[CallMeProtart]

Kind of in the feminist grain I've been in this week...

WDYT of this?

http://fozmeadows.tumblr.com/post/20834902...ce-guy-approach

The idea that guys talking about the 'friend zone' with a woman is quite sexist.
I never really questionned it, because I do know what they mean. And yet this article makes some good points. Maybe it depends on the context it's used in. The article certainly has a certain bias.

But some quotes I particularly liked

"girls are not machines that you put Kindness Coins into until sex falls out."

and

"s*ut is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say yes.

Friendzone is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say no."

Your thoughts?

[RatbagBob]

Agree with it. The bit I thought was interesting was this

What we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman. We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered…

which resonated as more than a few times over the years I've mentally yelled at the TV/film screen "No! Don't GO THERE!" when some heroine is throwing her lot in with the bloke that has just stalked her, or sent anonymous emails or however he has "proved" his love.

[TherophosaBlondi]

Bob - now it's unacceptable for a man to pursue a woman he likes ? Far out....She can say bugger off anytime she likes.

[countrymel]

I remember being quite shocked to hear of the sighing disappointment that men come to when they realise they have made a friend when what they were actually aiming for was a romantic rendezvous.

It wasn't something I'd ever thought about really as someone with lots of male friends...

But then I was talking with my Auntie after I had just met my cousin's awesome, awesome fiancee.

After saying how awesome I thought she was (did I mention she is awesome? She is!) his mother said "Oh yes, he wasn't letting her slip into the 'friend sphere'... when he met her he made it quite clear that he was interested in her romantically, luckily for them it worked out."

Now this man is a great person, he has heaps of good female friends, works in a gender neutral type industry and I was quite surprised to think that he would approach his love life this way.

But as his mother explained both he and his brother were 'unlucky in love' - they somehow always managed to be the 'great mate' or the 'wonderful caring friend' but never the 'boyfriend' and when my cousin met this awesome girl he decided he couldn't bear to sit back and be her friend while she embarked eventually on a romance with someone else..

So he laid his cards on the table and it worked out.


I then went back and asked a few of my good male friends what their intentions had been when we first met... to my horror to a one they had all 'befriended me' in the hope of getting into my pants!

Luckily for me (and them) my charm and hilarity ensured that they stayed around long after they realised that that wasn't on the table.

I was however really surprised - and it made me look back on my early twenties through a completely different tint of glass!

[Bunsen]

It's a concept that has had me feeling uneasy for a while - because it seems so benign and most of us can relate to unrequited love. But the more it becomes a meme and the more you see it, it starts to become "look at all these mean women who won't put out for all these nice men"

[Pooks*potters]

I think it's a well written article and I will certainly be watching movies and tv with a more critical eye toward that kind of rubbish.

Eta. CountryMel, I had a similar experience when after my epic break up a few years ago, about a dozen of my male friends had a crack and said they had always been interested... My current partner is one of my old male friends but didn't make a move, just continued to offer friendship and support, and I pursued him

This post has been edited by Pooks_: 09/01/2013, 12:31 PM

[FluffyOscar]

It looks like some bullsh*t FB concept (I'm not on FB). Are women not allowed to have any input into their romantic relationships? Or have I missed something? I feel very old...

[RatbagBob]

I can't think of a movie example ATM BM, and maybe someone can help me, but certainly one teen book I can think of had the bloke raping the woman, she gets pregnant, he decides she is the love of his life and marries him. I read it as a teen (Easy Connections, I know some people remember it).

Of course it's good if blokes pursue women they're interested in, but not to the point that the woman says no, and he keeps doing it. As we all know, that crosses the line into stalking and it's criminal behaviour which can have a devastating impact on the victim. As a victim of stalking myself, I know what that feels like. But there have been, and no doubt will in the future be movies where the heroine says no, her defences get worn down by constant bombardment by the bloke and she eventually capitualtes and says yes. And he "wins the girl" which is in itself also inherently sexist, as most movies don't have the woman "winning" the hero at the end.

Which is exactly what the article is about.

[Z-girls rock]

I have only read a little bit about this friendzone thing.

If I am being honest I have said it in the opposite way. MY poor DH had tons of girls who were friends and very little romantic experience before he met me.
He tried to confuse me into friendship too! But I was not having it! hahahaha

I had to explain to him that if we kept going out and he was super nice but didnt take any of my hints then we would be in danger of being friends...
me "is this what you want"
him "no".
me "then kiss me you fool!"




but he is a genuine nice guy who had no idea.

these other d*ckheads are actually jerks who want to blame women for their failings. Like the guys who think all women who dont like their pickup lines must be lesbians.

[cinnabubble]

That irritating Clementine Ford wrote an article that touches on it and didn't utterly annoy me yesterday: http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views...0107-2ccch.html