[Koda1991]

Hi i dont know if i am putitng this in the right place... but as i am only 21 i think this is the place for me...
6mths ago i got told that i have moderate to severe endometrial scarring, and that i have to make the choice between a baby or my career... i have seen 4 different specialists and all have given me the same time frame (baby before you turn 25 or not at all...)... My partner (Not married) is incredibly supportive, (i have a career goal that was/is going to be criminal justice) however i am torn between being a young mum (financially i think we can cope... we are selling one of our houses anyway) or persuing my career (im looking at 3yrs before i would be elegable for mat leave (12mths training, 12mths probationary employement (no mat leave) and it is clearly stated that employment can be terminated in initial 6mths of full employment (in under a cadetship) if i state that i am pregnant... I am going to be in a high risk job so i wouldnt be able to not tell them... Im a fully qualified massage therapist (i can work and be a mum)...
My dr informed us yesterday that the longer we wait the lower our chances of having a rugrat is going to be... they have anticipated 97% of my uterus to be scared by the time i turn 26. so putting this off is something that will have an impact because in 2 yrs time my chances of miscarriage is nearly doubled as too what it is now... I suffered a miscarriage 2mths ago (didnt know i was pregnant, was doing fitness training - self defence - i do MMA; took a kick to the gut) we worked through it i was 5wks along.
I just need some guidance from other young mums and mums to be on how they coped, was there any loss of friends (my 3 closest friends all have kids anyway) but one of my great friends is all about career and it has us divided... Sorry this is so long i am just struggling with what my options are and if i wait will it be too late...

[Fluster]

I fell pregnant at 19, had my baby at 20. My employer went bankrupt when I was three months along, I had no car or license, had long since dropped out of uni, my then partner was chronically unemployed and I didn't even own a kitchen table.

I picked up temporary work throughout the pregnancy, landed f/t work out of it, and went from there. At 31, I have a license, car, house, degree, career, husband (not my son's father) and am TTC #: 2. Also managed to fit in a few trips overseas. For me, having a child gave me an impetus to succeed - I had someone to look after, so was prepared to do 'whatever it took' to make it happen. I went back to work 2 weeks after my son was born, and there was a period where I was a single mother with two jobs, studying part time.

I don't regret a thing, but having a child meant the loss of several friendships (largely because I was too busy and too poor to maintain them!). It's obviously also a restriction on travel, lifestyle and, if you end up a single parent, on who is willing to date you and what sort of jobs you can hold down.

I guess what I am saying is that being a young parent has challenges, because you are less likely to be established, but I don't think they are insurmountable. Good luck, whatever you choose.

[Lishyfips]

I'm not a young mum, I had my first at thirty. Until then I was very much into my exciting, high pay, lots of travel, glamorous career. It never occurred to me to have kids when I was having such a ball - not till my husband raised it and I thought, 'might as well.' But my goodness, having kids is soooooooo much more rewarding than my job ever was. I wish I'd started younger and I know I'll be telling my daughters not to wait as long as I did.
You can make it work! You sound very switched on, with a clear idea of what you want to do with your life - you can make that happen when your kids are at an age to make it possible. And you'll still be young! With all that energy and enthusiasm. You'll be back in the workforce while other women your age are leaving in droves to have their kids.
Kids are hard work but they're way more fun than you could ever imagine. And the career stuff, it can wait. You'd regret it so much if you miss the chance of kids.

[Harmonica]

I would never choose to have a baby that young EXCEPT for the circumstance that you describe - I would then much rather have a child young, than not have a child ever due to medical indications.

[Nofliesonme]

You joined today and you are up with all the slang already............. Hmmmm I will bite.

In the circumstances you describe I'd choose being a young mum.

[Koda1991]

Thanks
I bought my first house at 19 (3 bedroom on acreage close to town; have it rented out paying for itself - the irony i bought it through my uncle (real estate agent) in his home town which turns out where my partner lived, I bought the house next door)... Everyone of my friends (my best mate is 31 and she had her first at 23) has been a young mum they keep telling me that being younger you have the energy and that you bounce back really quick... I already study uni via correspondence... my life is basically set up to just add baby... i am just a bit unsure being so young, living in a small town (i was Miss Showgirl 2 times running, so i am well known) i hate gossip... just need to find people who know the struggle that im facing...

Did anyone have any issues gaining employment after bub???? where i currently work they dont like to employ mums with young kids as they can be very "unreliable" if they get a sick kid or something....(boss is 47yr old spinster who hates kids)...

Thanks again... Just have to sit down with the main man and see when we want to start... i get a bit emotional because i want to be a mum and i feel like i have been dealt the cards of life direct from hell... seen better hands in a poker game to be honest...

[Koda1991]

You joined today and you are up with all the slang already............. Hmmmm I will bite.

In the circumstances you describe I'd choose being a young mum.

I am slightly intrigued.... there is lingo in baby forums?? please do educate me (i learn fast...!)

[kwiggle]

Please remember that doctors can only give you general advice from their experience working with thousands of people, not advice specific to you - whether it is easy for you to conceive, carry a baby and be a mum can only be determined after the fact! By giving you this advice, they are trying to give you choices. Noone can say you will never conceive later on, just that it may be difficult for you. This is why everyone has a story about how their mum was given 6 months to live 5 years ago, or that conceiving would be tough and they got pregnant straight away.

If I were you (unless you have already done so), I would go and see a fertility specialist for their advice - they may have a bigger pool experience with your particular problem than general gynaes or GPs.

For what it's worth my advice is this - it's harder to study & work with a family, but not impossible. I'm not young, but have had DS in the middle of a long training program. He's 7 months old and I've completed 2 uni subjects last semester, am working and will sit a major exam this May. If you have ambition and an active mind, you may enjoy studying with a little one.

I do know people who have regretted having children young, but they are the minority in my opinion. If you really want a family then given yourself the best chance of having one. You can definitely have a career as well if you want one.

[Holidayromp]

I am not a young mum but have your family now. You are lucky to know now that you have problems rather than wait until later and find out that you can never have children.
No career is that important to take the place of a family (unless of course you don't want children). If you want children you will not regret taking the step and starting your family as soon as possible.
The amount of people that are waiting until their late 30s to have kids have risen only to realise that they can never have them or would have a hard time conceiving naturally you have been given a chance. Take it is my advice.
Even though 21 is young coping with a baby is doable - just muddle through day by day like the rest of us do.

[Koda1991]

If I were you (unless you have already done so), I would go and see a fertility specialist for their advice - they may have a bigger pool experience with your particular problem than general gynaes or GPs.

The specialists i saw were fertility experts... i didnt trust my gp so referred to Gyno... Gyno referred me directly to fertility expert, then go second opinion then second opinion on the second opinion... I wish i was following the advice of my GP... :'(