[leapfrog]

My son (9 next week), has noticed one of my girlfriends smoking (she is heavily pregnant). We had a BBQ yesterday, and he has obviously given it a little thought. Today he relayed the conversation he had with above girlfriend's son:

DS: "Your mum shouldn't be smoking when she's pregnant"
9 year old friend: "It's ok - she did it with [son #2], and he is ok"
DS: "Well, he is lucky - the smoke could really make the baby sick!"

He added to me, "as well as [my girlfriend] not knowing how bad it is, I'm surprised [the son] didn't know how dangerous it is!"

My reply: "well - ... he's not in danger of being pregnant anytime soon [insert awkward snigger]... but you're right, it's not good and you're right to say so".

How might you have responded? And have you had any conversations with your children when they start to 'notice' more of what is right and wrong in the world?

[mumandboys]

I don't think its right to point out to the child that his mother is doing something risky with his unborn sibling. I mean, what can the boy do about it?

IMO your DS is creating a potentially stressful situation for the 9 yo, which he has no control over.

Edited because I said DH when I meant DS

This post has been edited by mumandboys: 04/04/2010, 08:09 PM

[noone special]

The issue with it is that some people might just see your son as a pretentious brat if he says things like that to them. My 7 year old is always making comments about things and I just remind him that other people live differently than we do and may not know it is bad.

[Guest_Cali~_*]

Blow being polite, he is absolutely right. It's undeniable.

I would just say so. Hardly rocket science.

I just remind him that other people live differently than we do and may not know it is bad.

Everyone knows that smoking while pregnant is bad.

[LK1]

I don't see anything wrong with it, him speaking up that is.
He's telling the truth, and I think it's an important lesson for kids, to not smoke.

[leapfrog]

I don't think its right to point out to the child that his mother is doing something risky with his unborn sibling. I mean, what can the boy do about it?

Really? It is the reality.

And I think 'pretentious brat' springs to mind if he says something to the adult - which he never would, he is more respectful.

My 7 year old is always making comments about things and I just remind him that other people live differently than we do and may not know it is bad.

I have reacted like that in the past, the reason I posted this was because I think he is now at an age when he can intelligently challenge what he sees, and question other people's actions. By this, I mean within conversation with me or his dad - not outright telling people what they're doing is 'bad' or 'wrong'.

[lucky 2]

It hasn't happened to me personally (dd only 5) but she does know that everyone is "special" and "different" and I suppose that's how I would approach it, ie a good chance to reinforce that smoking carries risks, to the person and to others such as passive smoking and to a fetus. I perhaps would remind him that it is a habit that some people find hard to stop and the best thing to do is to avoid starting to smoke, so bring it back to him and his future and choices.

[CandZ]

I don't think its right to point out to the child that his mother is doing something risky with his unborn sibling. I mean, what can the boy do about it?

IMO your DS is creating a potentially stressful situation for the 9 yo, which he has no control over.

I completely agree with this.

[noone special]

And I think 'pretentious brat' springs to mind if he says something to the adult - which he never would, he is more respectful.

I was just thinking about the general community of EB and the reactions that some would have

FWIW when I was about his age I made no smoking signs and put them in every letterbox in my street. My mum was so angry but I thought I was doing a good thing.

[miinii]

I don't think its right to point out to the child that his mother is doing something risky with his unborn sibling. I mean, what can the boy do about it?

IMO your DS is creating a potentially stressful situation for the 9 yo, which he has no control over.

Dont blame OP's son for this, blame the friends mother who is doing the smoking. OP's son was only speaking the truth and its good to hear that he seems to understand just how unhealthy smoking is.
If the situations was made awkward or "stressful" for OP's friends son then its Her fault for smoking in the first place.