[GlitterFarts]

First off, with titles like these, i always say yes even before I read the post , so I definitely understand how annoying they can be, but I am honestly wondering. And sorry, it's loooong.

Background - Christmas last year, My parents changed christmas line up from dinner to lunch. So MIL kindly swapped as well. Got to parents only to find we had to wait for my sister and her family to be ready before we could eat. We didn't end up even getting any nibbles before we had to leave for MILs as sister didn't want lunch when they had arranged. So of course, they waited for sister and we missed out - Mum and Dad wouldn't start anything earlier because something about Christmas is really for and about the kids (sister has three kids all over 10yrs). So presents were really rushed and we got a plate of nibbles thrust at us for the kids as they were starving. Hour drive to MILS and we get there to find that they had had lunch anyway (instead of dinner) and we were given leftovers and had to leave early because they were exhausted from having StepFILs adult-kids showing up early. We ended up getting Maccas on the way home

So this year, we went back to the old arrangement of Cold Lunch at MILs - this was organised ONE week after Christmas and Checked periodically throughout the year - then Hot Dinner at my parents (after they come back from Their Family Lunch). Then, my Nan passed away. Checked again in Nov, all still ok.

Then about a week or so before Christmas this year, my mum calls and says that they are going to do lunch at their house as they have decided that as Dad's mum is no longer here, they aren't going to the Big Extended Lunch anymore and will start hosting their own for our family (Dad's big into the Hot Christmas Get togethers, loves doing them - as in plans for it all year long) my MIL can't change either so we tell my parents that we will have to stay with what we had already arranged, not fair to change on MIL now.... blah blah blah. So Mum says that's fine, they'll do lunch anyway and we are to just come over for dinner afterwards and we'll do Christmas like normal. Gees thanks Mum

Anyway, have a lovely, if somewhat me being ignored, lunch at MILs and head off early to make dinner at my parents. After a quick stop off at home, where I call to find out the time and get told that we didn't have to come if we didn't want too We rock up a little after the time told to us, only to find out that nearly everyone had gone to bed.

Anyway, we wait, everyone eventually gets up. We go to do presents and I find out that they had already DONE the presents - all that was left was ours to do. Then dinner was cold leftovers from their Big Lunch - they had also already done the Bonbons/crackers/things that go pop and have hats and pathetic jokes, laughing over hats, etc - all the Christmas party stuff. No one ate much as apparently Dad had done a huge spread and they were all full and done. Apparently it was a great day and they kept 'sharing' inside jokes with each other that we knew nothing about, on what happened at lunch and during the gift opening time.

So apparently Christmas is only important when it involves 10year olds and teenagers, but not 7yr olds and 3 yr olds

I just felt so....second class. Almost like we were simply tacked on the end of a day - an obligation to fulfill.
I was really hurt (as in I was fighting tears when I realised) by the fact that they couldn't wait two whole hours to share the fun bits, the Christmas Family stuff like the carols and Bonbons and the Gift part - I love the gift part - seeing what people give and get, the joy, family all together, all that sloppy stuff The worst bit, I reckon they did the Gift part sometime around the time I called to see when we could come over - so we were home/just around the corner

I was visiting a friend today and told her about it, and she thought that sounded normal and said I was blowing things out of proportion - that they were having their Christmas Dinner and that it was our choice to not go , so that was fair. And that my feeling hurt about it was a nonpoint and get over it.

WDYT? Am I being a precious sooky sooky Lahlah? Or have I yet again been allocated to the level of second class again?

Oh and to add - everyone is already planning our Christmas next year! MIL is moving 5-6 hours away and is expecting us to drive and camp there for the week of Christmas (and for me to hold Christmas at a caravan park ) and My parents are already planning the Big Family Dinner (Yes, DINNER ) that we are expected to go to...

[with the goo goo...]

Nah, not being a sook. I would be sad if that happened to me, especially when there was a definite plan for you to be there. Not only is there the disappointment of missing out on the exciting bits of Christmas but there is the hurt that you were overlooked by your family.

sorry and hug

[WithSprinkles]

I would be hurt too, considering the previous year they waited for your sister and you missed out. Especially when you were ringing and confirming plans with them. Did you let your mum know that you were sad they couldn't have waited to do presents?

You might have to do alternative years with each family so you don't miss out. If they kick up a fuss just point out that you've had 2 years with no food/leftovers/missing presents etc.

[Pssst...]

I would be upset too. After two years of visits going poorly, I would be making plans to do my own Xmas celebrations at home next year!

[Nora.]

Yep, I'd be doing what Pssssst suggested.

Makes me glad I don't have family here.

[starboard]

I would be upset too. After two years of visits going poorly, I would be making plans to do my own Xmas celebrations at home next year!

I agree with this.
I don't think you are being sooky at all.

My family are overseas and we are excluded from any family event on DP's side so it makes for very peaceful, uneventful Christmases at home.

[laridae]

I think you are tryig to squeeze too much in one day.

Alternate sides each year - or do boxing day with one, xmas day with the other.

[Sallystwo]

I would be upset too.

I think you should start to think about alternate sides each year or celebrate with just your immediate family next year!

[challice]

Definitely not a Sooky la la.
I think your mother is being especially mean.
Next year I would just go to your MIL, spend the whole time there.
Or , alternatively why don't you hold Christmas day for everyone?

[elizabethany]

I think you were upset when they waited for your sister, but then expected them to wait for you. Being a hypocrite a bit. Yes, I would be disappointed too, but they did say that they were doing lunch, and you CHOSE not to go.

I think laridae is right, you are trying to do too much in one day. Do Christmas eve or Boxing Day for one side, and swap it around each year, or host your own with both sides invited.