[KeepTheFaith]

DH started a new job about 9 months ago, as a very senior manager. The person in the role before him was incredibly damaging, so all the staff have taken to DH like he is the 'wonder kid' (he is very friendly, approachable, and as he wants to be liked by everyone he can sometimes do too much for them).

Now, DH has a particular manager under him who I now callhis "granny stalker". She is about mid 50's, is married, and has kids and grand-kids (hence the granny reference). I have met her once - she seems nice enough, but is not the most attractive lady. DH is 43 and exceptionally fit and quite attractive. I'm 38, 36 weeks pregnant - and currently resembling a human grapefruit

So, this manager was initially relying on DH to sort out some major staff dramas she has been having. He did a great job, and she now idolises him. Since then she would text and email him daily about completely random stuff (I have seen some texts and emails, as DH and I are very open with our phones, email etc, know each others passwords, will answer each others calls and texts if they are not work related etc). DH would contact her back, nicely, but in my opinion he "fed" her a little bit by responding to every message she sent him, even if a response was not (IMO) needed. We are talking up to 5 emails and 2-3 texts a day, at this point.

In the last 2 weeks, she has been getting more...intimate? DH went to a staff function at her place, on a Sunday, and took DD (2) with him. I was at home, too tired to do the 3 hour round trip. After he got home she was sending him multiple texts about how beautiful DD is, "just like her daddy", as well as photos of the dessert he missed in leaving early, how she wished he could have stayed etc. These texts went well on into the night, even though she was still hosting the party. After this, I called her the "stalker granny" and he started to as well.

After this work function, the texts and emails seem to have become even more prolific (now up to 10 per day). They often (but don't always) contain references to how fantastic DH is, how attractive, but are still 'borderline' in terms of being inappropriate. There is a lot of good natured teasing as well, which he joins in on, but is never inappropriate himself (that I have seen - I have not actually checked every text or email, but know about the ones he has shown me or I have picked up when his phone beeped).

Last night was my "straw meet camel" moment. He got a text at 9:00 pm, and when I asked who it was he said "Guess". It was her - she is away for work, and was (apparently, I didn't actually read the text) contacting him to say she had just gotten some really nice lollies.

Umm...HUH??? Is it just me, or is this starting to sound a little...off? Maybe it's my hormones talking. But then again, I think if she was younger and more attractive, I'd be much more suspicious (and worried). And then my experience with EB tells me that men will behave inappropriately with women who are older/less attractive than their current partners, and to think "Well, nothing would happen as she is a grandmother and less attractive than me" is idiotic.

For the record, I 99% trust DH. Not 100%, because I have been hurt by people lots in my life. But I don't know that I'd trust her in this situation. I really don't know what she is playing at - is it harmless flirtation, or something less harmless? I have told DH I'm concerned, and that he shouldn't "feed" the relationship more than his working partnership requires, but I said it rather casually, and am starting to think I need to say something more firmly. I guess I'm worried it will get more intense (although I'm not sure exactly what I mean by that), and then - who knows? At the very least, I can see it potentially damaging his working relationship.

So, what do you think? What would you do?

[Ireckon]

I would say, not JUST for the sake of the marriage (which is hugely important) but also for the sake of his place of employment, he perhaps needs to have a quiet meeting with HR to get them to help determine how he can best approach the issue - if he can keep a heap of correspondance to take with him to show them, this would help. The last thing he would want is to cool it all and then have her accusse HIM of some kind of harrasment instead. HR can keep it all confidential, so she won't know he has brought it up with them, but I really do think it is the best thing he can do at this point in time.

And no, I don't think you are being 'hormonie' (is tht a real word?)

[jennywin]

She sounds lonely, like she has no other friends, and well your DH sounds nice, likeable, good at his work, friendly etc. I very seriously doubt anything is going on. In fact you said if it were a younger female, you would prob be more jealous. Look at it a different way. If it were a 48yo male work colleague, how would you feel. I would just be annoyed that he/she is taking so much time away from family time, and that DH was being too nice. Sometimes we need to point our better halves in the right direction. Sounds like she's a bit dull/annoying, I would say he needs to be a little more selective to which texts he responds to, she's not his responsibility.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

Well what does dh think? Are they friends, does he enjoy the contact?

From what you have said, she hasn't said or done anything inappropriate. She has behaved like a friend, and your dh has responded in the same way.

[Neko NoNo]

good advice Ireckon. I agree with it.

The fact that she has had major staffing issues recently leads me to believe she is not stable enough to be mature about it. Definitely get HR involved

[JustBeige]

I would be talking to DH about putting some distance between them. He can start by not replying to all the texts / emails.

He needs to ask himself how well he will handle it if she does something inappropriate or wrong work wise and he has to address this or counsel herin regards to performance.

She sounds like she has developed a strong work friendship - and sometimes they can be, but its hard when its a boss / worker friendship because its hard to not be seeming to play favourites.

He could always talk to her and ask that she keep her email / texts just work related as he doesnt want to seem to be playing favourites.

[JAPN2]

He needs to start ignoring the texts and stop feeding the fire.
NOW.

He also needs to act a bit less informally with her so she slowly gets the message without it being a slap in the face.

[Eirinn]

If it's making him uncomfortable, it's a problem and needs to be addressed with HR, hopefully in a way that won't embarrass her too much. She sounds harmless to me, a lonely woman who has gotten a bit carried away.

[adl]

As a manager he needs to handle this and fast- as its not appropriate at all for a work relationship with the amount of personal contact outside work hours and work subjects that you have described.

[MrsLexiK]

I would say, not JUST for the sake of the marriage (which is hugely important) but also for the sake of his place of employment, he perhaps needs to have a quiet meeting with HR to get them to help determine how he can best approach the issue - if he can keep a heap of correspondance to take with him to show them, this would help. The last thing he would want is to cool it all and then have her accusse HIM of some kind of harrasment instead. HR can keep it all confidential, so she won't know he has brought it up with them, but I really do think it is the best thing he can do at this point in time.

And no, I don't think you are being 'hormonie' (is tht a real word?)

This is some very good advice and what I would be telling DH to do, or what I would do myself if I was in the situation.