[MummaDiva]

Bigmess, I know exactly where you are coming from!
Maybe 70% of the midwives I had looking after me in my last pregnancy were trained by my mother - some from the 70s and 80s - so they were a little "in awe", and popped their heads in at all hours and talked about their experiences with her an awful lot. I love my Mum and think she's fantastic, but I was sooo over it by the end. I did get hugged a lot, even from experienced midwives that were just so grateful that my mother had helped them out through their training. I kind of just sucked it up, but probably should have used the "nice talking to you but I'd like to sleep" line.
Even a cook and a cleaner that had worked with my mum in a different setting came by bearing gifts - awkward to say the least, as I had done nothing to warrant the receipt of gifts from people who can least afford it. And they were beautiful gifts, really beautiful.

The best midwife I had was of Chinese descent, absolutely no nonsense and made the best "pfft" sound I have ever encountered. She was all work, no play and very efficient. My kind of lady!

[Guest_Bigmess_*]

Interesting answers.
I forgot to mention the worst bit - I had a ceasar after 2 days of annoying overtures from the student midwife, who kept PROMISING me the baby was coming SO soon (my cervix was completely high and closed and I knew it!)
So I went in for a ceasar, which she had no part in, but she chatted away WHILE MY BABY WAS CUT OUT OF ME asking DH and I how we met and crapping on about nothing.
I SO wanted her to go away and over the next week in hospital this wish was very strong
I guess next time I'll be more of a biatch.

[soontobegran]

STBG seriously can you come to Sydney and be my midwife when we decide to have our 2nd?

Would love to...you'd have to provide the tissues

[soontobegran]

Hugging is not a job requirement and isn't appropriate unless it is initiated by the woman.

There are many things which are not job requirements but it doesn't mean you shouldn't do them.
I don't know about you lucky 2 but after all these years it is not hard to 'read' your patients and sense what type of midwife they want you to be for them.
I can tell those who want no touch, no emotion, strictly business type of care but I can also tell which of those want you to show some connection to them in the way of touch, hugs and verbal encouragement.
I would never force myself onto someone who did not give me the right signals.
As for waiting until a hug is initiated? No way. A hug from me is a spontaneous act and I have never felt I have hugged the wrong people.
It is sad to think that some people don't realise the power of physical touch as recognition that you 'get' what they are going through.

I wish to god the midwife i had while i birthed my stillborn daughter had the experience and knowledge ( maybe intuition?) to give me some physical contact. I really could have used it.

This makes me so sad and ashamed.
I have spent 6 hours sitting beside the bed of a lovely lady who had just had a SB at term. Her DH had to go home to care for their other children and she had nobody else. How does someone sit alone in a single room after such a loss without support?
I held her hand until she went to sleep.....I would have hoped that someone would have done that for me.

[TiredbutHappy]

Hugging is not a job requirement and isn't appropriate unless it is initiated by the woman.

When my DH & I had an appointment to discuss a termination for medical reasons, my (male) OB hugged me as soon as I walked into his office. No it wasn't part of his job, but it was a lovely caring gesture all the same.

[Guest_Starletta_*]

STBG seriously can you come to Sydney and be my midwife when we decide to have our 2nd?

Get in line!

[soontobegran]

When my DH & I had an appointment to discuss a termination for medical reasons, my (male) OB hugged me as soon as I walked into his office. No it wasn't part of his job, but it was a lovely caring gesture all the same.

It's the type of conversation that they dread, I am glad to hear this Gumbette.

[scarfie]

I work in a caseload program (in Sydney!) and get to know the families coming through our practice during the course of their pregnancy. Like STBG, I too, am a hugger, and if I pick up the right vibes from women then I do give them a hug (or two!).

We work in what is called the 'caring profession', so that is what we do, we care (well, most of us do). We all show how we care in different ways, so do it by being proficient, or task orientated, making sure that everything is done and the the woman and her family are comfortable, some do it by physical touch, some do it by chatting, hoping to build up a rapport.

OP, it sounds to me like the students you had were a little OTT, and I think a word to their facilitator would not go amiss, but remember they did have the best of intentions, they just need to learn to tone it down a bit for some women.

[=R2=]

Dealing with SB at work is very bittersweet for me. You meet the most wonderful, strong women and men under devastating circumstances. I always feel very honoured to be welcomed into a lot of these families. I would be so sad to find out my company and touch weren't actually welcome .

ETA OP From what you describe the student midwife did seem inappropriate and over the top with her demeanor. A quiet word with her facilitator wouldn't go amiss. When I was precepting a student midwife some years ago I caught the student telling the woman how tired she was on shift as she had been partying the night before. I had to pull her aside to have a conversation.

This post has been edited by =R2=: 11/02/2012, 09:32 AM