[*Ker*]

I'm not at all happy with the kids school. I want to move them and am going up to another school tomorrow to basically beg them to take my kids.

However, I just asked the kids whether they'd be happy to move to another school and DS just LOST it. He started bawling and saying he would miss his friend Abby. DD doesn't care either way.

I hate his school. Really hate it. How can I make him see it would be good to move, and make him not hate me for it? He's almost 8 and going into year 3. I've always been against changing schools and taking them away from their friends, but I don't reallly see much choice.

[DylJayBen's Mum]

I'm changing my nearly 7yo DS to a different school next year, I don't like his school either. I gave him the choice and we both went and visited the new school and I pointed out all of the positives to him. I then decided that I had to be a good parent and do what is right for his education and his future and told him that "he is changing schools and that is that, it broke my heart but I needed to what is right for him in the long run. He had orientation there yesterday and seemed to be pleased with it. They will make new friends very quickly at that age. It was a really hard choice to have to make, my DS is very sensitive and doesn't like change at all. I figure that this change may be a good experiance for him as I'm hoping that it will show him that change can be a good thing.

Good luck with it, stay strong and I wouldn't be giving him a choice if you think that it's the right thing to do.

[mumto3princesses]

Can he still catch up with Abby at other times? Or do the same after school activity as Abby?

A friend of my girls changed schools and her mum reassured her that she could still see my girls during school holidays and she also joined their after school activity.

She went with her mum to look at the new school and was ok with it after that. Maybe explain what the new school has that the current one doesn't.

[roses99]

I think in that case you just have to trust that - as the parent who has their best interests at heart - you know best.

I realise that his SNs make it more complicated, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't eventually adjust. I'd just be really cautious to make sure that this new school is going to be a keeper.

My brother and I attended seven schools growing up, as we moved around with my parents' work. I loved it and was always keen to move and start a new school. My brother hated it. But - in every instance - he adjusted pretty quickly, made friends and settled in really well. My mum, in particular, was very proactive in smoothing the way for him. I remember, when he was starting year nine, she spoke to the year level coordinator and had a quiet word about helping to set my brother up with like-minded friends. So his friendship group was pretty much 'engineered', but it meant he found his feet really quickly with kids who he got on with really well.

[Therese]

I think that sometimes we need to make decisions because we think they are right even when our kids don't agree.

It sounds like a change would be a good thing so I hope the move isn't too bad.

[It'sallgood]

I think that sometimes we need to make decisions because we think they are right even when our kids don't agree.

It sounds like a change would be a good thing so I hope the move isn't too bad.

I agree with the others too Ker.
You are the parent and you are looking at your childs best interests long term and with the benefit of maturity and knowledge.
He will be okay - holidays are 2 months and whilst rightnow, it seems a big deal to him, he'll have time out from school and by February, won't be as hard for him, sure of it.

YOu have to do what you know is right and in the best interests of your children. Trust your instincts as a mum & don't discuss it TOO much or you will make him more nervous.

My girls are changing school too next year, because we are moving...it's hard, but I know they will make new friends and after Term 1, I'm sure they'll be so into their new school, they'll almost forget this one!!

I know your little man has some SNs but he's smart and capable and I'm sure he'll be fine.

you are a great mum - go with it.

Tamm

[JustBeige]

When we changed our school it was hugely hard. We told the kids that it was OK to be upset, anxious etc but there was no point in arguing as we couldnt / wouldnt change our minds.

We started with showing them the school website and looking at all the different extra curicular things that they could do through the school and we also let them finally pick an extra curicular activity out of school.

When they started, we used to get them to tell us 3 good things that happened today. even if it was a small as 'xyz said hello and sat with me at lunch'. In my DS's case his mostly consisted of 'no one picked on me today'

Ker, I have read your updates. Yes your DS WILL lose it, simply because of who he is. I think letting him start having outside playdates with Abby is the first best step in helping him adjust.

Its such a shame that there is no way to keep his SSO in his life ongoing.

[Carmen02]

I think that sometimes we need to make decisions because we think they are right even when our kids don't agree.

It sounds like a change would be a good thing so I hope the move isn't too bad.

I agree, we moved DD's school when she was 7 I really hated her other school it was holding her back big time. She cried protested the works, but in the end she has excelled at this school shes been here for 3 almost 4yrs now and she loves it.

[mad madam mim]

Because he has ASD I have no idea, usually I would just explain why we were doing it and that it is what I thought was best for them so it is what was going to happen like it or not. but I remember you saying he does not cope well with change, all I can think of is merging him in slowly, but no idea how this would work with the school, if you could figure out who would be in his class at the new school I would suggest trying to make play dates with some of the kids so that he didn't feel so alone on the first day, would the school allow you to stay in the class for the first couple of weeks to help him?

[Freddie'sMum]

Hi OP

Here's my story - when DD#1 was about to start school, I tied myself up in knots over it. There were basically 3 schools she could go to - Catholic (which I was desperate for her to get into), really large public school (really nice school but I felt she would be 'lost' because it was too big) and a much smaller public school (which I didn't get a good feeling about).

Anyhoo, she got accepted into the Catholic school and I was so relieved - and she was so happy and had a lovely teacher and a wonderful first year of school.

During that year, I cracked it - DH & I and the 2 x girls (and the cat) were living in a 2 bedroom unit which had no space whatsoever. I was losing the plot - there was no more storage 'tricks' I could try - we were bursting at the seams and DH & I decided to sell the unit and buy something bigger.

So, we sold the unit and bought a 3 bedroom townhouse - in a completely different suburb - miles out from our old suburb (because that's where we could afford to buy).

And we did this in the middle of the year - so by term 3 she was living in a new house but going to the same school - and me being the idiot that I am - thought - "no problems" - we can just commute in and out 5 days a week.

Did I mention that I was an idiot ?? Commuting with small children during Sydney traffic is a truly stupid idea - so we lasted to the end of her first year of Kindy and then started her (this year) at the local Catholic school in our suburb. I can literally walk to school - such a huge difference from sitting in the car for anywhere between 1 to 2 hours (each way).

She has adjusted fine - she has made new friends - she has anxiety / shyness issues and the current school (and her amazing teacher) have really brought her out of her shell. So my very long-winded post is sometimes you (as the parent) do have to make decisions that our kids don't like but we know that it is for the best. If you think the current school is not up to scratch - then I believe education is so damn important for kids - then making the move now is the best decision.

Remind your kids that they will still see their special friends - arrange playdates / meetings - keep the contact there.

Best wishes (sorry for the epic post).