[Sunnycat]

We are on a tight budget as it is but yesterday my DH got made redundant.

On Monday a group of us from work were meant to go to lunch for a friend's birthday lunch.

However, now I don't feel I'm in a position to go as we literally need to save every last dollar.

I've let her know that due to finances I can't come and she has offered to pay. I'm not comfortable accepting this as do not like people paying for me and I'm not sure when we will be in a position to pay her back. I already owe her some money for some items she purchased on my behalf have already budgeted and arranged to pay her back for ths).

She has said that I'm not putting in any effort for her birthday and am being selfish. I did get her a present prior which I will of course give her on Monday. To be frank I'm not really in the greatest head space as am stressed out and worried so I could quite possibly be being a selfish t*at and not know it.

Meals at the place we are going are all $20 and above and even though it doesn't sound like much, it's a lot to us at the moment.

So do you think I'm being selfish? My friend believes I should have accepted her offer to pay and because I declined I'm therefore being selfish.

This post has been edited by Sunnycat: 10/11/2012, 01:49 PM

[FluffyOscar]

No you're not being selfish, how ridiculous. I can't say the same for your friend though. Is she an adult?

[Sunnycat]

No you're not being selfish, how ridiculous. I can't say the same for your friend though. Is she an adult?

LOL yes definitely an adult, she feels I should have accepted her offer to pay and am selfish not to.

[jayskette]

We had one income for the past 8 months due to a redundancy too. I used to attend work lunches frequently. Over the past 8 months I made a rule of telling people what I am willing to spend on and if they really want me to go to something I don't have money for either they shout or I borrow from them until next payday... worked out well so far

[Ianthe]

She is being a big sooky baby. But it is ok to accept the offer too

[eilca]

If it was a genuine offer, then yes, she may feel slighted. I can completely see where you are coming from, as it is hard to accept kindness such as this offer. Perhaps she really does want you to be there and is not at all bothered about shouting you lunch. I would re-approach her and explain how you feel and accept if she re-offers.

[JRA]

It is a tough one. When she offered to pay, she probably didn't expect to be paid back, she just wanted her friend to be there with her.

From your perspective I can understand not wanting to be in a position where you feel that you owe her.

I must admit I don't tend to buy adult friend birthday presents unless it is a significant birthday / party, and then most are "no presents". Maybe she is not expecting you to have spent money on a present

[Sunnycat]

I work 2 days a week and my income won't even cover the mortgage and I'm not comfortable having people shout me or pay for me, if I can't afford to go I don't think I should attend.

[ms flib]

If she wants you to go and is willing to pay for you then swallow your pride and go.

[julz78]

Your friend is being a d***head, talk about acting like a spoilt brat. She is a grown woman not a 5 year old, not putting in effort for her birthday... really? Is she serious? Sounds like if you did take up her offer it would end up biting you in the bum anyway. I would just let her get on with it.