[Wahwah]

Another Xmas present question...

So tonight we get an email from BIL with a list of suggestions of what to get his three kids. Most of the stuff for the 10yo was typical girly stationery, clothes, bling, etc. But for the younger and older one the list included things like: Nike shoes, iPod, clothes from specific labels, DS and games, a pet rabbit, remote controlled planes and cars, etc, etc.

I was a bit taken aback because most of the stuff was easily $70+ and I wasn't planning on spending more than $30-$35. And then do we look mean because we haven't bought from the list.

The thing is we can easily afford to spend more, but I just feel that extended family should give small gifts, and mum and dad give the big ticket items (or Santa). That's what my family did when I was a kid.

So...am I being stingy by not meeting him on the generosity front? What does your family do?

[Sweetpea11]

This year I have given my nephew and 2 nieces a book each and one other smallish gift.
I decided to do that after the last few years of them getting waaaayyy too many presents. They receive gifts from Santa, their parents, 2 sets of grandparents, 5 lots of aunts/uncles, some great aunts and from friends of their family. They probably each receive hundreds of dollars worth of presents at the ages of 1, 4 and 7.

On the day they are totally overwhelmed and just rip into presents and forget almost as quickly as they're onto the next thing. They go home with so much 'stuff' and it really makes me uncomfortable how much they're given.

When I was little we got gifts from Santa only and from our Grandparents. That's all, even though we have 10 sets of Aunts/Uncles also. I was more than happy with that and never expected any more and I aim for our 1 year old DS to have the same kind of Christmas as myself and DH did.

ETA: Your BIL emailed with suggestions only, so I think it's fine for you to buy whatever you like for his kids and at whatever price point you are comfortable with.

This post has been edited by Sweetpea11: 13/12/2012, 11:36 PM

[happening]

We have Christmas morning at home, and open presents from each other there. Lunch is at my parent's house, and small gifts are given to various nieces and nephews, things like skipping ropes, bubbles or play doh or crayons for little ones, books, iTunes, nail polish for older ones.

The adults have a Kris Kringle.

Christmas for us isn't about the number or cost of presents from extended family members.

DH and I spend a significant amount of money on our gifts to each other, and I lost all restraint and reason when it came to buying for DD this year, but these gifts are opened at home, with just us.

When Christmas is with DH parents, gifts are competitive, costed and ranked. Turns my stomach and is guaranteed to end badly - every single year.

[aprilrain]

Wahwah, I feel similiar to you. You don't mention if this is seen as normal on DH's side of the family. The 'cousins' I buy for we do $10ish pressies that I stretch to $20ish.

I have an aunt who is very well off who gives my ch 20-25ea, which I feel is lovely of her and my sister, quite well paid $20-30 ea. I try to restrict my Mum to this too.

I like my children to appreciate that only Mum and Dad are obliged to give them anything.

I'm a mean old cow

Moss, I think that is a lovely, generous attitude and I think, as long as the parents and children appreciate it, and it isn't stepping on anyones toes that is great.

[I'm Batman]

If you are uncomfortable with the ammount of money how about be upfront with BIL about your spending limit, ask your family to put in together for a gift. Normally our family puts in together and the kids will get a big ticket item like a camera or an ipod with the money from everyone. Its appreciated, wanted and not a waste.

I dont expect that he thinks you should be paying for the whole of the expensive items,more that he is hoping you might put in if you all organise properly.

[JustBeige]

I think first off you need to think about if this is normal for the BIL? Does he spend that much on your kids? If the answer is no, then dont use the list or just buy something else

Or email your BIL back and say thanks for the list. LOL at the boys being so specific, will it be the end of the world if they get clothes from Target? Can you ask them for more suggestions please.

I actually like suggestion lists as does my family. We always put a big price spread on them and people can just pick. At least with a list (and we have a $20 budget) they get something that they actually want

This post has been edited by JustBeige: 14/12/2012, 06:28 AM

[Wahwah]

Wahwah, I feel similiar to you. You don't mention if this is seen as normal on DH's side of the family. The 'cousins' I buy for we do $10ish pressies that I stretch to $20ish.

I have an aunt who is very well off who gives my ch 20-25ea, which I feel is lovely of her and my sister, quite well paid $20-30 ea. I try to restrict my Mum to this too.

I like my children to appreciate that only Mum and Dad are obliged to give them anything.

I'm a mean old cow

Moss, I think that is a lovely, generous attitude and I think, as long as the parents and children appreciate it, and it isn't stepping on anyones toes that is great.

Good points, and the thing is it's not normal for DH's side of the family. They actually tend to be quite restrained when it comes to birthdays and Christmas, it's just BIL who has the long lists of more expensive stuff.

And on Moss' point - he is struggling financially a bit, but only in the sense that he has caviar tastes, but a McDonalds budget if you get what I mean. Wants the best for his kids (who live with their mum, not him), and buys them everything, but he's living with his parents. He wants to get his own place but won't consider anything less than a 4 bed, with pool in a really expensive inner suburb. This is why he's been with the ILs for 7 years.

I dont expect that he thinks you should be paying for the whole of the expensive items,more that he is hoping you might put in if you all organise properly.

Maybe that's it...not going to happen though...DH's family are terrible at communication and organising anything. Oh well, hopefully the kids will be happy with the smaller things I've already bought.

This post has been edited by Wahwah: 14/12/2012, 06:33 AM

[mumto3princesses]

We only have a tiny family. Really just my FIL, my mum, my sister and neice and still don't spend much.

Its really only token gifts each depending on what we want to get could be $10 to $20. But because we have 3 kids and my sister just has 1 we do a bit more for my neice. We always agree on a budget for the kids and this year was $15. But instead of getting 1 present for $15 for my neice my kids will give her 1 each.

[Wahwah]

I think first off you need to think about if this is normal for the BIL? Does he spend that much on your kids? If the answer is no, then dont use the list or just buy something else

Or email your BIL back and say thanks for the list. LOL at the boys being so specific, will it be the end of the world if they get clothes from Target? Can you ask them for more suggestions please.

I actually like suggestion lists as does my family. We always put a big price spread on them and people can just pick. At least with a list (and we have a $20 budget) they get something that they actually want

Funny thing is that he had specified clothes from particular brands (one of which was a $150 jacket, I looked it up online) but specifically listed "New tops please, not from Target"!

He does spend more on our kids than I think is necessary, but there's 10 nieces and nephews and I just think he's getting out of control, given his circumstances.

[MARsmum]

I got an expensive list from a family member too ... which was not asked for! I just sent a reply email saying thank you for the suggestions however unfortunately I had already bought presents for their kids and I hoped that they liked them.

We have so many people to buy presents for that it is just not feasible to spend loads on each gift. Instead, I try to buy things early and online to get good quality things at a cheaper price.

So, in my opinion, definitely sensible and not stingy!