[PurpleWitch]

I was reading a thread the other day and I was struck with how many women go through their SO's phone and have their email passwords and fb passwords.

I never went through my husbands phone or fb. It had nothing to do with trust! I just didn't see the need.

What's the deal? Is it a trust issue? Or something else?

[Single.mum.nz]

Convienance in my case...

We knew passwords as occasionally needed to check for the other... The one day I snooped (call it gut instincts) I found out about the latest affair (3rd), he left 2 hours later. When and if I am in a relationship again I worry about my level of trust.

[bikingbubs]

No idea, I dont feel the need to either. If I really wanted to I could log into his email etc as I know the password for our joint stuff

[howdo]

I never saw the need. Until I had a reason not to trust him.

Basically.

So now I try and trust but without the passwords/codes it's actually quite difficult. So I try not to care.

[Alpha_Chook]

I don't know any of DPs passwords and he doesn't know mine. Fqcebook isn't an issue as I am his only friend on there and if he wants to see mine I am logged in permanently on my computer and phone (which don't have passwords)

[Daisy Chain]

I know all of Dhs passwords as I have to set everything up for him. (Technically Challenged). But I have never had the need to go looking for anything.

[It'sallgood]

I'm with you PW! Without a basic level of trust, privacy and respect...to me a relationship is just not worth it.
If I felt the need to snoop on my husband in any way, shape or form...then that would be the end of it for us. If I got to that point, I'd figure my relationship was over.

I can and do know my husbands passwords. He and I know each others, for practical purposes, we need to. He works away 7 days and we have complicated finances etc so we both need to be able to access each others stuff from time to time. And we do.

If possible, I always ask him and let him know, him same with me. Just being respectful and using manners.

But from time to time, I've had to search for a specific email or something in his computer. So I go in and find it and even if I do see personal stuff from other people / sources in there, I would NEVER open those emails and snoop.

I just figure, if he "cheats" on me, then by that stage our relationship is gone anywya.

I can't control how he thinks and feels as a human being. Either he has made the choice, 100% to be with me and wants to be with me and maintain this relationship, or he is fully free to go elsewhere. I can't control that and I have no desire to.

We are both in this from our own free will, are adults and fully respect each other.

Luckily, I suppose, and this is where it gets shady adn difficult obvioulsy for many. Hb and I are totally 100% on the same page with this sort of thing. We always have been. We have many differences about all sorts of things FOR SURE!!!! But when it comes down to the very basic values of life and love and "relationship" well - in 16 yrs, we have never differed or had any cause to doubt the genuine way that both of us want to and have conducted our "romantic" relationship.

Both our parents have set us very good examples too I suppose and most of our extended family are similar thinking. I do think that these sorts of values are reinforced by personal and life experience, most definately. My dad has died and hb's mum has died...but both these couples were 100% devoted and not a hint of "cheating" or such in their respective relationships, one for 54 yrs and one for 51yrs.

hb and I will and are exactly the same.
Tamm

[beakie]

We don't touch each others phones unless we've been asked too. No Facebook, and shared email. I won't even go into DPs wallet looking for money unless I ask him, I'd usually just hand it to him. I think this is common courtesy pretty much. Just because we're together does not negate the right to privacy. Same goes for the kids going through my handbag without asking etc. not on.
I think if you have to look at phones, emails etc there are probably other issues (trust) at play.

[TherophosaBlondi]

From my own anecdata(from here, magazines, friends conversations etc) there doesn't seem to be the need to have that information unless there is something that creates that need IYKWIM

Some women are inherently suspicious and need to have it in order to fulfil the trust.

What I DO see a lot of is that for a woman to expect access to her partners email/phone is not seen as something out of the ordinary but for a man to expect the same thing is seen as controlling, invasive and abusive.

DH and I have no secrets. We know each others passwords and can demand access at any time for any reason. We do not feel the need to check up on each other and have nothing to hide.

[bambiigrrl]

i have dhs password for email cause ive had to check for him sometimes, but i dont go log into his account, there would be nothing intresting there! lol I dont know his facebook password and he doesnt know mine but thats cause we both would probaly hack in to each others accounts and put up status updates like "gee i have a wonderful wife, shes truely something special and i dont appreciate her enough" lol
I dont go through his phone cause i do trust my husband compleatly and there would not be anything intresting on there either!

Sounds like if you do make a habit of doing that then maybe thre is a trust issue..