[lunargirl]

Done to death I know, but anyway.

I have 3 girls, now aged 7.5, almost 6 and almost 4. I've always planned to be very open about sex and all related topics. But they NEVER ASK.

It's got to the point where I sometimes stretch a conversation to try to bring in "where did I come from" information, but they are not even vaguely interested and usually change the subject after a couple of minutes. I've borrowed a couple of picture books in the past that kind of broached the subject, but they were rejected after one reading in favour of witches/fairies.

I don't think they know much. About 6 months ago my middle child said something that made it clear she believed all babies were born by being "cut out of their mummy's tummies". I tried to explain that wasn't the case, but I don't know if she was listening.

So... what do you do at this point? Force them (well, the 7.5 year old) to sit for a proper "Birds and Bees" discussion? Buy "Where did I come from?" and leave it lying around?

One of her friends is showing some signs of pre-puberty - I can't let this go on forever...

[jayskette]

theres always the buy/borrow appropriate books and leaving them lying around...

[lsolaBella]

[code][/code]my kids generally are not interested 7, 5 &3.

DS1 asked how babies were made the other school holidays. We for " mummy laid an egg" which the kids thought was funny. Also purchased secret boys/girls business for them to look at when they want. We spoke around some of the pictures.

DS 2 will tell you he was cut from mummy's tummy as I have had 3 x c/s and they can see my scar (I get hypertrophic s raring so it is very visible)

[noi'mnot]

Interesting question. I only have a pre-schooler, so I can't give you experiences of being a parent of that aged children and talking about this.

But, I do sex ed in schools (primary and secondary). I talk to kids about where they find out about these things, and those that know the most clearly have parents who (appropriately) use every possible opportunity to educate about the topic. Whenever a friend has a child, when they get a new pet or one dies, when pregnancy or birth are discussed on TV, when relationships are discussed, when visiting the zoo, etc. It looks like you're trying to do this already, but if they're not responding then maybe it is time for a sit down talk?

The theory is that if you are honestly open to the discussion and answer questions as truthfully and as openly as possible, they'll keep on asking more questions when they're developmentally ready. They ask questions that are appropriate to their developmental stage and knowledge, so you might start a conversation about babies that they then lose interest in when their questions are answered as much as they want them to be. I see this behaviour in kids that have been taught it at home, they're comfortable asking questions and receiving answers (whereas most other kids just sit and giggle).

"Where did I come from" is a good tool to start conversations for some. In my opinion, particularly for your oldest daughter (but for all of them really) it's time to really start getting that education into them. Most primary schools don't do any kind of puberty or sex education, and this means that if parents haven't done it (or, in particular, haven't done it well!!!) then kids are going into one of the biggest changes of their lives completely blind.

Anyway, as I said, this is just my opinion as somebody who is often left dealing with kids who really do think that their mother has a zip in their tummy, or don't know what a penis is, or have never heard of a period, etc. I'm sure that a parent with similarly aged kids will be able to give you some more relevant advice soon.

This post has been edited by noi'mnot: 13/11/2012, 06:40 PM

[BadCat]

My kids never asked either. I dropped hints but they weren't interested at all. Hell, I flat out asked if they knew about various things and they practically ran away screaming. I figured that they didn't NEED to know until they were approaching puberty.

Our school does sex ed (mostly about puberty but with the basics of reproduction) in year 5 or 6. So when they were due to have sex ed I asked if they wanted me to give them some info up front or would they prefer to hear about it in class. DD opted for up front, DS for in class (even though DH offered to talk to him if he preferred that).

I kind of expected it really. I never asked about it either. I don't think it needs to pushed until there are signs that they are approaching puberty. Then they need to know, whether they want to or not.

[Julie3Girls]

I've got 3 girls, age 11, almost 9 and 6
I wouldn't be stressing too much at the moment. Your oldest is only 7.5. That would only be yr 2 at school?

Obviously, if things come up, I would be very open and discuss it. If you see something on tv that might prompt questions, or if they are talking about something they were told at school etc. Keep the answers simple and matter of fact. When they do start asking questions, don't make every question into a big "talk" because usually they just want a simply answer and to then go on with whatever else they were doing. If they get the simple answer, I think they are more likely to be willing to ask again next time.

My oldest was 9 when I bought a couple of books, and starting having some little chats with her. She is a very big reader, and once I let her know about the books, she started to have a bit of a look through them. Every so often she'd ask me questions, particularly at bedtime when we tend to have a bit of good night chat.
It's only been now at age 11 that I've done the more detailed chat, and showed her things like pads etc.

My DD2 who is almost 9 hasn't asked. I think she has picked up a bit by hearing discussions with DD1, and I recently pulled one of the younger books from DD1's room and showed her. But no real interest or questions yet.

[howdo]

Yeah, backfired on me too, they never asked. It just got to crisis point because DD1 is 12 and wants to read/watch some more advanced stuff that she needs to know about that stuff first. She still doesn't want to know but far out child .... *headdesk*

Awkward.

[noi'mnot]

I really do understand not pushing information onto a child. But, girls can start puberty as early as 7 years old. For those of you whose girls just don't want to know, do you just wait until your daughter shows some signs of puberty before bringing it up? It must be hard preparing them for these changes if they don't want to know...

[howdo]

Well depends what we are talking about. I told DD1 about periods anyway - too bad, so sad. But the sex stuff, she's not listening. I am sure she knows the basics, but I didn't tell her so I don't know how much.

I dunno about 'hard preparing them for these changes' though - they knew they would grow pubic hair and boobs because I have them, and that's all that has happened so far ...

[noi'mnot]

Ok that's cool. I don't think many kids that age really want to know too much about sex (well from their parents, anyway), I was more wondering about periods and such.

In regards to "these changes", I was thinking, in addition to periods (and vaginal discharge), about the emotional and psychological changes that go with puberty and growing up.

Thanks for answering!