[jishubar]

I wouldn't read too much into the argument. I think he was simply jealous of how you spent your day. Sounds like you really know how to enjoy being at home. Let him be jealous (for a bit) and then forget about it. Maybe organise something to do with the house together on the weekend. Sounds like you had a great day.

[!!!]

Nope. DP would rather be at work any day of the week than home full time. He also doesn't expect me to clean a single thing, I am home to raise our child not be a housewife- two different things in my (and his) book.

The only time he gets a little mopey about this stuff is if DS and I have done something we rarely do ie. gone for a long drive to some town we've never been to or gone to the museum/aquarium/zoo then he gets a bit grumpy about missing out

[PurpleWitch]

Sounds like you really know how to enjoy being at home. Let him be jealous (for a bit) and then forget about it.

How is that fair?

If the shoe was on the other foot how would you react?

[Copacetic]

I think he was simply jealous of how you spent your day.

I totally agree. I work and he stays at home, and I get jealous of how he spends his days too. I really wouldn't look too much into the argument.

You have to see it from the other point of view as well. Going to work, knowing that my husband is having a lovely time (yes, doing the housework, but also going for lovely walks through the Botanic Gardens) with my daughter is hard. I would imagine its much the same for most of your husbands.

[loropetalum]

I can understand why he might be feeling that way. My family is similar to yours, I'm currently a SAHP to our 13mo and my husband works.

In my case, it's me who is feeling the strain. I feel a lot of guilt being at home caring for our son, especially since he's grown from a colicky screaming wakeful newborn into an extremely cruisy toddler (jink - for now;) ). Every week I find myself asking my husband whether he's happy with his work as I would hate for him to build up resentment. As it is, when I asked him recently, he said he was a bit annoyed with work and now we're looking at other options. In the meantime, we plan lots of outings on the weekend so my husband doesn't miss out.

It seems like the gardening thing has given him an excuse to express his dissatisfaction with the situation. Does he enjoy his work? Perhaps he is going through a stressful period with work?

[GWTW]

On the one hand I don't believe he should have any say over how you spend your day, he either trusts you as an independent adult or he doesn't. If he doesn't, then you have bigger problems.

On the other hand, I wouldn't ignore his feelings. If he is unhappy with the domestic set-up whereby he works full time and you SAHP full time then it's important that you discuss it calmly and respectfully.

Earning the money gives him no right to control you or your schedule, but by the same token you don't have the right to assume he has to be happy with the set-up and that you can only live this way.

I agree with this too.

I oten go to the local bakery and have a coffee and maybe lunch out with the 2 boys. DH does get jealous but it is the only thing I do for myself during the entire week. I work hard and so does he. So instead we try and give each other money and time to do what we need to feel better in ourselves and in our relationship.

I also agree with PW that women cannot assume that they should have more say over a man and put pressure on the man. You need to take into account how both partners feel. I it works, it works, if not then you need to change it.

[~TCBF~]

Our resentment issues always worked the other way around when I was the SAHP.

DH would come home and tell me about going for a coffee with workmates and I would feel jealous. He also does quite a few business lunches and dinners and that used to bother me too.

It all came from my unhappiness with the situation. I really didn't like being a SAHP and resented any 'adult' things he got to do.

I work now and the resentment is gone. He still has his coffees, lunches and dinners, but so do I. Everyone is smiling

[kp0507]

Yeah, both working part time might work well for you, if you're lucky enough to both be in industries where part time work is an option.

My DH took a year out and did only casual work so that I could work full time for a year. Fabulous for me, not so great for him. Kids ended up in daycare even though he had less than 10 hours work a week, because he was losing his mind. All this when our friends/relatives call him 'so playschool'.

Would you consider giving him the option, OP?

I agree that women should not assume that it's their dog given right to stay at home. Thay shouldn't have to assume that it's their god given responsibility, either, but in most cases it still is. (by default. Have to find daycare, have to agonise over the decision etc. etc.) Sounds like you might have the chance to negotiate with your partner and do some work outside the home if you want, OP. Lucky you.

This post has been edited by kp0507: 10/08/2010, 02:37 PM

[Guest_~Aine~_*]

Your choice of words really stood out for me, OP -

I chose to stay home and raise our daughter

.

YOU chose, not you and he together. Could this be the root of the problem?

Just a bit of a heads up - you can raise your daughter without always staying home. Just saying.

[*mylittleprince*]

DH loves having me as a SAHP.

He says the woman he comes home to is so much better and happier than the working me. I love being at home with DS. I do the usual household stuff, cleaning, cooking, admin... but also fun activities, coffee, playdates. DH wishes he could be with us but someone has to earn the money. He's never been resentful or brought up money.