[mpjp]

This is a hypothetical on my part but a real question for one of my sisters .

Her DP finally proposed, but without a ring. It's still a 'secret' as they dont want to announce until the ring comes (but she told me in confidence). He's designed one with a jeweller friend of his family. He described it and it's exactly what she would not like. He's a surfer 'dude' and it sounds just like one of those surfer dude rings!! Platinum but gun metal grey with surfer dude kind of engraving on it. It sounds like a ring he would wear . It's costing $3K so I imagine without stones it must be quite...chunky!

My sis is sweet, and delicate, and girly! And HATEs to hurt peoples feelings. And she loves shiny, sparkly things!! She thinks she neesd to just 'suck it up' and love it bc he gave it to her. But she is worried that the ring will be so 'surfer dude' ugly!!

She asked me to post a WWYD in this circumstance. Me I'd just say 'darling whatever you give me I would treasure but I really think a smaller more sparkly ring would suit me better...'. But this isn't me! She's not as...forthright as me!


Ideas?

ETA - he described it to HER - not me - I am not supposed to know....

This post has been edited by meplainjanebrain: 12/11/2012, 04:09 PM

[la di dah]

My ring was chosen by fate, in that it was what DH's granddad gave his Nan, so not chosen according to my taste. Which would have, admittedly, run to more coloured stones and probably not the same style. But I love it anyway? Truly, not bullsh*tting. It means a lot to me.

Now without the beloved heirloom aspect, it does get a little harder. I think my DH would be a lot less brave than your BIL, as far as not even sounding me out for basic style...?

I find it odd if she's so girly and dainty that he doesn't know that. He may actually surprise with what he does know, and be more on the money than she thinks? And is maybe taking the suspense too far.

[Mumof1B2G]

I am the wrong person to ask as DH showed me the ring he wanted which like your dear sister was way too chunky for me. I suggested I liked dainty stuff and I would prefer the extra money went on home loans...

I am just not a jewellry person and what I do like to wear I like to be subtle... My DH was good about but then he kind of knew what I was like before he got together with me...

I would encourage her to be honest and maybe suggest that she likes subtle jewellry so if he has a design in mind could he incorporate the surf features he likes in a more subtle design...

Good luck... It is a hard one as he sounds like he has put some thought into it too and that is romantic.

[Sunnycat]

I love jewellery and I wouldn't be able to wear a piece that I hated.

I would have it remade.

[intd242]

Wait until she sees it before worrying. Who knows could be perfect and he is leading her on a little with the description to assist with the surprise.

[silver-rain]

Any chance he's pulling her leg and he's actually designed something gorgeous and sparkly, but wants to keep it a surprise? Hoping that's the case for your sister, OP, I don't think the ring you've described sounds like my taste either....

[amabanana]

I avoided the above scenario by putting a deposit on a ring I LOVED and giving DH the receipt. I told him he could propose whenever he liked.

As for what I would do in the above situation. Probably tell him that I loved it as I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.

Could he be making it up to throw her off the trail? Maybe he'll propose with something she really loves. I hope so.

[JustBeige]

I knew what would suit me too. DH had other ideas. So I took him 'shopping' and we tried on different rings and different stones.

I let him pick out a couple that he liked and I tried them on, and then I picked out a couple to my taste and tried them on. LOL, mine looked much much nicer on my hands.

So if I was your sis, I would take him shopping.

Keeping it all very lighthearted.
I would probably say something like "Y'know, even though you have described it, I cant imagine what this ring is going to look like, I'm immensely excited but uber stressed that its going to look like something that a WWW wrestler would wear but make me look like I have a knuckle duster on" "I want to take you shopping to try a couple on to show you what would look good on me"

Make sure she gets him to offer up different styles too. Hopefully he wont be too disappointed and its not too late to change the style.

Or she could ring the jeweller herself and speak to him about her concerns.

Has she had her finger sized? If not, if she does that before she speaks to the jeweller it will help them know that she only has little fingers etc.



Is she sure its the engagement ring? maybe he is thinking a 2 for on2 deal - ie: no wedding band.

I think I would be doing a bit of arm waving about no stones though. lol, I like my stones in my jewellery though.

[PurpleNess]

She should ask to see the jewelers sketch & then be honest with.

PS you've described my husbands custom made wedding band & I love it...he's not a 'surfer dude' lol....quite the opposite infact.

[mommyoffour]

Two ideas:

1. Suck it up and wear it until she gets to choose her own wedding ring then just don't wear it anymore

2. Talk it through from the approach of "honey, the thought that has gone into it is so beautiful, but did you know it's not really my style? Could we get it cast into a resin paperweight or frame to remember it with, and go choose something I will enjoy wearing every day?"

I prefer #2 because otherwise she will get jewelry she hates for the next 40 years...!! (not to mention he then gets to learn something new about her and she can practise being a partner rather than a doormat)