[dessiesgirl]

Also, meant to add there was a mother from my mother's group who asked me to look after her child when she had to go back to work after her maternity leave. I said no, because I din't want that permanent committment, but said I was happy to help out occasionally if she was stuck. She was quite put out at being told no, and said, "Oh, I just thought you'd like the extra money" Clearly my second hand pram didn't cut it!!

[chrisl]

It's not rocket science - just say no. Make an excuse if you feel uncomfortable saying no. If people have a problem with you saying no they are clearly not very understanding friends.
there is a bit of the matyr syndrome going on here.

I am about to go back to work after the second child. I went back to work after the first one (part time at first then full time). I think I've asked my friends to watch my child for an hour or two maybe twice in 3 years. It was when I had a specialist appointment or something. We use child care and if needed, we pay babysitters. We ask family if we have to. Maybe you should ask for payment for services so everyone is happy. I sometimes have friends who offer to help out and generally I say no because I know they are busy with their own children and don't expect them to look after mine as well unless we take turns babysitting for one another (which we sometimes also do).
Not all working mums are selfish cows who treat SAHMs like slaves. After doing both jobs, they are both hard.

[joderine]

My husband works 6 days a week and I work 3 days and have done since our daughter was 4 months old. She is now 11 months.

I start work early so I can come home early to pick her up from daycare and we have the same routine every day whether it is a working day or not.

As soon as I get home I put a load of washing on and unstack the dishwasher.

Each day at 5 she has her dinner and then plays with her toys while I get all her stuff ready for daycare the next day inc all her meals.

Hubby gets home at 5.30 and plays with her for half an hr and gets her ready for bath while I put dinner on - I finish the bath while hubby finishes dinner and then feed and bed for her at 7pm.

Then we both clean up the kitchen, stack the dishwasher, I do a load of folding clothes from the day before, ironing for 10 minutes ONLY and a tidy up of her toys.

We can then sit down for dinner together and everything is done! And it is only 7.30!
It can be done BUT I do have a super husband who helps with everything.

I think the key is being super organised - but we make sure we don't miss out on spending time with our daughter otherwise the "guilts" start!
If we don't get everything done by the time she goes to bed we just have to do it straight after!

Having everything organised also means we get to spend time together relaxed at the end of the day which is essential.

We also have a cleaner once a fortnight to do the floors and bathroom so this helps a lot - otherwise hubby takes our girl out for a walk for an hr on a sunday and I did this when we couldnt afford a cleaner.

Hope this helps!

[anon60]

I'm wondering this at the moment ( I currently work P/t but looking at going F/T). While my family is grown, I'm wondering if I really want to do the "leave the house at 7am, get home at 7pm" trek. The last time I was doing that, I was falling into bed by 830pm, was spending next to no time with my family (DH & 4 kids) or doing the things I enjoy (both family stuff, going to the gym, and my own hobbies), and felt like I was living to work, not working to live. I was too tired most nights, to pay any attention to DH.

This post has been edited by anon60: 24/08/2010, 10:43 AM

[Duechristmasday]

I have 5 kids and am a stay at home mum. I so not have much help, which does not bother me all that much. I decided not to go back to work because it was not financially viable for me to pay someone else to help with the children based on the income that I would receive.

Anyway, I stumbled accross your article about feeling used by friends, neighbours etc and could have written your story word for word.

I feel quite used at times by my neighbours and friends as the only times that they ever call me is because they need me for something. They very rarely thank me, and I think I get more offended that they dont even stop in for a quick coffee or chat with me and ask me how I am, instead they just drop off their kids, borrow my things, ask me to bring their kids home etc....

the fact is that I have 5 kids and am really busy with my own, including my 3 month old and 18 month old babies, so why do people keep asking me to do them favors?. i find that when i dont offer or say no that they give me the cold shoulder.

The worst part is that the worst offending mum does not work and is a stay at home mum herself, she sends them over when she needs to go to the gym, pick up her car from having a service, or to go and have her hair or nails done. the kids have bad manners and I find them incredibly rude. Last time they came over they whinged the whole time that they were bored/hungry and threw toys around the house .

We are not a family that does allot of playdates as we tend to do allot of family things together, and this particular person makes many comments about me not going out all that much etc..... it makes me feel extremely inferior. I really hate having neighbors that are in my face like this, I feel like I cannot escape.

How do i politely tell this person that she makes me feel this way? if only I ever got some gratitude or she treated me like a friend instead of her paid worker.

[IVF Baby]

I think this is such an individual personal thing. What suits and may work for one, might not work for another and that is fine.

For example, in my case - I was not made to be a stay at home mum, 8 months I did it for and I went insane. This doesn't mean I love my son any less.

I work full time, I run around when I get home, get him showered, fed, in bed, his bag packed for day care and in the car, my bag in the car and all my clothes out for the next day. And yes, I am hectic, but I love it. I don't sit still very well at all. I have a very busy, well paying, job of some responsibility that I thoroughly enjoy. It also gives me satisfaction to know I can afford a few extras and that my son will grow up with what he needs and some of what he just plain old wants.

His happy attitude and smiles when I drop him off at day care and that I know his carers smoother him with attention all day is great.

This might be someone elses's nightmare too.

Each to their own.

[BetteBoop]

As PPs have said cook in bulk. I love my slow cooker because I can whack it on the morning and come home to dinner.
Meal planning.
Online groceries can be done at work in your lunchtime.
Negotiate work from home arrangements if possible. I've done this and done my paid work late at night which has given me days to do chores.

I'm wondering this at the moment ( I currently work P/t but looking at going F/T). While my family is grown, I'm wondering if I really want to do the "leave the house at 7am, get home at 7pm" trek. The last time I was doing that, I was falling into bed by 830pm, was spending next to no time with my family (DH & 4 kids) or doing the things I enjoy (both family stuff, going to the gym, and my own hobbies), and felt like I was living to work, not working to live. I was too tired most nights, to pay any attention to DH.

Sounds about right.

I've been working FT for about 7 months now. I'm exhausted most of the time.

I've been given the choice between going back to my 2 day a week job or staying in my current role full time. The difference in pay is a multiplication factor of 3-4 times and we need the money right now.

But I'm taking the 2 day a week role. Life is too short.