[Montro]

The mother of a very good friend died 4 weeks ago in a motor vehicle accident, so her death was sudden, unexpected and a huge shock.

The task of organising the funeral and going through her mum's belongings fell to my friend as her siblings (2 sisters) were estranged from their mother, and are also estranged from my friend. My friend hasn't spoken to her sisters for 10 years. Their father has also passed.

I've been helping my friend sort out her mum's belongings and we came across a cardboard cylinder marked "private" in her mum's handwriting. It contains sheets of paper (the cylinder is open at both ends so you can see the contents inside.) The cylinder actually contained my friend's high school certificate, and her name label is still on the front, so we thought the contents must have been her certificate, but as soon as she peeked inside she realised they were something else; just not sure what!

Would you pull the papers out and see what they are? This may sound like a trivial question, but my friend is torn as to what to do, and she's unable/unwilling to ask her sister's opinion, and I really don't know if she should get the papers out or not. The cylinder is marked private, but they could be important; we have no idea.

What would you do?

[Mrs Optimus]

Yes.

[epl0822]

Private could mean anything including legal documents. The person is deceased so I would open it to check what it was.

[countrymel]

Take it out and read it.

That is what I would do.


I read my mother's diaries after she died, you can't get more private than that.


Yes they could be important - so you need to check them.

You have been cleaning out her home so you have dealt with all kinds of other 'private' things.. just because that one was actually marked 'private' it really is no different.

[miinii]

tbh i would probably have a look. It could be marked private but the contents may not be what she originally had in it when she marked it "Private".

[JustBeige]

Yes I would. Your friend is doing this because everyone else in the family has bailed, so she has no choice. It could be anything - but whatever it is she does need to go through it and make a choice on whether it is to be kept or thrown out or given away.




Did the mum have a will? If so, then maybe the executor should be opening it.

[Mishu]

I know you are asking from a moral perspective, however from a legal perspective I don't think privacy continues after someone's death?

I would open it and read it. From a practical perspective, unless your friend's mother had a lawyer, there is no-one else to do it. It could be important, as PPs suggested, such as a will. It could end up being of significant sentimental value to your friend. There's no point in ignoring it or pretending it's not there. You found it for a reason.

Re reading your Mum's diaries countrymel. All I can say is you're a brave woman. I wouldn't want to read my mother's. Not that she keeps any, but I'm sure that there are things I rather leave unknown lol. Funny, I keep a journal and I'm not sure how I would feel if DS were to read them. But I'd have no problem if my grandchildren or later generations read them. Can't explain why though.

[Kay1]

Yes I absolutely would.

[Sassy Girl]

I definitely would open it up and see what it is.

My DH has a sister that was adopted out at birth. His mother was going to take her secret to the grave until DH's friend met his sister's friend at a party and we found about his sister 18 years ago. I think she probably has something hidden away for us to read after she dies about her daughter that she adopted out.

[choccy2]

yes I would look at it.
It may be something important and she is already charged with finalising her mother's affairs - I don't see this as any different. Just one more thing to be put to rest.