[rabbit hyde]

Interested to hear about the reactions of people's partners in regards to this

With DH and I expecting our first baby, you get given a lot of advice. One thing that has been mentioned by men (who are fathers) unanimously was don't co-sleep.

Reasons have included; lack of quality of sleep due to changes in sleeping arrangement or fear they would roll over onto the child, changes in intimacy with partner, difficulty getting child to sleep in their own bed when they attempted to transition etc etc.

Yet we've found that woman are much more encouraging and on the majority have more positive things to say regarding co-sleeping.

Now granted we only know about 7 people who are fathers, but how did your partner feel or respond to co-sleeping?

[divineM]

i swore we would never do it but out of desperation did it for the first 8 weeks. Husband was very supportive and would have continued to be supportive but I was freaked out and wanted to stop...Freaked out not because of safety issues but because I know of very negative relationship effects co-sleepign had on someone close to me.

[It'sallgood]

My husband would not have allowed co-sleeping from birth as the "usual" way the baby sleeps. Then again, I didn't want to either!
Honestly? If the father has to get up and go to work every day, I dont' think it's fair on him and I wouldn't want to do it for that reason and out of respect for him.

My husband has never had an issue with one of the kids sleeping with us when sick, when going through a "phase" of wanting to sleep with us or waking in the night frightened or just coming into our bed. We had a couple of years where pretty much, we'd end up with one of them in bed with us by morning and he and I both fine with that.

But neither of us would ever have wanted or been able to handle a baby in bed with us all night, every night for years on end.

I know it's all the go these days, but I actually don't believe it's safe from birth and that is also why we just wouldn't do it.

Having the cot in the room with us? Maybe, but we've never had to do that either as both times, our bedrooms were right next door to the babies room and we could hear every sound they made and we had a motion moniter (Angelcare) anyway.

Tamm

[~Supernova~]

My DH isn't the biggest fan of co-sleeping. I basically gave him two choices, YOU get up fifty billion times a night to our sh*tty sleeper, or you deal with co-sleeping lol. Obviously DS is still in our bed

It doesn't affect his sleep anymore than not co-sleeping. Either way we are still taking turns in settling DS, now we just don't have to get up and become fully awake to do so.

We are intimate less often, but not drastically so, we just get more creative.

Our biggest fear is definitely the transition back to cot. We will be attempting it soon when DH is on holidays, I can't see it going well as DH can't leave DS to cry more than 30 seconds...

Either way though, I'll never regret doing it. It saved my sanity when I needed it most, and it's so nice to snuggle up together (not so nice when DS steals our pillows or sleeps on our heads though haha).

ETA: We haven't done it since birth, DS was about 7mths when he started coming in at 3am...then we eventually just put him to sleep in there.

This post has been edited by Mareek: 13/12/2012, 04:13 PM

[Rosiebubs]

We didn't plan do be cosleepers before my DS arrived, but it ended up being the only way to get him to sleep from about 4 months or so. My DH was actually the instigator, because it was easier to cuddle him to sleep than stand up and rock him in the middle of the night. DS now sleeps in a bed, and DH goes and hops in with him if he needs resettling.

So, no, not all men are opposed, although he might have been before the bubs arrived.

[Saecularis Angel...]

Neither DH nor I wanted to co-sleep (by which I take it you mean the baby in bed with us). On a couple of dreadful nights I was willing to try it, but DH absolutely was not and would get up and care for DD elsewhere if I was that wrecked. He says it was mostly for safety reasons.

[It'sallgood]

I know of very negative relationship effects co-sleeping had on someone close to me.

Yes, I think you have to be very careful.
In an ideal world and ideal relationship, the man would be 100% on board and loving every aspect of parenting...but the reality is, that it's a MASSIVE change to a relationship and for a while, esp if the mother is demand / baby driven breastfeeding 24/7, many men will feel very shut out and like a spare wheel

We might say that's ridiculous and childish, but like it or not, that IS how many men feel and it can be very destructive on a relationship if the baby "takes over" every single part of the adult relationship 24/7.

Be very careful & considerate of his feelings and raw emotion would be my best advice.

Tamm

[MrsLexiK]

Hi OP, we are first baby too. My DH feels like me, we don't want to do it unless the child is older and sick or there is a storm and they are scared etc. Basically how we had it as kids.

My DH doesn't work in an office all day and works hands on in what can be a a safety issue job if he is too tired. Three of us squeeshed into the bed wouldn't be comfortable for us night in and night out.

[Justaduck]

DP couldn't care less. He could sleep through an earthquake! It is me who cares, for the sole reason that because he is such a heavy sleeper, I am scared he would roll on DD and suffocate her without realising.
I can only do it when he has left for work

[la di dah]

My father is very pro-co-sleeping, we were all co-slept from birth. My parents have ISSHEWS with the idea of crib-sleeping.

My husband is terrified of the idea, and as he has (unconsciously) rolled on me or hit me full in the face several times while sound asleep, I can sort of see his concerns.

My dad is a very still sleeper who rolls away from contact - my husband is an active sleeper and flails around like a beached fish, and has twice to my knowledge rolled fully on top of a squirming full-grown cat.