OP - I know exactly how you feel.
Mine doesn't punch walls or lash out physically though...he's more of the silent, snarky and "meaningful" eyeroll looks brigade. More passive-aggressive and just retreats and does nothing or puts himself on "go slow" and just won't cooperate or do anything
I have no words of wisdom. At least you got yours to go to a counsellor. MIne came with me to a relationship counsellor for 2 visits and pulled the wool over her eyes, very well. I was being made to look the difficult one and he just lied and denied what he did....then, the next visit, she started to "get it" and put it back on him, started to see through him too.....then he refused to go anymore.
Yes, it was not like this before we had kids either. He really DID change and reverted very much back to how I see his father behaved in his parents marriage. He doesn't see it at all really...
If you can leave him and end the marriage, that's waht I'd do becuase believe me? AFter 15 odd years, I know nothing is going to change for me and I wish I'd got out years ago in many ways...but for the time being, it's just too difficult and I really am not in THAT bad a situation. but certainly in years to come, I think I'll just get to a point one day where i just can't bear it anymore and that will be that.
I'm not always adn terribly unhappy. He also has many great points and loves his kids to bits and is in many ways, a wonderful father and husband. But in terms of the "relationship" I always dreamed of having and thought I had when we married and in the years before we had kids? Nope - I dont' have that and doubt it will ever go back to that.
All the best,