spoke to DH (after he told me about the incident at care) and we've decided to keep DS home tomorrow. Mostly to try and shock him into realising that his behaviour is terrible and it can't continue. We aren't going to give him anything fun or interesting to do. Maybe just reading his reader and a few of the housework chores he hates. I've also threatened him with staying home Wednesday too. I would seriously keep him home for weeks if I thought it would make it sink in that his anti-social behaviour can't continue. But I'm worried i'm doing the wrong thing.

Can anyone share experience or advice that might help me..??

I'm sorry if I haven't explained the gravity of the situation very well. The whole thing is really quite distressing and it feels like it has been going on forever

Thanks in advance.

PS Hearing and vision have both been checked and are fine

This post has been edited by ~TCBF~: 12/06/2012, 11:29 AM

[alaksuleiel]

I would suggest going to your GP and taking it from there.

Maybe get a referral to a beahavioural specialist?

[soontobegran]

I agree that he needs to be seen by your GP and explore the possible reasons for this behaviour.
It sounds very stressful for you

[Bathsheba52]

I'd be looking to any professionals I could - doctors, psychologists, even osteopathy. If he hasn't 'grown out' of it by now, he may not - in which case early intervention is vital so that his behavior doesn't spiral downwards (worse behavior leads to less interaction with others leads to even worse behavior etc). Get help!

[~TCBF~]

He is seeing a child psychologist this Saturday (the appt has been booked for a couple of weeks). I guess I just want reassurance that me keeping him home for a couple of days is not going to make things worse..??

I truly just want him to get a taste of how grave the whole situation is. I figured him not going to school for two (or more?) days would help. And they won't be fun days for him. I plan on giving him some very boring things to do.

[~Karla~]

I think you need more than just a GP. I think you need referrals to a developmental paediatrician and a child psychologist. The kid is clearly struggling and you need to help him. If he's anxious about school (and not having any friends isn't exactly super fun), then keeping him home is very possibly rewarding him for his antisocial behaviour.

I think this is big enough now that you need to look for professional assistance.

[~Karla~]

He is seeing a child psychologist this Saturday (the appt has been booked for a couple of weeks). I guess I just want reassurance that me keeping him home for a couple of days is not going to make things worse..??

I truly just want him to get a taste of how grave the whole situation is. I figured him not going to school for two (or more?) days would help. And they won't be fun days for him. I plan on giving him some very boring things to do.

Personally, if it was my 6yo, it would be a reward. Plus he would then get out of the punishment at school. But you know your kid best.

[Malaya]

Sounds like a difficult time for everyone! Have you asked him why he does what he does, at the time of an incident?
The psych is a great idea and I hope they can give you and him some strategies to help him get through life a little better.

Just don't give him his reader as punishment or as a boring thing to do. That's one thing that needs to stay a positive!

Good luck!



This post has been edited by Malaya: 04/06/2012, 10:21 PM

[_Alana_]

I'd be off to a pead and look at getting assessed
In the mean time have a look online for some strategies for dealing with ODD

Goodluck

[~TCBF~]

Karla, thanks for the advice. I guess I figured it would show him that what he is doing is SO bad that he can't be kept in his routine. Plus it gives the school and after school care staff a break from him.

I honestly won't be letting him do anything fun. But I can now see that giving him his reader might turn it into a negative thing, so i'll leave that out of it.