[wonder woman]

My good friend Kate introduced me to one of her good friends, Victoria, and we have hit it off so well that we exchanged details to catch up more. Unfortunately, Kate is not always available when we are, and we are finding that we might perhaps click even better with each other than with Kate.

What can we do to reduce any ill-feeling from Kate that she might have towards us due to her thinking that her friendship with each of us might be being somewhat supplanted?

If you were Kate, how would you feel and react?

Of course I want all my friends to get along well with each other, but discovering that some might become closer with each other than with me can be unsettling...

[andyk]

I am currently the 'Kate' in your situation and it's hard. My BF has become very close with another lady who lives much closer than I do and is more social than I am. Also they are much closer financially.

I am just taking a step back and letting them do their thing. It's a little hurtful, but we have not fallen out over it and I still see her when I can and our conversations are the same.

I would try and include Kate as much as possible. It's great you recognise this might be hard on her as I don't think my BF does.

[unicycle]

Same. Try to always invite Kate, even when you think she might be unavailale. Maybe mention a " wish you could have been ther" or a " it's not quite the same without you". You sound very kind.

[tle]

I love it when my friends all get along together and I'm not fazed if they see each other more than me. So long as I get to see them sometimes I'm fine.

[Tigerdog]

I am currently the 'Kate' in your situation and it's hard. My BF has become very close with another lady who lives much closer than I do and is more social than I am. Also they are much closer financially.

yeah but this other lady isn't one of your friends, so your situation is a bit different. I don't mind this at all, is has happened to me but I believe people don't 'own' other people, you can't control another person's life and who they associate with.

[andyk]

yeah but this other lady isn't one of your friends, so your situation is a bit different. I don't mind this at all, is has happened to me but I believe people don't 'own' other people, you can't control another person's life and who they associate with.

She was a person we both knew vaguely. Anyway not sure if the rest of your post was directed at me or just in general, but for the record I would never claim to 'own' anybody which is why as I said I was taking a step back and letting them do their thing.

[countrymel]

Is this actually an issue with adults?

The only people I know who get weird about that kind of thing are either very, very insecure or children.


Hell I introduced my one of my closest friends to another friend of mine and the buggers ended up getting married!

(thank heavens - it would have desperately uncomfortable for me if they had just become lovers and then broken up acrimoniously!)

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

I don't mind this at all, is has happened to me but I believe people don't 'own' other people, you can't control another person's life and who they associate with.

Same here

This has also happened to me, except the Kate went off her rocket at both me and the Victoria girl. As a result, Kate lost both friendships (well, me for a time, until Kate settled down. Kate and Victoria still have very little to do with each other).

Include Kate whenever you can. Let her know that you still value her friendship and keep in contact as you used to. But of course you will make new friends through your life, that's to be expected.

This post has been edited by YodaTheWrinkledOne: 15/11/2012, 10:53 AM

[Fluster]

At our wedding my DH and I sat one of his single friends with one of my single friends. They hit it off and are now better friends with each than they are with us. I'm really happy for them, and know that they have a lot in common (fortyish, independent, long term single).

[TopsyTurvy]

Just be sure to keep extending the invitations to Kate.

Also try and make time on the odd occasion to catch up with Kate without Victoria so she knows you still value her friendship independently of Victoria.