[nationalvelvet]

Not sure if I have posted this in the correct forum or not.

I have a friend who will be celebrating her very first christmas at 40 years of age!

But, in order for her to do this, she has had to give up her religion.

I don't want to mention the faith. I do have a lot of respect for them however I can't help but feel sadness that she is celebrating her christmas without her family, esp. her children. Her youngest child is 4.

I am not sure of all her circumstances but she told me that she was in another relationship(She updated in facebook)...
I have known her since I was a young girl(babysitted her when I was about 13 or so)..so I felt that I should ask if she is ok.

She told me she is in another relationship and has left her religion and family...
They want nothing to do with her. She is able to see her youngest every fortnight. Her older children(I think they are both teens) dont want to see her or speak with her.

It is sad when a faith will disown it's own. I suspose having another relationship has done this.

For me, I would perservere with my faith just to be with my children, if I had to. I dont want to judge her but she seems happier now to be celebrating her first christmas..
Í can't help but think how sad her children would be feeling now...Not sure about her DH as I have not met him.


I think she said she feels free not to be with this religion anymore. But to lose your family would be devasting!
Your thoughts?
I did tell her I am here for her if she needs someone to talk to.
I have to be careful not to judge but to just understand.

But sad when a religion (faith) puts this upon it's own.

edited spelling

This post has been edited by lindenen: 22/12/2012, 03:31 PM

[howdo]

Any religion that requires you to cut yourself off/doesn't allow you to see family isn't one I want to be a part of. If the family cuts *you* off for becoming part of a religion then I think that is your choice, but any religion that requires you to cut off family isn't right IMO.

[roses99]

It must be so hard to lose contact with her family. But why does she have to give up custody of her four year old. I couldn't fathom only having fortnightly visits with my kids.

Isn't 50/50 custody the default option?

[Leggy]

It's sad but ultimately your soul is the only thing that you really have, so I suppose she feels that it's worth it. What hard, hard choice though. It's good that you can be there for her OP, friends who will respect her decisions, even if they don't agree with them, are very important at a time like this.

[SylviaPlath]

[quote]It is sad when a faith will disown it's own. I suspose having another relationship has done this.

For me, I would perservere with my faith just to be with my children, if I had to. I dont want to judge her but she seems happier now to be celebrating her first christmas. /quote]

You shouldn't judge. There are a lot of women out there that choose to stay in violent relationships "for the sake of their children". I am not saying that in your friend's situation, her religion is like this, however a religion that disowns/rejects you because you choose to no longer be apart of it is in my view toxic. You would have to be brainwashed if it is so compelling that your teenage children would rather not see their own mother because she has left the religion. There is something seriously wrong about this.

It is sad, but I don't see it as her choosing her family over a relationship. It could be a case of choosing her freedom, life, personal happiness over her religion. I think she is quite brave, personally.

[Saecularis Angel...]

Without more details, it sounds as if she has escaped a cult, or an organisation bordering on cultishness. While I think religion is important and valuable, the difference to me is that a cult is a damaging place to be. It may be that she has chosen what seems like the least damaging option, for her, and that is very hard and very sad, but perhaps still the right choice to make.

If that is the case, too, it's likely to take her some time to deal with the change in her life and find healing. She might seem to be confused or inconsistent in that time; as her friend you may need to be patient and supportive even if her emotions and reactions don't make much sense to you.

[greatwon2]

It is sad, but I don't see it as her choosing her family over a relationship. It could be a case of choosing her freedom, life, personal happiness over her religion. I think she is quite brave, personally.

I second this, shes going to need friends so please don't judge even tho it's hard not to.

I'd probably only need one guess as to the religion and that side of things is wrong on so many levels. In my personal opinion it's going against not only what they claim to live by but basic human decency.