[Chief Pancake Ma...]

I would love to be a SAHM, but I cant see it happening soon due to finances.

If we were in a financial position to do so I know DH would have no problem with me spending what ever I felt I needed to to keep the household running and clothes and shoes and treats for myself or our child/children within reason. I am not a big spender, but probably spend a bit more than DH. ATM I am earning my own income and essentially I can spend it on whatever i want (but most goes on the mortgage) so if I buy something special or expensive as a present for DH he can't complain that I shouldn't spend money on him.

DH works hard, does a lot of extra around the house as well and I think deserves to be spoilt every now and then and is quite frugal with his money so doesn't like to spend money on himself.

How do SAHMs justify spending money to buy special presents or spoiling their DH when you are spending money they have earned to do it?

[*mylittleprince*]

Are you serious? DH might earn the salary but we are a couple and together we are responsible for finances, running a household and raising our son. It is "our" money and I feel no guilt spending money on what we need or DH.

[Ehill]

Actually it is quite hard! If I put it on his credit card, he is like, what is this?

i suppose what you have as a SAHM mum is time so nice presents are more about time and love from us although I failed dismally this year....my parents were over so it was a bit crazy.

Making a card with DD together at home
Baking his favourite cake
Sourcing out something special not necessarily expensive
Getting a reservation at a great rest and organising the babysitter

My DH is ridiculously hard to buy for anyway.

[bubzillaiscoming]

I am a recently SAHM and my mat leave payments have ceased. It is hard not earning for the first time in a looong time. I think that most people would say you don't feel bad because it is 'OUR' money and the work that SAHMs do is a big contribution to family life.

I get 'paid' every month, same as DH (except he is now my employer haha) and he doesn't question how I spend it. I am responsible for food and anything that I or the children need, so if I opt to save a bit extra and spend it on him, well, I still worked hard to save it!

PS I think the more difficult question is how do you justify spending the money on yourself rather than DH ie I desperately need a haircut but won't be pampering myself with that until I feel like I can afford it ie, everyone has what they need ie NEVER!

[Ehill]

PS I think the more difficult question is how do you justify spending the money on yourself rather than DH ie I desperately need a haircut but won't be pampering myself with that until I feel like I can afford it ie, everyone has what they need ie NEVER!

Agree, much harder!

[MrsLexiK]

Not a SAHM yet, and I think you may get a bit flamed due to your wording. DH and I did the sums as to what we would need to live with when we had a child and came up with a figure, due to where we live and the commutes we have we deceided together that one parent would be full time and one would be SAH and look into part time work. All our money is pulled now and is family money, I don't see that changing. As DH earns more than me the choice is going to be easy, but me staying at home means that he can come home at 5.30 and not worry about vaccuming, and cooking tea. That I will be able to get the general cleaning down durning the week. If I was working too it would be crazy mornings would start at probably 5 and everyone wouldn't be home until 6.30/7. As it is now we pull our money and each get x amount (basically a slush fund) we can spend it on coffees or save it. When we are down to one wage (or one and a bit) it will be a less amount but same principal.

[CherryAmes]

The centrelink money goes into my account. I use it to pay the bills and would use it to buy a birthday present.

[kirtyw]

I don't need to jusitfy it. It's OUR money. Yes, DH goes to work to earn it. I stay home and support him and his family. That's the way we've chosen to do this. If he had any issues with this I could always bill him for my time eg chef, cleaner, nanny, adult entertainment .. probably cost him more than not questioning my spending as we do now...

It works for us.

[rachel*t*p]

To be honest I don't think about who earns the money. We have totally joint finances so regardless of who earns it, it is our money. I am currently on leave without pay and DH works fulltime.

And to be honest I do most of the spending - pay the bills, groceries, buy the kids clothes etc, pay the kindy and kid's activities, buy gifts for family and friends, organise holidays. If DH or I want something small or maybe medium we buy it. A bigger purchase we would discuss. We don't really buy each other large gifts - we both prefer to get it ourselves so it is right.

If I want to spoil DH I make him his favourite meal or dessert or more something like that really. DH is more likely to buy something for me, though I would prefer him to take the kids out or to cook once in a while or something like that.

[Belle~Vie]

DH might earn the salary but we are a couple and together we are responsible for finances, running a household and raising our son. It is "our" money and I feel no guilt spending money on what we need or DH.

Agreed! This is how it is for us too.

I've been a SAHP & am currently working (as I have done on & off throughout our union). Neither of us have ever considered it "my money" or "his/her money", we're a family & both contribute (sometimes in separate ways) to the finances, hence 'ours' it is.

I buy him treats & he buys me pressie's too from our joint account. We don't feel the need to check up on each other, nor justify to the other what we have spent the money on, we are responsible adults after all.