[Becky Thatcher]

When DD was in Year 7, one awkward boy in the class liked to tuck his polo shirt into his shorts. (govt school)
The teachers gave him one point for his faction for every day he wore his shirt out, as they reasoned that he would cop sh*t next year in high school for wearing his polo shirt like that.

The kid was socially awkward as I said, not a brazen type who could deal with the outcome.

Do you think the teachers did the right thing?
As it happened the boy still only let his shirt out about once a week, despite even the kids in his faction begging him to wear the shirt untucked.

I don't mean to be an ASW by doing my own thread but I am just interested in the responses since teachers got involved in this one to prevent bullying down the track.

ETA: It was in response to Justbeiges comment in the other thread-

My first thought was "Of course I would" but when I actually thought in true terms and not what should happen.

honestly, no I probably wouldnt. I have no problem with them personally - my son had lots of pink stuff as a younger child and still has a pink teddy - but I think its my job to keep them safe and one of those ways is to not knowingly make them the target of ridicule. I think this is a time and place thing.



*not saying its OK the way society is, just saying that we need to live within this society and children are in no way equiped to deal with bullying and ridicule at this age - hell at any age*

This post has been edited by LindsayMK: 13/12/2012, 11:36 AM

[CupOfCoffee]

Personally, I don't think I like what the teachers did. It is kind of reinforcing a future of bullying for this young boy.

They are saying, nobody will like you if you dress this way (and even setting up an environment where he is being hassled now for the way he is dressing).

So I say no... bullying is the behaviour that needs to be changed, not the victims behaviour.

[Sweet like a lem...]

Strongly disagree with the teachers. Rather than promoting individuality and tolerance among their students they opted for conformity to peer pressure. This does anything but prevent bullying. This is typical blame the victim mentality. Like saying if we don't wear short skirts we minimise our chances of being raped. Stupid, socially backward and it doesn't address the actual problem which lies with bullies not their victims.

[Becky Thatcher]

Interesting responses. I agree in principle with what you are saying, but I agree with the teachers. Would be interested to get some teachers responses


EFS

This post has been edited by LindsayMK: 13/12/2012, 11:44 AM

[niggles]

The school I taught in had a very unusual approach to diversity - in that the kids loved it. There was no tall poppy syndrome. There was no 'in groups' and 'out groups'. There were just lots of kids with very different interests - all 'cool' in their own way.

When it comes to uniforms there was only one way to wear it with no exceptions so bullying about how you wear your clothes didn't exist at school. That's the system I support for kids. Everyone wears the same thing. They show respect for themselves, each other and the school by wearing it correctly. The teachers make a big deal about presenting themselves well - the underlying principle being 'sweat the small stuff and the big stuff takes care of itself' or something like that. I think it works well myself.

There is no way on earth I would have done what you've described OP but my perspective is no doubt skewed by never having worked in a school where one would be bullies for something so banal.

[mpjp]

God no, I do not agree with what the teachers did. And if I read this correctly - they haven't discouraged bullying AT ALL, in fact I'd say they are reinforcing it - a negative concequnce for not confirming to some arbitary standard. I could understand if it the kid was breaking a rule or something, but tucking his shirt in???? I'd be HORRIFIED if that was my kid.

[Sweet like a lem...]

Why not look for responses from victims instead? Find out if any amount of conforming made them less of a target. Bullies don't give a sh*t if your shirt is in or out (why would anyone) only that you're an easy target.

[Julie3Girls]

I can see why the teacher did it.

But i don't think the teacher went about it the right way.
I think making kids aware that some things might make them more of a target is one thing. Suggestions to help them fit in isn't a bad thing.

I do think trying to FORCE that a child to change like that is wrong. The teacher might have been trying to prevent bullying in the future, but instead put him in a position where he was getting pressured from his current classmates to change.
It's also encouraging the other kids to think that how you wear your clothes affects who you are. Putting it out there to other kids that if someone bullies you, you are the one at fault.
Wrong wrong wrong.

Much better approach is stop any of the bullying, teach the kids in the class to accpet people the way they are. And teach them to stand up to bullying - not just if someone targets, but if they see it happening to anyone.
I'm guessing since the class had probably gone through school with this boy, they were accepting of how he wore his shirt, wouldn't have been a big deal. At high school the following year, it's quite likely a few of them at least would have been going to the same schools. They will go to high school and think nothing of the way the kid wears his shirt - which sets an example to the other kids who don't know him.

As I said, good intentions, but I think they went the wrong way about it.

This post has been edited by Julie3Girls: 13/12/2012, 11:56 AM

[Becky Thatcher]

Thanks for the responses.The school was actually a great school and the teachers were lovely. It think it was done from a place of protecting the boy when he entered high school.

Seems I am alone so far, and that is fine good discussion.

[CupOfCoffee]

I also think it is naive it think that untucking a shirt will make an awkward kid invisible to bullies.

My husband was once the awkward kid, he could dress like everyone else but he is still awkward (he has aspergers). He was bullied relentlessly and violently. There was nothing he could have done himself to stop it, not should he have to... he deserved to be safe at school and he wasn't.

So as well as my earlier post, I think it both reinforces bullying, targets the wrong person to change and will not ultimately make the person less likely to be bullied (if you don't address the bullies themselves).