[nationalvelvet]

Ever since brother got married to his wife(2009) we rarely hear from him.
He mentioned a few years ago that she doesn't like him contacting mum or visiting. They live in another state and she is happy for her children(my nephews) to have just one grandmother and one grandfather and his two aunts. (her two sisters) and their DHs/kids.

I have several brothers and a sister and lots of nieces and nephews but she feels as though her family is all that is needed.

Naturally, this has broken my mum's heart. She is not well and I have tried through emails to let my brother know.
I recently found out that he is overseas(visiting some of HER family).

Does this happen in families a lot, and, if so, what can be done?

I've tried to break the ice and get nearer to her by sending gifts/cards, remembering her birthday, their wedding anniversary and the kids birthdays, christmas, etc.

It doesn't work unfortunately.

I managed to skype my brother the other month which was awesome and say 'Hi'" to the kids who didnt know us(they thought we were HER family at first).

She briefly appeared, said, 'Hi'" and then left. My brother felt awkward and strained.

She has no reason to hate us or dislike us as she hasn't given us a chance to get to know her that well. And I don't hate her or dislike her..I guess I don't like what she is doing. We are really a nice bunch of family when you get to know us!

I only know, from a few years ago, (when my brother was having a conversation on the phone to mum) she got very irrate and this caused a massive argument.
So brother now wants to keep the peace.

I am sad for my mum who is elderly(and not well) and hasn't met his baby yet.

What can we do to turn the situation around?
Or is it a helpless case?

I don't doubt for a moment that her family are lovely but so are we!

eta

This post has been edited by lindenen: 10/12/2012, 03:14 PM

[Tooties]

If he's allowing it to happen, then he's as much to blame as his wife and there's not much you can do.

Have you said anything to him directly about his lack of contact with you all?

[nationalvelvet]

Have you said anything to him directly about his lack of contact with you all?

Yes, I forgot to mention I am disappointed with him too and so is my mum.

I mentioned it a year or so ago when my mum was in hospital. I yelled at him for not appearing caring. He didn't really give me an answer...He hung up on me but that may have been due to me yelling at him.

He doesn't talk much about her or the family. He has a very private life actually.

He only mentioned a few years ago that she was angry he had spen too much time on the phone. This was early in their marriage.

[divineM]

have a frank conversation with him and/or her. Ask directly what is happenign and why. I have heard of this sort of stuff happening in families. agree with PP that your brother is equally to blame here.

[RealityBites]

Some people are just controlling monsters, unfortunately. We have one in our family, who has successfully broken the family up. If you find the answer, let me know!

Just a word of warning. I tried the straight talk, and then all contact was ended. At least you still have (minimal) contact, if you push it she might break it all off.

This post has been edited by RealityBites: 10/12/2012, 03:20 PM

[AvadaKedavra]

Maybe it's time o ask him how he or his wife would feel of their kids cut them off like that. 'We only need one family' is hardly a stellar example to set!

[~buzz~]

something similar has happened in my DP's family since his brother and SIL had their son they basically want nothing to do with our side of the family.

Her family sees them all the time and they only live around the corner from us honestly there is nothing you can do as awful as it is. DP's sister said something to their brother about it and we saw them a couple of times then nothing again

[nationalvelvet]

Just a word of warning. I tried the straight talk, and then all contact was ended. At least you still have (minimal) contact, if you push it she might break it all off.

Thanks for the great answers.
I realised this after I lost my cool on the phone a while back that we could LOSE or contact.
It is amazing to see what power she has upon my brother.
I am very upset with my brother as well.

[meggs1]

Tell them your mum won Powerball.

Seriously I'm sorry you're in this situation. It sounds like you are doing all you can.

[haras1972]

I am very upset with my brother as well.

I get this - I won't go into all the details of our situation, but what has really bothered and hurt me is the the realisation that my brother is not the man I thought he was - I thought we mattered to him, but it turns out we are expendable in the effort to placate his wife.