[Strawberry Welli...]

I have a 2.5 year old DD and a 7 month old DS.

I have always had a lot of difficulty getting DS down for day sleeps. He has never been great at self-settling and having my 2 year old at home makes it very hard for me to spend time comforting him to sleep by rocking, patting, feeding, whatever. So ever since he was little I have had to either take them both out so he can sleep in the ergo (I still go out every morning just so he can have that sleep!) or I have had to put him in his cot to grizzle/cry to sleep with occasional comforting from me (but the comforting was usually minimal shhhhing or briefly patting/stroking otherwise DD would follow me in the room and hype him up more).

I always felt really guilty about letting him cry when he was little as they say not to do that under 6 months but I had no choice. Whenever I could I would carry or feed to sleep to try and 'make up' for leaving him to cry. This included feeding to sleep at night as a kind of compensation for the crying at day sleeps.

ANYWAY, now at 7 months his sleep is a MESS. He is not self-settling in his cot at all, even when I do leave him to cry (and I have tried up to 30 mins when feeling really frustrated), so I am having to either put him in the ergo at home or try and distract my 2 year old with TV for long enough that I can lie down with him and feed him to sleep (he then sleeps usually only one cycle on my bed - but he is a roller and this isn't safe!).

I feel so stuck. Its not fair on my 2 year old, I get cranky at her when she follows me and interferes with the settling, but she is just a baby herself. Its not her fault.

His night sleep has also become terrible, gone from waking 1-2 times a night to 4+ every night - probably a response to me feeding to sleep and having developed the sleep association now.

When DH is home on the weekends I get some break as he will take him for walks in the ergo/pram for some sleeps - but he is not having any day sleeps in his cot any more.

I just want him to have two decent naps at home in his cot with minimal fuss!!

Sorry for such a long post, I'm really struggling with this and not sure how much info is relevant! I am really hoping someone with similar aged kids might be able to shed some light on how they managed to settle the baby with a toddler in the house? Obviously many people manage as there are plenty of siblings 2 years apart.

I am considering sleep school (maybe) cos I just really don't know...

[sophiasmum]

It sounds like you have so many issues here & the toddler is just one of them.

If you are thinking about sleep school, I can say from experience it was the best thing I ever did with DD1 when she was about 3 mths old.

[bettymm]

Oh OP, i can sympathise!

I was in your position a short while ago (my baby is now 13 months) My elder girl was only just turned 3 when DD2 came along and i did the same as you intitially, mornings we went out and the baby slept in the carrier or in the pram.

For the naps at home, it was difficult. I lost my temper at DD1 for coming into the room when i was trying to settle bub a few times. I explained to her again and again not to come into the babies room while i was in there getting the baby to sleep and that if she didnt, it meant that i could come out and we would be able to do big girl stuff together, like crafts or play dough or puzzles. While i was settling the baby, i would put a DVD on or get her a snack or some colouring, whatever could distract her.

Dont feel gulity about the tv thing..its relatively a short period of time you need to rely on it..and really, she probably could do with a bit of quiet time as well.

I used to feed DD2 to sleep and then i think around 7-8 months she did start to settle herself and sleep a decent amount in the the cot..that was a happy day!!

All i can suggest, is keep doing what youre doing in trying to get bub to nap in his cot..leave him to grizzle a bit, i use the ten minute rule., if not asleep by then, go in and try to resettle, feed again if u need to..rock, whatever. If still not asleep after 30-45 min..its probably not going to happen. in that case, I used to either take both kids out in the double stroller for walk to get baby asleep and then let the baby finish his nap in the stroller OR go for a drive if that works?

Keep persisting with the cot though..he will get there!

Good luck.

This post has been edited by bettymm: 29/01/2013, 02:33 PM

[CharliMarley]

Could you carry the baby in a sling on your chest and hopefully he may have a sleep, being next to you and hearing your heart beat and plenty of skin to skin. I know many mums who do this and their babies are very contented.

[LovenFire]

iPad for the older one, and I got him a baby, so he could put his baby to sleep while I put mine!

This post has been edited by LovenFire: 29/01/2013, 02:44 PM

[Strawberry Welli...]

Thank you for the replies. You are right Sophiasmum - there are more issues here than just the toddler! A lot of mummy guilt wrapped in there too I think.

bettymum thank you for your reply, made me feel much better knowing I am not the only one! I have tried to explain to DD that she would benefit for much from not making noise as I could then play with her 1:1 but I guess she is just too little to understand. I am really impressed your baby started self settling after being fed to sleep - mine seems to be working the other way around and expecting boob the more I use it! I did try a self settle today and he went down after about 15 mins of grizzling and me going in and out. Only slept 30 mins but hey at least he slept!

winterdanceparty - I do carry him in the ergo A LOT, he is carried at least one sleep each day. He is a big boy though, 10.7kg at 7 months and I can't do this for every sleep. It has been a lifesaver for me though.

Lovenfire - thanks for the suggestion - I want to get an ipad, maybe this is the excuse I need

ETA: I went to my baby health clinic this morning and got a referral to a sleep school. They called me this afternoon and I have an appointment for a 2 hour consultation in about 2 weeks where we try and settle bub there. If they think I need the residential stay, then that would be the next step. I hope it helps.

This post has been edited by Strawberry Wellies: 29/01/2013, 07:48 PM

[Mum2TwoDSs]

Totally can sympathise! Must be very hard! My DS1 is already 7 and he doesn't understand his running and tumbling around the house will disturb his little brother. I use white noise to muffle any of his sudden noises. It's also a good sleep cue for bub.

[Mum2TwoDSs]

Totally can sympathise! Must be very hard! My DS1 is already 7 and he doesn't understand his running and tumbling around the house will disturb his little brother. I use white noise to muffle any of his sudden noises. It's also a good sleep cue for bub.

[MummaBirdy]

Glad you are considering sleep school, it worked a miracle for us. All the ergo sleeping, feeding to sleep etc helps to keep you sane but it isn't setting baby up for a healthy sleep pattern into his toddler years. The short sleep cycle is a symptom of this. He's the perfect age for sleep school, plus they have lots of toddler distraction techniques to help you when you get home. Good luck!

[Strawberry Welli...]

Thanks MummaBirdy - its good to hear positive stories about sleep school. You feel so guilty for considering it, I'm glad to hear it worked well for you. I hope he is a good age, old enough to respond to the techniques but young enough that the bad habits aren't too entrenched yet. We did the gentle approach with DD and she still needs someone to sit by her bedside at night to fall asleep. She is quite clingy in general actually but that might just be her nature.

Mum2twoDSs - we used white noise for DD when she was a baby for months. Its such a horrible noise, we ended up ditching it! But it did work well to muffle other sounds.