[Guest_missmeow_*]

It shouldn't matter at all but I understand that it does as the defence force rumour mill is always bad. (I use to date an army guy & experienced then).

Is the guy in the defence force? If he is explain it to him as he will understand what it can be like. If he isn't I would try to explain it anyway. I am a believer in being honest most stuff usually works out for the best if you do this.

[Guest_*Alicia*_*]

Just to check- your children are with you while you are having your drinks?
Sounds like the man is lonely and needs some company.

Oh yeah, the 3 girls are playing together. He comes over to 'pick up' his dd 1-1 1/2 hours after she comes over for a play. He comes with drink in hand and I agree, he probably does like the company as he just moved here and he works at DHs unit (but they don't know each other, yet). I'm a real 'have-a-chat' so I don't help the situation but I do think it is too often.

ETA: Yes, he's a soldier.

This post has been edited by *Alicia*: 13/01/2010, 08:27 PM

[futureself]

I guess it depends if you are ONLY wanting him to not visit becasue he is a man OR if you really don't think there's much there as grounds to be neighbour/friends regardless. I think it would be a shame to dismiss him just because he's a single guy and it might get people talking, but if you really don't have much in common then it's fine to pull away a bit.

[bellygood]

I think realistically you can either choose between the awkward conversation 'Please don't visit while DH is away...' OR you can do this by stealth and send the daughter home from time to time. Without her there, he has no reason to come over, right? Time to limit the daughter's access to your girls. Over time, as he gets his own life together and doesn't trail along with her, she can come over more.

[Kapoochin]

That is the making of a TV show, is it not !?! Look, honestly I don't know, I would feel uncomfortable eventually I think. I mean I talk to the dads at my sons school and all that but I would feel uncomfortable having them over for a coffee like I would the mums, simply because they are men. Like you said, I too would feel uncomfortable with my DH having neighbourly drinks while I was working, no matter who she was. I think that even the most secure person would eventually start to wonder.

Actually when we were kids, my mum had a male friend who had just divorced his wife and mum used to take his kids to school and she helped him at the court case for custody and all that and I remember times he would pick up the kids and he and my mum would have a drink and chat......but I was only 6 and i don't remember much from that time!!!! But my parents are still together and if I remember the friend went on to re-marry.

Look, maybe when school starts back just tell him you have a set routine for your kids after school and don't really have time for a drink, but maybe on saturday afternoon or whatever, limit it to one day maybe?????

Good luck!

[seepi]

I think the end of school holidays is the perfect time to nip this in the bud. Just explain that you have a different routine then - more chores and homework and less time for socialising.

[sparassidae]

you all stand around on the front porch watching the children play outside.

I would do this if you are worried about rumours- keep it all literally out in the open.

[Maxinefox]

I think the end of school holidays is the perfect time to nip this in the bud. Just explain that you have a different routine then - more chores and homework and less time for socialising.

I agree with this suggestion, its the most dplomitic. I do feel for the guy, but it seems a bit weird to come over every day with a drink :/

[~~~~!eternit...]

Is he working or still on Christmas leave? I would say if he is still on leave then it would have to stop once he goes back to work.

Maybe he only has the DD for extended periods on the holidays and it won't be an issue once school starts?

[dreamingofcats]

I kinda feel sorry for him.

I know what its like to move somewhere where you dont know anyone socially yet (as I am sure many do) and maybe just need that bit of extra company. And maybe since he is single, he may miss the companionship that comes from a woman.