[Mummy2907]

I'm not even sure why I'm thinking about this... but I am!

Would you (or have you) NOT honoured the dying wishes of someone who has since passed away, because it was something you didn't want to do or agree with even though you promised the dying person you would do it? Obviously there are relatively easy things to comply with (e.g. having certain flowers at the funeral, etc.)... but what about other things like:

- promising a grandparent you'd do a certain thing for your kids (e.g. send them to a religious school when you're not religious)
- patching a relationship with someone you don't like and want nothing more to do with, particularly if it's another family member
- marrying (or not marrying) someone
- having kids (or not having kids)

So pretty important stuff, not trivial things? And if so, how did you feel about making such promises to the dying person, knowing you had no intention of carrying the request out?

No real basis for asking, was just curious

[Sunnycat]

My parents promised my nonna as one of her last requests, that I would do my holy communion. I was 16 when she died. To be frank, I don't feel it was their place to make such a promise and it's not something I have any interest in doing.

[elizabethany]

I wouldn't make those type of commitments, but no, I wouldn't feel guilty about breaking them, it is not like they are there to notice.

[ubermum]

I would make promises to a dying person that I didn't intend to keep, just to make the last of their time happy.

[asdf89]

This was a call-back topic on radio once... and a woman said that her grandmother wanted someone to push pins into her eyes to make sure she was actually dead. And the granddaughter did it.

Also I think if you promise to do something, you should follow through. If you know you won't do it, maybe try and get another family member who will?

[MrsLexiK]

I wouldn't make those promises I didn't want to keep. If I was planning on sending my child to one school but a dying relative said send them to this school here is the money, and it was going to be a better school, then I would have no problem making that promise. If I had to break it because of an outside reason ie my child being bullied or something that would be ok. But I couldn't take the money and then not at least try to fulfil the promise.

[MissingInAction]

I wouldn't make a promise i had no intention of keeping but if they were really insisting on something and i really disagreed but knew it would make their last few days/moments happy ones if i went along with it i might just nod and smile but not actually AGREE if that makes sense...

[BadCat]

I would have no problem making such promises and no problem breaking them either. I pretty much put requests like that in the "smile and nod" category. But then I don't believe for a minute that the dead know what goes on after they're gone.

I've never been in a position to do it but I don't think it would bother me.

This post has been edited by BadCat: 07/01/2013, 09:47 PM

[Bwok~Bwok]

Yes I have made a promise to a dying person and I will make sure I fulfill that promise!

[Stellajoy]

I would just make the promises but not keep them. No real harm done.