[franklet]

I won't say she lies because she doesn't and if I ask her straight out she always tells the truth. But she will omit certain facts if I don't think to ask, like the fact that her boyfriend is going to be at her best friend's house when she visits or that someone's parents aren't going to be home while she is there.

I am doing a reeling out - reeling in style of parenting and so far thought it was working okay.

At the moment I am concerned that she is going to get herself in trouble of some type. She hates school and doesn't try, I am setting her extra work at home. The school is supposed to ring if the child is absent but they don't so I am concerned she may skip school for a day. I wouldn't know, the school doesn't even chase absence notes.

She is planning a girl's weekend this weekend with a couple of friends. From checking out her Facebook I see one girl is asking her if her boyfriend is coming and if not 'to invite another hot guy then' Her boyfriend's messages to her are concerning me as well, I fear she may be close to or even past that 'big step' When I try to talk to her about sex she just says 'Eww, eww, go away!'

She deletes most messages on Facebook pretty quick so these are only the ones I happen to see by checking at the right time.

She is (practically) surgically attached to her mobile phone and deletes everything from that too.

I'm on the ball, I think I am, I usually have an idea of what is going on. She has never drastically broken the rules before (that I know of!) but I am concerned it's coming up and soon.

I was a terrible teenager and I remember well the tricks I used to get what I want. She is rather immature for her age as well so I am also concerned she could be easily tricked by another child.

I think I need to say No to this weekend coming up and I would without more thought if it wasn't for the fact that these are the first 'girl' friends she has had at school in over a year.

Any tips? Please!?

[Wigglemama]

I think you need to just prepare her for what may inevitably happen, such as making birth control accessible to her just in case, try to be approachable without coming off too eager to discuss things that will make her want to run to the hills, perhaps by buying magazines that discuss these issues at her level, ensure that she knows that she can come and talk to you,if need be.

As hard as it is you need to resist the urge to check up on her on Facebook or looking at her mobile messages. She probably feels like her privacy is being invaded, so she is putting more effort into hiding it from you.

I don't envy you, and as a mother of three daughters (one who is two and a half years off being a teenager) and being a previous "naughty teenager"myself, the thought of my daughters being teenagers scares the crap out of me!

This post has been edited by Wigglemama: 23/07/2012, 04:27 PM

[protart roflcopt...]

Hmmm, no PP, she is not her best friend at this stage in her life. She is her MOTHER and PARENT. And that is what her daughter needs her to be.

That doesn't mean that they can't talk.

OP, I would be all over that "sleepover". Have you talked to the other parents to ascertain the level of supervision and to ensure they won't be completely unsupervised? A lot depends on if she is closer to 13 or to 18? Did I miss that in the OP?

[soontobegran]

Your daughter almost tells you everything and you should be happy for this. Don't invade her privacy as every person in this world needs and deserves privacy. Talk to her as her best friend and not a mother. She will understand you that way much better.

I don't think so. If she is a child then she needs to know her privacy will be invaded if her parent has concerns about her safety.



OP, how old is she?

[HillmanMinx]

All I can suggest is to make sure she is covered for birth control. My DD is 15 (almost 16) and has implanon. She also has condoms... but no chance I am going to expect teenagers to be absolutely committed to condoms - no matter how much I bring up STI's and the grotty image of 'if he has slept with one other girl, and that girl has slept with one other boy, and that boy has... gag... how many people potential STIs are you *really* at risk of'.

My DD is pretty open with me, but if there wasn't *some* things that they kept to themselves at that age - it would be strange... they are journeying towards independence and self determination after all

[lifehacker]

I feel your pain. I have a teen that either lsughs things off when I try to talk to her or gets very hostile and shuts down. It's particularly hard when you know they are up to certain things but obviously they aren't willing to share it with you. I have decided to stop pushing dd - she still has the usual rules but I can't force her to talk to me so I have to just warn, support, tell her how much I care and be there if things go wrong.
Agree with PP too - I think it's best to stay away from their Facebook accts etc you will see things that may not be exactly true (teens tend to have a lingo, joke with each other, say things that they really dont intend to do just to be seen as cool etc) and make your mind go crazy and she is entitled to her privacy and will probably become more secretive if she feels she has to hide stuff.

It's so hard, I personally wouldn't stop her from going as I think it's really important they have friends and support during these years but I understand how worried you must be. My main concern would be making sure she knows about STI's - (not going to stop them probably) but you will feel better if you know you've told her.

Goodluck - my dd is almost 17 so I keep reminding myself she really is only 12 months or so away from being an adult!