[nobodyreally]

Going anon.

What is more selfish, doing something you know will hurt somebody you love and they've asked you not to do it and you've promised a long time ago not to do it... or staying and dragging them down with you, wearing on them with your problems?

Is it sometimes right to hurt someone in the short term so they can get on with their lives after awhile? I always said I would never break a promise to the person I love, and I haven't yet, but what if its bad for them?

Both ways hurt me I only just want to do right by them.

[Sunnycat]

Sounds tough OP. I do believe sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If you are not in love with the person and they have asked you not to leave then I wouldn't stay, I would set them free.

I hope it is nothing too serious and you are not suicidal or anything. Please seek help if you need it.

[raone]

Depends on the situation. But it sounds like you would be taking a decision out of someone elses hands an that isn't fair.

[blithely2]

I'm ignoring your scenarios as I'm confused by them, but I think failing to negotiate is selfish.

[bakesgirls]

It's hard to know OP because there's not much information to go off.

Don't do anying rash OP. It sounds as though you could do with someone to talk to.

This post has been edited by bakesgirls: 01/12/2012, 11:30 PM

[nobodyreally]

If I didn't love them it would be easy because I wouldn't be so afraid of making them sad or hurting them.

I worry that whatever I do I will hurt them and that I might twirl issues around to justify anything I decide to do. I don't know what is truly best. I would just like a way to know what is truly in their best interest because then I would do that.

[ms flib]

It sounds like you need to get perpective on this. Sometimes we feel that people would be better off without us for all the wrong reasons.

If you love this person, then you need to find a way to work this out without hurting them.

Can you tell us more? Maybe we can help? Are you OK?

Otherwise see a counsellor or your GP or talk to a close friend before making any big decisions. Of call Lifeline etc.

All the best

[Sunnycat]

If I didn't love them it would be easy because I wouldn't be so afraid of making them sad or hurting them.

I worry that whatever I do I will hurt them and that I might twirl issues around to justify anything I decide to do. I don't know what is truly best. I would just like a way to know what is truly in their best interest because then I would do that.

It's hard for us to answer without any information.

What is the best decision for you?

[raone]

Is this a you think he would be better off without you situation or a you don't feel happy in the relationship situation?

[nobodyreally]

I don't know if I am okay or not.

I used to know what I wanted and not do it because I promised them I wouldn't. They said it would hurt them too much and I figured I owed them that much, I didn't want to make them sad, and in time hell they'd probably change their mind anyway and then I'd have an out.

They never did change their mind.

I don't know if I'm getting better or getting more selfish. I don't want to be without them. I love everything about being with them. I can actually see a future. But is that what's good for them or just what's good for me?