[Broxie]

My cousins girlfriend messaged me a few days ago to say she was organizing a party for my cousin, gave me the name of the restaurant and said we were welcome to stop by for dinner and/ or drinks. I said we'd stop by.

She then messaged me this morning to say the location had been moved and stopping by for just drinks would no longer be an option. It's a set menu 2 course dinner for $45.00 per person and she's looking forward to seeing us there.

I'm a bit pee'd off that she changed the party so dramatically in terms if time and financial commitment but still expected tgat everyone would show up. I've now texted her back to say we won't be able to make it as with the baby we weren't sure we could stay for 2 courses. I didn't mention that we don't really want to spend $90 plus drinks (even if we don't drink alcohol it will be at least a $100 night).

Now I feel really rude for bailing, but also feel that she was rude/ unreasonable in her expectations.

So I guess my question is; should I suck it up and go (his 27th, so not a 'big' birthday) or should I stick to my guns and not go?

TIA

[strawberrycakes]

I think it is rude for someone to change plans on short notice & expect people to still show up.

[ekbaby]

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

[Faradaye]

I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there. What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

[leisamd]

I don't really see rudeness. Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it. It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes. But not rude yet. It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits. It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr. Go if you want to and if you can afford it. Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!

[starboard]

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

This.
You could arrange to have a few drinks with them the following weekend instead.

[BadCat]

I think it's a bit rich to assume you'll be happy with the change but not really a big deal. I don't think either of you have been rude, just that the girlfriend has been a little presumptuous.

This post has been edited by BadCat: 13/12/2012, 08:08 AM

[Bek+3]

I think there has been some miscommunication on your part OP. I doubt she EXPECTED/DEMANDED you be there but rather the tone in which you read the text/message. Change of venues do happen. If either of you had just picked up the phone and TALKED to one another, I'm sure this thread wouldn't exist.

She probably thinks you are rude too. If you'd spoken to each other one on one, you could have just said something like 'it's a little too much for you this close to Christmas, but please pass on our best wishes.' No hard feelings either side but now it's awkward. You've used your baby as an excuse instead of being honest. You've been rude by doing that IMO.

Again, people need to just pick up the phone to avoid misunderstandings.

efs

This post has been edited by Bek+3: 13/12/2012, 08:11 AM

[Broxie]

Yea, I think you're right. Thanks everyone.

[Broxie]

Bek+3- both reasons are true, I just didn't mention the cost.