[-*meh*-]

I have a massive problem with being late... i can't tolerate being late ever...

whilst this doesn't seem like a bad thing, life happens and sometimes i will run late - but this sends me in to a panic.. i get angry, i get distressed, everything sets me off.

Generally i deal with this by not allowing myself to run even close to being late (we are early everywhere), but now i work more and more i find myself getting in to situations that run close to time (i am never late for work). Plus DP is a person who is ALWAYS late so i think he has made me worse because now i try and factor in his delays when adjusting time we need to leave etc.

DP says i need to stop caring for most of it, that it doesn't matter if the boys are a few minutes late to karate, or if we are a few minutes late to dinner because everyone else will be late anyway... but i can't!

How can i deal with it?

[wallofdodo]

Ah yes, being late is a trigger for my anxiety.

I was told when it starts to build I think to myself, what is actually going to happen if we are late? Then if it is going to be a big deal, try and work with it. But usually I realise that it is not going to be a big deal if we are late.

Then I used my mindful techniques and ground myself.

It is awful, I get so cranky and sullen. Usually ends up ok. I just need to crank for a minute, then I need some silence to do above, then I am ok. Except for Christmas, if I am late for Christmas, I have a breakdown... being late to Christmas once is what started it all.

But yes, I usually am not late, even when I try to be (like to dinner with specific friends) I am still the first there.

This post has been edited by wallofdodo: 16/01/2013, 11:58 AM

[♥~Bodhichitta~♥]

To be honest, I don't see why you should change?

Being on time (or early) is a great thing! And it's becoming less and less valued in our society.

I feel the same as you - I become quite distressed with being late for anything. It's important to me to be punctual.

[-*meh*-]

To be honest, I don't see why you should change?

Being on time (or early) is a great thing! And it's becoming less and less valued in our society.

I feel the same as you - I become quite distressed with being late for anything. It's important to me to be punctual.

the part that needs to change is i am horrid to be around when i am running late (or think i am).

I snap at everyone, growl at the kids for not doing things fast enough... i even snapped at DS2 for needing to go the toilet last night because we were running late

it is a major anxiety thing for me.

[MakeLoveNotBacon]

I'm a bit the same. I get semi-anxious if I think I'm going to be late. The ridiculous thing is I am NEVER late; at worse I'm on time. No advice, sorry.

[cinnabubble]

It would actually be nice if the chronically late could become more conscientious, rather than on time people be expected to accommodate them.

[PurplePaperFrog]

Other people being late gives me anxiety and makes me snappy.

It's the thing I hate most! It can ruin a get together for me.

I have a friend that is at the very least 30 minutes late for everything. Its so inconsiderate. (She has been know to be up to 2 hours late!)

OP, being on time is great. I would work on just the anxiety part.

[Natttmumm]

Im always early and leave plenty of time. Irritates me when others are late.

Im happy with being that way. If i have friends i know are always late i tell them half an hour earlier.

If im late my anxiety goes up but i say to myself after a few deep breaths whats going to happen?? Nothing

[qak]

Yes I have a thing for punctuality too

I agree with wallofdodo - hopefully I can try to do this as well.

[beabea]

I think it's great that you're punctual, but you shouldn't be driving yourself to ill health over it.

Obviously when you can be on time, do it that way, and good on you!

For the other occasions I think wallofdodo has some great advice. You make sure you do your best and then you find a way to let the rest go. You ask yourself how important it is and what will happen. You take steps to remedy or make up for any downsides to your being late (at the least, try to phone ahead and inform of your lateness, adjust plans to meet up further along if appropriate, bring lattes! etc). You prioritise and take shortcuts to meet your times when this is reasonable, and on other occasions, when the priorities shake out differently, you remind yourself that sometimes you can't have everything and that this was the best possible of all the sub-optimal choices.

In short, rather than stressing fruitlessly, you try and take a pro-active approach in which you ask yourself what you *can* do from this point forwards to improve the situation as much as possible. Later, when the heat is off, you can do a full post-mortem and ask if there's anything you could change next time to prevent the situation in the first place.

This post has been edited by beabea: 16/01/2013, 12:13 PM