[DB01]

Hi,
My DD was offered two day a wk in a lovely daycare center that I put her name down in a good 12 months ago. Now, t the time, the idea was I would go back to work on thoses days ( whatever we where offered). Fast forward 12 months and she get offered two day, so, okay , we think, let's give this a shot, she need more socialisation, I can work, yea, best of both worlds.....Well, my DD had other ideas, she hates it, very,very,very happy to go to "care,care" ( her words) but, hates me leaving her.
She has turned into a child neither of us recognize, crying and screaming if I even walk 5meters away from her, will NOT stay even for an hour with her grandparents, (which she normally loves her time with them). It's messed up her sleep, and she just seems generally scarred all the time.
We no its not their (day cares ) fault, as she tells me she has fun there, but, OMG.....it's killing me (us).
So, i don't need to work ( yes, I know I'm very lucky)....do we keep her in there? Does it get better? Or do we pull her out and get our baby back?
I really need some perspective on this so, please EB people, your advise is needed.( FYI, she's been in for 3wks)
ThanksDanni

[avonlea]

I'm interested in replies on thus as going through the same situation. DS been going for 3 weeks as well. Struggling with the separation big time. Day care say it is normal and it will take a month or so. He looks so miserable when I go to collect him. He is also having sleep issues. Can't fall asleep unless DH or I are right nearby.

[DB01]

It's horrible isn't it.......my daycare says that my DDs reaction is the most extreme that have seen though...( but to give it a few more weeks ) I'm not sure though.

[howdo]

I'd stop and try again later. If things were okay she would separate fine. As she's not then things are not going well enough to continue IMO.

[noi'mnot]

It took my little one at least a month to really settle in. Yes, it's really hard. If you can handle it, I would recommend you try for a bit longer. At 21 months (your daughter's age from your sig?) you should also be able to explain what is happening. A couple of things that worked for us:

Take a photo of the carers in her room, print it and put it somewhere that she can see it in your house. Talk about the carers every time you go past, how much they like taking care of her, how much fun she has there.

Take a photo of the three of you for her to have at daycare. Laminate it!

Has she got a comfort toy that she can take along? It might not even be anything she has a huge attachment to now, but she might appreciate having it to take with her there.

Start with shorter days, work up to longer ones.

That's all I can think of right now. Good luck, I'm sure it'll get better. But, if it doesn't and it's not a big deal for you, then stop and try again in a few months.

This post has been edited by noi'mnot: 08/06/2012, 08:06 PM

[littlepoppet]

I know how hard it can be when your children begin child care. My eldest son started going at one year old and took a while to settle and it was heartbreaking leaving him. He was only going for one day per week initially. My daughter has been going two days per week for 3 months now. She still gets very sad and says she doesn't want to go. It's horrible taking her like this, as I also do not work, so wonder what i'm doing it for... It does help to keep me sane!

I just picked my daughter up this evening from care and, despite not wanting to go this morning, she had a fabulous day and was surrounded by her posse of little girl friends eating saladas very happily!

My sister, who has worked in care care for years, told me it takes around 15 sessions before the children feel more comfortable being there.

My personal opinion is that child care is very beneficial to a child if the centre is of high quality. If you like the centre and want her to go there I would persevere for a bit longer. Three weeks is not a long time for her to get used to the structure and routine that child care provides.

[DB01]

Sorry, few more details, as per PP, our family photo is up in her care room, day care gave us photos of her carers, and she takes her "comfort toy" and her pillow. The first two wks she only went from 9-2. ( so basically, morning tea, play, lunch, sleep then I picked her up)....,
Any ideas?

[DB01]

Oh and she has been having her day sleeps there , and has slept every time.

[dulcinea]

It's so hard to judge, isn't it? I think in your situation I would be taking her out. While it is normal to have a "settling in" period, what you are describing is not what I would be comfortable with personally. I also had trouble with my DD when she started going for 2 days at 13 months of age, and I had to change her from the centre to a family daycare situation. She bonded with the carer and the other children so much more in FDC, it only took her two days to settle in and she was fine after that. Now she's in a small daycare centre around the corner, and it didn't take her long at all to settle in there.

DS (12 months) also goes one day a week to the same centre, but me leaving doesn't even register on his radar, he is off to play with the exciting toys there.

[roses99]

I've got a few questions...

Has she had any other separation issues? Will she stay with friends/family? Has she ever been cared for by others? How did she react on those occasions?

Do you have two consecutive days? Or are the days spaced apart (like Monday and Thursday)?

What have the carers told you about her day? At what point does she settle down after you leave? Are there any kids she's scared of? Do they have any theories to explain her behaviour?

If it's a great centre, with a waiting list, I'd be hesitant to actually take her out. But you might want to keep her home until you've worked out what's going on.