[Kay1]

Please, I need help. This is my third child so I should know what I am doing by now but I'm at a loss.

DS3 is 3 months old. He used to feed to sleep at about 7-8pm. It has been gradually taking longer and longer and now he often will wake when I put him down or wake after 10 minutes and need feeding again. Once he's asleep he generally sleeps 7-9 hours and then has a feed and back to sleep, so that's great. To cut down on how many times I have to resettle/feed him, I'm trying to teach him to go to sleep in the cot.

For day naps this has meant 15-30 minutes of crying with me there rocking and patting etc. I was ok with this although it was a bit annoying as he only ever sleeps for 40 minutes. But recently its gotten worse, to the point that he is now taking up to 40 mins to settle and then only with rigorous body rocking etc. Sometimes he doesn't settle at all, or settles but is awake again 20 mins later.

Nights have also been getting worse. This last week it has taken me 2 hours of settling every night. Sometimes 3. He seems desperate to suck but won't even fall asleep on the boob and won't take a dummy. I can rock/wobble him to sleep some times but not others.

Tonight I got him to sleep at 7.30pm after much crying/rocking etc and he woke again at 8.30pm and has been crying since then. I stayed with him for over an hour but nothing was working so I gave up and am having a sanity break because I am at breaking point. He is currently screaming hysterically.

I have two other kids and my husband is never home before 8.30pm . I have been reading all the no cry stuff and its all great, but seriously, how long am I meant to sit with him each night? And its not as if me being with him stops the crying. He still cries just as much, its just that I feel better because I have not "abandoned" him.

I know he has wind right now because I can hear and feel it but I can't get it out. I have tried the bicycling, putting him over my knee etc, nothing works.

I try to get him to bed within 2 hours of waking, watch for tired signs etc and try not to let him get overtired. I aim to have him in bed at night at about 6.30pm. What am I doing wrong?? He has now stopped screaming but he's still awake.

This post has been edited by Kay1: 25/11/2012, 09:05 PM

[casime]

I don't pretend to be any kind of expert, so this is merely my experience with my DS, but my DS was quite like yours at that age. It was only when I stopped fighting to get him to have daytime naps, then the nights sorted themselves out. If he falls asleep while he's playing, then that's where he has his nap, which is usually only 20-30 minutes tops. It's pretty rare I get him down in his cot at all during the day. Because of this, he tended to be pretty tired by the time bedtime rolled around. A nice warm bath about 5:30, straight in to pjs and a feed and he was out pretty quickly (and usually stayed down all night, except when teething). It's still working for us now at ten months of age and I can now put him down while he's still awake and he'll put himself to sleep (at night only, still refuses any form of formal day time napping!).

Good luck, I know it can be incredibly frustrating.

[JG13]

My 3rd child developed reflux at 12 weeks - was medicated with Zantac and much much happier. If you are struggling with him, think about talking to your GP. Good luck, I hope he sleeps for you soon so you can rest.

[Kay1]

Thanks but I've had two reflux babies and I'm pretty sure its not that. He's generally very happy when awake (although naturally gets overtired).

If he falls asleep while he's playing, then that's where he has his nap, which is usually only 20-30 minutes tops.

Wow, babies do that!? None of mine have ever gone to sleep without all sorts of hard work on my part, wrapping, rocking, white noise machines etc.

This post has been edited by Kay1: 25/11/2012, 09:16 PM

[littlepoppet]

Could you just have him up with you for a while in the evenings if he is just not settling? We did this a lot with our last baby. He would lie in our arms while we watched tv or sit in his rocker and we would rock him with our feet. It means there is little to no down time but it also means the baby gets undivided attention for a change. Even if he is very tired he is probably going to be comforted, and therefore clamer, by just being with you.

[Jeyamoo]

I don't have a whole lot of advice OP but just wanted to say that I also found my 3rd baby really challenging and was doing most of the settling myself as DH was working away. It is really tough and more than once DS just had to cry because I needed to walk away for my own sanity. DS is now 7 months and I have finally got things sorted by doing some sleep training (so not helpful for you now sorry) I hope you get some useful replies! Hang in there!

[libbylu]

If he falls asleep while he's playing, then that's where he has his nap, which is usually only 20-30 minutes tops.

I also thought 'wow' when I read this. I do know one mum who's baby used to do this occasionally!
OP, some babies are just more difficult to settle. I had to rock mine to sleep on my shoulder and then lay him down. Sometimes it took up to an hour because he would wake when I layed him down and we'd have to start again, but usually only 20 mins. At 8 months we did a kind of 'controlled comforting' - only at bedtime, not in the middle of the night (breastfed to sleep), nor during the day (round the block in the pram), to get him to go to sleep on his own. I would retreat to the doorway. It took about 10 days but he did learn to self settle.

[Kay1]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I just went up and took him the dummy. He was so desperate he actually took it and I was able to rock him til he calmed and then put him down and he fell asleep. He was trying so hard to fight it but is just utterly exhausted.

Could you just have him up with you for a while in the evenings if he is just not settling? We did this a lot with our last baby. He would lie in our arms while we watched tv or sit in his rocker and we would rock him with our feet. It means there is little to no down time but it also means the baby gets undivided attention for a change. Even if he is very tired he is probably going to be comforted, and therefore clamer, by just being with you.

I just think he'd get overtired? My other two went to bed at 5.30-6pm at this age. They were also crap sleepers during the day so by that time they were exhausted. Also by 6pm he's grizzling and tired, doing all the tired signs so I can't put him down to play or anything while I put the big boys to bed. Maybe I could let him cry in his cot for 30 mins while I get the big boys to bed and then get him up again. Just seems like a long time for such a small baby to be awake. He is usually awake from 4.30 or so. We have no routine at all, I just try and follow his tired signs and he grabs naps in the car etc.

[lifehacker]

I don't have a whole lot of advice OP but just wanted to say that I also found my 3rd baby really challenging and was doing most of the settling myself as DH was working away. It is really tough and more than once DS just had to cry because I needed to walk away for my own sanity. DS is now 7 months and I have finally got things sorted by doing some sleep training (so not helpful for you now sorry) I hope you get some useful replies! Hang in there!

This is what I have always done. My 12 month old is up with me right now, just laying with his head on my lap, everyone else in the house is fast asleep. Eventually he will drop off but for now it's less stressful on both of us to have him up with me than him crying and me uptight from being up and down to the cot.
Honestly at 3 months there is no way any of my babies would have gone down to sleep at 6.30 pm, I would breastfeed on demand, sit with them, rock them in the rocker, carry in the sling if I had things that needed to be done then once they were at the point of real sleep I'd go to bed and we co-sleep at that age they just want to be with you.

Goodluck OP, it's hard especially with other children but it will get better, try to enjoy the cuddles now while he's little

[Kay1]

Thanks but I've had two reflux babies and I'm pretty sure its not that. He's generally very happy when awake (although naturally gets overtired).

Eek, that sounded really rude. I really did mean thanks for the reply.