[maggi]

Hi, last night i logged onto dreaded f/book and i saw some photos what a friend posted of a kid from schools 6th bday party.My friend kid was invited to this party. Looking at the photos a lot went from prep , i know i am probaly upset for nothing as my son never plays with this child but i ts upsetting to see that the kids he plays with all the time were at the party.my son would be none the wiser that this party was ever on.. i wish people would not post photos on fbook sometimes IYKWIM. i am not sure why i am upset i just want him to really fit in etc.

[MummaDiva]

I know exactly how you feel - my daughter wasn't invited to a party held by one of the girls in her Kindy (FYOS) class, and even though it was a three girl party (the mother took them to a movie), hearing about how much fun it was blah blah blah for the next three weeks at drop off and pick up from the mothers in question was pretty icky.
No advice, I think it's just a case of grinning, bearing and not doing to the same unto others that has been done unto you!

[bakesgirls]

Unfortunately that's life. Your son won't be invited to everything, just as he probably won't invite everyone to everything. That doesn't mean that he isn't fitting in. There were probably heaps of kids that weren't invited either. You say your son doesn't play with this child, so why would you expect your son to be invited? Why are you upset that his friends were at the party? Are they not supposed to associate with anyone that your son doesn't?

As for your friend posting pictures on FB, she is allowed to. She surely wasn't to know that it would upset you. I can't imagine it was done maliciously.

[amabanana]

So, a child that your son never plays with should invite him to his party because it might upset you?

I think you are over reacting. It's not like the whole class except your son were invited. Now, that would be upsetting.

Going on about it for weeks in front of people who weren't invited isn't cool though. Bad manners IMO.

[Julie3Girls]

Ok, i can understand your reaction, but really, your 6 yr old shouldn't be on facebook to see the photos anyway. So no harm done really in my opinion. Other than upsetting you.

Kids aren't always going to get invited to parties. With small parties, I don't have a problem, and if my child is upset, I explain that it was only a small party, so X couldn't invite everyone.
The ones that hurt are the big parties where a majority are invited. As a parent it breaks your heart. But you have to hide that, help them get past their disappointment, and move on.

[mks81]

Understand completely. It might be a legitimate reason and not meant to offend but its not a nice feeling when your own child looks to be the only one missing out...used to have lots of problems with our neighbour where on a whim she would exclude certain children from the street, (all went to same school, classes). Not nice for DD to be the brunt of it and see everyone else from class playing next door. I have been lucky in that DD has only ever gone to tiny school so we have always just invited the whole class to her parties as its not in me to not invite children. Can understand that it can't be done for larger classes though.

But what can you do really....I guess it can be a good way to teach children that they can't be included in everything and sometimes have to miss out. It breaks my heart as my DD is an only child most of the time, (half sister in alternate holidays) and lives for her play dates,parties, etc with other children.

[Guest_Starletta_*]

Your son won't find out because he doesn't have Facebook... Does he?

[Procrastinator50...]

Totally get how you feel and even though it's just a normal part of life and important for kids to learn, it's still not pleasant to see and hear about it. There will be more times like this, and worse when your son does know and gets upset about it, it really is just part of life.

I like to take the chance to remind my kids that they've always got their family who'll love them more than anyone, even though friends come and go. It helps if they see you don't consider it to be a big deal not to be invited to everything.

I am careful about putting pictures of some social events on Facebook when I think there might be people who would be sad they weren't invited.

[baddmammajamma]

maggi:

I know it can be tough to feel as if your child is being left out (even if he has no idea!)

If he's not friends with the birthday boy/girl, then I can see why he might not have been included (unless the birthday child invited EVERYONE but just a few kids, which would have been very mean).

If you are worried about your son fitting in, you can be proactive in helping ensure that he has a decent social life. Hosting regular playdates (with another single child or even a small group) is a fabulous way to foster friendships outside of school that can benefit those relationships at school.

Another idea, if you can afford it/manage the logisitics, is to invite his entire class when his own birthday rolls around. In addition to party invitations from friends, he is also likely to receive a few "good will" return invitations from other kids, which might spark friendships down the line.

Anyway, I can understand why you are a little blue. Even if you know in your head that your son isn't friends with the child hosting, your heart might feel a little bummed seeing the pictures.

ETA: MummaDiva, very insensitive of that mother to go on and on and on about her daughter's party in front of you!

This post has been edited by baddmammajamma: 11/04/2012, 02:37 PM

[roses99]

I get how you feel.

I don't think you're saying your child should have been invited to the party, but it still just hurts a bit that he was left out. And then you start to worry that maybe your child isn't fitting in or isn't liked. That's pretty natural, I think.

I try to be pretty discreet with facebook and don't go on about things that I was invited to that other's weren't. Within reason, that is. That's not to say that your friend shouldn't have posted the photos. But I do understand why you feel the way you do.

I think the trick is just to help him develop his friendships and social skills and accept the fact that he won't be invited to every party. And if he's not the most popular kid, it doesn't matter. If he has friends and gets invited to some of the parties, then that's great!

My son is also in Prep. Parties at this age are a bit of a minefield, aren't they?!