[Melindajane]

My beautiful little girl turned one today and the anxiety I feel about her birth is almost as bad as when she was born. She is my 6th child and I so badly wanted a home birth as she was my last child and I wanted at least one child where I felt I was in control and what I wanted was respected. We had a water birth at home and every went well until baby was born though she was pink she wasn't breathing I held her for about a minute while my midwife tried to encourage her to breath and then she clamped and cut her cord. I was in shock her life force was just cut off. She then took her off me asked my husband to call an ambulance and tried giving her some air which was eventually successful the ambulance came and took her away with my husband to get her checked out at the hospital. By the time I got there they had her pinned down putting a drip in her arm while she was screaming her little lungs out. They said she needed antibiotics in case she had an infection and had already drawn blood for blood tests. They had a tube down her throat as they couldn't get it down her nose in case she needed oxygen(which she never needed) and she was nil by mouth. I stayed at the hospital that night and checked on her at 2am where she was breathing well and they let me feed her. The next day they stuck a camera down her nose just incase she might have trouble breathing. By day two Everything was still normal but they wanted to o more tests just in case they might find something I told them no and distarged her from the hospital. I came home that night and just cried and cried. I had a home birth that I could of had in a hospital. I gave birth, she was whisked away before I delivered my placenta and I couldn't hold her or feed her for the first 8 hours and there was nothing wrong with her. She just needed more time with her cord. My midwife didn't even discuse cutting the cord with me or why she did it she just did it. I never got to hold my new born baby and bond with her in my bed in my home and I feel so ripped off. The anxiety I feel is horrible and I feel the only way to get rid of it is to have another baby and try to recapture what I didn't get. It's been a year and I think about I every day. I haunts me like a bad dream and I don't know how to get rid it.

[wallofdodo]

I am sorry that sound really awful.

Have you talked to your midwife about what happened?

Have you had or considered any councelling? it can really help.

[Raley]

im sorry for the anxiety you feel about not having the birth that you wanted and the stress that came after her birth.

I dont think having another child just to get the perfect birth/bonding experience is a good idea though. What if something worse happened next time?

Also, (and this is just my personal opinion), but if my baby was not breathing when she came out and if nothing happened after a minute then I would want them to do anything absolutely possible to get her to breathe.

I know its not how you planned things but I hope that time can help heal the way you feel.

[Melindajane]

14590292[/url]']
I am sorry that sound really awful.

Have you talked to your midwife about what happened?

Have you had or considered any councelling? it can really help.

I feel silly even thinking about talking to her about it, it happened a year ago. My hb says not to dwell on it maybe a counceller could help

[Melindajane]

14590308[/url]']
im sorry for the anxiety you feel about not having the birth that you wanted and the stress that came after her birth.

I dont think having another child just to get the perfect birth/bonding experience is a good idea though. What if something worse happened next time?

Also, (and this is just my personal opinion), but if my baby was not breathing when she came out and if nothing happened after a minute then I would want them to do anything absolutely possible to get her to breathe.

I know its not how you planned things but I hope that time can help heal the way you feel.

Your right not a good enough reason to have another child. That's what makes it so hard, she is our last child I wanted nice memories.But I do feel that cutting the cord before establishing breathing at home was risky. I do see where your coming from though

[Melindajane]

14590308[/url]']
im sorry for the anxiety you feel about not having the birth that you wanted and the stress that came after her birth.

I dont think having another child just to get the perfect birth/bonding experience is a good idea though. What if something worse happened next time?

Also, (and this is just my personal opinion), but if my baby was not breathing when she came out and if nothing happened after a minute then I would want them to do anything absolutely possible to get her to breathe.

I know its not how you planned things but I hope that time can help heal the way you feel.

Your right not a good enough reason to have another child. That's what makes it so hard, she is our last child I wanted nice memories.But I do feel that cutting the cord before establishing breathing at home was risky. I do see where your coming from though

[new~mum~reenie]

Also, (and this is just my personal opinion), but if my baby was not breathing when she came out and if nothing happened after a minute then I would want them to do anything absolutely possible to get her to breathe.

But leaving the cord to pulse gives baby time to transition to pulmonary respiration - baby is still receiving oxygen (to the brain and other organs) via the cord. If physiological third stage is followed, baby could have 20 min or more to do this - baby can also be worked on while still attached to the mother.

Interestingly, I understand that ambulances that attend unplanned births out of hospital know not to interfere with the cord and to leave it attached to avoid a second 'patient'.

Op, I'm so sorry it didn't go the way you hoped. I'd be sad too...

How did you come accross this MW? Was she independent or through a hospital scheme? Did she have much homebirth experience?

[Sinister Bonnet]

I would contact the midwife and ask her why she did what she did. Either she has a reason for that decision or she panicked and made a decision which in retrospect she may have made differently. Either way talking to her about how what happened affected you could be really helpful to you resolving your feeling about how it all went.

A year is not so long when it comes to birth trauma. The midwife could do with some feedback as well so as to improve her services to her clients (which is utterly not your responsibility but if it happened as a part of your resolving this is a good thing).

[Alina0210]

I'm so sorry. That's really sad and totally not on by ur midwife...... Wonder if she was being 'watched' by powers that be and instead of doing what she normlly would... Leaving cord intact and most offering oxygen while baby was on u, she decided to act irrationally...

I would totally go to coucilling or talk to someone.... All helps.

[Mama Midwife]

I think you need to get the notes on your birth and discuss it properly with the midwife involved with your care or another midwife to try and sort through what ACTUALLY happened that caused the midwife to cut the cord and begin oxygen therapy. I do not believe that there is a person on this website, that can actually pinpoint the actual reason why this intervention occured and a discussion needs to take place in order for you to make peace with what happened.

As a midwife, in a busy birthing unit, I quite often "cut the cord to manage third stage but am very mindful of women who request physiological third stage and delayed cord clamping. I am very careful to be very upfront and frank with my reasons to cut the cord, when not requested and will only do so if indicated, such as , if the baby desperately needs some form of resuscitation.