[Divine MsM]

My NPD mother promised my daughter she would see her on her birthday which is on Sunday. I just got a phone call from her to say she's going away and she has left DD's birthday present at the back door (which I hadn't noticed). If it is what my mother has promised, it is a 'saya' which is a traditional filipino dress.

If you saw my post yesterday in 'venting' you'll see that I have a multitude of issues, namely that everything in her life is far more important than me. Her reason for not seeing DD on Sunday is because "she has things to do". Yeah, whatever.

All that aside, my question is: Should I give DD her present? If so, when? I want to have a look at it first. Last year she bought DD some dresses for Christmas. They were SO inappropriate. They were more appropriate if DD was 17, not 7!

WDYT?

[FrogIsAFrogIsAFr...]

Is there really a need to look at it first? If you don't approve of the dress, surely it'd be ok for a dressup?

And ETA; give it to her on Sunday with an 'apology' from Nanna.

This post has been edited by FrogIsAFrogIsAFrog: 05/12/2012, 04:52 PM

[MrsLexiK]

Is there really a need to look at it first? If you don't approve of the dress, surely it'd be ok for a dressup?

I would do this. I would give my daughter the present, even if I hated my mother I would still want my daughter or son to make up their own mind.

[~*Twilight~Zone*...]

what does NPD stand for?

[Cerridwen]

what does NPD stand for?

Narcissistic personality disorder?

[YodaTheWrinkledO...]

Is there really a need to look at it first? If you don't approve of the dress, surely it'd be ok for a dressup?

And ETA; give it to her on Sunday with an 'apology' from Nanna.

agree with this.

Why wouldn't you give your daughter the gift on Sunday? (assume that is her birthday)

If you are that concerned about the appropriateness of the gift, open it up, check it out. Wrap it back up if okay and give to your DD on Sunday. If not okay, what would you do???

[Team Awesome]

I completely understand the unwrapping and checking a present. Most likely I'd give it to her to avoid additional issues that may arise from not giving it to her and just say "sorry DD Lola had to go away but she left me this to give you".

Don't lie and add the "Lola's very sorry she couldn't be here because she really wanted to" an NPD mother/grandmother is never anywhere she doesn't want to be as you well know . Your DD will sadly learn one way or the other what Lola's really like and how much she truly wants to be a part of her life instead of swooping in as super granny with presents rather then her presence.

I haven't had anything to do with my NPD mother for 5.5 years but this time of year I found mine would do things to play up the PLOMs (Poor Little Old Me) and make any event about her whether with her presence or lack of it, making sure it was well noted. (my birthday is the day before your DDs birthday so I know this well) and of course made the stories about the horrible DD I am and how big a martyr she is even greater.

[Canberra chick]

I fully understand 'vetting' presents. Mum has sent the kids toys this year. Luckily they come in a box unwrapped so I have to see them to wrap them up. She has bought DD a nail art kit. DD is three! She has also bought DS a 'make edible slime and brains' kit, which is 1. Not his thing and 2. Has egg white in some of the mixes (DS is allergic to egg).

I agree with an OP though, worst case scenario is let her use it as a dress up dress.

[JustBeige]

Absolutely unwrap and rewrap if you are worried about it being inappropriate. Heck, if you wreck the paper, you can always wrap it in something else as its not like your mum will know as she wont be there.

I agree with PP too. Now is the time to stop making excuses for her to your kids. If they start to ask why, then just say "I dont know" and divert them. They will eventually be old enough to figure her out by themselves.

[BearBait]

I figured out my relatives instinctively from a very early age - my first recollections are from when I was 3. You can't fool kids, I'm sure they use their instincts more than listen to adults deluded explanations.