[erindiv]

DD used to have a gate in her doorway to keep her in at night. Then I needed the gate elsewhere in my house, plus she took to standing at it and crying, so I took it away. It is now in my hallway near my bedroom to keep both kids out of my room.

All was well and good for several months. But now DD has started to refuse to go to sleep. We have the usual relaxing bedtime routine, she goes to bed willingly, says a cheerful goodnight, and I go to my room. There's usually a few minutes of quiet, then I hear her little voice calling me from the hallway. I take her back to bed. She cries that she doesn't want to go to sleep. She's thirsty. She needs the toilet. She wants to watch a DVD. She wants a book. She wants a bikkie.

I know she is well fed, tired and not thirsty. I tell her it's bedtime, go to sleep, goodnight. I leave the room. She cries. I tell her to be quiety, it's bedtime, go to sleep, goodnight. I return to my room. She gets up before I sit down again. This continues on and on, from her 7pm bedtime until well after 9, sometimes 10. Last week she was up until after midnight. She just wouldn't go to sleep.

I'm tearing my hair out. Usually she gets one nice goodnight and from then on if she gets up she gets a quiet scolding and sent back to bed. Tonight I tried saying nothing, just putting her back to bed and saying goodnight. She just screamed "Mummy! Stop it! Mummy!" every time I left the room. She is not scared. When she gets up she says she wants to play with my iPad, or play with my computer.

Tonight was the first time I counted how many times I had to put her back to bed.

7:00-7:30 - 33 times
7:30-8:00 - 20 times
8:00-8:20 - 12 times
8:20-8:30 - silent
8:30-9:00 - 10+ times (I stopped counting)

She is doing my head in. Nothing has changed in our household, nor at her father's household. She carries on so much that she wakes her brother, he ends up hysterical and won't go back to sleep so I'm dealing with two screaming kids.

I think she just wants to stay up and play, but I know she needs the sleep. If she stays up late she gets up early and is really cranky. If she goes to bed on time she sleeps well, gets up later and is a lot more cheerful.

HELP, please, I'm at my wit's end!

[Escapin]

Completely guessing here, but maybe it's partly because she's now old enough to understand time and really misses you when she's at her dad's house? Maybe she needs extra cuddles and to know that you're not going anywhere. Maybe she needs you to stay with her until she goes to sleep for a few days? Maybe she could read a book to herself after you leave the room? Sorry, all guesses! Hope you get it sorted out

I guess my main thought would be to try not to 'punish' her for not going to sleep, it's pretty much impossible to MAKE yourself go to sleep.

[belinda1976]

I would probably be inclined to just sit with her for a few minutes until she drifts off. It's more than likely a phase and I've done it with my 2 at times.

Have you tried a sticker chart? Maybe put one close to her bed so it's a reminder to behave.

Also does she have a night light - would she be afraid of the dark?

[liveworkplay]

I would probably be inclined to just sit with her for a few minutes until she drifts off. It's more than likely a phase and I've done it with my 2 at times.

This

[erindiv]

I have tried sitting with her. She just chats away continually and eventually ends up getting up and trying to make me leave the room, getting upset when I don't and we're back to square one.

I have given her a book (or several) to read in bed, but as soon as she realises she has to stay in bed to read them, she chucks a wobbly.

I leave the kitchen light on which keeps her room somewhat light.

I don't punish her but I will admit to getting pretty damn cranky after the first hour of running up and down the hallway. She has only just now gone to sleep for the night at 9:50. She used to be such a wonderful, trouble-free sleeper.

[Maple Leaf]

She needs an incentive to stay in bed.

What's her currency? A certain new toy? I would definitely stoop to bribery for this one!

If she stays in bed for a week=gets the toy? And count down the days on the calendar? I don't know, it's a tough one.

[Mummaduke]

My son does this too and I find a rewards chart with pictures (stick drawings) really helps. So I draw pictures of him going to bed and sleeping all night and the a picture of a happy Mummy and whatever the reward is (trip to a play centre, new toy, pancakes for breakfast). Then I draw 6 big squares for the 6 nights and get some nice big stickers of something she likes. In the morning if she has gone to sleep without coming out of her room she gets to put a sticker in one of the big squares. When all the squares are filled in she gets the reward. If she comes out of her room, she gets one warning "Go back to bed darling, you don't want to miss out on a sticker tomorrow morning".
This is usually very successful in my house and always worth a shot I guess.

Otherwise there is the pop-in method where you put her to bed and say I will leave the door open and pop-in to check on you in one minute. If you are in your bed then the door can stay open. The first pop-in is after about 30 seconds so she's hopefully still in bed. You keep repeating and putting a longer gap in the pop-in's. Hopefully this reassures her that you are still around and will be checking on her so she doesn't need to keep coming to find you. Ultimately the idea is that you will only need to pop-in after 5 minutes and then after that she will feel secure enough to go to sleep knowing you will be popping-in to check on her.

Good luck!

[zogee]

You poor thing we went through hell with my dd doing that. We used a gate too for a time but she ended up using anything she could find in her room to try and climb over it and it was unsafe. Plus she just stood at it and wailed. For ages. She'd also wake in the night eg 3/4 am and start playing in her room or come and continually disturb us asking to be tucked in etc. We actually got a referral to a paed, then a sleep specialist. Initially we thought maybe she had sleep apnoea -she snored heavily and has enlarged tonsils- but she doesn't. It was pretty much all behavioural.
What worked for us was a firm routine, (eg: ONE story, TWO songs, toilet then stroke her back for 1 min then sleep time) using 3 mg melatonin tablets and staying at her doorway until she has drifted off to sleep. She's usually asleep within 5-10 mins.
Honestly her behaviour was so awful in the daytime when she was sleep deprived, it was a major contributing factor to my PND. I really feel for you, especially if you're a sole parent ( if I read that right?) she's now much much better and I don't dread night time any more. Hopefully you have a good GP and you can start with them. If its a medical issue (adenoids, sleep apnoea) or behavioural there is help out there! Hope that helps

[RealityBites]

She's three. Close her bedroom door.

[erindiv]

She's three. Close her bedroom door.

She just opens it.