Same here with my DD who is 4 in a month. She has always been a bit more of a 'challenging' child.
We are also in an old Victorian so I am surprised that Docs haven't turned up yet (yet being the operative word
I have changed myself a bit as I started to lose it with her. Now I count to 10 and go to her and give her a big cuddle (try anyway)_ and get her to count with me. Sometimes she hits out at me, other times she slumps in my arms defeated & crying out how tired she is.
I just feel consoled in knowing she isn't the only one. I am probably at the lowest point I have ever been with her. I'm on executive b for the stress and don't go anywhere without my Rescue remedy for me either!
We had a park play with kinder kids today and she had a total meltdown kicking and screaming. SHe hit out at me and I picked her up and took her away. The anger in me was beyond anything I have felt and was in tears. I sat her down and held her in my arms. When she calmed down we talked and I waited a few minutes to go back and she was fine.
It's like she hits this crescendo where you cannot go near her and then if you can catch it the right time (along with a few hits along the way sadly) then I find I can get her to calm...but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. It is disheartening and sometimes I wonder what I have done wrong.
Ok...I have just hijacked so sorry. I think I am just letting out some pent up feelings....
Hope it gets better for you OP..I wish I knew the answer to this behavior but know you are not alone and it is definitely not only boys!!