[Mrs Optimus]

I have a 8 year old DS.

Sometimes it just seems like he is constantly in trouble!

He doesnt listen, smart mouths, argues, lies ALL THE TIME, trys to be sneaky and deceitful..

A couple of examples...

Lego - he KNOWS its not allowed out of the house. Fair rule I think, its expensive and the last thing we want is for it to be lost or stolen at school. Yet EVERY. SINGLE. DAY he tries to take some with him! At first it was 2 FULL pockets of lego... now he just tries to take lego men - but not the point. He has been told a million times by his father and I that he is not allowed to. And yes he gets punished for it... in fact hes just lost rights to his lego for a month for his last stunt! (drastic sounding maybe but he is just not learning!)

The lying, last night he had texta on his hand. My DP asked him to go and wash it off before bed. His response? DD did it? Huh? He didnt ask who did it... he asked him to clean it off! Then DS proceeded to make up this elaborate lie about how his sister drew on his paper and on his hands! I requested to look at the picture - there is NO WAY DD would have been able to draw what he claimed she did... (she doesnt have the dexterity - plus it was his 'signature' drawing) So he got in trouble for lying.... when all he needed to do was wash his freaking hands! Hes allowed to have Texta.. (DD is not) no issue.. he made it one!

This morning... I told him not to wear something specific (new socks - didnt want them living at his fathers) he said ok... went and put them on anyway. Asked if they were ok... I said what did I just say? His response? Not to wear them? I just looked at him (he changed them) So he DID hear me... but still chose to defy me?

Is this normal for this age? I remember being well quite a bad kid.. but I swear I cant have been THAT bad...

And - its not ALL the time... but when it happens it just seems to be in clumps! He'll be great for months... and then BANG hes bad again! I dont think it would be so bad if he was naughty a couple of times over the week and generally good the other times! Im so frustrated with him right now!

I get that his life is disrupted - 50/50 shared care and that he is Aspergers... but the routine is the same all the time... and its been this way for almost a year and he had adapted to it really well.

Sorry for the long rant... hes just really pushing my buttons... and a little bit of me is glad hes at his Dads for a week... (i'll miss him by tonight though)

[Allymeg69]

Mrs O, I have a nearly 8 year old DSS who has been (at times) somewhat the same (and like your DS, he is 50:50 shared care between us and his mum).

I must say that at the moment though, out of all my three step-kids, he is the one who is least trying! He actually DOES remember to hang up his bath towel, hasn't lied to us for ages, generally does what he is asked (although it might take a few times asking!).

A while back he was quite challenging, acting up at school, inapporpriately rough play, disruptive in class etc and the teacher worked on a program of him thinking about his actions, a star chart with rewards etc and it seemed to really pay off with a great report at the end of last year, and this year, all is going pretty well. At home, we did have a few episodes of blatant lying and strange/rude/challenging behaviour, after one particular episode involving the small children next door, DH & I took him aside and had a very serious talk with him - I still remember the look on his face when we took him into the office, I think he thought we were going to be really mad with him but we were very calm and quiet, asked him for an explanation, which came out sounding like total BS, we told him we thought he was lying, and quietly kept working on getting an explanation and told him he would have to go in next door and apologise to both the children and their parents, which he did (with my DH). I think that was a bit of a turning point, it made him see the seriousness of a situation, the consequences of making bad choices and of compounding it by lying.

I tell this story just by way of example, if you think your son is up to some serious but quiet, measured talking-too, including having to face up with apologies to anyone he is affecting by his actions, then maybe he might respond? But you would be best placed to know how he deals with things given his Aspergers.

Good luck.

[Mrs Optimus]

Hmmm.. good point Allymeg.. because at the moment all I feel like im doing is yelling at him.

Im seriously considering perhaps meeting up with him and his father. And us 2 having a talk with him.

He just doesnt seem to be responding to DP and I and ex and his DP seperately... but maybe a quiet, calm word with him from us two might sink it in.

He has been inappropriately rough with his sister too.. she is only 4 and hes 8 - although I dont really think making him apologise to her is the right idea...

[newyearbaby]

Oh wow, I can relate to some of this also with my 8 year old step son. Not so much the lying but the back chatting is really getting to us at the moment. Similar situation, we have 50/50 with his mum (has been that way for 4-5 years now)

We find it gets worse when he has been hanging out with his mates. It seems he gets a bit show offy (not a real word sorry) after being with them. I think that part is just an age thing.

Generally though he is a great kid. Just can be a bit lazy and needs a bit of a push sometimes to get things done.

[my serenity]

my son is like this and has been since 7ish........ hes 13 and still the same. Its draining and tiring and leaves me frustrated and annoyed ... no amount of punsihing etc ever gts through!

[kadoodle]

Lying - check
backchat - check
being rude - check
ignoring requests - check
being rough with little sister - check.

Thankfully the stealing has petered out but the obsessions with computer games and tv shows are getting right up my nose.

He's lucky he's cute or I'd drown him!

[Mrs Optimus]

Lying - check
backchat - check
being rude - check
ignoring requests - check
being rough with little sister - check.

Thankfully the stealing has petered out but the obsessions with computer games and tv shows are getting right up my nose.

He's lucky he's cute or I'd drown him!

Mine lost his DS - for good. He had it taken off him and only JUST got it back. With a talk on trust and what it would take to lose it again - taking lego to school was one of them - and he lost it again less then a week later!

Plus his behaviour is must worse when he plays it! ie he backchats terribly and carries on worse then a 2yo if hes asked/told to turn it off or put it down for a second.

Told him the next time he gets a computer game will be when he moves out and buys his own!

I just spoke to his father... and he agrees that if the behaviour doesnt pick up in the next couple of weeks we'll meet up with him and both talk to him. Show that he cant play us off and that we are in agreeance about how he should behave... firstly though we are going to monitor his behavior and report back to each other on how he's been.

It is nice to know that it seems to be 'normal'.

Thanks..

[Mrs Optimus]

my son is like this and has been since 7ish........ hes 13 and still the same. Its draining and tiring and leaves me frustrated and annoyed ... no amount of punsihing etc ever gts through!

Oh god no! Are you serious? It never ends?