I'm with you PW! Without a basic level of trust, privacy and respect...to me a relationship is just not worth it.
If I felt the need to snoop on my husband in any way, shape or form...then that would be the end of it for us. If I got to that point, I'd figure my relationship was over.
I can and do know my husbands passwords. He and I know each others, for practical purposes, we need to. He works away 7 days and we have complicated finances etc so we both need to be able to access each others stuff from time to time. And we do.
If possible, I always ask him and let him know, him same with me. Just being respectful and using manners.
But from time to time, I've had to search for a specific email or something in his computer. So I go in and find it and even if I do see personal stuff from other people / sources in there, I would NEVER open those emails and snoop.
I just figure, if he "cheats" on me, then by that stage our relationship is gone anywya.
I can't control how he thinks and feels as a human being. Either he has made the choice, 100% to be with me and wants to be with me and maintain this relationship, or he is fully free to go elsewhere. I can't control that and I have no desire to.
We are both in this from our own free will, are adults and fully respect each other.
Luckily, I suppose, and this is where it gets shady adn difficult obvioulsy for many. Hb and I are totally 100% on the same page with this sort of thing. We always have been. We have many differences about all sorts of things FOR SURE!!!! But when it comes down to the very basic values of life and love and "relationship" well - in 16 yrs, we have never differed or had any cause to doubt the genuine way that both of us want to and have conducted our "romantic" relationship.
Both our parents have set us very good examples too I suppose and most of our extended family are similar thinking. I do think that these sorts of values are reinforced by personal and life experience, most definately. My dad has died and hb's mum has died...but both these couples were 100% devoted and not a hint of "cheating" or such in their respective relationships, one for 54 yrs and one for 51yrs.
hb and I will and are exactly the same.