[Guest_LeChatNinjah_*]

I've been reading, as many of us have, the new stories, blog posts etc about the whole Kochie breastfeeding carry on, and it's got me wondering about this lovely word "discreet".

So my question to you is, well, there are a couple of them:

1. How important was being "discreet" to you when bf in public?

2. What do you consider being "discreet"? What specific bits are considered indiscreet in your opinion?

3. Did you use a wrap or blanket to cover up when feeding in public?

4. Any other thoughts on "being discreet" and what it means to you.

I shall start.

1. It was really, really important to me to start with, and only ever got a bit less so with subsequent children. That, however, is MY issue. I have always been very shy about my lack-of-breasts, so have always been very reluctant to "get the girls out", so to speak. It has, however, absolutely NOTHING to do with the delicate sensibilities of others, unless, perhaps the elderly of some types. I think my father, for example, might possibly have fainted if I just whipped one out, lol.

2. For me showing nipple was the ultimate in indiscreet, and by the time the 3rd kid weaned it was the ONLY thing that was indiscreet, lol. I did, however, try and wear tops that would pull up, rather than ones that pulled down where the whole top of the breast would be exposed.

3. Sometimes, yes, but only with very young babies, they ripped it off when they were older. Like, older than about 3 months. I also only used it for either warmth or shade, or if I was wearing the wrong kind of top as said in point #2

4. Am having an interesting discussion with someone on Twitter about his/her "right to an opinion" on this topic, and am reminded of this excellent article https://theconversation.edu.au/no-youre-not...ur-opinion-9978 Is it an opinion when you're simply WRONG?

[epl0822]

I personally did not feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of others - I only did it in front of DH, my mum, and a couple of friends. I felt a lot more at ease, personally, with a cover. But I've had several girl friends who breastfed in public or in front of me and I don't really care what they do....that just so happens to be my personal preference.

I have slightly mixed feelings on this. No mum should feel like she has to feed her baby in a dirty toilet of a restaurant. But I respect that there are differing views on this, particularly coming from a culture where it is not as common to breastfeed in front of men. If I'm, say, dining at a family friend's house with an elderly couple, I would use a cover. It's like being in somebody's house where they remove their shoes before entering. You might wear shoes indoors all the time and there's nothing wrong with wearing shoes inside the house, but it's polite to respect other people's customs and rules.

[Saecularis Angel...]

1. How important was being "discreet" to you when bf in public?

2. What do you consider being "discreet"? What specific bits are considered indiscreet in your opinion?

3. Did you use a wrap or blanket to cover up when feeding in public?

4. Any other thoughts on "being discreet" and what it means to you.

Being discreet was extremely important to me. Actually, I preferred not to feed in public, because being discreet enough, while being comfortable, was tricky. So I tended to seek out empty rooms and private spaces.

To me, being discreet meant not letting others see my breasts. So, something like, drape wrap over shoulder, adjust clothing, attach baby under wrap, when she's finished, adjust clothing, remove wrap.

I realise not everyone manages wraps and the like, but I do get a bit taken aback when some feeding mothers don't seem to care or try to cover themselves at all.

For me, this is partly about my own modesty (yes, I realise it's a loaded term because it implies that people who are different are immodest, but seriously, what word would you use for the desire not to expose yourself?), and mostly because I think most other people don't want to, and shouldn't have to, see my breasts. It wouldn't be ok in any other context, so it doesn't seem ok while breastfeeding, if I have any other reasonable option.

[Zeppelina]

1. I've only had one child, and our breastfeeding relationship only lasted for a couple of months, so I'm not the most experienced of mothers in this regard! I didn't have too much of a chance to breastfeed in public, but the few times I did, I really pushed myself to do it openly. I wanted to feel carefree about it, because I've always believed that it's a natural thing that mothers should be able to do anytime, anywhere. Did I feel self-conscious about it? Totally! But I knew how I felt about bfing, and figured that if I believed it for others, I really needed to live it! I figured I would just follow the adage of, "fake it till you make it", and just did it as quickly and seemingly-confidently as I could, hoping that over time the confidence to not care what other people thought would come.

