[ky*cal]

Hi my oldest DS is almost 9, he is extremely lazy and has the worst attitude towards everthing...as im sure most children his age are like.
Wondering what you do to try enstill responsibilty and respect.
He desperately wants and ipod which we refuse to buy him as he has no respect for any of his other stuff and would let every tom d*ck and harry use it with no care for how much it cost. So we suggested he could do extra chores around the hse to get paid so he can buy one himself..we thought if he had to work for it he might then see the value, but he is very lazy, trys to get out of most jobs, only picking the real easy ones to do then being very rude and obnoxious if he doenst get paid what he sees fit!!!. I also do a paper round and said he could do it with me and get the money, which is quite good dollar if your only 9..but that is even still to hard. He told us the other day "i would rather wait till xmas or my bday to get one" LOL..he will be waiting a long time! Im worried that his attitude will only get worst and id hate for him to grow into one of "those" awful teenagers who do everything they shouldnt.

[mumto4boys]

Maybe start with the idea of him having to do things to help without being paid.

This actually came up in class today ( I teach 12 year olds) as one of the kids mentioned wanting a job only long enough to buy a new game he wanted. I was just listening in to the conversation but it was great to see the reaction of the other kids. 7 out of the 8 children in the group had to do jobs at home for no money and they all told him he was lazy and needed to be more responsible.

When the attitude of only helping for money creeps in then he may want to work only until he gets what he wants and then he will just go back to being lazy again.

Our four boys have never been paid for household help. They all helped with small jobs from when they were very little. Putting away clothes, making beds, keeping rooms clean (their own room plus responsibility for the general tidiness of one other room in the house each). Working together and helping is part of what being a family is all about.

Without being harsh, it is possible that unintentionally you have encouraged his laziness up until now. Forget this being about what he wants now, work on the general attitude itself.

Start small and give him some jobs in the home that he is responsible for. Make sure you are clear on what is expected but don't nag. If he doesn't do them fine, but then he also has to miss out. For example in this house, DS4 would have a very untidy bedroom. I would just shut the door when I walked past. Then he would want to do something or go somewhere. I'd tell him I'd be happy to take him, as soon as his room was tidy to my standard It is amazing how fast he can do a pretty good clean up and wipe down.

At 9 it is time to set some boundaries and work to help him change his attitude. It may be difficult at first but it will be worth it in the end.

[ky*cal]

Thanks mumto4boys
He does have unpaid jobs to do each day which he struggles to do, alot of whinging and refusal. We thought because he wants wants wants all the time with no respect or care for what it is he is receiving we hoped that mayb if he was given extra jobs that he would be paided to do on top of the ones he has to do daily without pay he might have more respect. But it seems he doenst even want to wrk for money to buy his own things and is just hoping that he will get the things he wants as gifts. We have spoken to him bout having to pull his weight around the place as we also have a large family (im preg with #5) DS 3.5 and DS 6 do there fair share with minimal fuss, but DS8 struggles and argues and has done since i can remember. He believes he is asked to do too much and doesnt see or believe that other kids, ie his friends, have as much to do around their place. So i guess its nice to hear that a few kids see doing chores as a responisiblity rather than a burden..he needs a group of kids like the ones you overheard to tell him he is lazy I s'pose we are our own worst enemy in the fact that we nag and then force him to do his daily chores etc...but feel that if we didnt he would never do them and nothing motivates him - hey not even money!!