[Sunnycat]

Just wondering if a midwife is supposed to help you cope during labour?

When I gave birth last year I end up being induced and DS needed monitoring so was hooked up to a drip and a machine. My midwife mostly spent the entire time watching the machine, although she did help me go to the toilet and got me heat packs.

However when coping with my contractions she didn't really say or do anything or offer any suggestions as to how I could cope, just left me to it and didnt speak to me. My DH was sick during most of my labour so he was pretty useless but I had hoped he would have been more helpful.

Some of my friends who have given birth said that their midwife helped them during their contractions, talked them through, offered them words of encouragement etc. Mine didn't do this.

It didn't bother me at the time and doesn't bother me now, my DH should have been the one supporting me through anyway, but as he was sick I was pretty much left alone. She was a really lovely midwife and left just before I pushed DS out.

So does anyone know if a midwife is supposed to provide support to cope during labour?

[seepi]

Mine didn't. i was crushed. i was really expecting them to.

[Onyx]

Mine did. Then when things went pear shaped 2 more midwives came in.
I started to lose it completely, one midwife told me to stop, calm down and let them do what they need to do, to get my baby out, then they would focus on me.
Exactly what I needed to hear at that point. She brought me back into focus.

Then when being rushed to theatre it was my OB that helped me immensely.

[Pooks*potters]

I think so. I was ok during the first stage, so I was pretty much left to myself with DP dozing on and off and occasionally running to get a middy if I needed something. I would have thought that if I wasn't coping, she would have helped. Although I wasn't coping at all during second stage and was treated a bit like a farm animal, so I don't know.

I guess part of the problem is that what is supportive for one woman isn't for another? I know I appreciated minimal noise, light and chatter. I couldn't have cared less what anyone had to say. In second stage, I think I needed the same, plus some positivity when I started having doubts. I think if you freak out, it can have bad implications for the birth, so surely part of it has to be about keeping you "coping"?

[rosiebird]

My midwife did - she always had a new suggestion just as I was losing confidence in my ability to cope. When I was exhausted and panicky, she lay me down, put on aromatherapy candles and did visualisation techniques. When I had settled down and contractions slowed, she got me up and walking. When the pain was too much, she ran a warm bath and massaged my back etc etc. she was marvellous and I would not have managed without her.

[ubermum]

I guess they help people the way they think they would like to be helped. I know for me, when I am having a contraction, everyone better shut the hell up. Silence is what I want. Due to my needs during labour, I would probably be quiet during someone's contractions, only offering advice if they were crying out or saying something like "I can't do this". Midwives are people. They all respond to situations differently and are influenced by their own experiences.

[lynnemine]

I think they are supposed to get the baby out safely and ensure the safety of the Mum.

With DD1 - the lovely student midwife pressed pressure points on my hand which helped, and massaged my back, really low down, for a bit. The midwife in charge coached me through pushing, made me understand that the baby's heart-rate was almost stopping with each contraction and she needed to come out NOW.... 3 pushes later....

With DD2 - the midwives didn't really listen or help: I told DH to go tell them I had pressure. 10min later I said "go tell them I have pressure AND I delivered my first baby in 45min". They came fast. 4cm, water bulging. Broke waters. Told them I needed to push. Got scoffed at. 11min later I was cuddling DD2.

[mama123]

I don't know for sure. Technically, she probably did all she had to. I had a similar experience with my 1st.

I had 5 different midwives.

Anyway the one that was in the room for most of the time, didn't say anything as well. I had an epidural and could not stop shaking. Eventually it was time to change shifts and another older midwife came in. After a little while she looked at me and said to me "you know, if you just slow down your breathing, you won't shake and waste all your energy". I was a little panicked I guess, I didn't have a clue what I was doing.

Well thank you very much! That's all I needed to know. The shaking almost stopped immediately!

I think full on coaching you through it would be ridiculous but a little tip now and again wouldn't hurt.

[Sunnycat]

I think so. I was ok during the first stage, so I was pretty much left to myself with DP dozing on and off and occasionally running to get a middy if I needed something. I would have thought that if I wasn't coping, she would have helped. Although I wasn't coping at all during second stage and was treated a bit like a farm animal, so I don't know.

I guess part of the problem is that what is supportive for one woman isn't for another? I know I appreciated minimal noise, light and chatter. I couldn't have cared less what anyone had to say. In second stage, I think I needed the same, plus some positivity when I started having doubts. I think if you freak out, it can have bad implications for the birth, so surely part of it has to be about keeping you "coping"?

Yeah that's true. In hindsight and with this next baby I would have liked some more words of encouragement when the contractions got really bad, especially as I couldn't really be active or use water like I had hoped. I really wanted to avoid the epidural but in the end gave in because there was nothing on offer to me and I'd didnt know what to do. Like I said, my DH should have been the one providing encouragement but from conversations with my friend I was just curious if it was a midwives role to provide support as well.

I think next time I'm going to hire a doula!

[Goggie]

In my experience, yes. I gave birth almost 4 months ago through a midwives program at a public hospital. I saw midwives the whole way through and an OB twice.

During labour I had a wonderful midwife who was passing me the gas and rubbing my back and talking me through it the whole way. My DH was on the other side wiping my brow and rubbing my back too. She was amazing. She calmed me down when I was screaming in agony and was there for all 4 hours of labour and only took a 10 min break. She stayed with us after he was born to help me shower and get myself organised before I went up to the ward. She was inspiring and a true professional. I however, was a screaming mess I will remember her til the day I die.

I'm sorry you had a crappy experience OP, you should absolutely feel supported during labour and it makes me sad that you didn't get that.