2. For me, personally, I wasn't worried about nipple any more than I was about boob, or any more than I was about having a baby attached. I definitely don't feel that one part of it is more 'discreet' than others. Or in other words, it's just not about being 'discreet' - that term is irrelevant to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is just breastfeeding. Either I did it, or I didn't.

3. Only in front of my dad and brothers. Coming from a traditional eastern European household, I knew they wouldn't feel comfortable. I did breastfeed in front of my father-in-law though. I later found out through my DH that my FIL and MIL were so chuffed that i felt comfortable enough to bf openly in front of them. I'm so grateful to have great ILs.

[flushthetoilet]

I still don't understand 'discreet'. WTF does it mean in the context of breast feeding?? If onlookers see the whole breast, they must have x-ray vision! Discreet is lifting or lowering your top, attaching the baby, and continuing your conversation. Which makes indiscreet....what? I honestly don't know. Honestly.

I didn't do it publicly until we could do it properly, but that wasn't about being shy, It was about what was more convenient.

I never used a blanket. You can't see anything anyway. Just the side bit of boob, and a baby's head.

[HollyOllyOxenfre...]

I've tried to be as discreet as possible when I've been out feeding. I'm not one to get my boobs out generally (although funnily enough I dress with a bit more cleavage showing now I have big milky DDs ) and breastfeeding hasn't changed that. I'm fortunate that my boobs aren't so enormous that they're hard to manage, DS latches quickly and easily and almost always has, and I could generally always tell when he was about to pop off and prepare myself to cover up.

My line of discretion has generally been nipple, although I'm sure at various points people have seen those too. I go stir crazy sitting at home, and DS spent about six months feeding every two hours, so I got a lot of practice at feeding in public. The speed with which I could attach him got pretty good - DH often commented at how impressed he was at how little I managed to flash.

My attire has generally been BF singlet with a tshirt over the top, so I could pull the shirt up, pop the cup down and put the baby on. By the time his enormous head was in the way you could barely tell there was a boob out. There have been times when I've been wearing something that exposes the top of my breast as well, and it's been a bit odd to me at first but I've gotten used to it pretty quickly. I used a cover once when I went to lunch with old work colleagues when DS was six weeks, and it was a pain in the butt. The only reason I used it then was because there were people I'd only met once or twice and I couldn't be bothered with any weirdness.

General thoughts? The whole concept of discreet is really p*ssing me off the last few days. What I've just described above is, to me, pretty discreet. I know there are some who would read it and think I was being too modest and worrying too much, and others who would think I was showing too much. It feels like in the last few days discreet has become code for "not near me thanks"

ETA - in regards to your comment Ninjah about is it an opinion when you're wrong? No, I don't think it is. I got caught up in some arguments on FB the last few days with people saying "he has a right to his opinion" or "I support breastfeeding, but in my opinion they should cover up". To me, in this situation, it's pretty clear cut. The law says it's ok to feed anywhere, so if you don't like it, it's up to you to avoid the situation. And the "I support breastfeeding but . . ." to me just feels like "I'm not racist, but . . ."

This post has been edited by HollyOllyOxenfree: 21/01/2013, 09:57 PM

[Guest_LeChatNinjah_*]

Stopwhiningatme, your confusion is kind of the reason for this post - I'm not sure what it means either, as surely it's totally subjective, and yet all and sundry in the media have been throwing around the word "discreet" willy nilly!

[flushthetoilet]

IKR??

And if I read one more post about us 'flopping' our 'tits' out, I'll go ****ing nuts!!

[Sunnycat]

I try to cover up as much as possible but it's not my main priority when feeding. I'd rather expose my boob than my stomach. Usually is wear singlets I could just lift up but some clothes I have require me to flip it out. Now that I'm pregnant though I invested in breastfeeding and nursing dresses so try have special boob hole for me to feed through.


There is no way in hell DS would feed under a cover.

I breastfeed everywhere and do so in front of my dad and FIL. I have no idea if they feel uncomfortable and tbh I don't really care if they are as they will deal with it themselves.

The only place I do not feed is on the train in peek hour. Because it is too crowded and DS is so lon now that he would be hangin into someone else's lap (he only feeds cradle held now still at 15 months).

[Guest_LeChatNinjah_*]

I much prefer "RELEASE THE HOUNDS" a la Mr Burns