[pajanimal]

Bit of history. Around 6 months ago I was out running, it started raining hard and as I was heading up a long road I was aware a car was travelling behind me quite slowly (opposite side of the road to me but going in the same direction). It was keeping pace with my running (which means it was going really slowly). I heard someone (male) yelling out to me, something along the lines of "I'll give you a lift you are getting wet". I waved them past without looking at them. They kept the slow pace behind me, stopped again and yelled out some more, again I didn't really look just waved them through. I felt really uncomfortable. When I got to the milk bar further along I stopped and went to go in at which time the car turned and drove away. I only got a quick look at the car - silver commodore. At the time it looked similar to my neighbour so the next time I saw him I just asked whether it had been him (as if it had been him I would have apologised for being rude and waving him away). He told me it wasn't and we left it at that.

Fast forward to today. I was getting mail out of the letterbox when he came over. We haven't seen much of him or his wife in the last six months, but didn't think much of it. He was quite angry when he came over and basically said that he'd been stewing on this for 6 months, that his first wife had been followed home and raped while their 4 year old son was there. He said I had really upset him and the gist I got was that I had offended him as he felt I was accusing him of inappropriate behaviour. I apologised and explained I had been hoping it WAS him so that it would explain the person's behaviour, and that I had thought I'd made it clear I had thought it was a stranger, but just wanted to double check. He then went into great detail about what happened to his wife, then other family members (unrelated but also distressing assault).

I now feel really, really uncomfortable - a) because I've offended him (have apologised) and b) because I was totally off guard, there was a high level of disclosure and something just doesn't sit right. I am actually really shaken by the whole thing.

Now I don't know what to do, if anything. What do you think? Am I over reacting, should I do more?

[Becky Thatcher]

His problem, not yours.

[pajanimal]

Further to this, my husband's concern is what if it actually WAS the neighbour following me? I can't swear to it either way.

[beccajayne]

Seems a bit strange your neighbors behavior but I think you were right with your first impulse, it was a stranger.
Maybe your neighbor is having a bad day which could explain his behavior.

Just keep an eye out next time and try to get a good look at the car if you see it again.

[Becky Thatcher]

Further to this, my husband's concern is what if it actually WAS the neighbour following me? I can't swear to it either way.

That went through my mind too. The first wife being raped story could have been BS.

[Mummy Em]

I don't know, that doesn't sit right with me either. Try not to worry about him being offended, you have explained and that is all you can do.Hopefully he will settle down and realise he is over reacting. How sure are you that it wasn't him, would you have recognised his voice?

ETA - just saw your update. My feeling is that he sounds defensive. I'd just keep your distance TBH.

This post has been edited by Mummy Em: 12/11/2012, 10:46 AM

[Katie_bella]

How were you to know what had happened to his wife?

I would probably have done the same thing as you did. Could you write a short note apologising for upsetting him and explaining that you weren't trying to accuse him of anything but were just trying to make sense of a situation that had frightened you? Attach it to a box of chocs or something?

I think keeping neighbours friendly is worth the effort.

[Ally'smum]

You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.

[pajanimal]

Because it was pouring with rain, the driver was behind me and I was puffing I actually wasn't sure it is was or wasn't him. Only reason I thought it was a stranger was because he kind of sped off when I stopped at the milk bar which seemed really strange. The car was similar, but it was a very common car.

[pajanimal]

You have apologised so I would just leave it at that and avoid him.

1) Why is he taking offence to it in the first place?
2) Why is he stewing over it?

Something isn't right there and I would leave it well alone.

You need to be wary because it could have been him and he could have been acting inappropriately.
DH knows the route that I run (on busy streets) and what time I should be back by and I always carry my phone.

I actually joined a gym after that so I run on a treadmill now. I always ran the same route (not many options) at the same time (when kids were looked after) so I was highly predictable.